UPJOKE
flowerbloompetalflowersunfoldpeakflushprimechrysanthemumfloretpistilstamendeveloppollenflourish

Blossom Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two delicate blossoms of Southern femininity, one from Mississippi and the other from Texas....

were conversing on the porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion. The Mississippian said, "When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me."

The Texan lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice?"

The lady from Mississippi continued, "When my second child wa...

What type of tree is a cherry blossom?

A Nevergreen.

What did the tree say to the blossom?

Later, bud.

(I have reached my final Dad form)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Blossom

A priest was walking the streets of Dublin and came upon a little girl walking her dog. The little girl came up to the priest and smiled so the priest inquired as to her name.

"Blossom" said the little girl.

"Oh Jaysus, what a pretty name. How'd you come to be named that, dear?"
...

A family of moles

A family of moles awakens from hibernation. The father mole pokes his head out of the hole and says "I smell tulips it must be spring". The mother mole pokes her head out of the hole and says " I smell cherry blossoms it must be spring". The baby mole is trying to squeeze between his parents but get...

Did you boys ever hear of the planet where the inhabitants were mobile flowers?

Remarkably similar to Earthly blossoms, but they had feet and human intelligence.

The whole planet was ruled by a king called Richard the Artichoke-Heart, and one day at a court orgy his eye was caught by Fuchsia, a pale-eyed perennial. Her beauty was so great it almost made up for her stupi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girl 1: Mother, why is my name Rose?

Mother: Because when you were just a precious little baby, a rose fell off a tree and onto your head.

Girl 2: But mother, why am I named Blossom?

Mother: Well my darling, same with you; a blossom blew from a tree and onto your head.

Girl 3: Mufaghh ma waafaa maaa?

Mother:...

Little Mikey

Little Mikey Tomlinson loved his school. He lived in a little fishing village and his mom was the school teacher. The school had a tradition. If it was your birthday you got to choose the fish for lunch and any toy you wanted from the toy chest. For months he had his eye on a replica AC cobra hot wh...

My 11 year old Niece told me this joke today.

A dad is driving his three kids to school. The first kid asks, "Dad, why did you call me blossom?" The dad answered, "when you were born and we left the hospital, a leaf fell from a blossom tree. So we called you blossom."

The second kid then asks, "why did you call me Daisy?" The dad answere...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An new, environmentally-conscious farmer starts using manure in place of fertilizer on his crops.

He gets the manure from his own cows, and within weeks notices a significant change with his wheat and other grains. They begin to flourish like he's never seen before, and he quickly begins heavily using this alternative method. The blossoming crops attract the attention of a agriculture company ne...

A man called Andrew moved from Cork to Dublin to open a flower shop.

He was quite successful and through great marketing, quality product, and reasonable prices, Andrew's Flowers became the top garden shop in all Dublin. Some monks that had a stall set up nearby took notice and, since attendance at the local parish (and the accompanying tithing revenue) was way down,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

Little Timmy fell in the mud.

Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
Little Timmy started playing in the mud.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
Little Timmy took a bath.

Wanna hear a cleaner joke?
Little Timmy took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear en even cleaner joke?
Little Timmy...

Johnny and Lorraine met when they where 18 years old

Through the years their relationship blossomed and evolved from friends to lovers to eventually that of a husband and wife.


Alas, as is often the case their relationship was heavily tested. 10 years after getting married to Lorraine, Johnny met a woman named Clearly and started develop...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old lady meets a little girl in the park with her dog.

She asks, "What's your name, little girl?"
"Blossom," answers the girl.
"Oh, that's a beautiful name. How did you get it?"
The little girl explained, "Well, my mommy was pregnant, and a blossom fell out of a tree and landed right on her tummy, so she named me Blossom."
"Oh, that's so nic...

My Girlfriend couldn’t remember the name of a certain 90s sitcom.

I told her, Blossom (that’a my nickname for her), let’s take this Step by Step. We are far from Perfect Strangers, so I will Coach you through this. As Time Goes By you will see that I’m a Smart Guy, but If I can’t help you, we will start calling our Friends for help. Except for your brother Frasier...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An English couple have a child

After the birth, medical tests reveal that the child is normal, apart from the fact that it is German. This, however, should not be a problem. There is nothing to worry about. As the child grows older, it dresses in lederhosen and has a pudding bowl haircut, but all its basic functions develop norma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cop sees a scientist being brought in and booked.

The cop asks his partner, "Hey, what's that guy in for?"

The partner says, "Blowing bubbles in his backyard."

The cop goes, "What's wrong with that?"

The partner goes, "He made Blossom and Buttercup watch."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pastor is leading a church that's running out of money, so one Sunday, he comes up with an idea.

About halfway through his sermon, the pastor reaches into his pocket and pulls out his gold pocketwatch and chain. He starts to gently swing the watch back and forth, pinching the chain between his fingers so the watch swings freely. By the end of his sermon, the normally lethargic members of the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cop was walking through the park...

...on a beautiful summer day. He comes upon a tiny blond girl in a white dress playing with a puppy under an apple tree.

"Hello, little one! What's your name?"

"Blossom", she chirps.

"And where did that come from?"

"When I was in my mommy's belly, an apple blossom fell...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The deaf person.

One day a partaily deaf guy asks his neighbor what he should call his house that has a cherry blossom in the front yard. She says it should be called "heavenly blossom". The guy being deaf thinks she said "hairy bottom" so the guy names it so. The next day he gets a dog. He asks the neighbor what he...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pissing on the Porch

A man and woman had a couple of children who were in high school, a boy and a girl. Now, the girl was quickly blossoming into a woman and growing quite attractive and popular with the boys. In fact, it seemed like there was a new boy at the front door every evening.

One morning after the gir...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Linsey Dawn's Double Gee's

Anyway I had this really bad dream that I was in a terrible car accident.

I awoke in the hospital and Linsey Dawn McKenzie was my Nurse, standing over me. OMG, those beautiful sexy eyes, her incredible GG+ rack spilling out of her bra, straining to come out of her crisp, white uniform, the br...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.