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Countdown Jokes

Today is the final countdown...

4-3-21

An old Joke by Lee Mack on... 8 out of 10 Cats plays Countdown, I believe?

I popped into an second-hand store the other day and bought a pencil. What's remarkable about the pencil, is that it used to be used by Shakespeare!



...Only thing is, the top part is all chewed up, so I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

The Millenium Falcon is taking off...

Han Solo asks C3PO to give him a countdown, and C3PO says..

"10....8.....6.....4"

Han interrupts him and asks what the heck he's doing.

C3 says "You told me to never tell you the odds"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my wife… that if we start having sex by the time they start the New Year’s Eve countdown

We’ll still have time to go see the fireworks

If I went on countdown, I'd only have 3 weaknesses

A. The numbers
C. The letters

If An Anti-Vax Kid Had a Theme Song, What Would it Be?

The Final Countdown

First, I got a tattoo on my Clavical that says “5”

Then I got a tattoo on my thoracic that says “4”

Then I got a tattoo on my lumbar that says “3”

Then I got a tattoo on my sacrum that says “2”

Then I got a tattoo on my coccyx that says “1”

It’s the spinal countdown!

Roy Moore missed the New Years Eve countdown.

He’s demanding a recount.

A racing bike and a chopper

A biker with a racing bike brags before chopper bikers and dares them to race. Despite the fact that he's obviously faster, the oldest of the chopper bikers agrees. The racing biker wants to bet $1000, but the chopper owner has no money so they agree to race for the honor of the victory.

They...

What do you call a clock made out of records?

Its the vinyl countdown

What do you sing when you kill Dracula's last clone?

"It's the final countdown"

Albert Einstein, Issac Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek...

They play rock-paper-scissors to choose the seeker. A. Einstein is left so he has to be te seeker. He starts counting down from 10.

Pascal hides in a bush bearby, but Newton remains in plain sight. He draws a square with an area of 1m^2 and stays in it.

Einstein's countdown ends. 3.......

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were to be executed during a dictatorship.

Method of execution: Firing squad

The brunette was up, the gunmen readied their weapons, the captain started the countdown ... 3...2...1

The brunette exclaimed : "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

The gunmen were terrified! Fearing their impending doom at the face of such a natural phenomenon, the...

7 8 9.

7: <is about to eat 9>
7: Play some intense music to go with my food.
9: <plays The Final Countdown>

9 8 7.

A Mexican magician tells a crowd he's going to disappear on the count of three...

He begins the countdown. "Uno, dos..." then, poof! He disappeared without a tres.

A mate of mine had just been hospitalised after taking an 'E'.

The security on Countdown don't mess about.

Women on death row

Three women, a red head, a brunette, and a blonde are on death row for unspeakable crimes. Instead of the electric chair, they are to be shot by a squad of soldiers. The red haired girl is first, but she has an idea. The commander starts the count down: 3...2..1... The girl yells: "Earthquake!" Ever...

Apparently the Brexit is inspiring other countries to hold their own referenda, and could lead to the breakup of the EU.

Could this be The Final Countdown for Europe?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Job advertisement

A company was searching for someone to pack items. The only requirement for the job was to be able to count to ten.

The first applicant comes in and is asked to count to ten.

>10 - 9 - 8 - 7 - 6 - 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1

Well, that's backwards. Can you also do it in the correct ord...

The band Europe is rereleasing their greatest hits on records.

It's the vinyl countdown.

Engineer and an Academic on a plane

An engineer is getting an 8 hour business flight and next to him sits an academic. The engineer is tired and had a crammed week of line side meetings, design meeting, improvement meetings etc. he just wants to get some sleep as its a night flight and he is back in the office in the morning, so forms...

One of my favorite jokes as a kid

3 men are being flown in an old-fashioned airplane with no windows. They're all enjoying the aerial view of the city when one of the guys finishes an apple, and throws the core off of the plane. The second guy follows his example, finishes his banana, and throws the peel off the plane. The third ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A talented but unemployed jazz pianist.

A talented but unemployed jazz pianist/composer was walking down Second Avenue in New York contemplating his sad life when he sees a sign in a restaurant window that says "Jazz pianist wanted, full time position." Elated at his good fortune he goes inside to apply for the job.

He meets the ma...

This one's kinda long

Quasimodo is getting a little old, and he's starting to think about retiring. So he puts out an ad in the Paris Times asking for prospective bell ringers to come meet him at the cathedral for an interview. One of the first applicants is a man who doesn't have any arms. Quasi says to him, "I'm sorry,...

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