Alimony

"Mr. johns, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week."

"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

A lot of people don't understand the value of their wives

Until a judge decides the alimony amount.

After my most recent divorce, I'm now paying alimony to BOTH of my ex-wives...

Owe for two.

The mother of a beautiful girl enters the office of a general

"General! One of your soldiers got my daughter pregnant! I demand you punish the soldier and the military pay alimony for the child!"

The general stands up, grabs his sword, unsheaths it and hands it to the lady, keeping the sheath in his hands.

He says "Would you kindly help me put th...

25 reasons why beer is better then a woman

25: Beer never gets a headache.

24: Beer will always wait patiently for you in the car while you play football.

23: You don’t have to wine and dine beer.

22: Beer doesn’t get jealous when you grab another beer.

21: You can enjoy a beer all month long.

20: Beer stai...

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Mickey meets with his lawyer to discuss getting a divorce from Minnie

The lawyer looks over Mickey's requested divorce terms for the house no alimony.

"Mickey I just don't think you have a case you can't divorce Minnie just because she's a little odd"


Mickey turns to his lawyer and says "I didn't say she was odd I said she was fucking Goofy"*

...

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Alexa: I need sex.



**Husband:** Hey Alexa, I need sex.

**Alexa :** most certainly... you Don't worry. I am dimming the lights. Setting your AC to 22 degrees.

The Viagra is kept on top right shelf of your wardrobe. The vagina gel is kept next to it.

I have hired your favourite Thai massager...

What the last words Jim Bowie's ex-wife said to him?

Remember the alimony

Jeff Bezos has announced that he will start paying a living wage

Or as his lawyer called it,"alimony."

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Dear Tech Support

Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable pro...

President Trump says he supports victims of domestic violence.

He still pays alimony to Ivana Trump.

[LONG] A book and a diary.

A book and a diary had a fairy tale relationship for the longest time. They were inseparable, got married, and had two baby papers. After that, things went downhill and the married couple started fighting constantly. One day, Book decided to have an affair with Binder. Diary found out and filed for ...

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A male fairy tale...

A Male Fairy Tale:

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said, "No!!!"
And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and banged skinny long-legged big-titted babes and went rowing and watched rugby and went to naked bars a...

A group of wealthy gentlemen were sitting at a luncheon arguing over who made the most money...

Man #1 says "I am the wealthiest man here. I am a banker. Every month, I make a handsome profit in the interests on all my loans at once."

Man #2 says "Ah, but I own the operations of a massive oil production. I never even have to work and every quarter my profits triple because demand is so ...

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