I shouldn't make jokes at the expense of my anti-vax neighbours so much...
They tend to get offended by those hurtful little jabs
A man decides to put his life savings into opening an aquarium...
A young man took every penny he had and used it to open an aquarium. He worked tirelessly, growing it from a small roadside attraction into the greatest aquarium ever. Over a lifetime, he amassed the largest collection of sea life ever assembled. He and his team conducted scientific research and ran...
While walking down the street one day a female head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
Her soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. . “Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”
“No problem, just let me in,” s...
What do you call the expense of hiring an Irish lady to watch your kids?
Nanny McFee
Vladimir Putin loses his favorite watch
He calls in his most trusted officers and tells them to stop at no expense to root out the thief and his accomplishes.
Three days later he asks for a report.
The head officer says, "We've made progress. Twelve accomplishes, after sufficient torture, have admitted their involvement an...
Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings.
As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home. Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming. The mother thou...
I’ve always been told that you shouldn’t tell jokes at other people’s expense.
Which makes me question the ethics of charging people to watch stand up comedy.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Joke #3481 A man receives the bad news that he's going to die in the morning
Through an unfortunate miracle of medical science, a man receives the worst news possible from his doctor.
"I'm sorry, but tomorrow morning at precisely 7:23, you're going to have a brain clot that will kill you."
The man is stunned. "But I don't even feel sick!"
The doctor exp...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Three men are standing outside a jewellery shop looking at an expensive ring in the display window
The first man says, "That ring is perfect for Karen. I just wish I could afford it."
The second man says, "I was planning on proposing to Julie soon. She'd love that ring."
The third man says, "Okay, I'll make you both a deal. Whichever one of you gets to the bottom of the street first...
TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil
He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.
A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish Garda.
He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer, from London, and is certain that he has a better education than any paddy cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Garda's expense..!!
Irish Garda says," License and registration, please."
London...
TIL For 15 years, the Swedes thought sounds from the sea were Russian submarines invading their territory. They regularly investigated, sending subs, boats and helicopters - at great expense - only to come up empty-handed.
Upon investigation by a biologist, the noise was discovered to be farts from fish.
It seems the Swedes were having herring problems.
I don't like jokes at my expense.
I'm poor. No need to add insult to injury.
Some Russian anti-war jokes
1. "Partial mobilization" is when you are drafted in whole, and returned back in parts.
2. "Dad, why are we hauled off to the trenches?" "I don't know, son, I'm not into politics."
3. For a long time, the government told us, "if you don't like Russia, go to another country." Now they t...
There are two types of people in this world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
And those with an uncontrollable urge to finish the sentence even at the expense of the joke.
A Taxing Situation
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
*As published in "Reader's Digest" 78 years ago.*
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