How do you console an English teacher?

There, they're, their.

What console does a mute chicken have?

Ex-Bawks

My parents didn't have much money when I was young. One Christmas my mates all got new consoles but I just got a bat and ball.

To be fair the ball was alright. The bat was useless though - it just hung upside in my wardrobe all day.

What Do People and Video Game Consoles Have in Common?

No one can agree on which generation is the best.

my daughter made this gem up: what is the most popular console with the vikings?

the axe-box

What gaming console does a Christian kid play?

PrayStation.

I broke up with my video game console, now it's my ex-box

Nothing personal, it was just time for a switch

What happens when old Nintendo consoles become obsolete?

People Switch.

Why did the console gamer get a headache at the art museum?

Too many frames.

Have you heard that PlayStation are releasing a console for cats?

It's called the PSpspspspspsps

I heard Sony’s coming out with a new console during the pandemic

It’s called the Plaguestation 5

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Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

On which day of the week is it legal to marry the 8-bit Nintend console?

Wednesday.

Why did the console player cross the road?

To render the other side.

What's the police's favorite gaming console?

WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U

A journalist asked Tim Cook why iPhones are so expensive

"Well", said Tim Cook, "that's because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth payin...

What's it called when a gaming console can fight something in front of and behind it?

Backwards combat ability

I played with my childhood console this morning.

It was a good Wiiunion.

One evening when I was playing on my console..

One evening when I was playing on my console I noticed my girlfriend, who was sitting right next to me on the couch, looking all gloomy and sad.

Naturally I asked her what was wrong but she didn't answer.

So I turned of my console and she goes "why did you stop ?". I told her there's s...

My friend can’t decide what video game system to get for Christmas ...

... Nobody can console him.

What’s a cats favourite console

The pspspspspspspsps4

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Young Timmy rushed out on Christmas morning

Young Timmy rushed out on Christmas morning, anticipating that he'd be getting a new Nintendo Console this year.

"Surprise!" shouted his parents. "We know you wanted video games, but we think you need to get outdoors more. We got you this set of fishing gear! Unfortunately, it was rather expe...

A cop pulls over an old lady for speeding on a highway. He asks for her driver's license and registration.

When she opens her wallet, he notices a conceal-carry permit.

He asks, “Ma’am, do you have a weapon in your possession at this time?”

She responds "I'll bet you $100 you can't guess the answer to that question" as she slaps a crisp bill on her dashboard.

The cop rubs his chin an...

My wife said I was overconfident by transporting Spanish desserts in the center console of my car. I didn't care.

But then the shift hit the flan.

What’s a French persons favourite gaming console?

A Nintendo Oui

When I was in 2nd grade, my dog Brick was hit by a car and killed, and my mom tried to console me. She said, "He's probably already in Heaven with God."

I said, "Why would God want a dead dog?"

Grandma and Grandpa are trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, has died.

“You know,” Grandma said, “it’s not so bad. Skipper’s probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.” Susie stops crying and asks, “What would God want with a dead dog?”

My wife bought me a Nintendo switch for Christmas.

In a few years I'll have enough parts to build a whole console.

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Amanda and Bob are walking through the village on a hot day, both very thirsty.

They both see their friend Carl walking to his house with a bucket full of water in his hands. Bob asks him "Carl, where'd you get all that water you're carrying?" to which Carl responds "Oh, I went down to the... uhh... the hole in the plaza that goes down into the earth and there's water at the bo...

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A cop pulls over an old lady for speeding on a highway. He asks for her driver’s license and registration.

When she opens her wallet, he notices a conceal-carry permit.

He asks, “Ma’am, do you have a weapon in your possession at this time?”

She responds that she has a .38 Special in her purse. And a .45 in her glove box. And a 9mm Glock in the center console. And a shotgun in the trunk.
...

I didn’t get the Xbox Series X I wanted for my birthday.

I need someone to console me.

I saw a 5 legged woman crying and I asked her why

She said she could never get shoes to match. I tried to console her so I said “at least your knickers fit like a glove”

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I have an idea for a retro console. The NES but with a turbo button

I call it: "NES quick"

I asked my French friend if he owned a videogame console

He replied: “Wii”

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I tried to console my friend who loved homophones

Their there they’re

Man comes home early from work on a Thursday and finds his wife in bed with his friend.

He shoots em both dead and ends up in jail. While in jail his best friend comes to visit him and console him. His friend tells him:

"Damn Fred its a wonderful thing you caught this mf in bed with you're wife"

Fred responds "How can you say that man 2 people are dead and im in jail"...

What do Michael Jackson and a game console have in common?

Both are made of plastic and little boys turn them on

What console do frenchmen play on?

Wii



Yes, I know this is a dad joke.

A little British boy raises his hand to ask his teacher a question

"Miss, My mother says freedom is the most beautiful thing in the world. What does freedom mean?"

The teacher seeing the importance of this question for the sweet, innocent child, thinks quickly about how best to respond.

She smiles sweetly and says "Why don't you come up and tell the c...

Which games console do religious women like to play on?

The nun-tendo wii

My friend recently was recently thinking about going from from PC gaming to Console gaming. I told him it was time for the Switch

No pun Nintendo

I was so sad I could not get to the store in time to get myself either an Xbox or a PS5.

Nobody could console me.

