[At dinner] Her: We have to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes.

Me: Ok. And for the main course?

My deaf girlfriend was going to break up with me

She didn’t really say anything. But the signs were all there.

My girlfriend told me if I use any more chess terminology, she'll break up with me

"Check," I said.

She moved out the next day.

"Checkmate," I said.

So my girlfriend said she wanted to break up with me because I had no sense of direction.

So I packed my things and right.

I had to break up with my lazy eye girlfriend..

...she was seeing someone on the side.

I had to break up with my neurosurgeon girlfriend

She was messing with my head

Why should you never break up with a goalie?

Because he is a keeper.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the testicle break up with the bladder?

Because there was a vas deferens between them.

(Original joke I came up w yesterday, thank you, thank you)

Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

He needed some space.

What’s the nicest thing to say after a break up with a girl from Alabama?

I hope we can still be cousins

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

My girlfriend kept telling me she was going to break up with me if I didn't stop quoting the song I'm a Believer by The Monkees, but I thought she was just kidding...

Then I saw her face.

Why did the two book lovers break up?

They weren't quite on the same page.

I had to break up with my opera singer girlfriend...

It was always about MI MI MI MI MI!

My girlfriend: If you don't stop making Scooby Doo references, then I'll break up with you.

Me: Alright gang, let's split up.

How do you break up a fight between two blind people?

Yell "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

Why did my gamer boyfriend break up with me?

I didn’t meet his xboxtations.

My gf works for the government but just delivered the message to me that she wants to break up...

Guess she's now my Fed Ex...

Why did Jasmine break up with Aladdin?

Because he had a boo on the side

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate having to break up with Japanese women

You have to drop the bombshell twice before they get the point

Why did Barbie break up with Ken?

He kept Toying with her emotions

I was gonna break up with an ex-girlfriend because she had a Linkin Park poster on her wall

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter

Why did Ranch break up with Thousand Island?

Because Thousand Island Bleu Cheese

I used to date a cross eyed girl but we had to break up

She was seeing someone on the side

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My ex had a good reason to break up with me

Someone posted a video of a strip club with me in the back getting a lap dance

Yea my boyfriend didn't really like that I wasn't gay

What's the worst way to break up with Elon Musk?

By saying *"I need some space"*

Traffic in New York seems like a mass break up

No one is moving on

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it hard to break up with a Japanese person?

Because you have to drop the bomb twice for them to understand.

P.S. : Reposting this as some Japanese folks didn't get it the first time around.

Why Did The Socks Break Up.

Because one always had to be right so the other left.

My girlfriend said she wants to break up with me because im too childish

i said please give me another chance
she said "no, we're through, done, finished, end of, period.
so i started laughing
she said "what are u laughing for?"
i said "hehe, you said period"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend warned me she would break up if I didn't stop making oral sex jokes.

I said "That's hard to swallow."

I had to break up with my tennis player girlfriend

Love meant nothing to her

Why did the biology teacher and rhe physics teacher break up?

Because they had no CHEMISTRY.

Why did the female rock break up with the male rock?

Because he took her for granite

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are drinking at a bar all night. Finally, one man says to the other, “I hate to break up the fun, but I’ve got to go home and take off my wife’s underwear.”

The other man replies, “What makes you think you’ll be so lucky?”



The first man replies while walking out the door, “because they’ve been riding up my butt all night and I’ve had enough.”

'How to break up with your girlfriend: a two step process'

Step 1: take off your glasses

Step 2: say: 'I'm afraid I can't see you anymore!'

What do you call an Irish fella trying to break up a fight?

Liam Malone

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“No, Donald, I didn’t break up with her because she was silly.

I said ‘I dumped Minnie because she was fucking Goofy.’”

Break Ups.....

Girl : I am breaking up with you.

Boy: Ok!

Girl : You will never find somebody like me again.....

Boy : Thank God!

My wife wants to break up with me because I would be too obsessed with horses.

I thought we'd have a stable relationship, but neigh...

