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Relation Jokes

What relation is a doorstep to a doormat?

A step-farther.

My wife doesn't understand why I prefer to play Mario Kart over having relations with her

In Mario Kart, it is a GOOD thing when I finish first

[Soviet] What’s the true price relation between the pound, the ruble and the dollar?

A pound of rubles is worth a dollar.

Thailand and China could not agree on trade relations,

China would not accept the official Thai Baht currency, but Thailand saw that China would readily accept South Korean Won with no problems.

Thailand decided they would try to get around the issue by purchasing a large amount of Korean *Won* to use for international trading,

But China s...

As you grow up, you will start to see that people morality is not necessarily connected to their relation with the law.

While the outlaws are bad, the in-laws can be much worse.

A priest visits his cousin, who is also a priest.

The two priests, both in their forties, sit down to dinner.

The visiting priest says, "Cousin, I couldn't help noticing that your housekeeper is quite a young and attractive woman. I take it relations between the two of you are not always completely platonic?"

"How dare you! I am a man...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two aliens land on Earth in the middle of nowhere near a gas station and one of them gets out to make first contact.

He goes to the gas pump and says "Hello, we're from outer space, and we'd like to establish relations, how can I find your leader?"

Obviously, the pump doesn't respond so the alien is rather annoyed by such rudeness but he tries again.

"Yeah so we're just trying to get in touch with yo...

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats

and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome"...

I named my boat Relation. Now I can tell people...

I have a Relationship.

A minister is giving a sermon on marital relations and happiness in marriage.

He states that those who have the happiest marriages have very regular conjugal relations. To prove his point he asks those who have such relations several times a week to stand. As they do he sees a smiling group of people. Then he asks who have conjugal relations several times a month and those...

What is the relation between Thanos and Trigonometry?

sin(nos) / cos(nos) = tan(nos)

What is the relation between a door mat and a door step

A step-farther

What is the relation between a broom and an ak-47

Both can be used to sweep a house

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the relation between my height and penis sise?

I wish both were 3 inches longer...

I had an important essay on the relation between Occam's razor, Red Herrings and Chekhov's gun...

...my teacher wasn't happy it was late and I just wrote "Will keep this simple, avoid obvious distractions and later it will be done."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three couples are trying to join a very conservative church

After going through all of the night classes, Bible lectures, and vows, the minister says they have one final test: they must abstain from relations for one week. All of them agree and go on their way.

When they return, the minister asks them how they did.

The first couple is in their...

“We’re rotating on the earths axis at 750 mph and revolving around the Sun at 67,000 mph, moreover we’re moving, in relation to other galaxies, at 490,000 mph...”

“So my question is Your Honour, in the strictest meaning of the word ‘speeding’, are we not all in a sense ‘guilty’ ? “.

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?...

Charlie Sheen just received an AA coin in relation to maintaining sobriety for a year

Next to his HIV diagnosis, this may be the second most positive experience of his life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pope contracts a rare terminal illness.

The best specialists were quietly called in from around the world for consultation. After much debate and research, they determined that the only hope to save the Pope's life was for him to have sexual relations with a woman. His advisors were notified and they in turn spoke in confidence with the p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation. This was affecting marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.

In response the doctor said, “When you feel the urge to ejaculate, try startling yourself.”

On the way home the man went to a gun store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try out this suggestion he ran home to his wife. When he got home he was surprised and delighted to find ...

I have a great relation ship with Jesus

He mows my lawn for $6 an hour

Relation between son, father and mother

Son : Daddy, I fell in love & want to date this awesome girl.
Father : That's great son. Who is she?
Son : It's Sandra, the neighbour's daughter.
Father : Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually...

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