UPJOKE
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What gaming console does a Christian kid play?

PrayStation.

A young couple was getting ready to give birth to their first child,

and they had determined that the child should not be named until after it was born, so that they could meet it and make the name based on that first magical moment. On the day of the birth, a beautiful baby girl was born and the parents were instantly smitten.

"It's 'Love.'" said the mother....

When the young husband reached home from the office he found his wife in tears.

"Oh, John," she sobbed on his shoulder. "I had baked a lovely cake and put it out on the back porch for the frosting to dry and the dog ate it!"

"Well, don't cry about it, sweetheart," he consoled, patting the pretty flushed cheek. "I know a man who will give us another dog."


...

I couldn't help myself- before I knew what was happening, I found myself bragging about getting the new Nintendo console in 2006.

It was a Wii-flex.

What's a chickens favourite games console?

Eggs-box

So my brother just broke up with his game console….

She’s now his X-Box!

(Stolen from my band teacher) I broke up with my console recently,

It’s now my ex-box. It wasn’t anything personal I just wanted a switch.

Why did the console player cross the road?

To render the buildings on the other side.

What is a Cat's favorite Video Game Console?

ps5ps5ps5

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What do you say to console a grammar nazi?

"Their, they're"

What are the French’s favorite gaming console

The oui

Four guys meet at their 25 year high school reunion…

They sit at a table and begin catching up. They hadn’t spoken to each other since graduation. One guy gets up and excuses himself to use the restroom.

In his absence, the other begin talking about how rich and successful they’ve become and as a result how rich and successful their sons are. ...

A father at the hospital is looking at his new born baby

The baby has a birth defect. He's just one big baby sized ear. No arms... No legs... No face or belly or bottom. Just a big baby sized ear.

The father is undaunted and hopes for a bright future for his child. He tells the baby "Don't worry baby, you may just be one giant ear... But it won...

There isn't much difference between a game console and a horsemeat packing plant

One is a Sony Playstation, the other a Pony Slaystation.

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[NSFW] My girlfriend said I have to console her.

That Xbox didn't fit to her ass.

What's the police's favorite gaming console?

WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U

What console does a mute chicken have?

Ex-Bawks

What happens when old Nintendo consoles become obsolete?

People Switch.

Politicians go visit a school

High ranking politicians visit a school. The top one goes over the expenses and decides to make adjustments to cut costs.
"The lunch portions are too big. Cut them in half. Internet connection too fast. Too many computers."

After that, they go to a preschool. Again, the expenses are too ...

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A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Just got back from seeing my therapist. He says I'm suffering from paranoia," he confides to the bartender. "Hey, man, that's nothing to be ashamed of. You're not alone," the bartender consoles him. "They're always watching."

My cat's favourite handheld console is the PSP

I only have to mention it a few times, and he comes running

A cop pulls over an old lady for speeding on a highway. He asks for her driver's license and registration.

When she opens her wallet, he notices a conceal-carry permit.

He asks, “Ma’am, do you have a weapon in your possession at this time?”

She responds "I'll bet you $100 you can't guess the answer to that question" as she slaps a crisp bill on her dashboard.

The cop rubs his chin an...

Why did the console gamer get a headache at the art museum?

Too many frames.

my daughter made this gem up: what is the most popular console with the vikings?

the axe-box

Have you heard that PlayStation are releasing a console for cats?

It's called the PSpspspspspsps

I heard Sony’s coming out with a new console during the pandemic

It’s called the Plaguestation 5

What Do People and Video Game Consoles Have in Common?

No one can agree on which generation is the best.

My parents didn't have much money when I was young. One Christmas my mates all got new consoles but I just got a bat and ball.

To be fair the ball was alright. The bat was useless though - it just hung upside in my wardrobe all day.

What did the dog say to console his owner upon learning that his wife left him?

"Sorry buddy, that's

...RUFF!"

My wife came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her.

So I hit her over the head with my Xbox.

Football

A woman called in a repairman to fix her television. Just as he finished, the woman heard her husband's key in the lock. "Hurry," she said to the repairman, "you'll have to hide. My husband is insanely jealous. "There was no time to run out the back door, so the repairman hid inside the TV console. ...

What’s a French persons favourite gaming console?

A Nintendo Oui

What's it called when a gaming console can fight something in front of and behind it?

Backwards combat ability

Old lady gets pulled over by a cop for driving slowly

While thinking she's on perscription medication and needing to do a field sobriety test, he asks to have her get out of the car, and almost jokingly asks if there are any weapons in her vehicle. She tells him "Sure, Sonny, as a matter of fact, I do. I have a Kimber 1911 in the center console, a Gloc...

On which day of the week is it legal to marry the 8-bit Nintend console?

Wednesday.

Chicken

BORROWED

Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity.
The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields....

How did Scorpion console Sub-Zero when he broke up with his girlfriend?

GET OVER HER!!

I played with my childhood console this morning.

It was a good Wiiunion.

One evening when I was playing on my console..

One evening when I was playing on my console I noticed my girlfriend, who was sitting right next to me on the couch, looking all gloomy and sad.

Naturally I asked her what was wrong but she didn't answer.

So I turned of my console and she goes "why did you stop ?". I told her there's s...

What's a police officers favorite console?

Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U.

Edit: Gee Wilikers Batman I've got 151 upvotes yayyyyyy. :D

Which games console do religious women like to play on?

The nun-tendo wii

My girlfriend was upset and kept asking me to console her.

So I hit her with my Xbox.

What do Michael Jackson and a game console have in common?

Both are made of plastic and little boys turn them on

I asked my French friend if he owned a videogame console

He replied: “Wii”

When I was in 2nd grade, my dog Brick was hit by a car and killed, and my mom tried to console me. She said, "He's probably already in Heaven with God."

