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Cross Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide

What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

Why did the console player cross the road?

To render the buildings on the other side.

What do you get, when you cross an Eldritch Horror, with an E-Girl?

CthUwU.

My Daughter: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Me: "I dunno"

"To get to the idiots house"
.
.
.
.
.
"Knock knock"

Me: "Who's there?"

"It's the chicken...."



She's 8...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a pirate and a paedophile?

Arrr Kelly!

Why did the boomer cross the street?

To show how it's done.

Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross...

“Something for this I have.” Yoda says. He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, th...

Pope Francis, Donald Trump, Joe Biden, and a little boy are crossing the Atlantic on an airplane when the engines fail.

They find three parachutes.

Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane saying, “The world needs a great person like me!”

Joe Biden grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world”, so he jumps off the plane. 

At this point, the Po...

The Pope decides to take a cross-country tour across America, beginning in California and ending in New York.

Somewhere in the Mid-West, the Popemobile breaks down, and while it’s repaired, the Pope continued his journey with a limousine rental.

After a few hours, the limousine driver rolled down the glass partition, and spoke: “I know I’m not supposed to talk to you, your holiness, or highness - I’m...

Why did the sperm cross the road?

I put on the wrong socks this morning.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the semen cross the road?

I wore the wrong socks this morning



*Edit: Not my joke but haven't seen it here and thought it was funny :)*

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?

An immediate cessation of funding and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee

A man crosses the Mexican border seeking better living conditions for his family.

Then his constituency calls for him to resign as a senator from Texas.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is driving through Nevada and sees a sign along the road with a large cross and the words "Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution, 5 miles ahead."

He shakes his head and thinks "I must have read that wrong."

He continues on and a few minutes later see another sign, this one with a praying nun on it and the words "Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution, Next Exit. So Good It's Miraculous!"

He decides he has to see this so he pull...

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".

He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week".
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cr...

Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos?

Because the sign says No Tres passing

What do you get if you cross Bill Clinton and Donald Trump?

Found in your cell, unresponsive.

why did a child cross the road?

cause he didnt wear his seatbelt

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.

On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke.

"Well sister, this looks pretty grim."

"I know, father." "In fact, I don't think it l...

Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar.

My life is a joke.

My wife caught me cross-dressing and said it's over.

So I packed her things and left.

What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah’s Witness?

Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.

A priest is walking through Kings Cross (a rough area of town), when a woman approached him and says

"Do you want a naughty? 200 bucks."

"Certainly not," he mutters and hurries on. Soon he passed near another woman who says "$200 for a naughty. Interested?"

"No thank you," he replies flusteredly.

As he comes near a third woman she again offers him a naughty for $200, which he ...

Jesus is hanging on the cross.

There’s a big loud crowd gathered when he’s heard weakly calling for Matthew. Matthew rushes toward the cross but is brutally beaten back by the Roman soldiers guarding it. He runs around to the far side and tries again. Again he’s beaten back. Finally after several more attempts a beaten and bloody...

Why did the dog cross the road, roll in the dirt, and cross the road again?

Because he’s a dirty, double-crossing son of a b*tch.

*edit* And a such GOOD one, yes he IS!

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN:...

Why did the chicken cross the road?







To take a photo in front of a church.

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce....

We didn't see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.

I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger’s cat and Pavlov’s dog team up for a cross county adventure…

So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.

The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn’t sure if it was there or not.

I was crossing the street when I suddenly noticed my ex getting run over by a bus. I thought to myself, “Wow! That could have been me!”

Then I remembered I can’t drive a bus.

What happens if you you cross an angry cow with an angry sheep?

You get two animals that are in a *baaaad moooood.*

Last night a local church was robbed. Miraculously the golden Jesus on the cross was left behind.

They took everything that wasn't nailed down.

What do you call a cross dressing dinosaur?

A Try Sarah’s tops

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic ocean with the Titanic?

About halfway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why'd the pervert cross the road?

Because his dick was stuck in the chicken.

A man has the opportunity to win a million dollars if he can cross lake Superior in a 16 foot sailboat...

The people sponsoring the challenge give the man two choices of what he can bring on the boat to assist him. He can either bring a large box of novels or two criminals. However, the people running the competition get to choose what the books are and who the criminals are.

The man realizes the...

What do you get when you cross Prince Charles and Queen Elizabeth?

Dead in a tunnel

What do you get when you cross human DNA and goat DNA?

Thrown out of the petting zoo

What do you get when you cross Father's Day and Cake day?

Extra Karma... I hope.

An atheist, vegan, and cross fit athlete walk into a bar.

We know this because they all loudly announced it within the first 30 seconds.

Cross-examination of a coroner

"Did you check the victim's pulse?"

"No, I did not."

"Did you check if the victim's breathing had stopped?"

"No, I did not."

"Did you check for any signs of brainwave activity?"

"No, I did not."

"Then how do you even know the victim is dead?"

"Well, h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump???

Erection Fraud.

Dont hate me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross Willy Wonka with stolen fizzy lifting drinks?

You get *NOTHING*! *YOU LOSE*! *GOOD DAY, SIR*!

Jesus is hanging on the cross. Paul is nearby. Jesus calls to Paul

"Paul, come to me please." Paul rushes forward and is immediately beaten back by Roman soldiers. They beat him senseless and leave him in a heap on the side of the road.

