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My first patient of the day walked in and began describing her symptoms in graphic detail.

They don't prepare you for this in veterinary school.

What's a four letter word describing a female that ends in -unt?

Aunt

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Therapist: I’ve concluded that you are incapable of describing your feelings.

Patient: I can’t say that I am surprised!

A son was describing his day to his mom.

He said "Mom, today I got up from the bus to allow a pretty woman to sit down after dad made me stand up."

His mom replied "Well dear, doing a nice thing is good, so why did dad have to make you get up?"

The son said "Because I was on dad's lap and I wanted to be warm."

What do you say if someone won't stop describing a jug?

Okay, I get the pitcher

A blind man was describing his favorite sport-parachuting.

When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him.

“I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go.”

“But how do you know when you are going to land?”, he was asked.

“Well, I have a very keen...

I don't understand what's so hard about describing a single portion of a soft and sweet baked good.

Honestly, it's a piece of cake.

Scientists have discovered a stone tablet 60,000 years old inscibed with pictographs describing the idea of "the glass half empty or half full."

They are calling the prehistoric philosopher "optimist prime."

The word Moist is only great at describing two things, cake...

And your Mom

My wife told me that I was incapable of describing my feelings.

I don't know how to feel about it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pupil was describing to his parents how his teacher went around the world, travelling from place to place but only stopping in sex clubs, dungeons and brothels.

Sir cum-navigated the globe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was this construction worker

There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said.

So he started to give a sig...

If each letter in Ethiopia stood for a word describing the country,

The f would stand for food

Every time someone is arrested for a crime in Florida, they have to write a long text file describing their motivations for the crime and how it was carried out, so the police can add it to their registry.

Which is why all the stuff that happens in Florida seems so weird without the con-text.

What do you call the terms describing lawn ornaments?

Gnomenclature

My wife got angry when I mentioned "one of a kind" while describing her. All I said was

"You're as unique as having one of a kind during a game of poker"

My wife ran into the room suddenly and yelled: “Quick! Do you know of anything physical that gives off no smells? Zero. Sort of like an olfactory camouflage that would be utterly invisible to the nose?”

Confused, I thought for a moment, and then replied: “What you are describing makes absolutely no scents”

Politics is self describing

The word politics comes from poli- meaning many,

and -tics, meaning blood sucking parasites.

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. ..

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer,
"What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
...

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