My girlfriend wants to break up with me because she says I play video games too much

What a ridiculous reason to Fallout 4

How do you break up a fight between 2 blind men?

Yell out: 'My money is on the one with a knife...'

My girlfriend wants to break up with me.

She says it's because I keep making jokes about her getting fat. So I said ''That's not true. I would never try to have fun at your expanse"

"How to break up with your girlfriend" A two-step process:

Step 1: take off your glasses

Step 2: say: 'I'm afraid I can't see you anymore!'

How did Mario break up with the Princess?

He said, "It's not you, it's a me, Mario!"

I'm starting a service helping people break up with their significant others over dinner

I'm calling it FedEx

Why did the banker break up with his girlfriend?

Because she showed him no interest

If Elon Musk's space company establishes a Mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long distance, she'd be your....

Space x.

How do you break up two blind guys fighting?

Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

My imaginary girlfriend wants to break up with me.

She told me she wanted me to start seeing other people.

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When my girlfriend and I break up and she screws 10 guys, she's an "empowered woman"

But when I do it I'm "gay".

My boyfriend doesn't know me at all, he keeps giving me birds as gifts, and I don't understand it. Should we break up?

Edit: He actually just gave me five golden rings! Maybe he really does know me (:

Edit2: More birds again

Why did they Backstreet Boys break up?

They just weren't NSYNC.

It's such a shame when people break up over the phone.

They should try hanging up and trying again.

Break up

My boyfriend just broke up with me, he was sick and tired of my constant zodiac puns.

It Taurus apart.

I'm in Pisces typing this

A tree says to another tree, her boyfriend, "I think we should break up"

The other tree: "why wood you do this"

Guys I really want to break up with my Jazz musician girlfriend but I can't

The Sax is too good

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A woman threatens to break up with her boyfriend if he can't make sex last longer, so the boyfriend decides to see his doctor to find out how he can make sex last longer.

"Try masturbating before sex," says the doctor.

The guy drives home trying to think about where to masturbate. "I can't masturbate out in the open, and I can't do it at home because my girlfriend might catch me."

Finally, the guy comes to a decision. He pulls over his car, crawls under...

My girlfriend said she would break up with me if I said another Scooby-Doo quote.

My last words to her were “Alright, let’s split up gang.”

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Why did the vagina break up with the penis?

It was being a dick.

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I had to break up with my girlfriend because she didn't like my German shepherd

I don't like that Hans gets sheep shit all over the house as well but I think she overreacted

I had to break up with my girlfriend because she was obsessive about cellophane wrap.

She was way too clingy.

I had to break up with a cross eyed girl a while back.

She was seeing people on the side.

I had to break up with my girlfriend who suffered from insomnia

She just wasn’t very into-resting

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I was dating an Optometrist, but finally needed to break up with her

She was sexy and had a great personality, but after a while she was just too annoying in bed.

She was always saying, "So, do you like it better like this?... or like this?"

Why did Mrs.Claus break up with Santa?

Because he kept calling her a hoe hoe hoe

Why did d/dx break up with e^x?

She finally realized that she could never change him. #mathcanbefunny

Why did the space rock break up?

It couldn’t comet.

My girlfriend wants to break up with me and I don’t know why.

I’ve asked my parents, siblings, friends, wife, other family. No one can figure it out.

[NSFW] What bad habit in the bedroom forced the guy to break up with his girlfriend?

She'd take a lickin but kept on kickin

Why did the ghost's girlfriend break up with him?

She found out about his side boos!

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At a Parsi wedding at Allbless Baug, everyone got drunk. The bride's & groom's families wrecked the new reception hall fighting with each other. The police had to break up the fighting.

The next week, both families were in Mumbai High court.

The judge Soli Dorabji asked, "All right now, what happened?"

Firdaus Rohinton Pavri said, "Sahebji, I was the best man. I should explain what happened."

”Go ahead, Firdaus. Take the stand."

He explained, "Per tradit...

Break ups are the worst in China

You see her face everywhere

My girlfriend kept telling me she was going to break up with me if I didn't stop quoting the song I'm a Believer by The Monkees, but I thought she was just kidding...

Then I saw her face.

Why should you never break up with a goalie?

Why should you never break up with a goalie? Because he is a keeper.

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My girlfriend warned me she would break up if I didn't stop making jokes about oral sex.

I said "That's hard to swallow."

Wife gets a text from husband saying "I think we should break up."

The wife, very confused, says to the husband, "You know I live with you. If you wanted to separate, you could have walked over and told me."

The husband replies, "Sorry babe. Wrong person."

Why did the flat-earther couple break up?

They drove each other to the edge.

Why did the strict grammar teachers break up?

He missed a colon, she missed a period, and they both hated contractions.

[At a restaurant] Her: We need to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your terrible jokes.

Me: Ok. And for the main course?

