What do you get if you cross a pirate and a paedophile?

Arrr Kelly!

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide

Why did the kid cross the road?

He forgot to buckle his seatbelt

Why did EA cross the road?

Buy the DLC to find out

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him. ''Nice bike,'' the cop said, ''did Santa bring it to you?''

''Yep,'' the little boy said, ''he sure did!''

The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said, ''Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it.''

To go along with the cop, the little boy said, ''Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring i...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

‘Why did the chicken cross the road?’

“Now that’s an old one.” The chicken smiled to himself as he looked across the barren road in front of him, the age old question repeating itself in his mind.

On one side, the chicken stood. The other, a lone bar in the middle of nowhere. And yet, at some point, it was once the most bustling ...

A legless crossdresser?

Drag Queen

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the chicken cross his eyes?

He was too cock-eyed to cross the road

What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus?

A visit from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawl of your funding.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife caught me cross dressing and said it was over

So I packed her shit and left.

Engineer and Anti-vaxxer come to the bridge

Anti-vaxxer says to the engineer: Is it safe to cross the bridge?

Engineer: It is 99,97% safe to cross that bridge.

Anti-vaxxer: I'd rather swim.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

An atheist, a vegan, and a cross fitter walk into a bar.

I know because they told everyone within two minutes.

At church I told a joke about Jesus on the cross.

Nailed it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How did the male porn star describe the female porn star’s beauty?

He said she had the nicest face he ever came across.

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic,an agnostic and an insomniac

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

Why did the sovereign citizen cross the road?

That none of your business and I am free to travel on my way without being harassed, am I being detained?

What do you get when you cross human DNA with goat DNA?

You get kicked out of the petting zoo.

What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?

About half way

Jesus asks a Christian, "What's up with all those crosses? Which part of my story makes you think I like crosses?"

The Christian replies: "I don't know, but you seem to be quite attached to them."

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put the wrong socks on this morning

Why did the squirrel cross the river on his back?

Too keep his nuts dry.

Why did the baby cross the road?

Because he was nailed to the Chicken.

(This used to be a family favorite back when my dad and I would tell jokes at the dinner table. My mom hated it, but we loved it. I'm sure it's been posted 500 times before, but I was feeling nostalgic)

I think I just found out what the “Why did the chicken cross the road?” joke ACTUALLY meant.

“Why did the chicken cross the road?”
“To get to the other side.”

Maybe the “other side” meant the afterlife, meaning that when the chicken was crossing the road, it probably got ran over by a car.

The joke was that you were supposed to take the punchline very literally at first, b...

What's the difference between a guy dying on a cross and a cow?

You can't milk a cow for 2000 years.

Jesus: "Pardon me, I'm afraid I don't know what to do with this cross."

Roman soldier: "Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it."

Why didn’t the cow cross the road

The chicken said “don’t do it man you’ll never here the end of it”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you get if you cross an octopus with my ex wife?

A 5-legged slut.

People who get offended by crucifixion jokes seem rather cross.

I don't get what their hangup is.

Why did the cow cross the road?

Who knows why your momma does anything.

Have you ever noticed how in shape Jesus looks on the cross?

Cause if you think his abs look shredded, then you should check out his back

Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it got stuck in a crack

Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One of them draws a line in the dirt and says, “If you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face!”

That was the punchline.

What do you get when you cross a shrubbery with a pig?

A hedgehog!

I used to date a girl who was cross-eyed.

I had to break up with her because she was seeing someone else the entire time.

What do you get if you cross a four-lane highway and a narrow footpath?

Closer to wherever you were going.

I bumped into a cross eyed guy the other day.

He said, "You need to look where your going."

I replied, "You need to go where your looking sir."

What do you get if you cross Titanic with Sixth Sense?

Icy dead people

What do you get when you cross a lake and a river?

Wet

What do you get when you cross a talented basketball player, and an untrustworthy royal vizier?

Kareem Abdul-Jafar; although these days I hear he's a magical genie who dabbles in writing Sherlock Holmes novels.

What did the cross dresser do at Christmas?

Eat, drink and be Mary

Why did the cucumber cross the street?

Because it was green.

Bran Stark and Jamie Lannister cross paths for the first time after the incident...

Jamie: Hey, need a push?

Bran: No, but I could use a hand.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a Donkey with an Onion?

An ass that will bring you to tears.

What do you get if you cross a bridge with a bicycle?

