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Optimists Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A penis has a wonderful life.....for the optimists!

His two closest friends hang around and constantly update him on the weather.

His best friend is a pussy.

He never has to comb his hair.

He can quadruple in size and stand up if he really wants to see something.

He can take over all his hosts functions and thoughts whenev...

I hate optimists.

They'll jump out of a plane expecting sunshine and rainbows to cushion their fall. Meanwhile, I'll look both ways before crossing the street and get hit by the optimist.

Why are all optimists blind?

They're constantly looking at the bright side of life.

Optimists vs pessimists

Optimists hope that we live in the best world.
Pessimists fear that this is actually the case...

How many optimists does it take to change a lightbulb.

None. They just find light in the darkness.

Soviet pessimists and optimists

Soviet pessimist say "Ilya, things couldn't possibly get any worse"

Soviet optimist, with a big grin, says "Yes they can Sasha"

Optimists, pessimists, and engineers

An optimist sees a glass half full.
A pessimist sees a glass half empty.
An engineer sees a glass that is twice as big as it needs to be.

What blood type do optimists usually have?

B positive

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