A man crosses the Mexican border seeking better living conditions for his family.

Then his constituency calls for him to resign as a senator from Texas.

What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah’s Witness?

Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.

A priest, a Baptist minister, and a rabbit walk into the Red Cross to donate blood

The nurse asks, what's your blood type?

The rabbit says, "I'm probably a Type O"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump???

Erection Fraud.

Dont hate me.

3 Mexicans tried to cross the border,but only 2 got through.Why?

There was a sign that said no tres passing.

What do you get when you cross Prince Charles and the Queen?

Murdered in a tunnel in France

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?

Elephino. It just isn't rhelephant.

(This joke works best when said out loud.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.

On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke.

"Well sister, this looks pretty grim."

"I know, father." "In fact, I don't think it l...

A young man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The young man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The fr...

What do you get when you cross the Titanic with the Atlantic?

Halfway.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

No one knows.

*But the road will have its vengeance.*

What do you get when you cross a chimpanzee with a rhinoceros?

A meeting with the ethics committee and swift removal of your research funding.

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Jesus Christ is dying on the cross.....

His disciples are gathered around, crying. Peter looks up and notices that Jesus seems to be calling him, “Peter, come hither!”

Immediately Peter rushes over to the cross, only to be hit severely over the head by the roman guard. He gets on his feet again and wants to return to the other disc...

What do you get when you cross an idiom with a Freudian slip?

Six of one, and a half dozen of your mother

Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, “If you cross this, I’ll hit you in the face.”

That was the punchline...

Today I crossed the road, changed a lightbulb and walked into a bar

I think my life is turning into a joke

What do you get when you cross the Russian mob and Italian Mob?

Killed.

My sons teacher got fired for being cross eyed

She couldn't control her pupils.

Why’d the sperm cross the road?

I put the wrong socks on this morning

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house.

Knock knock

Who's there?

The chicken

Why did the Communist wait till the last minute to cross the road?

He was Stalin.

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Because chickens were not invented yet

The Roman soldiers surrounded Jesus as he was nearing his last breath atop the large hill, affixed to the cross.

His disciples were at the bottom of the hill along with a large crowd as they wept for Jesus. Suddenly Jesus raised his head and shouted out, “Peter! Peter! Come forth!”

Peter was in disbelief that Jesus would summon him and he knew that he had to fight past the guards to see what Jesus’s mes...

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Why did the sexual deviant cross the road?

Because his dick was stuck in the chicken.

Why did the chicken cross the road? (Courtesy of my 5 year old)

Because chickens are stupid!

Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there's a long break in the ledge they can't cross.

"Something for this, I have." Yoda says.

He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape. He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda's hovel, t...

What do you get when you cross a female human with a male horse?

10 years to life

Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?

He got stuck in a crack.

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What do you get when you cross a BBQ Pitmaster with a sexual sadist?...

...a burnt end.

What happened to the cross-eyed circumcisor?

He got the sack.

Why did the chicken cross the yellow brick road?

Because he was looking for courage.

I've been dating a cross-eyed woman for 3 months now. But I don't think it's gonna last.

We just don't see eye to eye.

What’s it called when a tractor waits for a pedestrian to cross

Crop yield

Why did Chuck Norris cross the Road?

Well, the road wasn’t going to cross Chuck Norris.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the chicken cross the road (Gordon Ramsay)

BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T FUCKING COOK IT

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Long ago, a king issued a challenge to see who can first cross a crocodile-infested river.

On the day of the challenge, the participants were shocked to see how dangerous the river actually was. Crocodile backs were visible nearly every part of the river and the width of the river seemed to stretch miles away to the other bank.

The king, eager to see some violent gory entertainment...

Why did the Flash Drive cross the road?

Because it missed the bus.

What do aliens call an American who couldn't cross the road?

A flat earther.

Why did the maths priest cross the road?

He needed to get away from the house of sin.

A man crosses the border each morning on a donkey...

...and each day, his donkey is loaded with only bags of straw. When he reaches the bridge marking the border, the tax collectors search his bags to calculate what duty he must pay on his exports. Every day, they find nothing. And yet, in the evening, after their shift has finished and they are in th...

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

Because she wasn’t wearing a seatbelt

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Two guys in a helicopter are crossing a mountain range when the rotor breaks and the chopper is going to crash.

As they are falling to their certain death, the pilot calmly reaches to his pocket and pulls out a bright red lipstick. He puts lipstick on, then tears the steering wheel out of the dashboard and shoves it up his ass. Passenger looks at the pilot in horror and shouts "what the hell are you doing, we...

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails.

When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

An old man was looking at the sky and crossing the road...

A motorcyclist was about to hit him... he managed to avoid him and yelled at the old man, "Look where you are going or go where your are looking "


Translated from Marathi. I heard it from a friend.

What do you call a cross between a centipede and a parrot

A walkie-talkie

Why was the cloud not allowed to cross the border?

Because it was a for-rainer

What do you get when you cross a water buffalo with a firetruck?

steamed beef

Why did the sperm cross the road this morning ?

Cuz I forgot to wear a condom 8 years ago

Why did the turkey cross the road twice?

