”Will you marry me?” Is a marriage proposal.

”Will, You, Mary, Me” is a foursome proposal.

My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday. He said; maybe they’ll marry each other.

Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...

If God isn't real, how do you explain how an average joe like me could marry a beautiful woman from Prague?

Czech mate, atheists

A girl goes to a psychiatrist and complains, “I don’t want to marry, I am educated, independent and self sufficient. I don’t need a husband but my parents are asking me to marry. What do I do?”

Psychiatrist: “You, undoubtedly will achieve great things in life. But sometimes you will not go in the way you want. Sometimes you will go wrong. Sometimes you will fail. Sometimes your plan won’t work. Sometimes your wishes will not be fulfilled. Then whom will you blame? Will you blame yourself?”...

Two satellites decide to marry.

The wedding wasn't much,

but the reception was amazing.


... I'm sorry.

A brother asks his sister to marry him...

She replies, "if you incest".

A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes...

"Oh." said the counselor. "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."

What do you get when you marry an American?

Student Loan Debt

Don't marry a doctor, they're always angry at home

Because they had no patients anymore

A year ago today I asked the most beautiful woman out on a date. Today I asked her to marry me.

She said "no" both times.

Why can't two male doctors marry each other?

Because it would be a paradocs.

I've always hoped Whoopi Goldberg would marry my friend.

His name is Ben Cushion.

I tried to re-marry my ex-wife...

But she figured out I was only after *my* money.

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail,

but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

I’m a lucky guy and got to marry my best friend in the whole world today

my wife is livid

Ten years ago today, I asked my childhood sweetheart, my best friend, and the most beautiful woman on earth to marry me.

All three said no.

Always marry an ugly woman, a beautiful one will leave you...

An ugly one will too, but you just won't care as much.

4 year old boy: "Dad I've decided to get married"

Dad: "Wonderful. Who's the girl?"

Son: "Yes, Grandma! She loves me, she cooks for me, she tells me stories."

Dad: "That's nice, but there is one problem."

Son: "What's that?"

Dad: "She happens to be my mother. How can you marry my mother?!"

Son: "Why not? You marri...

Why did Mr Ohm marry Mrs Ohm?

Because he couldn't resistor.

My dad always told me to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and marry her.

She knows how to make bad decisions and stick to them.

A banjo asked a fiddle to marry him. "Don't frett," he said. "Just duet and we'll live in harmony until the end of time."

Ten months later, the fiddle started to tip the scales. Her belly was noticeably bowed and before you could say concerto, out popped a minor.

Daddy banjo went to the Hyundai dealer and traded in his old Accent for a brand new Sonata. After just a month, mama fiddle lost her key at the bar and...

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A 93 year old man is about to marry a 24 year old girl...

He goes to his doctor and asks for a Viagra prescription after telling the doctor his situation with an impending new young bride.

His doctor warns him: “ Given the length of time that you have abstained from sex, I’ve got to warn you- sex could prove to be fatal.”

“Doc”, says the old...

What kind of bee does the queen bee marry?

A hub-bee, unless shes a major les-bee-an

What do you call a Fat person marrying your daughter?

Your future ton in law

One melon asks another melon to marry it. The other melon said-

"Sorry I cantaloupe."

Why was the fraction skeptics about marrying the decimal?

He was sure he would have to convert.

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A boyfriend comes over to ask for approval to marry their daughter.

The father is very skeptical and asks "Son, how much do you make a month? Is it enough to support my beautiful daughter?" The boyfriend shyly replies, "well sir... it's about $300 a month." The father is furious at this offer, "300??? That's not even enough to cover toilet paper! You absolutely cann...

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A king looking for a knight to marry his daughter

A king is trying to find someone to marry his beautiful daughter and sets up a quest to who can find the most ping pong balls in all the land. Three knights set out on this adventure. A few days later the first knight arrives with 27 ping pong balls. The next knight comes in shortly after and has 54...

Oedipus joke

Oedipus: Oracle, what’s going to happen to me?

Oracle: You’re going to kill your father and marry Joe.

Oedipus: Who’s Joe?

Credit: Nik Linenberger - Twitter

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl “Will you marry me?”

The girl said, “NO!” And the guy rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and Scotch and had tons of money in the bank and slept with lots of different women and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted and lived happily ever after. The End.

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I want to marry a good Christian woman someday...

because if she believes that shit, imagine how easy it will be to get her to believe my lies when I come home at 2am.

A news station was interviewing an 80-year old woman who had just gotten married for the 4th time in her life.

The interviewer was asking her questions about her life, about how it felt to be marrying again at 80, and about her spouse.

The lady mentions hat her new husband is a funeral director.

Then the reporter asks her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little bit about her first three husba...

John and Susie just got married.

John and Susie just got married and are spending their honeymoon at a beautiful resort on a fishing lake. For the first 3 days of their getaway, John is spotted by the groundskeeper, fishing all day long. Finally, the groundskeeper decides to approach him.




"Hey there son, I recko...

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Me: Fuck, Marry, Kill–

OJ: Yes.

I told my son, “You will marry the girl I choose.”

He said, “NO!”

I told him, “She is Bill Gates’ daughter.”

He said, “OK.”

I called Bill Gates and said, “I want your daughter to marry my son.”

Bill Gates said, “NO.”

I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.”

Bill Gates said, “OK.”

I called ...

Young women marrying old rich guys is a lot like musical chairs.

The last one to sit on it wins.

Why should u never marry a badminton player?

Because love means nothing to them !

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An 18 year-old Italian girl tells her mother she missed her period for two moths.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Fer...

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There was a virgin who wanted to marry a farmer boy.

One day, she went to his parents' house for dinner. When they got done eating dinner, they decided to go for a walk through the pasture. While they were walking, they came upon 2 horses that were mating. She looks at them with wonder because she has never seen anything like this before.

...

Husband: "Will you marry me after I die?"

Wife: "No I will live with my sister."



Wife: "Now will YOU marry after I die?"

Husband: "No I will also live with your sister."

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