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I've decided to marry a pencil

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B

I told my son, “You will marry the girl I choose.”

He said, “NO!”

I told him, “She is Bill Gates’ daughter.”

He said, “OK.”

I called Bill Gates and said, “I want your daughter to marry my son.”

Bill Gates said, “NO.”

I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.”

Bill Gates said, “OK.”

I called ...

Why did Donald Trump marry an immigrant?

Once again, immigrants are doing the jobs no American want to do.

A young man wanted to marry

A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married. His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the girl was, and he told him that it was Samantha a girl from the neighborhood.

With a sad face the old man said to his son, "I'm sorry to say this son but I h...

Always marry an ugly woman, a beautiful one will leave you...

An ugly one will too, but you just won't care as much.

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A man was dating three women and wanted to marry one.

He couldn’t choose between them, so he decided to give them a test. He took $1500 out of the bank and gave each one $500 to see how they’d spend it.

The first spent it all on herself. When he asked why, she said she wanted to look her best for him.

The second spent it all on him. Wh...

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail,

but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

My dad always said to me, “If you ever meet a girl with a terrible tattoo, try to marry her.”

“She makes bad decisions, but sticks with it.”

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A man had three beautiful girlfriends but didn't know which one to marry..

As a test, he decided to give each woman $5,000 to see how they would spend it.

The first girlfriend went out and got herself a complete makeover. She told him, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."

The second went shopping and bought the man ne...

How did Kanye West ask Kim Kardashian to marry him ??

"will i marry you?"

As Jack was marrying Jill, his father gave him some advice “Son, when I got married to your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was strip her naked, take off my pants...

Then, I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were huge on her and she said that she couldn’t wear them because they were too large. I said to her, 'Of course they are too big for you, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' ...Ever since that day, son...

Boy aged 4: Dad, I’ve decided to get married.

Dad: Wonderful; do you have a girl in mind?!

Boy: Yes... grandma! She said she loves me, I love her, too....and she’s the best cook & story teller in the whole world!

Dad: That’s nice, but we have a small problem there!

Boy: What problem?!

Dad: She happens to be my m...

Nine years ago I asked the girl of my dreams on a date. Today I asked her to marry me.

She said no both times.

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Marry a virgin?

It's their wedding night and a redneck couple are getting ready to have sex for the first time. As the bride is getting ready in the bathroom she tells her husband Bobby Joe to take it "easy on her, on accounts that she is a virgin and all". "BAM!!" as she hears the door on the trailer slam then w...

Fellas if you ever meet a woman who takes the time to take care of bees, marry her.

She's a keeper.

I’m seriously thinking about re-marrying my ex-wife…

But I’m pretty sure she’ll figure out I’m just after my money.

Never ever marry a tennis player

Love means nothing to them

An 80 year old lady was marrying for the 4th time.

A newspaper asked if she wouldn't mind talking about her first 3 husbands and what they did for a living.

She smiled and said, "My first husband was a banker, then I married a circus ringmaster, next was a preacher and now in my 80's, a funeral director."

When asked why the...

My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday. He said; maybe they’ll marry each other.

Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...

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A man met a beautiful girl and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She protested, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He replied, “That’s all right; we’ll learn about each other as we go along.”

So she consented and they were married, and they went on honeymoon to a very nice resort.

One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 30-foot high board and did a two-and-a-half-tuck gainer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple. T...

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I know a woman who has been married 3 times and is still a virgin

Her first husband was a psychologist and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it. Her second husband was a gynecologist and all he ever wanted to do was look at it. Her third husband was a gourmet and all he wanted to do was eat it.

.

The good news is that I just heard she is gettin...

Before you marry a person,

you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they really are.

I tried to re-marry my ex-wife.

But she figured out I was only after my money.

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Steve with 25 inch Long penis to God : I can’t live with this long penis.

God : Go to that Lake,
You will find a Female Frog. Ask her to marry you,
she’ll say No & you will Lose 5 inch.

Steve Went & asked the Frog : will you marry me?

Frog : No

He Lost 5 inches.

He thought 20 inch is still Long.

So he asked again : will you...

How do you get a farm girl to marry you?

First, a tractor.

One time I tried to marry my phone...

I wanted to make it my Wifi

And I felt a really strong connectio

I thought I saw all the right signals

Plus I really wanted to tap that

So I gave it a ring

Turns out it was already engaged

Besides, I wasn't its type

We would have been such a great we...

Why did none of the women King Midas dated want to marry him?

They got gold feet.

Marrying a cop is like taking an edible

It is so cool in the beginning, then they hit you.

During an argument with my wife, she dropped the old "why did you even marry me?" line.

Apparently "Your sister was already taken" was not the right answer.

The sweet potato was telling his mother he was going to marry Norah O'Donnell.

His mother was shocked and told him, "No. You can't do that. She's only a commentator."

Why did Einstein marry his first cousin?

Because, it was all relative.

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

A 70 year old man wants to marry a 25 year old woman.

His lawyer is trying to talk him out of it.
After an hour of arguing with his client for the lawyer says, “Do whatever you want, but I warn you, these May/December weddings often end in death!”

That stops the older man for a second. He stops, ponders, and finally says, “Well - If she dies...

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What do Mormons play instead of "Fuck, Marry, Kill"?

Marry, Marry, Marry

Marrying a Canadian woman

Three friends married women from different parts of the world.

The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second ...

In America you call people who marry their cousins hillbillys

In Europe we call them Royals

Why don't you marry her?

She has a slight impediment in her speech.

What is it?

She can't say "Yes".



Source: 1913 Newspaper

A boy comes out with a girl and tells mom he is marrying her..

The mother says 'you can find someone better, why would you wanna ruin your life with it'.....
'mom, don't say it like that, she will get hurt' says the son.

Mom says 'i wasn't talking to you, son'

What did Barack say to Michele when he asked her to marry him?

I don't wanna be Obama self.

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A man with a 25-inch long penis

goes to his doctor to complain that he is unable to get any women to have sex with him. They all tell him that his penis is too long.

"Doctor," he asks in total frustration, "Is there any way you can shorten it?"

The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do...

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