How do computers form intimate relations?

They insert the floppy into the disc drive.

Did you hear that Anheuser-Busch has taken over the Red Cross’s public relations?

Their new slogan is “This Blood’s for You.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just got fired for having sexual relations with my client

It's alright, I didn't like babysitting anyway.

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During an inquiry, a priest was asked if he had had improper sexual relations.

He said that he had nun.

I like the way you're thinking.

Teacher: 3 birds are sitting on top of a roof and someone throws a rock and hits one off. How many birds are left?
Student: There are none left because the other two fly away whenever the other one is hit.
Teacher: Well actually there's still two left but I like the way you're thinking.
...

There’s a joke in here somewhere..

“Numb” and “number” have no relation, but the latter counts..

“We’re rotating on the earths axis at 750 mph and revolving around the Sun at 67,000 mph, moreover we’re moving, in relation to other galaxies, at 490,000 mph...”

“So my question is Your Honour, in the strictest meaning of the word ‘speeding’, are we not all in a sense ‘guilty’ ? “.

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A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well.

One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, "Very quick!"

The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions: LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"

POLE: "An acre and...

Pinochio just finished intimate relations with his new girlfriend when she ...

started complaining about splinters in her most sensitive areas.

Concerned, Pinochio went to Geppetto and told him of the splinter problem.

Geppetto searched all his shelves until he found the finest grit sandpaper among his supplies and instructs Pinochio on its use.

Several w...

Charlie Sheen just received an AA coin in relation to maintaining sobriety for a year

Next to his HIV diagnosis, this may be the second most positive experience of his life.

I was having intimate relations with a married woman.

A car pulled into the garage, and the woman said, "Oh no it's my husband! Quick, use the back door!"

Thinking back, I should have run, but you don't get offers like that every day.

If my good friend is my ‘brother from another mother’

Then my Mexican friend is my ‘relation from an adjacent nation’.

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Anyone know where I can find someone to share a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations?

Asking for a friend.

A frog goes into a bank

He hops up on the desk of the loan officer.
''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?'

The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?''

''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.''

The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form....

Thanks to the tireless work of an elder statesman, possibly one of the most dignified and smartest people in the process, we are starting to normalize relations with North Korea

Let’s all give Dennis Rodman a big hand.

Starbucks makes a drastic move to their menu to improve community relations

Patrons may no longer order black coffee.

A woman in work was fired for having intimate relations with a colleague.

We don't know who fingered her

My girlfriend: This relationship is over.

Me responding on my walky talky: This relation is what? *over

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Hitler and Stalin go straight to hell after their death. There, they meet God.

God asks Hitler how many women he had relations with ?

Hitler replies ,” one ,only one.”

God gives him the keys to a brand new Mercedes for his loyalty.

God asks the same question to Stalin and is met with the answer of 7-8 women. The good not happy with this answer gives Stalin...

New Harley-Davidson

A young man has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson
One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After picking out the perfect bike, the dealer asks if he would like some extra chrome protection added to the bill. The young man is upset because he does not ha...

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A doctor was presenting a lecture about sex

In a discussion about the frequency of sexual relations, he asked

-"Is there anybody here who has sexual intercourse only once per year?"

An old man jumped up and exclaimed

-"Me, me! I do!"

The doctor asked

-"OK, sir, but why are you so happy about it?"

-"It...

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Mad Cow Disease

A Sexy Female TV reporter, with Big boobs, interviews a farmer, seeking the cause of Mad Cow disease.


Lady: Sir, we are here to get info on what causes Mad Cow Disease. Do you have any idea?


The farmer said, "Do you know that a Bull screws a Cow only once a year?"

...

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An acquaintance of mine just got his medical license revoked because he had sexual relations with one of his patients.

It's a shame, he was the best veterinarian in the city.

Everybody makes race relations seem so complicated

But really the issue is pretty black and white

Marketing concepts.

Professor at college explaining marketing concepts to Students:
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. "Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to he...

A judge was interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce and asks, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

"About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "what are your relations like?"
<...

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