UPJOKE
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Deceive Jokes

A ghost may try to deceive you.

But don't worry, you will be able to see right through them

Purebred Police Dog

A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read: "Purebred police dog $25."

Thinking that to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered.

The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen. In a rage, she tele...

What do you call a Golden retriever at a costume party?

A Golden deceiver

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two politicians die and arrive at the Pearly Gates.

Two politicians die and arrive at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says "You get to choose which place you want to go to. I'll show you each place today and you can sleep on it and decide tomorrow." So he takes them to heaven and everybody's sitting on gold jeweled thrones playing harps and singing Go...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong Un

I remember reading a news story about North Korean propaganda. One piece involved a lie Kim Jong Un told his people. In an effort to deceive the people into thinking he was a deity, he told them he never has to defecate. I remember reading that and thinking, "Wow, he is so full of shit."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his husband walk into a local church...

A man and his husband walk into a local church, holding hands and being affectionate during the entire ceremony, to the ire of one of the elderly choir women.

Once it has finished, she approaches the two men and quotes from the bible:

>"Do you not know that wrongdoers will not inher...

Ineffective Daily Affirmations

I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.

I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once, in a faraway land, there was this doctor who was a professional trickster...

This doctor was quite popular, but he had a big, bad secret; he deceives people. How? Well, let's just say a patient walks into his office with an illness. The doctor, after doing some checkups, gives his prescription for a medicine, which he even gives for free. It turns out, however, that the medi...

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head get caught stealing the Emperor's pig.

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head get caught stealing the Emperor's pig. The punishment for such an offense is obviously death by firing squad. In the holding cell, waiting for their fate, Red head says to the other two, "I have an idea! follow my lead!"
Upon being called, Red head walks up, ...

Happy Easter

Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one simple religious question. The question posed by St. Peter is "What is Easter"?

The first blonde replies, "Oh...

A well-dressed city slicker breaks down on a country road...

His cellphone is dead, but a kindly farmer tells him he can use the landline in his farmhouse, a few hundred yards back from the road.

The traveller strides hurriedly across the farmer's field in advance of the farmer, but hesitates as he draws near a broad body of water, and turns back to lo...

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