Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide

What do you get if you cross a pirate and a paedophile?

Arrr Kelly!

Engineer and Anti-vaxxer come to the bridge

Anti-vaxxer says to the engineer: Is it safe to cross the bridge?

Engineer: It is 99,97% safe to cross that bridge.

Anti-vaxxer: I'd rather swim.

What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus?

A visit from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawl of your funding.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife caught me cross dressing and said it was over

So I packed her shit and left.

What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?

About half way

What do you get if you cross Titanic with Sixth Sense?

Icy dead people

Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One of them draws a line in the dirt and says, “If you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face!”

That was the punchline.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

The road betrayed it first.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To find people who care about its cake day.

How did the sperm cross the road?

I wore the wrong socks.

An atheist, a vegan, and a cross fitter walk into a bar.

I know because they told everyone within two minutes.

What's the difference between a guy dying on a cross and a cow?

You can't milk a cow for 2000 years.

Why did the suicidal guy cross the road?

To get to the other side.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a banana?

|elephant| |banana| sin(θ)

Why did the vegan cross the road?

To tell the people across the street she's vegan.

Why did the infertile chicken cross the road?

She wanted to take adavantage of Burger King's 10 piece special. She now has lil nuggets of her own.

What do you get if you cross Islam with Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Friend 1: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Friend 2: Idk, why?

Friend 1: To get to the idiots house.

Friend 1: Knock Knock

Friend 2: Who’s there

Friend 1: The chicken

Why did the chicken cross the road?

So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her e...

A red cross worker is cold calling people for donations

A Red Cross worker is cold calling people for donations and comes across a lawyer where records shows he makes $500k+ a year and hasn’t made a single charitable donation. So the Red Cross worker calls the lawyer and asks if he’d like to donate. The lawyer says “no “,thank you.” The Red Cross worker ...

An Atheist, a Cross-fitter and a Vegan all walked into a bar...

....I knew because they told everyone in the place within the first five-minutes of arriving!

​

Pick up lines for cross-eyed people

When you’re in the room both my eyes are on you

Had to explain what irony was to someone at church.

Apparently, "Being a carpenter and getting nailed to a wooden cross" isn't a good example.

Jesus is on the cross and...

He shouts “Peter, Peter!”

Peter hears him from 200m away and starts making his way through the crowd and soldiers. At 150m a Roman soldier slashes his right arm off but Peter keeps going determined saying “I am coming master!”

Jesus shouts again “Peter, Peter!”

Peter, now with o...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three soldiers from different countries try to cross a guarded bridge

One is American, the other is French and the last one is Spanish.

The American goes first, he runs and runs but he gets shot. In his final dying breath he says: "Agh... I die for patriotism"

The the French tries to cross. He runs and runs but when he's almost done he gets shot. "Agh.. ...

What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow?

I have no idea but I wouldn’t try milking it.

What do you get if you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic, and an insomniac?

Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there is a dog!

Why did Paul Walker cross the road?

Because he wasn’t wearing a seat belt.

I once dumped a cross eyed chick

Thought she was seeing someone else

What do you get when you cross a professional basketball player with a geographer?

The horses name was friday

Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?

because it got stuck in the crack

My girlfriend was mad at me for not having a sense of direction and cross dressing.

So I packed her clothes and right.

Cross-eyed people are born in the middle of the week.

They're looking both ways for Sunday.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Famous people answer the ubiquitous question, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

**TEACHER**: To get to the other side.


**PLATO**: For the greater good.


**ARISTOTLE**: It is in the nature of chickens to cross roads.


**SOCRATES**: Why do you think the chicken crossed the road?


**HIPPOCRATES**: Because of an excess of phlegm in i...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about the NAZI who helped the old woman cross the street?

Me neither, theyre all dicks

Why didn’t the dolphin cross the road?

They didn’t have any porpoise.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job?

She couldn't control her pupils.

I used to date a cross eyed girl but we had to break up

She was seeing someone on the side

Nerd Joke: What do you get if you cross a robot with a pirate?

Aaaarrrrr2D2

after the invisible man had kids he became a cross dresser. You could say he was a...

trans parent

I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today

Turns out she was seeing someone on the side

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To see his flat mate.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question, a superfluously expanded vocabulary, and a blatant disregard for previously established axioms?

