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Divorcing Jokes

My ex-wife compulsively counted things, and I ended up divorcing her

I wonder what she’s up to these days

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I'm divorcing my wife. First it was the poolboy, then the mailman, her ex-boyfriend, and my best friend. It's pretty clear...

I just really love dick.

Divorcing parents

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says,“I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.” 'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams. “We can't stand the sight of each other any...

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A Jewish Mother was horrified to find out her daughter was divorcing her doctor husband.

"Does he hit you?" she asked.

"No Ma."

"Is he cheating on you?"

"No Ma."

"Did he lose his money?"

"No Ma."

"You live in a beautiful house, you have luxury cars, your clothes are of the finest quality, you have a staff to take care of the domestic chores. Wh...

I'm divorcing my wife...

"I've had enough, I'm going to leave her."

"Why?"

"She's out every night, going to the bars in town way past mightnight and I'm fed up with it".

"What's she doing?"

"She's looking for me!"

The Rock is divorcing his wife..

Because she takes him for granite.

Last night my wife said she was divorcing me because I am always mixing up colors

This came out of the yellow

Nikke Bella is divorcing John Cena

Supposedly, she couldn't see him.

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Mickey Mouse goes to see a divorce lawyer.

The lawyer says, "So you're divorcing Minnie because she's totally crazy?"

Mickey huffs and says, "No! I'm divorcing her because she's fucking Goofy!"

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are divorcing.

After naming their kids after directions they're the ones going south.

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Two drunk girls stop to pee in a cemetery

Two drunk girls stopped to pee in a cemetery after a long night out drinking and partying.

The first girl squats down by the car and starts to pee. She then realizes she doesn't have anything to wipe with, so she takes her panties off and wipes herself, and throws them away.

The secon...

I thought about divorcing my first wife before marrying my second,

But that wouldn’t have been very bigamy.

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A woman visits her mother and tell her she's divorcing her husband.

The mother replies:

But why? Your husband is super kind, good looking and is a millionaire. You're living in a castle, you're driving a rolls royce, you even have butlers!

Yes mother, but he is obsessed with anal sex. Everyday ha wants to put it in my ass.

Before i met him my as...

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Mickey Mouse is divorcing Minnie Mouse...

Mickey Mouse is in court filing for a divorce from Minnie. One day during the process, Mickey's lawyer comes up to him and says, "You know, you told me that your wife was crazy, but she seems perfectly sane to me."
"I didn't say she was crazy," Mickey replied, "I said she was fucking Goofy."

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I'm divorcing Norman

A woman said to her mother, "All the pervert wants is anal sex. My rectum is now the size of a 50-cent piece! It used to be about the size of a dime!"
Her mother replied, "You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman, you live in an 8 bedroom mansion, you drive a Ferrari, you get $2,000 a w...

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A married woman comes home early and finds her husband

having ferocious sex with a young attractive woman in their marital bed. She immediately says:

“You bastard, you son of a bitch, I’m calling my lawyer and divorcing you this minute, after all The love and devotion I have given you all these years, this is how you repay me?!!”

The husb...

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Thats it,I can't take much anymore. I'm divorcing my wife. First it was some guy in a drunk party,then it was her ex-bf, her boss, my best friend, some Uber driver and even her stepbrother..

I just can't stop sucking cocks.

A husband is divorcing his wife coz she poured glue all over his firearms...

He says "She denies it, but I am sticking to my guns"

My Parents are Divorcing and Went to Court

The judge asks me who I would want to live with. "I don't want to live with my dad because he beats me, but I don't want to live with my mom because she beats me too," I say. "Then who would you rather live with," the judge asks. "The Phoenix Suns, they never beat anybody".

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