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Assassinated Jokes

In other news, the president's non-binary spouse has been assassinated

The suspect's family claims he was inspired by First-Person Shooters

I still remember the exact moment when I found out that JFK was assassinated.

On the internet, checking out his Wikipedia page.

Everyone knows JFK was assassinated

That's a no brainer

What would have happened had it been Khrushchev instead of Kennedy that was assassinated?

Dunno about politics, but I'm really sure Onassis would not have married the widow.

I assassinated my friend...

I gave Miguel a cigar and lit the end. When it began to fizzle, he looked at me, puzzled.

"What brand of cigar does this?" he asked.

I answered, "Red Herring, of course."

And his chair exploded.

Why did the smoothie get assassinated?

He got mixed up with a few bad apples.

What did the gamer say when he assassinated the Pope?

360 NO POPE!!!!

My friend got killed by a donkey

Some say he was assassinated

John F Kennedy, Indira Gandhi, John Lennon...

History shows if you don't want your child assassinated, don't name them after an airport.

Putin asks a fortune teller when he will die...

Putin starts reading all the stuff on the Internet about how he has cancer, is going to be assassinated or overthrown. He goes to a fortune teller and pays her 1,000 rubles to tell his fortune.

She looks in her crystal ball. He says "tell me what you see." She says "I see parades. People danc...

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