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How do you define trust?

Two cannibals in a 69.

Dr. Parker, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smith, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."

Miss Smith gasped, blushed deeply, then said freezingly,
Dr. Parker, I do not think that is a proper question to
ask me, you should be asking a boy. And I assure you my
parents will hear of this." With that she sat down, very
red-faced.

Unperturbed, Dr. Parker called on Miss John...

Teacher: You shouldn't use a word to define itself because circular definitions are not useful.

Student: Why is there a giant poster on your wall that says "No Means No"?

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Please define "how many," "lawyer," "take," "to change," "light," and "bulb."

"Edward, I gave you scissors for hands, but don't let that define who you are"

Ok. BTW what's my last name?

"Scissorhands"

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what criteria were used to define a patient who is to be institutionalised.

'Well', said the Director. 'We fill up a bathtub and offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient to empty the bathtub.
'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. A normal person would choose the bucket.
'No,' answered the Director. 'A normal person would pull the plug.'
So what did y...

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?



Neither. **The rooster came, and got the hen laid in the process.**



*(Biologist's answer: At some point a distant relative of the chicken laid an egg, and the mutations expressed in the chick's DNA would have it hatch as the first modern chicken - so the egg had to come first ...

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Guy gets a hotel room and asks for a hooker

A man heads to a seedy hotel to rent a room and asks the clerk where to find a prostitute.

The clerk says not to worry, he'll send one to the man's room in a few minutes.

The man goes to his room and sure enough, a few minutes later a prostitute knocks on his door.

"Hi honey, ho...

Define : Irony

Getting pregnant on a "pull-out" couch!

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician

Have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible..

The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it.

The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock.
...

During my trivia game, I asked the contestants to define “defenestration”.

No one got it right, so I threw that question out the window.

How do you define political correctness?

Carefully.

"Bigamy" is defined as having one wife too many...

Some people define "marriage" the same way.

How do you tell the difference between a math teacher and an English teacher?

Ask them to define “hyperbolic”.

How to define an erection

Different times, different measures

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Have you ever wondered why letters are used to define bra sizes?

{A} Almost Boobs.
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!

I'm dyslexic, but that doesn't define me.

Dyslexics are teople poo.

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A software engineer.

A software engineer, hardware engineer, and departmental manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes failed. The car careened out of control, bouncing off guardrails until it miraculously ground to a scraping halt along...

I can’t define “NSFW”

But apparent HR knows it when then see it.

At my exam on religion I was given a multiple choice question to define atheism

Eventually I checked "none of the above."

My professor asked me to define narcissism

I said "It's the belief you are as perfect and infallible as I am."

Thanks to everyone who helped me define the word 'many'

It means a lot.

“The thing about quotes from the Internet is that it is difficult to define their authenticity.”

-Abraham Lincoln, 1933

Define asinine?

I will give her face a five and her asinine!!!

Source: Thanks Jeff Foxworthy!

A guy asks Alexa to define "rendezvous"...

Alexa: As a noun, rendezvous is usually defined as an agreement between two or more persons to meet at a certain time and place.

Guy: Spell it.

Alexa: It is spelled, I. T.

I’ve been ridiculed by both sides for not picking an ideology. The very fact that I can’t clearly define which way I roll seems to enrages people.

I don’t pay attention to how I put the toilet paper on.

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Define Homophobic

having or showing a dislike of or prejudice against homophones and homonyms

So what if I can't define armageddon

It's not like it's the end of the world!

TIL Zero and its operation were first defined by Hindu astronomer and mathematician Brahmagupta in 628

Thanks for nothing

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balls

balls defines a man, if you have 1 ball you are half a man, if you have two then you're a real man, if you have three then you're even manlier, if four, HEY GET UP, SOMEONE IS FUCKING YOU !

I'm so grateful to the teacher who defined the word "plethora" for me...

It meant a lot.

Insanity defined

The definition of insanity is when you’re cheating at solitaire and a fight breaks out.

The job interviewer asked me to define turnover.

I said, "That's what I do before I go to sleep."

Define true love...

Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder playing tennis.

Q: A word that defines "a quick, clever reply to an insult or criticism."

Sorry, this was "a riposte".

How do you define necrophilia?

The urge to crack open a cold one

If I had to define the word "controlling"...

I'd make sure I got my boyfriend's approval of the definition first.

I can't define "pattern matching"

...but I know it when I see it.

What's the difference between 'Completed' and 'Finished'?

What's the difference between 'Completed' and 'Finished'?

No dictionary has been able to define the difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished'. But I am here to set the record straight.

When you marry the right woman, you are 'Complete'. If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'Finishe...

Did you hear about the USSR comedian who defined his self work through the success of his work?

Because in Soviet Russia you don’t make jokes, jokes make you.

My body is very well-defined.

If you look under the word "obese".

Define the lecturer

Teacher to Student: Can you define the lecturer?

Student: A lecturer is person who has bad habit of speaking when someone is sleeping.

I can tell when two words go together well to define a new thing.

I call it portmantuition.

Following someone around is typically defined as "stalking"

At my university, it's defined as "finding a parking space"

A little British boy raises his hand to ask his teacher a question

"Miss, My mother says freedom is the most beautiful thing in the world. What does freedom mean?"

The teacher seeing the importance of this question for the sweet, innocent child, thinks quickly about how best to respond.

She smiles sweetly and says "Why don't you come up and tell the c...

Immaturity defined

Husband says to marriage counselor:
"My wife is so immature."
"Can you give me an example?" the counselor asked.
"Well, like every time I'm taking a bath she comes in and sinks all my ships."

Do you know the difference between "complete" and "finished"

No dictionary has ever been able to satisfactorily define the difference between "complete" and "finished."

However, during a recent linguistic conference attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was the presenter when he was asked to make...

A physicist, engineer, and mathematician are asked by a local farmer to build the smallest fence they possibly can to hold in all of his sheep.

The physicist builds a big fence and slowly reduces the size until he can't reduce the fence any longer.

The engineer measures each sheep, stacks them in a specific way, and then builds a fence around them.

The mathematician builds a small fence around himself, then defines himself to ...

If lawyers are disbarred and priests are defrocked, then...

Electricians are delighted

Corpses are decrypted

Cowboys are deranged

Models are deposed

Underwear models are debriefed

Dry cleaners are depressed, decreased and depleted

Jilted women are debrided

HVAC technicians are deducted

Tennis linemen ar...

A bad math joke I came up with

A little boy sees something way up in the sky and runs to his mom to ask her what it is. She points the boy to his father and tells him to ask him so the boy runs over to his father and asks what is in the sky. The father can't answer either but points the boy to his uncle saying he should be able ...

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One day, a teacher assigns the class to find out the definition of “politics.”

One day, a teacher assigns the class to find out the definition of “politics.”

One little boy in the class goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she...

What’s the difference between a Gardener and an electrician?

Ask them to define the word “bulb”.

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My professor called me into his office.

"Your essays are good", he said. "But you need to come up with more reliable sources for the quotes you use."

"But sir," I started, "a man once said 'It is not the speaker that defines the merits of the words, but the words themselves.'"

He sighed. "Who did? Who said that?"
...

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Doctor: are you active sexually?

Patient: define active, cause some active volcanoes didn't explode in hundreds of years.

Doctor: I'll write virgin.

Some words sounding similar can be confusing. For example, Entropy and Atrophy.

Entropy is simply a measure of how much the energy of atoms and molecules become more spread out in a process and can be defined in terms of statistical probabilities, whereas Atrophy, is what you get if you win something.

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