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Developing Jokes

Today I was told I am developing schizophrenia

I guess I'll finally have a social life

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This is the worst joke I know. "A mad scientist is developing an immortality serum..."

"...and so far it works perfectly in cell culture, in worms, in mice and rats, and in racoons. Next step is testing it in dolphins. As she's reaching for the syringes for her test subjects, she notices that she's run out of serum and has to prepare a new batch. The primary ingredient is a chemi...

I am developing a fear of German sausage...

I fear the wurst

Why ate pessimists so good at developing photos

Because they always focus on negatives

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I'm developing a scent for introverts. It's called...

..... Leave Me the Fuck Cologne!

Did you hear that Apple is developing a robotic service dog?

It’s called the iChihuahua.

Did you all hear about the mind controlled air-freshener that Febreze is developing?

It's a bit crazy, but it makes scents when you think about it.

I'm developing my own mens fragrance...

I'm going to call it, "Leave Me The Fuh Cologne."

I'm developing a gun that shoots east european stew.

I call it the Goulashnikov.

Why was the plant developing photos?

It needed to photosynthesize

Did I tell you the story of Yogi developing a stutter?

It bears repeating.

I’m worried I’m developing a fetish for architecture

but I’ll cross that bridge when I come on it.

Apple is developing a submarine.

“Sink different”

Therapy for my dad is like education for developing nations

It will solve most of their problems

They are developing a brand new fan technology

It's so cool

My employees are developing weaponized crocodiles.

I told them to make it snappy.

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Circumsized men have a higher chance of developing clairvoyance.

When you lose one sense, the other senses make up for it.

Foreskin lost, foresight gained.

8 year old son's greatest joke

My son told me this joke years ago and it still is my favourite joke. He came home from school one day and says 'Dad, I have a joke for you.' I said, oh yes, let's hear it. Very low expectations at this point. He said 'Why did the chicken cross the road?', I replied with the usual, 'I don't know son...

I heard Apple are planning on developing a computerized car

Unfortunately, they're having trouble installing windows

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With the spread of Coronavirus, many around the world appear to be developing Constipation:

Doctors say it is not a symptom of the disease, but rather an effect of the panic being incited by the disease. One doctor even proclaimed, "People seem to be Scared Shitless!"

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A scientist was put in charge of developing new methods of assassination for the CIA.

He came up with several ideas, and the director of the CIA came down to see them demonstrated.

He showed off ballpoint pen dart-guns and poisoned bubble gum, but nothing seemed to impress the director. Finally, he stood up to leave.

"I'm going to go take a piss, and then I'm headed bac...

Apple is developing a product—invented by Bart Simpson—that cleans your vehicle.

The iCaroomba

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My friend works at NASA developing robotic exploration vehicles...

A few years back he was intensely busy with a major project involving a multi-million-dollar remote-controlled rover, often sleeping at the lab and coming home only once every 3-4 days to shower, change clothes, and feed his cats. One of his cats got sick at that time, but he didn't even have time t...

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My girlfriend is developing a weird body odor

It's not awful enough to prevent us from having sex or to turn me away from giving her oral but it is steadily getting worse.

Maybe it's about time I buried her.

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If being sexually active reduces the chance of developing prostate cancer, guess what I am doing tonight?

Developing cancer.

E-commerce company Alibaba Group announced that they are developing a password manager. Jack Ma has revealed that it will be open-source, a first for the company.

The product will tentatively be named OpenSesame.

A Slovenian, American and German are bragging, who has the fastest workers …

German says, we start developing a brand new Mercedes in August, I can already drive my wife in it to Octoberfest.

American says, that is nothing, we start building a new rocket in June 20th, on July 4th is already on the way to Moon.

Slovenian says ha, rookies, we start building a new...

My dream is to create a bioengineering startup that solves world hunger by developing a self-replicating noodle

Laugh now, but one day you're going to see my Copy Pasta everywhere.

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A tech company is developing computer chips that store music in women's breast implants.

A company spokesperson declared this is a major breakthrough, as women are always complaining about men staring at their boobs without listening to them.

With the massive downturn in international travel, aircraft manufacturer Fokker has started developing planes for the military. Their latest is a small, super stealthy reconnaissance plane that is almost undetectable!

It's called the Sneaky Little Fokker.

I'm developing some flash cards to improve communication and understanding with my dog

Not much to speak of yet, I just have a handful of ruff sketches.

After developing erectile dysfunction, a man tries all the medically recognised treatment...

Pharmaceuticals, change in diet etc. Nothing worked. At the end of his rope, he gives a medicine man a try. The medicine man gives him a natural remedy and tells him, "When you're ready for it to take effect, say, '1,2,3'. When you're done, say, '1,2,3,4'."
The medicine man assured him it would w...

NBC is developing a reality show where flat earthers try to travel to the edge of the world.

The finale isn’t a cliffhanger.

I used to work in a darkroom developing photographs...

but I quit because there was too much negativity.

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Little Bobby was running through the woods

Little Bobby was running through the woods behind his house when the urge to go #2 struck. Bobby did his business behind a tree and carried on his way. The next day, Bobby was out behind his house again when he saw a swarm of flies circling yesterday's droppings. Intrigued, Bobby dropped his pants a...

Marvel are developing a new super hero who has the ability to remotely edit people’s DNA.

He will be called “Gene Hackman”

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TIL that as a human is developing in the womb, it starts with the asshole...

I guess some people never make it past that point.

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