I said, "Why would God want a dead dog?"

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I have an idea for a retro console. The NES but with a turbo button

I call it: "NES quick"

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I tried to console my friend who loved homophones

Their there they’re

My wife said I was overconfident by transporting Spanish desserts in the center console of my car. I didn't care.

But then the shift hit the flan.

My friend recently was recently thinking about going from from PC gaming to Console gaming. I told him it was time for the Switch

No pun Nintendo

I accidentally bought a broken Nintendo console

I had to get a Wiifund

Billy Joel's house has burned down. apparently due to a faulty game console.

Investigators say the fire was caused by a faulty game console. However, Mr Joel has claimed that Wii didn't start the fire.

Do you know how PC gamers always can beat console players if they play against each other?

They press the Win-key.

What console do frenchmen play on?

Wii



Yes, I know this is a dad joke.

Grandma and Grandpa are trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, has died.

“You know,” Grandma said, “it’s not so bad. Skipper’s probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.” Susie stops crying and asks, “What would God want with a dead dog?”

A Little Old Lady is Pulled Over in Texas

When the Officer approaches the window, he shines a light into the car and sees that she has a little .22 caliber pistol in the coin tray under her dashboard.

The officer says: "Ma'am, would you please unload and hand me your firearm for the duration of this stop to ensure everyone's safety?...

What do you call a gaming console that used to be yours?

An ex box

What’s an abusive dad’s favorite gaming console?

The Switch

A journalist asked Tim Cook why iPhones are so expensive

"Well", said Tim Cook, "that's because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth payin...

Which gaming console is preferred by most fruits?

The kiwii.

A pastor is trying to console a widower

"Tell me pastor is my wife going to be in heaven?" asks the concerned husband.

"Oh yes I'd say see most definitely is. She was always so close to the church and a devout Christian." says the pastor enthusiastically

"Well in that case tell me how do I go to hell?"

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Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

A game console is seen rushing to an emergency...

*WIIU WIIU WIIU WIIU WIIU*

Nintendo was going to convert a car factory to manufacture their new console.

But the factory owner didn't want to make the switch.

I was trying to console the wife of a serial killer who committed suicide.

I said, “Hey, at least he died doing what he loved.”

My friend invented a machine that can take a disc out of a console, then put a new one in

It's a game changer

Why do so many conservatives own game consoles?

Because they hate PC culture.

What was the console gamer's New Years Resolution?

1280x720

What's the chicken's favourite gaming console?

The eggs' box.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

sick employee

A company hired a new employee. He was supposed to start on Monday, but in the morning he called his boss:
"I'm sick," he said. The boss excuses him.
The guy shows up at work on Tuesday and works hard all week, amazing everyone with his diligence and skills. The following Monday he calls...

The XBox One X is Microsoft's new console

The short of that is XBOX, they've now come full circle, or 360.

News flash! Britney Spears badly injured after shelving unit containing a single Nintendo console collapses on top of her...

Doctors say her condition is touch and go.

A spokesperson for Ms Spears said her last words were "my lonely NES is killing me."

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A guy was trying to console a friend

A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wife in bed with another man. "Get over it, buddy," he said. "It's not the end of the world." "It's all right for you to say," answered his buddy. "But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with your wife?" The fella p...

Why were the console wars started?

Because neither side could find a clear resolution

Emails from world leaders are streaming in to Hillary Clinton to console her

[Deleted]

Why did the game console leave her husband?

He was trying to controller

So, Nintendo's stopped production of the Wii U and are producing their new console.

Looks like they decided it's a good time for a Switch.

I invented a robot to remove the cartridge from my gaming console and replace it with another.

It was a game changer!

After a Year of use I can say without a doubt that the Nintendo Switch is the perfect console for Me

The Nintendo Sub was too under powered and the Nintendo Dom is more than I can handle.......

A soap bar was trying to console another soap bar

Soap1- *crying uncontrollably*

Soap2- Stop crying, I know you're acting

Soap1- it's the glycerin

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An old Jew is walking home from work

An old Jew is walking home from work and passes a fancy restaurant. He looks in the window and sees rich people talking and laughing as they eat delicious cheese blintzes.

The old man is inspired: "blintzes for dinner!" and continues his long walk home. When he gets home, he announced to his ...

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Young Timmy rushed out on Christmas morning

Young Timmy rushed out on Christmas morning, anticipating that he'd be getting a new Nintendo Console this year. "Surprise!" shouted his parents. "We know you wanted video games, but we think you need to get outdoors more. We got you this set of fishing gear! Unfortunately, it was rather expensive, ...

What is the Doctor from Doctor Who's preferred console?

_Wiiii U_

da-da-da-dum, da-da-da-dum

da-da-da-dum, da-da-da-dum

_Wiiii U_, Wii-ii-ii U…

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A convicted felon….

A convicted felon escaped from prison where he'd already spent 15 years of a life sentence. He broke into a local farmhouse in the middle of the night looking for food and money and while in there he discovered a young couple asleep in their bed. He woke them up violently and ordered the guy out of ...

I asked for a new gaming console for Christmas, instead I got some torn up cardboard, I asked why

"I thought you asked for an ex-box?"

I'm a hardcore gamer. I wouldn't trade my PS4 for a Nintendo console even if they let me design and manufacture it myself. Nope...

I'll never make the switch.

Why is Wii the most adult console?

Because it has a sensor bar.

A little British boy raises his hand to ask his teacher a question

"Miss, My mother says freedom is the most beautiful thing in the world. What does freedom mean?"

The teacher seeing the importance of this question for the sweet, innocent child, thinks quickly about how best to respond.

She smiles sweetly and says "Why don't you come up and tell the c...

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