UPJOKE
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We tried to tell the dinosaurs that they were headed for extinction

but it was all in one era and out the other.

What was the name of the huge boat that was built to harbour a mole of each element in order to not have them go extinct due to the big flood aka the big crunch of the universe?

NaOH's Ark

Why did the dinosaurs become extinct?

Because of ereptile dysfunction.

I donated to a group trying to make all cows go extinct.

It’s a no bull cause.

Subject: Chemistry Mid-term

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus ...

What did the crooner sing after hearing about the extinction of goats?

"There will never be another ewe."

(yes, it's a groaner, but i'm willing to bear the embarrassment because I made up the joke myself!)

What do gingers and extinct dinosaurs have in common?

Not enough.

According to recent scientific studies it's possible that all marine life will be extinct by the year 2050.

Which is going to make it really difficult to comfort someone who is going through a relationship break-up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyone thinks that unicorns never existed but it turns out they actually just went extinct

Ironically they weren't horny enough

Why can't a Tyrannosaurus Rex do pushups?

Because they're extinct.

I read on the news today that a guy caught a fish they thought was extinct...

and now they're *sure*.

Dinosaurs didn’t go extinct

They found Jesus and got raptored

What was the last thing the dinosaurs said before going extinct?

Edit: Wow thanks for the support guys, this comet really blew up.

Upon reexamination, groundbreaking research suggests a new theory of dinosaur extinction

Traffic accidents. Amongst the thousands of dinosaurs unearthed, not one has been found wearing a seat belt.

Why can’t the T-Rex clap his hands?

He’s extinct.

Ethnic jokes are unacceptable. They are offensive, and hurtful to those on the receiving end. I see that so much in the Midwest with jokes portraying Norwegians and Swedish people as less than intelligent. It has to stop!

Let’s edit all ethnic jokes to those who are not easily offended, like, for example, the Hittites. The Hittites are extinct, there are no more Hittites in existence, so can we just make all ethnic jokes about them?

For example, there were two Hittites, let’s name them, I don’t know, how...

The dinosaurs never went extinct...

Today they're just called flat earthers.

What Do You Call a Extinct Volcano?

A Volcannot!

Everything that went extinct before the ice age was a hipster

They were dying before it was cool.

Fish will be extinct by 2020 in the US

Their fault cause they gather in schools

What was the last dinosaur to become extinct?

The Toys R Us

We don't have to worry about bees going extinct anymore...

Bethesda just announced that they'll be releasing their newest title with bees instead of bugs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If the human race were close to extinction and there was only one woman left.

She's fucked.

They say whales are going extinct...

...but have you been to Golden Corral recently?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl go to the toilet?

Cause they’re fucking extinct

Why did the T-Rex go extinct?

He had a reptile dysfunction.

Mass Extinction

The Lunar Laser Ranging experiment has shown that the moon is moving away from the earth at a rate of about two centimeters a year. If you perform a regression you'd find that 65 million years ago, the moon must have been orbiting the earth at a height of about 20ft, which, if you think about it, ex...

TIL Columbus was responsible for the extinction of the Taíno people

Which is weird, because I haven't even heard of them.

What will men do if women become extinct?

Domesticate another animal.

I know global warming is bad

but wouldn't it be kinda funny if dinosaurs made humans go extinct?

Three dinosaurs found a magic lamp

They rubbed it and out came a genie.



"What do you wish, my esteemed dinosaurs?"



"Meat" growled the first one. "I want meat."


"You wish is my command". There was meat.


"And what do you wish for?"


"I want MORE meat. I want it to rain...

Ending it all

Brad was sick of the World, of Covid-19, those who hate China, global warming, species extinction, racial tension and all the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy the media headlines.

Brad drove his car into his garage at home, carefully sealed up around the windows and doorways of his ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of scientists are trying to save the Albino Gorilla from extinction...

A group of biologists were working in a lab on cape horn, trying to save a rare albino gorilla from extinction. There were only two individuals left in the species.

One day, entering the lab, the scientists find the male gorilla dead. It looked to be the end of the species, until one scientis...

Have you heard about the dogs that were bred to hunt bears?

Yeah, they’re extinct.

Why can't you hear the pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the pterodactyl is extinct.

Anti-vaxxers are heroes

They prevent diseases from going extinct.

Yoh mama so fat that when she buys a fur coat...

a whole specie of animal is gonna become extinct.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A female journalist is taking a tour of a new science facility.

Scientist: Here at our lab we've been testing what would happen to GMO foods if, instead of producing foods with genes intended for fast production, we could develop GMO foods into potentially another form of species.

Journalist: That's interesting what foods have you tested this on?

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A police officer catches Dave duck-hunting, checks to make sure he has the right license.

So Dave went hunting in the woods, one day, and ***BAM!***, shot a duck.

A bored, nearby trooper waiting in his patrol car near the highway hears the gunshot, gets out, and runs into the woods to find Dave holding the duck.

The trooper yells, pointing at Dave, "You stop right there! L...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here's a collection of the best/worst dad jokes I know.

"When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down."

"Why are skeletons always so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin."

"What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care."

"Why can't T rexes clap their hands...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lawyer is walking down the stairs of his law firm.

This guy is dressed in an expensive suit, he's wearing shoes made from an extinct reptile and orphan tears, and He's walking to his brand new Lamborghini. Just as he opens the driver side door a truck comes speeding through and tears the door from its hinges. The lawyer visibly shocked and pissed ye...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Interesting fact:

Before cyanobacteria, the progenitor of photosynthesis, earth was mostly oxygen-poor and dominated by anaerobic (can live in and thrive without oxygen) bacteria. Most of these bacteria were strict anaerobes, meaning oxygen would kill them. After cyanobacteria evolved, earth became flooded with oxyge...

Yo momma so fat...

The dinosaurs went extinct when she forgot her parachute.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A zoo has the last gorilla of its kind and their worried that she may die soon

The owner is worried about a species going extinct on their watch but they can't find a compatible mate. They hired a scientist to try to find a compatible mate and finds that humans are the only surviving species that can successfully mate with the gorilla and produce viable offspring. After some t...

(NSFW) So me and my native american guide were out buffalo hunting

I figured I would take him since his people are rather well known for living off the buffalo before they went relativly extinct. So while we were out in the field I just followed him and let him lead the way. Eventually he said he thought he had begun to find a trail but we later lost it.

So...

Why can't t-rexs do push ups?

Because they have been extinct for 65 million years.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pussy Eating Frog (NSFW)

A woman had some time to kill, so she decided to go browse in a pet store. She's looking around, and the owner approaches her and asks if she's looking for anything in particular. She says, "No, I'm just browsing."

"Well, perhaps I can interest you in one of our new arrivals. He's a very r...

Some think T. rex’s never clap because their arms are so short.

I think it’s because they’re extinct.

Why did the T-Rex run away from the bathroom?

Because extinct

Our new Space Force is exploring mars

The new Space Force has finally arrived at mars, and an exploration ship has been investigating the snow and ice covered North Pole area.

A field biologist excitedly rushes in to his general, and exclaims, “Sir, incredible news! We have discovered a strange, silicon-based form of life in the...

How do you stop a Rhino from charging?

Nothing.
They're extinct now so you dont have to.

If a Bengal tiger is attacking your mother-in-law and spouse, who will you save?

The Bengal tiger of course!! They're getting extinct in the world.

Last summer I met with a botanist friend of mine...

Last summer I met with a botanist friend of mine who was keen to show me his private collection of rare tree and plant species. I wasn’t particularly interested but I went along anyway because he was really excited to show me the newest addition to his collection.
“It’s a unique species of oak...

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