Paul awakens to hear Jesus calling again, "Paul, come to me. I need you.". Paul rushes the soldiers and is badly beaten aga...

Why did the Libertarian cross the road?

None of your damn business. Am I being detained?

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States...

Wandering aimlessly and starving, They are about to lie down and accept their death when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?

A cock that stays up all night

An old lady used to cross the US-Mexico border every day using a motorcycle...

The guards, especially officer Johnson, knew she was smuggling something. But, no matter what they did, they could never find it.

Dogs wouldn't sniff anything, metal detectors wouldn't bleep, disassembling the motorcycle wouldn't help.

Many years later, on his last day at the job, once...

What do you get when you cross an orca with a housecat?

An angry ethics committee and your grant revoked.

Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, “If you cross this, I’ll hit you in the face.”

That was the punchline...

Why did the cross dressing pilots career never take off?

Too much drag

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus on the cross..

After a brutal and tough day carrying the cross up Golgatha, the Romans nailed Jesus with no remorse to the heavy wooden structure. Golgatha was a grand hill, and as the cross was raised Jesus looked down upon all those gathered before him.

He saw his wonderful mother Mary.
He saw gods chi...

Why did the cross eyed teacher quit her job?

Because she couldn't control her pupils.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the semen cross the road?

Because you wore the wrong sock today.

While I'm up here on the moral highground, let me tell you about poor little Ukurugenzi.

Ukurugenzi is an 8-year old Kenyan orphan who walks 11 miles to his mud-hut school every day. With your donation of just 25 cents a day, we can buy a whip and...

I just got dumped by my cross-eyed girlfriend

She said she wasn’t looking forward to see me.

what do you get when you cross a hippo and a bed?

a new bed

What do you get when you cross a hurricane with a cruise ship full of 1990's boy bands?

Washed up musicians.

What do you get if you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac?

Someone who lays awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.

My 8 year old cousin: " Why did the chicken cross the road?"

8yo cousin: To get to the idiot's house.

Me (patronizingly): Oh..uh..yeah good one haha.

8yo cousin: Wanna hear another one? Knock knock

Me: Who's there

8yo: The chicken.

Why did the pig cross the road?

Because the chicken told him to teargas protestors for a photo-op

What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal.

A polar bear.

The other day I decided to buy a Ouija board, so I could get in touch with deceased celebrities that havent crossed over yet,

The only celebrity I could get in touch with was Stephen Hawking.

I asked him a few questions including why he was a ghost and not gone to the after life yet.

Turns out Led Zeppelin was right all along,

there is a stairway to heaven.

There was a cross-eyed teacher who got fired

Because she couldnt control her pupils.

3 Mexicans tried to cross the border,but only 2 got through.Why?

There was a sign that said no tres passing.

I'm fine letting other people dot my i's, but crossing my t's?

That's where I draw the line.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the mods of r/iamatotalpieceofshit cross the road?

To collect money from Joel Michael Singer.

A man crosses the border each morning on a donkey...

...and each day, his donkey is loaded with only bags of straw. When he reaches the bridge marking the border, the tax collectors search his bags to calculate what duty he must pay on his exports. Every day, they find nothing. And yet, in the evening, after their shift has finished and they are in th...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it wanted to die.

(Genius submission from my 5 year old son)

I once dated a cross-eyed girl...

It didn't work out, we never saw eye to eye!

what do you get when you cross a Jewish person ?

Christianity

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?

'ell if I know

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a mentally ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash?

You get what you fucking deserve! *BANG*

Why did the chicken cross the road with a secret document?

Who needs to know?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a pickle with a deer?

A dildo.

I finally crossed running a marathon off my bucket list

No chance I was ever going to do it, glad it’s gone.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Trick question. 4/channers don't leave the house.

A Russian citizen is crossing the border into Ukraine and hands his passport to the customs officer.

The customs officer asks: "Name?"
The Russian replies: "Vladimir Krylov"
The customs officer continues: "Occupation?"
The Russian replies: "Not yet, just visiting."

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar

What happens if you cross Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Phillip?

You die in a car accident in Paris.

Why did Captain Hook cross the street?

To get to the second hand store.

There’s a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him.

The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.

So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him. By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in t...

What do you get if you cross a non-violent Indian with an anti-Semitic art school reject and a wizard?

Gandolf

As Jesus hangs from the cross…

he calls down to Peter, “Peter come to me, I have something I need to tell you”. Peter attempts to climb the hill to see Jesus, but before he gets to the top the guards stop him, beat him bloody, and send him away.
The next day, Jesus calls out to Peter again. “Peter come to me, I have something...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross an armadillo with a dildo?

Fired from the sex toy company

"Why did the chicken cross the road?" is a literary masterpiece!

Some might even call it poultry in motion...

What do you get when you cross a slug with a bug?

A Volkswagen

A cross between a horse and a pig lives next to me.

He's a good neigh boar.

Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it got stuck in a crack

Why a snail cross a road?

We don't know. It hasn't made it across yet.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Gordon Ramsay: Because you didn't fookin cook it.

Why don't you ever see three mexicans crossing the border at the same time?

Because the signs say "No trespassing"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?

A Dictater.

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