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Sperm Count Jokes

How do you know you have a high sperm count?

She has to chew before she swallow.

if you are having trouble getting someone pregnant, getting your sperm count tested is quick and easy.

But it’ll cost a load.

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Sperm count

An 65 year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which wa...

An old guy was supposed to submit samples for his sperm count...

...but returned the jar empty. When asked why, he said: "I tried one hand, then two, then I asked my maid to help. She used her hands, her mouth, even her thighs, but nothing! I even asked the gardener. Even the neighbor! Even the neighbor's gardener! But no one could open the damn jar!"

(Fou...

A study shows that eating 2oz of concentrated tomato sauce per day can keep a man's sperm count up

If you keep that up, your girlfriend just may get Prego.

An 86 year old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check up

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor examined him and told him that aside from a low sperm count, he was perfectly healthy. The old man scoffed and said, "Nonsense, I’ve never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do y...

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Hospital humour

A doctor was doing his rounds on the ward and came across a male patient masturbating. He said to the Nurse in charge, surely you shouldn’t be allowing this to happen on the ward, it’s most inappropriate. The nurse replied, he has HSC (high sperm count), he has to do this daily to bring the count do...

NSFW What’s the difference between a blond guy and a blonde girl?

The blonde girl has a higher sperm count.

Nurses ask the hard questions

I posted this as a comment in this sub, the OP suggested I give it its own post.

Back about 36 years ago, I was a young married man. Me & my wife decided I would get fixed. I had the surgery and everything went fine. I had to take a specimen to the doc for a sperm count to make sure the p...

So an old Italian man goes to the doctor...

He tells the doctor "Doc, I need my sperm count". The doctor replies "you're 80 years old, you don't need your sperm count". The old Italian man persists and eventually the doctor gives him a sample cup and tells him "go home and bring this back in a couple days"...

The old man comes back thr...

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My doctor told me to stop masturbating.

I went to the doctors yesterday and was surprised when he told me i needed to stop masturbating.

"Why, is my sperm count low?"

"No, you just need to let me finish your prostate exam first."

I just got a Vasectomy...

The urologist gave me a cup and said I had to fill it in 60 days then bring it back for a sperm count. I guess the surgery doesn't make a vas deferens right away...

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A man visits the doctor for a checkup.

"Your vitals look fine," he said. "But it looks like your sperm count is a bit low. Have you felt any changes in sexual desire or had difficulty in bed?"

"Now that you mention it, the last few times I've had an orgasm, I've felt like my entire testicle was being sucked through my dick!"
...

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A Sixty Year Old Man...

He goes to the doctor, for a check up, and the receptionist mentions he can get a sperm count, on the house.

The doctor says "I don't know, I think you're a little to old to need one."

The old man says "I can get it if I want, the receptionist said it was complimentary."

So the ...

An 82 year old couple goes to the doctor

The man says, "Hey doc. We would like to try and have a kid."

The doctor says, "That's impossible at your age."

"I know but we would really like to try and have a kid."

The doctor knows it's not a possibility but he decides to humor the couple.

"Well alright....the first...

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[Long] An old couple in their 80’s want to have a baby

So they go to the doctor, and due to their age the doctor recommends that they get physicals done. So he runs some tests and comes in and says that due to their old age he can’t really recommend conceiving a child, however he can’t say no because they are healthy enough for it.

He says that t...

The old sperm donor.

After trying for months and failing to make a baby, due to his low sperm count, the young couple began to explore their options. They decided that a
sperm donor would be the best way to go. However, the young man insisted on maintaining the family bloodline and since his father had died at an ea...

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