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Described Jokes

Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as...

"The most violent book I have ever read"

My girlfriend left me because of what she described as my "weird pasta fetish"

Now I'm feeling cannalonli

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An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba,


I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the lot for me.


Love Dad.
\~\~\...

Actresses working with Tarantino have described him as a very demanding director, with whom it took effort to set proper boundaries.

"You know how it goes", they said. "You give him an inch, and he takes a foot".

I have been described by some women as a bit of a looker.

Voyeur I think is the legal term.

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Why did you break up with your girlfriend? You described the sex as mind blowing?

That's right. She didn't mind blowing other guys.

The military described the drone strike as "surgical"

This was accurate. It was bloody, it was invasive, and they washed their hands afterwards.

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Went to the doctors office and described the stomach pains I’m having

He asks me to give him a stool sample

I go to the bathroom and return soon after with a beautiful mahogany wood table.

The doctor is not amused and kicks me out of his office.

I continue to shit furniture

The nightmare goes on

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BREAKING NEWS: A man was admitted to the hospital today with 25 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.

Doctors have described his condition as stable.

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During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level He described a typical day this way:

'Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big tre...

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The creator of mad libs died this week.

His friends described him as a warm and pulpy man who loved his wife and pelicans. He will be deeply pooped.

An angel once visited me but only described the measurements of a triangle to me.

Its felt like a sine from God

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I've been described as a sex symbol

However, that symbol is a question mark

Diarrhea sounds exactly how it's described.

Dire rear.

The other day a woman described me as a looker

Well, ‘voyeur’ is the actual word she used.

Police have arrested a gang of Corn Flakes that they alledge committed a spree of armed robberies throughout the metro area. A Police spokesman described them as...

....cereal offenders.

My Boss described me as “one to watch” in our office.

Sadly, he was talking to security at the time.

If I described myself in one word, I'd say, "Potential"

I was too lazy to add the "Wasted".

I’ve always felt that jokes on this sub are best described by r/popping

The real satisfaction comes from what lies beneath

The author of what’s been described as “the world’s worst thesaurus” has dismissed the comments.

He’s described the comments as unfair, unfair and unfair.

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Two Belgians walk into a police station

Two Belgians walk into a police station and say: "Our Dutch friend is missing. Please help us."

Officer: "Can you describe him to me?"

Belgians: "He's tall, has blue eyes and blonde hair"

Officer: "You described half the Netherlands with this. You got anything more specific?"...

The receptionist got a bit shocked when a nun comes running out at full speed, with an expression that could only be described as pure horror.

Receptionist: What in gods name happened to her? The receptionist asked the doctor.

Doctor: Well, I told her she was pregnant.

Receptionist: Pregnant? A nun? Was she really?

Doctor: Of course not, but atleast I managed to cure her hiccups...

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Both President Trump and his handshake can be described the same way

An inappropriate and overly-aggressive yanky jerk that baffles foreign heads of state

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