I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13.

"Sir, you gave me an extra."



"That's a freebie."

I counted 1500 lockdown protesters in our city.

Hold on, it's 900.

Edit: No, wait, it's 500.

When your donkey isn't to be counted on

One day Juha's friend came to his house and asked to
borrow Juha's donkey. Juha said, “My donkey isn't here.”
At that moment the donkey began braying loudly. Juha's
friend heard it and said, “I thought you said the donkey
isn't here.” Juha replied, “Who are you going to believe,
...

I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

“You’ve given me one too many.”

“That one is a freebie.

I just counted all the Trump jokes here again

It's still not enough

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had twelve bottles of whisky...

...and my wife told me to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else!
So, I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.



I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass... which I ...

I asked my son when the ballots will be finally counted. His answer?

Neva, da.

Nevada counted the ballots in a perfectly acceptable time frame

Sincerely, the last dollar you pump at the gas station

I want my 11780 dollars.

Dear Bank of America, I just want to find 11780 more dollars in my savings account.Everyone at your bank counted wrong.

No one believes seniors . . . Everyone thinks they are senile

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. He took Charlie aside and questioned him.

Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings. The priest questioned him again and again and Charlie continued to insist that he did not take any of the offerings. So, the priest told Charlie to get into the confessional, which he did.

The priest then asked him again, "Charlie, did y...

A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97

So he rounded them up.

My friends mom counted over two in Spanish and died.

You could say it was an Overdos.

A cowherd counted 48 cows on his property in the morning.

When he rounded them up, he had 50.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pro wrestler is down to fight The Mad Monk, and his manager says to him:

"Whatever you do, don't let him put you in the Mad Monk Hold. That's his signature move and no-one's ever gotten out of it."

But about five minutes into the fight, sure enough, our boy's all wrapped up like a human pretzel, with one arm going one way, one leg going another way, his spine all ...

When the farmer counted his cows in the field he had 196

When he rounded them up he had 200

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she whispered. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”

The husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.

He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”

“You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wife. ...

The year is 2077...

Brexit negotiations continue.
Nevada has counted 98% of the votes.
Cyberpunk has been delayed again.

The wife and I were getting frisky this morning and I asked her to use her hand to make me feel good

...so she counted out the number of hours left until Trump is no longer President.

A blonde changed her hair color

There was a blonde who was fed up with all the blonde jokes she had heard. So she changed her hair color to to brown.

She was driving along a country road and saw a shepherd herding sheep. She stopped and dared the shepherd. She asked if she could take a sheep if she could guess how many of t...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.