Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross...

“Something for this I have.” Yoda says. He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, th...

My wife caught me cross-dressing and said it's over.

So I packed her things and left.

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong socks this morning.

What do you get if you cross Bill Clinton and Donald Trump?

Found in your cell, unresponsive.

I once knew a guy who cross bred insects for fun.

I liked the guy at first, but eventually I got tired of his crazy ant ticks.

The difference between a freshman girls cross country team and a litter of baby foxes?

One is a bunch of cunning little runts...

Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, “If you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”

That was the punchline...

My cross-eyed girlfriend left me.

She was seeing someone else.

What do you get when you cross alcohol with an unstable parent ?

Beats me

What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?

Nothing. You can't cross a scalar and a vector.

Why did the cross-eyed teacher get fired?

She couldn't control her pupils.

What do you get when you cross a Leopoard with a Panda?

Fired from the zoo

Why did the chicken cross the road?

No one knows. *But the road will have his vengeance.*

What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?

About half way.

Why did the vegan cross the road?

To tell someone they're vegan.

Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it got stuck in a crack

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce.

I found out she was seeing someone on the side.

A lawyer is cross-examining a doctor on the stand.

Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"

Doctor: "No."

Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"

Doctor: "No."

Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"

Doctor: "No."

Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was ...

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road

and not be
questioned about their motives.

There was a short period of time in ancient history when offenders were not only nailed to a cross, but also burned alive

Fortunately, the practice ended and very few people were crucifried

Why did the spy cross the road?

He didn't. He was never really on your side.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide

- from my 2 year old nephew

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".

He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week".
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cr...

Do you know why they nailed Jesus on the cross?

So he wouldn't fall!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today I see a blind gentleman and his seeing eye dog waiting at traffic light to cross the road

When the light turns green, the dog doesn't bring its human to cross the road, but starts peeing at the leg of the gentleman. Instead of punishing the dog, the gentleman takes out a treat to feed the dog.

I approach them and say: Excuse me sir. You are the most patient and kind owner I have ...

Why'd the jelly cross the road?

to create a traffic jam

Why did the characters in Lost cross the island?

To get to the others' side

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the KFC.

Why did the chicken go to the KFC?

To see the chicken strip.

What do you get if you cross two kerbs, two lanes and a white line?

"I don't know", said the chicken, "but I'll find out."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a mentally ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash?

You get what you fucking deserve. *BANG*

What do you get when you cross a Cow with an Octopus?

An immediate withdrawal of your funding and a visit from the Ethics Committee.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gorilla removal service.

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in a tree near his house. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.

"Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks.

"Boy," is the man's response.

"Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there", ...

Jesus: "Pardon me, I'm afraid I don't know what to do with this cross."

Roman soldier: "Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it."

There’s a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him.

The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.


So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him. By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops...

A guy told me not to try cross dressing

He told me it was kind of a drag.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the incel cross the road?

Trick question, they never leave their parents’ basement.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get, when you cross a husky and a blondie?

Either a really stupid fucking dog, or a frost resistant bitch

Why did the chicken cross the road with a bedsheet?

To kill Jeffrey Epstein and make it look like a suicide.

Why did the postdoctoral law student cross the road?

To drop his resume off at the other restaurant.

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails.

When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He was incredibly depressed. He wanted to die. Getting hit by a car would be easy. He wanted to get to the "other side."

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

A hearing with the ethics committee and a revoked veterinary license. “Elephino...” you disgust me.

Why did the Hedgehog cross the road?

He went to see his "Flat Mate".

What do you get when you cross a social media site with a Chinese investor?

[redacted]

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an agnostic, and an insomniac?

Someone who lies awake wondering if there really is a dog. \*rimshot\*

Cross Post

Many people think the stories of Jesus are true; but, I think it’s just cruci-fiction.

Before the cross bow was invented

Most bows were actually pretty happy guys

Why did the man cross the road?

Because we're living in a world where people need to do that occasionally!

What do you get if you cross the Queen and Prince Philip?

Murdered in a tunnel in Paris.

Why did the Tank Man cross the road?

What Tank Man? Who's that? Nothing happened in Tiananmen Square.

*this post has been deleted for offending our overlords*

Why did the woman cross the road?

*grits teeth

Because the road crossed her first.

What do you get when you cross an American and an Arab?

A grenade launcher

Why did the jelly cross the road?

He wanted to create a traffic jam.



I am aware that these are 2 different substances

Why’d the chicken cross the basketball court?

He heard the ref was blowing fouls.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

Because she wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.

Why did my abusive dad cross the road?

Beats me...

What do you get when you cross breed a Chihuahua with a Great Dane?

A dead chihuahua

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross Oedipus with King Midas?

Motherfucking gold, baby.

What do you get if you cross Islam with Capitalism?

No more notes about the profit.

People who are cross eyed were probably never told "keep making that face and it will stay that way"

Double crossed imo

Why did the chicken cross the road?

His family was experiencing financial trouble, and needed money. He tried applying for many jobs, they just didn't work out. After ending up working in the drug business to support his family, a deal went bad and he got shot, landing him to the hospital. The night his family arrived to check on him...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?

A dictator.

What do you get if you cross a pirate and a paedophile?

Arrr Kelly!

Did you hear that Anheuser-Busch has taken over the Red Cross’s public relations?

Their new slogan is “This Blood’s for You.”

An athiest, vegan, and cross fit mother walk into a bar.

We know this because they all announced it during their first five words they said to anyone


My friend told me this and I laughed so hard

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a pit bull with a labrador?

A dog that scares the crap out of you then runs off with the toilet paper.

Why did the pachycephalosaurus cross into incoming traffic?

Because it was a total bonehead.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it got sick of people constantly questioning its motivations.

Why did EA cross the road

Pay 50$ to find out.

What do you get when you cross a fork and an electric outlet?

The answer will shock you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bible thumping granny gets on a cross town bus sitting across the isle from two Cajun’s talking quietly

So of course she starts to listen. The older of the two gentlemen was saying, “First, Emma came, den I cum, then us and us again, together! And then I cum again.”
The lady stands up and says “you should be ashamed of yourself for talking like that about anyone and things like that should not be...

My mom told me Jesus died on a Royal Caribbean ship, but my priest said he died on a cross.

Was that cruise a fiction?

What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?

Drumsticks for everyone!

What's the cross between a turtle and a gas station?

Shell

;)

Gary left his family to go to the war. What crossed his mind when he was in the trenches?

A bullet.

Why did Winnie the Pooh cross the road?

Becaus- Censored in China

A rabbit crosses an intersection and gets hit by a car,killing it instantly...

An animal lover,concerned about the well being of the rabbit,gets out of her car and rushes over to the rabbit,takes it's pulse,and immediately grabs a can out of her purse.She sprays it on the rabbit and instantly the recent roadkill jumps back to life,hops three times and waves,hops three times a...

What do you get when you cross a lion and a hippo?

A funeral

Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger cross the road?

So he could GET TO DA CHOPPAH!

What do you call a cross between a pomeranian and a sculpture of a fruit?

A pomegranite.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did the Unvaccinated Child cross the Road?

By a Hearse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross Google and a porn star?

Just a fucking know it all.

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