A punchline.

Why did the console player cross the road?

To render the buildings

Hiw did you kill 50 people!!?

Officer: how did you run over 50 people?

The man: let me ask you this: if you were driving, and your car wouldn't stop, and there are two people on your left and 50 people on your right, which way would you turn?

Officer: obviously to the left.

The man: that's exactly what i did...

Why did the crab cross the road?

Actually, it never did. It used the sidewalk.

why did the chicken cross the road?

becuz walking around is to long

Don't overdo your cross-training.

Like Jesus did for our sins.

What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four leaf clover?

A rash of good luck

Why can’t cross-dressers and Slavs stay on beat?

They’re always Russian or Dragging

What do you get when you cross a mountain range with 40 elephants?

A strategic military advantage against the Romans in the Second Punic War.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you get when you cross Willy Wonka with stolen fizzy lifting drinks?

You get *NOTHING*! *YOU LOSE*! *GOOD DAY, SIR*!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the Cactus cross the road?

Cause it was stuck to the chicken’s butt.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A piece of ass that'll bring a tear to your eye.

If you cross your finger after surgery you'll heal faster

Or maybe that's just super stichin'

My girlfriend dumped me because I’m cross eyed.

I think that’s why at least. We never could see eye to eye though.

What do you get when you cross slow dancing with Arabic royalty?

Dancing Sheikh to Sheikh.

What do you get when you cross the ocean with sand?

Honestly, I'm not that *shore* myself.

Why did the Nihilist cross the road?

Does it really matter ?

What do you get when you cross a Software Engineer with an English teacher?

A programmar.

Why did the unicorn cross the road?

To make the rainbow connection!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So I was walking along the beach and came a cross a women with no arms and legs, crying....

I asked her, what was wrong,
she replied, well, I’ve never been hugged by a man before....
So I have her a hug
She’s still crying, again I ask her what was wrong
She replied, I’ve never been kissed by a man before...
So I kissed her
And now she’s crying a little less but still...

A blind guy, a deaf guy and a disable person cross a river that grants you one wish.

Blind guy: "My wish is to able to see again"

He crosses the river and he is able to see again.

Deaf guy: "I wish to get my hearing back"

His wish is granted as he crosses the river.

The disabled guy sees that the previous two wishes were granted and rushes in the river in...

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

Eleph-ino

What do you call a cross made out of hay bales?

Christian bale

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a human with a billy goat?

A beastiality charge

Why did the one armed man cross the road?

To get to the second hand shop.

What do you get when you cross a psychic and a prostitute?

Someone who blows your mind

Why is the sloth trying to cross the road?

Becau- *SPLAT*

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a Hells Angel with a Mormon?

Somebody that comes to your house and tells YOU to fuck off.

A guy in NY orders a taxi to go cross state. The taxi pulls up, and he gets, carrying a large box which he puts in the back.

They set out driving, while the guy is looking at the box nervously every ten minutes or so. When they get to New Jersey, the man calls his wife. ''Hi honey, yes, they did give me the jewelry. I'll have it priced in Atlanta, it'd probably be 200 thousand or so. I'll call you when I'm done''.
...

What do you get when you cross human DNA with whale DNA?

Kicked out if Sea World apparently.


Joke credit: u/refreshing_username

A man has the opportunity to win a million dollars if he can cross lake Superior in a 16 foot sailboat...

The people sponsoring the challenge give the man two choices of what he can bring on the boat to assist him. He can either bring a large box of novels or two criminals. However, the people running the competition get to choose what the books are and who the criminals are.

The man realizes the...

Why mexicans cant cross the border in threes?

No trespassing

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you get if you cross Shaggy with a cow

No one crosses Shaggy and lives

Sorry thats a dead meme

Why did the chicken cross the road?

The fascinating story of an innocent chicken trying to escape the farm

What does a racist joke and crossing the street have in common?

White people look both ways before they start...

TIL: A thousand years ago, a group of Native Americans tried to cross into Russia from Alaska but failed.

They couldn’t get their Bering Strait.

Yesterday my friend came out as a cross dresser by wearing a mini skirt to his office party.

That showed a lot of balls.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?

A Dictater.

Why did Karen cross the road?

Because she was running away with his kids