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Wondering Jokes

Johnny and Susie were playing naked, wondering why they have different “parts”

When Johnny got home he asked his mother why he had a stick and Susie had a hole. Johnny’s mother said “oh son, you have a Ferrari, and Susie has a garage; the time will come and you’ll park your Ferrari in her garage”

When Susie got home she asked her father why she had a hole and Johnny had...

Donald Trump was walking through Manhattan and saw a long queue. Wondering what is was for, he joined it.

People would look over their shoulder, see that is was Donald Trump behind them, and leave the queue, so he would proceed closer and closer to the front.
As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked one guy, who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this...

Shout out to people wondering...

what the opposite of in is

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] I was wondering why some people felt sexually attracted to animals, and decided to investigate.

During my research I went down quite a few rabbit holes.

For those of you wondering what it’s like to be married

I just found out this morning I’m on day 3 of an argument I didn’t know I was having.

My wife was wondering why she was so itchy

I asked why she pronounced it with a silent "B"

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.

Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."

"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with her?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised ...

A guy was wondering what being a suicide bomber was like

So I told him, "C4 yourself"

I once stayed up all night wondering where The Sun went.

Then it dawned on me.

An Australian, and Irishman and a Brit were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before when suddenly the Irishman cried out:

My God! I know who that man is - it's Jesus!" The others looked again, and sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.


The Irishman calls out across the lounge: "Hey! Hey you! Are you Jesus"? Jesus looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am J...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, ”Doctor, I haven’t had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s sex drive.”

The doctor smiled and said, ”Have you tried to give him Viagra?”
The lady frowned. ”Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed.
”Well,” the doctor continued, ”Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are having beans, stir it in,...

I was wondering what my parents did without the internet

and none of my 7 siblings could tell me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...

Do I keep the letters?

What did my wondering eyes behold.

After a brutal late Autumn wind storm I noticed that my young Elm tree had finally lost all of its leaves in preparation for the cold snowy winter ahead. I smiled to my self realizing how nature helps all creatures prepare for the coming seasonal changes. But then my gaze was drawn to a red shotgu...

I’ve been wondering why no one gets the jokes I write

Then I looked down at my pencil and realized I didn’t really have a point.

Just wondering,

do you think it's alright for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are in school ? Or am I just a terrible Teacher ?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong Un was sitting in his office wondering whom to irritate next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Kim!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Kim replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said ...

I was wondering if anyone would be willing to support a petition to modernize the name of the Pope Mobile.

I think we should call it the Miracle Whip. It's got more of a tangy zip to it.

I was wondering why my printer made music.

Turns out it was just jamming.

My friend was wondering if he should explore his kinks about masochism and boxing

I said knock yourself out.

The other day I was wondering, what did people do for fun before the Internet?

I asked my 12 siblings, and they didn’t know either.

She said "If we had kids I wonder what they would look like?"

I said "If we have kids, they'll be wondering what I look like."

I was wondering...

since there are great white sharks, how come there aren't any great black sharks? Then i realized even if there were, they probably couldn't swim...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was wondering why my doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation...

Then I saw a dragon and I fucking shit myself.

I was wondering, why does a frisbee appear larger the closer it gets…

then it hit me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Few scientists were wondering on how well humans cope with hopeless stress

Scientists decide that sending 3 men to a deserted island for 5 years with no hope of rescue or assistance would be a good indicator.

The United States, France, and China each offer up 1 person for the study and they all get sent to their fate.

5 years later a helicopter lands on the i...

I was wondering why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe but not in África. Then i realised vampires are killed by holy water.

They bless the rains down in Africa .






Credits to u/Josh1804

I spent hours looking up at the stars, wondering if the universe was infinite

Fine night

Wondering how anti-vaxxers feel about a coronavirus vaccine...

...I bet they're dying for it.

I know you’re wondering… why do bees live huddled together in hives?

‘Swarm

After 50 years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother…

the man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.

"Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "but it didn't work out and they brought you back."

Kenobi was wondering if he should become a Jedi

So Qui-Gon gave him this advice:

"Oh, be one."

I was wondering why Disney/Pixar's new movie Turning Red takes place in 2002, then I realized...

It's a period piece.

I was up all night wondering...

if you get fired at the Unemployment Office, do you just switch to the other side of the desk?

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