You get across the bridge faster than if you'd walked.

Why did Adele cross the road?

To say "Hello" from the other side.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about the scientists that successfully cross bred a duck with a golden retriever?

The results were good, but she was a foul bitch.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To find people who care about its cake day.

The cross-eyed teacher at school got fired today.

He couldn't control his pupils.

Had to explain what irony was to someone at church.

Apparently, "Being a carpenter and getting nailed to a wooden cross" isn't a good example.

Why did the console gamer cross the road?

To render the building on the other side.

What do you get when you cross Coke and Pepsi?

Diabetes.

What do you get when you cross a white person and cocaine

A Cocasian

A red cross worker is cold calling people for donations

A Red Cross worker is cold calling people for donations and comes across a lawyer where records shows he makes $500k+ a year and hasn’t made a single charitable donation. So the Red Cross worker calls the lawyer and asks if he’d like to donate. The lawyer says “no “,thank you.” The Red Cross worker ...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her e...

Why did the child cross the playground?

Did you see? I'm already using my binoculars and I'm not allowed to get any closer.

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a fish?

Swimming trunks.

Why'd the crip cross the road?

Cuzz.

Why did the vegan cross the road?

To tell the people across the street she's vegan.

Why did Paul Walker cross the road?

Because he wasn’t wearing a seat belt.

What do you get when you cross Spock with Gordon Ramsay?

Simon Cowell

An Atheist, a Cross-fitter and a Vegan all walked into a bar...

....I knew because they told everyone in the place within the first five-minutes of arriving!

​

What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion?

Well you won’t be getting any mail, that’s for sure.

Did you hear about the chickens idea to cross the road?

Yeah it wasn't worried, said the idea was nothing to balk at

Why did the infertile chicken cross the road?

She wanted to take adavantage of Burger King's 10 piece special. She now has lil nuggets of her own.

A man is on a cross-country trip when he picks up a hitchhiker.

During a lull in the conversation, the hitchhiker notices a brown paper bag resting in the center console. The driver notices his glance and says, “That’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife.”

The hitchhiker replies, “That’s a pretty good trade.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a metal concert and oral sex?

A whole lotta headbanging

What do you get when you cross a lion with a parrot?

No idea, but when that animal talks, people will listen.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Friend 1: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Friend 2: Idk, why?

Friend 1: To get to the idiots house.

Friend 1: Knock Knock

Friend 2: Who’s there

Friend 1: The chicken

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

Pick up lines for cross-eyed people

When you’re in the room both my eyes are on you

A defense attorney is cross examining the medical examiner in a murder trial.

A defense attorney is cross examining the medical examiner in a murder trial. The attorney thinks he sees an opening in the testimony.

"So tell me," he asks, "did you take the victim's pulse?"

"No," replied the examiner.

"OK... did you use your stethoscope to check the victim's ...

Jesus is on the cross and...

He shouts “Peter, Peter!”

Peter hears him from 200m away and starts making his way through the crowd and soldiers. At 150m a Roman soldier slashes his right arm off but Peter keeps going determined saying “I am coming master!”

Jesus shouts again “Peter, Peter!”

Peter, now with o...

I'm starting an all-male cross-dressing dixie chicks tribute band

I'm calling it chicks with dixies

Jesus is dying on the cross

Jesus is dying on the cross. Peter is down the hill looking up in anguish at his savior. He then hears faintly from the cross high above his head, "Peter. . . Peter. . ." Peter is both excited and fearful. He is determined to get past the Roman Centurions to see what he can do for his master in his ...

What do you get when you cross a professional basketball player with a geographer?

The horses name was friday

I once dumped a cross eyed chick

Thought she was seeing someone else

What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow?

I have no idea but I wouldn’t try milking it.

Why did it take Moses 40 years to cross the desert?

He got paid by the hour.

Why did the console player cross the road?

To render the buildings

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you get when you cross Willy Wonka with stolen fizzy lifting drinks?

You get *NOTHING*! *YOU LOSE*! *GOOD DAY, SIR*!

I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today

Turns out she was seeing someone on the side

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Famous people answer the ubiquitous question, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

**TEACHER**: To get to the other side.


**PLATO**: For the greater good.


**ARISTOTLE**: It is in the nature of chickens to cross roads.


**SOCRATES**: Why do you think the chicken crossed the road?


**HIPPOCRATES**: Because of an excess of phlegm in i...