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Portray Jokes

All the blondes in the world are tired of being portrayed as stupid

... so they decide to prove that they're just as smart as anyone else.

They hold a big conference, and fill up an entire stadium of blondes. People come from miles and miles to be part of this, the stadium is filled, the city outside the stadium is packed, and millions more watch from home as...

Why did Aaron Paul do such a good job portraying Jesse Pinkman in Breaking Bad?

Because he’s a meth-head actor.

How come vampires are portrayed to be porcelain white even though the original vampire, Vlad Dracula, was quite swarthy?

Must be his nickname.

I saw a cartoon portraying a politican like a goat

It was satyr.

Activists Sued for Copyright Violation after portraying Trump as Jafar in Aladdin Stage Show.

Judge says Pantomime to Tyrancy was Tantamount to Piracy.

I was really looking forward to Disney's portrayal of Rapunzel when Tangled first came out...

...but her hair was such a let down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The official list of emojis for 2019 has been updated to include a drop of blood, which is meant to symbolize menstruation. Although, if tech companies really wanted to accurately portray the suffering caused by periods...

...they should use an emoji of a husband quietly masturbating in the bathroom.

North Korea's state media is very truthful

They accurately portray United States as a country where half of it is burning and half of it is drowning.

What do Autism Speaks and colorblind people have in common?

They both badly portray a spectrum.

Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Steven Seagal decide to make and star in a movie about famous composers...

Bruce: "Okay guys, let's decide which musicians we'd like to portray"

Seagal: "Well, I guess I'll play Beethoven if you guys think that works"

Stallone: "that seems like a good fit. I think I'll be Mozart."

Willis: "Sounds good so far. I'd like to portray Brahms."

*Stall...

Two brothers, John, and Bob, who lived in America and were members of the communist party, decided to emigrate to the USSR.

Even though they didn't believe the American media's negative reports on the conditions in the USSR, they decided to exercise caution. John would go to Russia to test the waters. If they were right and it was a communist paradise, than John would write a letter to Bob using black ink. If, though, th...

Apparently there was a Problem with a request to put Trump's Face on Mount Rushmore

It seems granite isn't a dense enough substance to accurately portray his head

Coronavirus is serious business

I scoffed at how serious the Coronavirus was being portrayed.

Then I realized that I haven’t been invited to the Russian, Ukrainian, or Asian dating sites in my junk folder in weeks!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Magical Octopus

There was once a Man who traveled with the local fair, portraying his Magical Octopus. One fair a little boy cam up and said "how is he magical?" the man replied with " he can sing and play any instrument" so the little boy handed over his harmonica to the octopus. The octopus glanced at it, picked ...

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There was a wealthy Jew who owned a nail company. His only son had just graduated from college and the father wanted to get him involved in the company.

He initially farmed the young man out to each of the departments; first research & development, then manufacturing, then sales, and in each the son was a dismal failure. Determined to find a place for his offspring, the father decided that his son needed his own project.

So the father pla...

Austria, mid-1950s

Once upon a time in an Austrian elementary school, the children were preparing for the school play. This year it was about classical musicians. The teacher asked some students who they'd like to portray in the production. Hans wanted to be Mozart, Johan wanted to be Beethoven, and Karl wanted to be...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today i realised that Kung Fu Panda was actually a very progressive movie

Not only is the protagonist such a minority that he is literally an endangered species, he is also portrayed by a Black man

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Since The Simpson's just reached the 600 episode milestone, I'd like to take a moment to remember it's importance to american history ...

Its unwaveringly realistic portrayal of the yellow people's disenfranchisement while pursuing the American Dream is a testament to our nation's tolerant spirit.

A tyrant decides to check on the patience of his people, so he decides to play a game... (Modified political joke)

(Just for the record, this joke I believe is from Arabic and is supposed to portray a certain nation, but I've modified it a little)

He tells his advisers to set up a roadblock in the entrance of the capital to see if anyone speaks up. Nobody does.

After a while, he orders his advisers...

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Colonel Custer's widow [NSFW, language]

Heard this on the Sopranos, hopefully won't screw it up.

A few weeks after his death, Col. Custer's widow felt it necessary to commemorate her late husband. She found one of the best painters of the time and asked him to paint a mural of Custer's final moments. A month goes by and the paintin...

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So there's two guys from Brooklyn.

Two guys from Brooklyn attend a special party in Manhattan. It's a costume party where you are supposed to come dressed up as your emotion. So this guy is dressed in all red because he's angry. Another dude is green, with envy, etc.

So the two guys from Brooklyn walk in. One of them is comple...

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An artist is commissioned to create a painting...

portraying Colonel Custer's final thoughts before he died. After 6 months of work, the artist reveals the painting to the museum director.
To the director's dismay, it is a painting of a lake and fish with halos around their heads jumping out of the water. There are also Indians fornicating o...

Comic-Con Mysteries Panel

A friend of mine went to Comic-Con in San Diego a few years back, and attended a panel on mystery books and movies. Authors and actors there, a large panel, nearly 20 people. Most of the cast of the Sherlock Holmes movies and a few Agatha Christie adaptation were there. One of the audience members a...

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

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So there was this guy

So there was this guy, yeah?

He wakes up in the middle of the night, sees an angel standing at the foot of his bed.

Angel says, "Hey, man! Yeah... hate to tell you this, but, um... it's your, uh... time. Yeah."

Dude's all like, "Wait, what? Whaddya mean it's 'my time'?"

A...

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