To prove to everyone he wasn’t chicken

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden:...

What do you get when you cross lsd and birth control?

A trip without the kids

What do you get when you cross Captain America and Thor?

A Chris-cross

What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow?

I have no idea but I wouldn’t try milking it.

As I sat there scratching my ass, and spying on my neighbor washing her beaver, one thing crossed my mind.

We have really weird pets in my neighborhood.

There's a man trying to cross the street...

As he steps off the curb, a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.

So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming ...

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What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?

A cock that stays up all night

What do you get when you cross a Roman emperor with a covid pandemic?

Julius Sneezer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a pornstar?

A failing grade in your photoshop class.

Why did captain Hook crossed the road?

To get to the second hand store

A chicken crossing the road is ...

... truly poultry in motion.

Here’s a joke my dad told me: What do you get when you cross mommy and daddy?

A mistake



- I don’t know what it means but Mom laughed really hard so it must be funny. Dad uses that joke a lot.

Why’d the chicken cross the basketball court?

He heard the ref was blowing fouls.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?

A Dildo.

Why did the chicken cross the road?







To take a photo in front of a church.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get away from me and my terrible jokes.

Cause I’m not funny

Jesus crucified on the cross yelled out Peter's name

Peter! Peter! Peter!

Peter wasn't allowed to go near the cross by the soldiers, so with great difficulty he fought them all off.

With tears in his eyes eventually he reached the cross and joined both his hands,
"What is it my lord?"

"Peter, i can see the roof of your house."

What do you get when you cross a dog and some explosives?

A treat seeking missile.

Why did the Red Cross not allow Jesus and Muhammad to volunteer?

It’s a non-prophet organization.

Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?

He didn’t have the guts to

I had to break up with a cross eyed girl a while back.

She was seeing people on the side.

What do you get when you cross a pig and a dinosaur?

Jurassic Pork.

You know why girls like to play animal crossing?

'cause it's the only time they get pockets

How do you cross a troll bridge in Middle Earth?

You use J.R.R. tokens....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross the Queen with a porn set?

Fuckingham Palace.

I used to date a cross-eyed girl.

I stopped when I found out she was seeing someone on the side.

What do you get when you cross Harry Potter with Luke Skywalker?

Scar Wars.

In the beginning

God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for Me."

Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"

God said, "Go down Into that valley."Adam said, "What's a valley?"

God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river."

Adam said, "What's a river?"

God...

The toad crossed the road because he was a toad, know why?

Already toad you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the pervert cross the road?

Cause he couldn't get his cock out of the chicken!

(Rik Mayall should have credit for that one. One of his warm up jokes during the taping of 'Bottom'. RIP)

Crossing things off my to-do list

I didn't do them, I just don't want them on my list anymore

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To bock traffic.
(A kid I work with told this to me with the biggest grin on their face, I had a laugh and felt the need to share this.)

Have you ever noticed that Jesus on the cross always looks great, with amazing abs?

He was the original cross-fit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a donkey with an onion?

You get a piece of ass that makes your eyes water.

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.

I know this isn’t original but it’s my favorite lol

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A snake was laughing at an elephant. He said: " Hahahah... i've never seen anyone with a dick on his face before!". The elephant was cross. He replied: "Look at yourself. Your face is on your dick!"

Source: not mine.

What do you call a cross between a hippopotamus and something that is not a moose?

A hipponotamoose.

What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a cook?

A sue chef.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian and a Ukrainian go fishing together. They catch a talking goldfish, and she grants them 3 wishes if they let her go

The Russian says: we used my fishing rod, so I get first 2 wishes.
First: I want all the *insert some racial slurs* out of my glorious country.
Second: I want a big wall around Russia, nobody can cross.

Then Ukrainian has a dialogue with the fish
- Is the wall done?
- Yes
- I...

Judge: How could you kill 24 people? What the hell was wrong with you?

Driver:I was driving at 50mph when I saw two men crossing the road. On the roadside, there was a restaurant with outside seating. I wanted to apply the brakes, but I realised they were not working. So I had to take a decision: Either hit the 2 men or run into the restaurant.

Judge: Hit the 2 ...

What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a polar bear ?

You get killed and eaten

This one was made by my 8 Year Old brother: How did the fish cross the road?

It wore flip FLOPS!

A Protestant missionary is in India trying to convert Hindus to Christianity

He teaches a Hindu man about Christianity and gives him a Bible.

He comes back a week later and sees a picture of the pope among all the other gods at the man's house.

"Why do you have a picture of the pope there?"

"Isn't he the reincarnation of Jesus?"

The missionary tol...

When my sister was 5 she made up this one: WHY DID THE CACTUS CROSS THE ROAD?

Because it was stuck to the chicken!

What do you get when you cross the ultimate jam band with the ultimate cheesy arena rock band?

Phish Styx

What do u get when u cross a human and crocodile ?

**A bloody mess.**

What do you get when you cross a gardener with an author?

Someone who perpetually thickens the plot.

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

Why did the engineer cross the road?

Because he looked in the files and that's what they did last time.

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