My wife caught me cross-dressing and said it's over.

So I packed her things and left.

What do you get if you cross Bill Clinton and Donald Trump?

Found in your cell, unresponsive.

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because Scott put on the wrong socks this morning.

A Priest, Rabbi and Atheist walk into a bar and each ask for a drink.

The bartender, saying nothing and looking disdainful, points to a sign clearly labelled: NO JOKES SERVED HERE

Without a fight the Priest, Rabbi and Atheist leave the bar, heads hanging.

The next day a chicken walks in and plops down on the barstool.

Wiping the inside of a glass,...

What do you get if you cross an alligator with a giraffe?

A visit from the ethics committee and immediate withdrawal of your funding.

What do you get when you cross an Octopus and a Cow

A very stern letter from the Scientific Ethics Committee and immediate removal of your grant funding

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog.

A lawyer is cross-examining a doctor on the stand.

Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"

Doctor: "No."

Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"

Doctor: "No."

Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"

Doctor: "No."

Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was ...

What do you get if you cross Prince Charles and Queen Elizabeth?

Killed in a tunnel...

Why did the postdoctoral law student cross the road?

To drop his resume off at the other restaurant.

Why did princess Diana cross the road?

Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

My mom told me Jesus died on a Royal Caribbean ship. But my priest insists he died on the cross.

Was that cruise a fiction?

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

What’s happens when you cross alcohol with an unstable parent?

BEATS ME

Why did EA cross the road

Pay 50$ to find out.

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To see his flatmate

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross an illegitimate fish with a piece of shit?

A bass turd

Yes . . . shitty joke. Craptastic.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job?

She couldn't control her pupils.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a frog, a duck, an elephant, and a rhino?

Fuck if I know.

The animal kingdom had become overpopulated.

The lion, being the head of the animal kingdom, made a decree: a joke telling contest would be held at the end of the week. The tortoise, unanimously agreed upon as being the fairest of all the animals, was appointed as the official judge. The rules were simple: tell your joke to the tortoise, and i...

Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in the crack

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he was hungry, but these fast food restaurants are always on the #!&* left side!

What do you get when you cross Mexico with an anti-racism book?

Tequila Mockingbird.

My friend wasn't accepted for a teaching job because he was cross-eyed

They thought he wouldn't be able to control his pupils.

What do you get when you cross Big Bang Theory, 2 and a half men and How I met your mother?

How I banged your mother with 2 and a half men

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a lawyer, whenever someone asks me the joke "why did the chicken cross the road," this is always my response.

As counsel for the chicken, I have advised my client to invoke its 5th Amendment right to remain silent. The chicken with neither confirm nor deny crossing the road, nor the existence of the road thereof. Your concept of ‘crossing’ and ‘road’ do not rise to criminal conduct in any jurisdictional cou...

Why did the daddy cross the road?

We don't know, he didn't come back to let us know why...

What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Why did she want to go to the other side?

To go to the pub.

Why did she want to go to the pub?

To go to the toilet.

Why did she want to go to the toilet?

BECAUSE THATS WHERE THE COCKS HANG OUT !!

What do you get if you cross a mafioso with a supermodel?

Shot.

NSFW What do you get when you cross Twitch with Mixer?

A really sloppy smoothie.

What do you get if you cross a pirate and a paedophile?

Arrr Kelly!

What did the chicken say to the duck who was just about to cross the road?

"Don't do it bro, you will never hear the end of it..."

What do you get if you cross a financial adviser with a Richard Curtis movie?

Love Actuary.

What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur

Tyrannosourest Rex

Why'd the chicken cross the road?

How did the chicken cross the road?!



WHO IS THE CHICKEN?!?!



I swear I'll get to the bottom of this cluckspiracy!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a potato and a penis?

A Dictator.

What do you get when you cross a brain tumor with a german sausage?

The wurst headache

What did Jesus feel before he was nailed to the cross?

Pins and Needles

What do you get when you cross a parrot and a centipede?

A walkie-talkie.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the cyber cafe so they could repost a joke on this sub.

What do you get when you cross a chef and a waitress?

A cold meal

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A good joke should have unexpected turns, cross a few lines, keep you on the edge of your seat, make you wonder how the hell it's all gonna end and may even make you piss yourself. Pretty simple guidelines.

I try to use them when I make jokes. My wife tried to use them when she drove me to work today.

My teacher this year told me to try out Cross Country.

She said it would be good in the long run.

Did you hear about the cross dressing dinosaur?

He decided to try Sarah's tops.

What do you get when you cross Captain America and The Hulk

The Star Spangled Banner

My cross eyed wife and I just got a divorce....

We didn’t see eye to eye.

To make matters worse, I found out she was seeing someone on the side.

Always listen to the advice of a cross-eyed people...

Cause they have a unique point of view.

What happens when you cross alcoholism and books of literary merit?

Tequila Mockingbird

What happens when you cross a sheep with consequence?

Ramifications

Why did the frog cross the airport runway?

To get out of the no fly zone.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He saw a sign at the front of a building that said "chicken strips for $2"

What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?

Halfway

What do you get when you cross a rhinoceros and a toilet seat?

I don't know, but there's no way I'm using **that** bathroom

Why did the vegan cross the road?

To tell somebody else that she’s vegan

Engineer and Anti-vaxxer come to the bridge

Anti-vaxxer says to the engineer: Is it safe to cross the bridge?

Engineer: It is 99,97% safe to cross that bridge.

Anti-vaxxer: I'd rather swim.

What do you call a cross between a rooster and a rabbit?

A hop a doodle doo!

Courtesy of my 9yr old daughter

A huge crowd gathered as Jesus was nailed to the cross. As Jesus surveyed the crowd, he saw St. Perer at the back.

He started to call to him, “Peter, Peter”.

Peter tried to get the crowd. Pushing people as he went. “I’m coming Lord,” shouted Peter as he worked his wash through the crowd. Eventually he reached the foot of Jesus’ cross, and asked, “What is it, Lord?”

And Jesus said, “I can see you...

Why can't Mexicans cross the border in threes?

No trespassing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him. ''Nice bike,'' the cop said, ''did Santa bring it to you?''

''Yep,'' the little boy said, ''he sure did!''

The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said, ''Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it.''

To go along with the cop, the little boy said, ''Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring i...

Why didnt the skeleton cross the road?

Cause he's dead.

Why did the Alabama native NOT cross the street?

Why cross the street when you can cross the hall?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because you didn't fucking cook it.

\-Gordon Ramsay

What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician?

A Chelsea.

(Told by a caller on Coast To Coast AM - 12/06/95.)

Why did the Vietnam veteran cross the road?

''YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!!!!!!"

[StarWars] What Do You Get When You Cross a Jedi and a Mannequin?

**Manakin Skywalker**

Why did the chicken cross the road?

I don’t know, he got hit by a truck

Cross rail train line is officially being called the Elizabeth line in honour of the queen

And the shared fact it’ll take 90 years to build and cost the taxpayer billions

A lonely young guy driving cross-country picked up a stunning female hitchhiker.

A lonely young guy driving cross-country picked up a stunning female hitchhiker.


Out in the middle of the desert, she started coming on to him. When she offered him some oral pleasure, he pulled over to the side of the road.


But once his pants were around his ankles, she pu...

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