Murdered Jokes

cop: do you mind identifying the body \[puts hand on my shoulder\] I have to warn you the body was hacked up.

me: \[tearing up\] yes that's my brother Reese.

cop: you're sure?

me: \[nodding\] those are Reese's Pieces.

There was a crowd waiting around the gallows to watch. As the hangman put the noose around his neck, he was asked, “Do you have any last words?”

The murderer said, “Yeah, I have a joke that I came up with while I was waiting.

“So, I hadn’t showered for a week by the day I killed my wif... read more

I know it's not mine. But just heard it for the first time the other day. Made me smile. What is your favorite yo mamma jokes? Would love to read them

One calls dispatch and says "we got a woman armed with a knife in here and she just killed her husband."

Dispatch says "do you know why she killed her husband?"

The officer replies "yeah, she told him not to step on the floor right after she mopped, and he stepped on it anyway"

... read more

They were drawn and quartered!

His scream was heard a mile away.

Shellfish reasons

But 31 was the prime suspect.

The police still can't see the full picture.

They always look puzzled.

Police believe they're all victims of character assassination.

Dwayne Johnson was murdered in a hotel room he was staying at. Police were called as soon as the body was discovered, and they did some investigating.

An officer knocked on the door of someone living one floor down. He asked the man who answered if he heard anything unusual above him, but he ... read more

They never crossed a man they didn't want to kill.

**This is terror bull**

They think the crime was orchestrated, but could not rule out a random act of violins

And the detective was a duck
Luckily he quacked the case in the end

They say it was the work of a Cereal Killer.

By a pawn

I ordered another pizza to calm my nerves and the second delivery man noticed the body, so I had to kill him too. Now I feel even more nervous so I ordered yet another pizza. I think it’s starting to become a domino effect.

I guess its, not the first time OJ has killed a woman.

The details are sketchy.

The police investigate 3 suspects, a neighbor, a relative, one of the father's coworkers. All of them deny it and have an alibi. The neighbor was grocery shopping, the relative was on vacation, and the coworker was home watching The Walking Dead. The police arrest the father's coworker. They found t... read more

Gill-ty

It was kilt.

Understandably upset he calls the hitman to find out what happened.


“What the hell did I pay you for? My wife is still here and now our little pet is dead. Did you even read my instructions?”


“What are you talking about I did exactly as…Ohhhhh. I thought you wanted me to off t... read more

He was suspended.

Police said these were senseless killings.

There's always signs of a struggle

A suitcase