How do you break up with a famous movie director?

You look him in the eyes and say, Joss we done.

I always miss the people I break up with.

I should really improve my aim.

What’s the worst way to break up with a blind person?

“I think we should see other people”

Santa and Mrs. Claus have decided to break up

However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.

They're great at separating independent Clauses.

Why did the Soviet guy break up with his girlfriend?

He saw red flags everywhere.

Break ups are the worst in China

You see her face everywhere

Why did Captain Kirk’s girlfriend break up with him?

Because he Shatner face.

What do you get when you break up with your girlfriend in the shower?

A Kleenex

I witnessed the break up of an obese couple

I guess they didn't work out.

What's the best way to break up with your girlfriend?

On the front page of reddit.

What do you say when you break up with an electrician?

Watt is love?

Baby don't hertz me.

Don't hertz me.

N-ohm-ore.

N-ohm-ore.

A friend of mine was trying to figure out the best way to break up with her boyfriend.

She seemed awfully concerned that he not be angry.
"Are you afraid he'll spread lies about you?" I asked.
"I don't mind the lies, but if he ever tells the truth, I'll break his neck," she answered.

Why did Mike Tyson break up with his girlfriend?

EARreconcilable differenceth

I finally found the courage to break up with my violent and abusive sausage boyfriend

So you can imagine my horror when my friend tells me “the wurst is behind you”

Couples usually break up after 7 days

Because they have a week relationship at that point

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to break up with your partner

You: Your ex is sexy


Them: Which one?

You: Me lol, bye

A man wanted to break up with his long-term girlfriend

Marcus decided to do this when they were going to have a dinner night with both of their parents.

When the night came, he cleared his throat before mustering up the courage to say,

"Angela, I believe that we need to break up. I'm sorry, but it just isn't working out between us anymore...

I had to break up with my girlfriend. She was a necromancer.

She wanted us to raise a family together.

A police officer tries to break up with his wife, also a police officer.

Husband: "We're over."

Wife: "We're what? over."

I hate break ups

Especially when they tell you things like, "It's not you it's me","I just need some space", "We can still be cousins."

I had to break up with my cop girlfriend. We’re both into BDSM...

but I’m not comfortable doing blackface

Why did the woman break up with her ghost boyfriend?

He got possessive

How did the goth kid break up with his girlfriend?

He sang her You Are My Sunshine.

My girlfriend says she may break up with me because I don't like cats...

I told her, "I like cats, I just can't eat a whole one by myself."

My son just told me the school security guard got fired and the new one has only one arm. He asked, "How will he be able to break up fights with only one arm?"

I replied, "Single-handedly."

One day I was feeling really down and I remembered what my girl friend said before the break up.

"At any point, if you feel bad about your life and if you need help, just call me"

So I called her. Now she is helping me to feel bad about my life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had to break up with my girlfriend...

Me and my Japanese girlfriend had been dating for around 9 months before she really started becoming attached and really clingy. I decided that the best thing for me to do was to end the relationship. When I told her she took it surprisingly well, and she didn't get upset or anything. I was ecstatic...

I had to break up with my Seismologist girlfriend.

She kept pointing out all my faults.

My girlfriend threatened to break up with me

She said, "You act so childish whenever I'm around. Now, it's either 'your mom' jokes or me."

I said, "And I, like so many men before me, will eagerly choose your mom."

How did the egg break up with the other egg?

She said, "We're ova!"

We need to break up...

...your busy schedule with some well deserved snuggle time!

Britain should have written a break up note

"It's not EU, it's me"

When I told my ex girlfriend that I wanted to break up, she tried gifting me a mini plastic figurine of myself in an attempt to salvage our relationship.

I screamed, "Lego of me!"

My computer won't stop crying and singing about break ups...

That's the last time I buy A Dell.

Did you hear about the guy and girl who mutually decided to break up because the guy had ED?

There were no hard feelings.

How do you break up with somebody in Italy?

It's not you! It's a me, Mario!

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