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Ordering Jokes

There is only one thing I don’t like about ordering duck in a Chinese restaurant

The bill

An Irishman walks into a bar, and orders three pints, all at once.

He does this for several days, drinking one, and then the next one, and then the last one. After a week or two, the bartender says
"You know, I can bring you your drinks one at a time, so they stay fresh and cold"
"No, no" the Irishman says to the bartender "I have two brothers. One...

A man walks into an old pub in Dublin, takes a seat at the bar and orders 3 pints.

After he is served he takes sips from them in turn and when all 3 glasses are finally empty he orders 3 more. The barkeeper, who has been watching him, has never seen such a weird style of drinking and says to the man: “You know when you leave a beer for too long it goes flat, so they would taste be...

TIFU by ordering food from my phone.

So I used the Subway app to order my lunch. I was in a hurry, so no time to wait in line. I put the order together, paid for it, and made my way to pick it up.

When I told the guy my name for the order, he handed it over and thanked me for my business. I went to check the food to make sure h...

TIFU by ordering the wrong sandwich

Whoops, wrong sub

I'm ordering a chicken and an egg from Amazon

I'll let you know

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A depressed man walks into a bar.

He approaches the bartender and says, "I'll have six double brandy." The bartender replies, "You must've had a really tough day!"

"Yeah, I found out that my dad is gay", the man replies.

The following day, the man returns to the bar looking much sadder than before, ordering another six...

An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three beers.

The bartender gives him a strange look, but serves him his drinks. The Irishman takes them to a booth, clinks them together, and drinks them all.

He then goes back to the bartender and orders another three beers, which he proceeds to drink in the same fashion.

On his third round, the ...

Four CEOs of beer companies are having a meeting and they decide to get a drink.

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.

The three CEOS then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness?

He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer than n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gorilla walks into a bar in Manhattan

The bartender gives the gorilla a craft beer menu (without the fucking QR codes). The gorilla points at a particular summer ale, with hints of lemon. The bartender nods, and tells him what a great choice that is.

A few minutes later, the bartender serves the gorilla this tasty craft brew, an...

When ordering food at a restaurant

I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken. "Nothing special," he explained. "We just tell them they're going to die."

Ordering a cake over the phone

"And what would you like the cake to say?"

[covers phone to ask wife]

"Honey, do we want a talking cake?"

Ordering octopus at a restaurant

A man goes into a restaurant and he orders octopus from the seafood menu. The waiter says that's all right, but he has to warn the guest, it takes four hours to prepare.

"Why does it take so long to prepare octopus? Is it hard to cook?"
"Not really, but the octopuses keep turning down the ...

Ordering Blinds Online

I ordered a set of blinds off of the internet. When they were delivered there were 2 Italians standing there. I asked what was going on? They replied "We're your new Venetians"

Amazon has started a new service where they deliver custom made shirts within 48 hours of ordering.

It’s called Tailor Swift.

I took my family out for an expensive meal the other night and surprised everyone by ordering in French.

It was a Chinese restaurant.

TIFU by ordering a Roast Beef instead of Chicken Teriyaki sandwich.

Oops, wrong sub.

Saw some sea birds ordering furniture in IKEA today

Last time I checked it was definitely humans only, but I guess the terns have tabled.

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