The government is spreading false rumors that aluminum-foil hats protect your brain from being scanned. aluminum foil is actually an antenna that allows them to get a better signal.
What happens when you eat aluminum foil?
You sheet metal.
If I could be any super hero, I think I'd be Aluminium Man...
My superpower would be foiling crime...
Three Fencers Walk Into a Bar.
Looking around, they see the bartender telling a drunk customer to get out, that he's had too many. The customer goes to punch the bartender, but before he can land the hit the bartender grabs his head and smashes it into the granite countertop, breaking the drunkard's nose.
The police show u...
Two scientists walk into a bar...
The first one says, "I'd like some H2O." The second says, "And I'll have some H2... wait. Why aren't you just referring to water by its normal name? I mean, I know it's our job, but we're just getting a drink."
The first scientist slams the table angrily, for his assassination scheme had ...
Why does the government use microwaves to spy on you?
Because it's the one place you can't put tin foil.
Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot ...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
The French fencer
There once was a famous French fencer. He learned how to fence at a young age and honed his skills over time, his prowess with the foil unmatched in all of France. After defeating all French contenders, he moved on to defeat fencers in nearby countries, eventually becoming the best in Europe. As his...
How do you stop an evil mathematician who only uses binomials
You FOIL his plans
Little Johnny is in class and his teacher is teaching about description. She reaches into a bag and feels around. She says "Sally, what I'm feeling something round and firm, what is it?"
Sally says "a ball" and teacher says "nope it's an orange". The teacher then reaches in and goes " what I'm feeling is smooth and flat and flexible, David, what is it?"David says"a piece of paper?" "No" goes the teacher "a piece of aluminum foil" Johnny stands up, reaches into his pocket and goes" t...
What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?
Iron Man stops the villains but Aluminum Man just foils their plans.
A pair of Amish girls visiting NYC decide to try hot dogs for the first time
They buy two hot dogs wrapped in foil from a street vendor and sit down on a nearby bench, excited to finally try this modern cuisine.
The first girl opens the foil, blushes with embarrassment, and shyly asks the second girl, "What part of the dog did you get?"
TIL: They found an unopened tomb in Egypt and a new Pharaoh last month
The strange thing was he was wrapped in foil - his name is Pharaoh Rocher
a Russian man goes to a job interview
A Russian man that has been recently fired from his accountant job goes to a job interview for a new law firm in Moscow. During the interview the man that has been reading his resume exclaims excited "sir, you have a brilliant record!" and the accountant responds "I now, I wrote it in tin foil paper...
Why couldn't the stoner simplify his binomials in front of the class?
Because a watched pothead never FOILS.
There once was a Hitman named Big Artie.
Things were tough in the Underworld at thew time, what with the Financial Crisis lately and such, the market hasn't been kind to his business. Because of this, he decides that he needs to put down the prices - It's been months since he'd had a job and ...
1...A man comes into the ER and yells . . .' My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one. ...
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband "I bet you don't know what day this is."
"Of course I do," he indignantly answered. "How could you think I would forget?" Whereupon he left for the office.
At 10 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was h...