My girlfriend: If you don't stop making Scooby Doo references, then I'll break up with you.

Me: Alright gang, let's split up.

My deaf girlfriend was going to break up with me

She didn’t really say anything. But the signs were all there.

I witnessed the break up of an obese couple

I guess they didn't work out.

My girlfriend texted me it wasn't working our and we needed to break up

Don't worry, she explained me that it was meant for someone else

What's the best way to break up with your girlfriend?

On the front page of reddit.

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Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

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My ex-gf had a dick but we had to break up

..She was a huge pain in the ass

why do boys like playing on their playstation or xbox after a break up?

it always helps to console them

Santa and Mrs. Claus have decided to break up

However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.

They're great at separating independent Clauses.

I had to break up with my neurosurgeon girlfriend

She was messing with my head

What’s the worst way to break up with a blind person?

“I think we should see other people”

So my girlfriend said she wanted to break up with me because I had no sense of direction.

So I packed my things and right.

Why did Captain Kirk’s girlfriend break up with him?

Because he Shatner face.

What's the worst way to break up with Elon Musk?

By saying *"I need some space"*

What do you say when you break up with an electrician?

Watt is love?

Baby don't hertz me.

Don't hertz me.

N-ohm-ore.

N-ohm-ore.

My wife wants to break up with me because I would be too obsessed with horses.

I thought we'd have a stable relationship, but neigh...

My girlfriend said she wants to break up with me because im too childish

i said please give me another chance
she said "no, we're through, done, finished, end of, period.
so i started laughing
she said "what are u laughing for?"
i said "hehe, you said period"

How do you instantly break up an anti-quarantine rally?

Cough.

I had to break up with my tennis player girlfriend

Love meant nothing to her

My girlfriend told me if I use any more chess terminology, she'll break up with me

"Check," I said.

She moved out the next day.

"Checkmate," I said.

Why did the physicist and the biologist break up?

There was just no chemistry

Why did Jack and Jill break up after reaching the top of the hill?

It was all down hill from there.

I had to break up with my girlfriend because she had something stuck between her teeth!

It was my best friend Dave.

What’s the nicest thing to say after a break up with a girl from Alabama?

I hope we can still be cousins

Why did the female rock break up with the male rock?

Because he took her for granite

Break Ups.....

Girl : I am breaking up with you.

Boy: Ok!

Girl : You will never find somebody like me again.....

Boy : Thank God!

Why did Jasmine break up with Aladdin?

Because he had a boo on the side

My girlfriend threatened to break up with me

She said, "You act so childish whenever I'm around. Now, it's either 'your mom' jokes or me."

I said, "And I, like so many men before me, will eagerly choose your mom."

My gf works for the government but just delivered the message to me that she wants to break up...

Guess she's now my Fed Ex...

I hate break ups

Especially when they tell you things like, "It's not you it's me","I just need some space", "We can still be cousins."

So,why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher?

There was no chemistry!IMAO

Traffic in New York seems like a mass break up

No one is moving on

I had to break up with my girlfriend. She was a necromancer.

She wanted us to raise a family together.

My girlfriend says she may break up with me because I don't like cats...

I told her, "I like cats, I just can't eat a whole one by myself."

I had to break up with my opera singer girlfriend...

It was always about MI MI MI MI MI!

A man wanted to break up with his long-term girlfriend

Marcus decided to do this when they were going to have a dinner night with both of their parents.

When the night came, he cleared his throat before mustering up the courage to say,

"Angela, I believe that we need to break up. I'm sorry, but it just isn't working out between us anymore...

Why did Barbie break up with Ken?

He kept Toying with her emotions

Why did Mike Tyson break up with his girlfriend?

EARreconcilable differenceth

Couples usually break up after 7 days

Because they have a week relationship at that point

Why Did The Socks Break Up.

Because one always had to be right so the other left.

My girlfriend wanted to break up with me for misquoting Oasis lyrics too much...

I said: "I don't believe anybody feels the way I feel about you now."

Britain should have written a break up note

"It's not EU, it's me"

Why did Mickey break up with Minnie?

Because she was f***ing goofy.

Why did Ranch break up with Thousand Island?

Because Thousand Island Bleu Cheese

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Two men are drinking at a bar all night. Finally, one man says to the other, “I hate to break up the fun, but I’ve got to go home and take off my wife’s underwear.”

The other man replies, “What makes you think you’ll be so lucky?”



The first man replies while walking out the door, “because they’ve been riding up my butt all night and I’ve had enough.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had to break up with my girlfriend...

Me and my Japanese girlfriend had been dating for around 9 months before she really started becoming attached and really clingy. I decided that the best thing for me to do was to end the relationship. When I told her she took it surprisingly well, and she didn't get upset or anything. I was ecstatic...

A police officer tries to break up with his wife, also a police officer.

Husband: "We're over."

Wife: "We're what? over."

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