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Census Jokes

St. Peter conducts a census in heaven and realises someone is missing.

So he goes to the computer and realises that an engineer accidentally landed up in hell. He get’s on the phone to Old Nick.

St. Peter: So, Nick, we have an issue with this engineering guy Robert. He is supposed to be with us. Can you send him up?

Nick: Bob? No way. Not going to. Since...

You know why Mary and Joseph had to travel to Bethlehem for that census?

Because he never entered her as his wife.

California Census

When California was determining its census rules, a law similar to the three fifths compromise was considered, under which two Asian Americans would be counted the same as one caucasian.

The law was rejected, because the lawmakers all agreed that two Wongs don't make a white.

They have had to cancel this years Census in Afghanistan

This is directly due to the tally-ban

The US 2020 census might want to wait a few months....

Something tells me those numbers are going to be dropping soon....

While taking a census an official approached the home of Mrs Karen

After asking her a series of questions and taking down her replies, he asked her age. She chuckled bashfully and replied," have you asked the Ms Hills next door?" " No" was his confused reply. " I'm about as old as them" she told.

The next week she went to check her updated details and she s...

I think I'm going to be a census taker.

It's a job I can count on.

What does a gynecologist have in common with a census taker?

They both make their living checking boxes.

I never thought I'd have a fetish for collecting data on people.

But then I came to my census

A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages.

She said, "Let's see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're eighteen. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they're sixteen. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're fourteen."

"Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins every time?"

The woman answered, "Heck no, there were...

A census taker

An old man was sitting on his porch, when a young man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand.

"What are you selling, young man?" he asked.

"I'm not selling anything, sir," the young man replied. "I'm the census taker."

"A what?" the man asked.

"A census taker. We...

They should wait until next year to do the census

Cause it’ll be easier to count

Russian census ended with success

there were still people to count!

A census enumerator is working out in the country when he knocks on the door of a farmhouse.

A woman opens the door, and the man explains he’s with the census and she agrees to do the interview. Eventually he gets to the part where he asks if she has children.

“Let’s see,” says the woman, “There’s Timmy and Tammy; they’re 4. There’s Molly and Holly; they’re 8. There’s Terry and Larr...

What is your age, madam?

Asked the Enumerator, taking details for the census.

Lady - "Thirty, sir."

Enumerator - "If I don't mistake, you were thirty at the last census, ten years ago."

Lady - "Well, my man, I'm not the person who says one thing today and another tomorrow."



Source: 1913 n...

I didn’t think I’d ever be turned on by population statistics...

But then I came to my census

How does Peter Parker keep track of the number of arachnids in any given neighborhood?

He uses his spider census.

The jailer started counting the number of inmates one morning

because he wanted a con-census.

A Viking explorer came home to find his name removed from the town register. When his wife complained, the chief apologized and said,

“I must have taken Lief off my census.”

A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized profusely, saying…..

"I must have taken Leif off my census."

Can we get everyone to agree on how to count the prisoners?

We need a con-census.

In honor of Leif Erikson Day...

Leif Erikson returned to his village after many years sailing the ocean and discovering new lands. When he arrived home, he noticed his name was no longer in the town records. Puzzled, he visited the census-taker to inquire about the error.

"I've been a dedicated member of this community for ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Australia is doing phenomenally on the Olympic medal tally considering our population

#1. USA: 318.9 million
#2. China: 1.357 billion
#3. Japan: 173.3 million
#4. Australia: 48 as of last census

So, shouldn’t we like wait

Till after the pandemic to do the census?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve been kicking ass all day. Not taking names, just kicking ass.

But i work at the census bureau so I should probably start.

I went to uni to study aggriculture and cummunication of sheep.

I left with a BAA. Shortly after i started a nationwide census of sheep but fell asleep halfway thru.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dad, is Santa real?

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the popul...

Growing up, it always my childhood dream to study populations...

...then I came to my census

I finally realized I have a love affair with studying demographics

I came to my census

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At first, Caesar thought it was a bad idea to masturbate while counting his people.

But before long, he came to his census.

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