How did Scorpion console Sub-Zero when he broke up with his girlfriend?

GET OVER HER!!

I accidentally bought a broken Nintendo console

I had to get a Wiifund

My wife came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her.

So I hit her over the head with my Xbox.

Do you know how PC gamers always can beat console players if they play against each other?

They press the Win-key.

My girlfriend was upset and kept asking me to console her.

So I hit her with my Xbox.

A pastor is trying to console a widower

"Tell me pastor is my wife going to be in heaven?" asks the concerned husband.

"Oh yes I'd say see most definitely is. She was always so close to the church and a devout Christian." says the pastor enthusiastically

"Well in that case tell me how do I go to hell?"

Why couldn't the PC gamer stop crying?

He refused to be consoled.

A couple sees a man sobbing on his knees at a cemetery.

The man is yelling out "why did you have to die?", "I cannot live like this!"

The couple come over to console him, and notice the tombstone is of someone of similar age as the distraught man.
"Sir, who was this?" Asks the woman, "was it your brother? Your friend?"

The man looks up...

A woman died and went to heaven...

She got to the pearly gates to find an angel waiting.

"What do I have to do to get in?," she asked.

"You just have to spell a word" the angel replied.

"That doesn't sound bad, what word do I have to spell?"

"Love."

Relieved, the woman quickly fired off "L-O-V-E". T...

Billy Joel's house has burned down. apparently due to a faulty game console.

Investigators say the fire was caused by a faulty game console. However, Mr Joel has claimed that Wii didn't start the fire.

Why do so many conservatives own game consoles?

Because they hate PC culture.

What's a police officers favorite console?

Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U.

Edit: Gee Wilikers Batman I've got 151 upvotes yayyyyyy. :D

How do you console somebody with bad grammar skills?

There, their, they're.

I was trying to console the wife of a serial killer who committed suicide.

I said, “Hey, at least he died doing what he loved.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On my way home from work I ran over a cat

It darted right in front of me and there was no time to react. Within a minute or two a cop pulled me over. He came up to my vehicle and stated he saw what happened with the cat, lived in the same neighborhood, and actually knew the owner of the cat.

In an attempt to prevent some hopeless ef...

News flash! Britney Spears badly injured after shelving unit containing a single Nintendo console collapses on top of her...

Doctors say her condition is touch and go.

A spokesperson for Ms Spears said her last words were "my lonely NES is killing me."

Which gaming console is preferred by most fruits?

The kiwii.

My friend doesn't know if he wants the new Xbox X or PS5

A couple of us have tried giving him advice but he's still very troubled about the decision. Nobody can console him.

Nintendo was going to convert a car factory to manufacture their new console.

But the factory owner didn't want to make the switch.

My friend can’t decide what type of electronics to get,

and he’s kinda upset about it.

No one can console him.

A man moves from China to the US looking for work

After he and his wife settle in, they find themselves prospering in their new country. Years later, they have a son, who grows up to be a powerful and respected businessman. One day, he comes home with a woman wrapped around his arm

"Mom, Dad" he says,"This is Tiffany Wong." His parents are...

The XBox One X is Microsoft's new console

The short of that is XBOX, they've now come full circle, or 360.

My friend invented a machine that can take a disc out of a console, then put a new one in

It's a game changer

I invented a robot to remove the cartridge from my gaming console and replace it with another.

It was a game changer!

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A gamer walks into a bar...

...and asks the barkeep "you got a console to play on?" And the barkeep says "yeah, but only have one game for it." The gamer shrugs, orders a cider and sits down to play.

While he's playing another guy walks in and says "hey, that guy with the cider is playing my game!" And the barkeep asks...

After a Year of use I can say without a doubt that the Nintendo Switch is the perfect console for Me

The Nintendo Sub was too under powered and the Nintendo Dom is more than I can handle.......

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A man gets a new job.

On his first day, the boss gives him the basic description of his duties, and he says, "No problem, boss. I know just what to do."

And sure enough, he does. The boss is amazed to see that he intuitively knows every process, where everything goes, how everything works, what everyone does.
<...

Why were the console wars started?

Because neither side could find a clear resolution

What do you do when your Xbox is crying?

You console it.

Emails from world leaders are streaming in to Hillary Clinton to console her

[Deleted]

A soap bar was trying to console another soap bar

Soap1- *crying uncontrollably*

Soap2- Stop crying, I know you're acting

Soap1- it's the glycerin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pregnant woman with triplets is shot three times in the stomach during a back heist

She's rushed to hospital and had the triplets and miraculously they're born alive and well. 2 girls and a boy.

16 years later the first girl comes down the stairs one morning and exclaims, "MOM, MOM I had my period this morning and a bullet came out."

The mom consoles her daughter an...

Why did the game console leave her husband?

He was trying to controller

What is the Doctor from Doctor Who's preferred console?

_Wiiii U_

da-da-da-dum, da-da-da-dum

da-da-da-dum, da-da-da-dum

_Wiiii U_, Wii-ii-ii U…

So, Nintendo's stopped production of the Wii U and are producing their new console.

Looks like they decided it's a good time for a Switch.

What was the console gamer's New Years Resolution?

1280x720

A talk between video game consoles...

NINTENDO: Do you remember when we were the video consoles all people wanted to have?
SEGA: I do.
ATARI: I have no memory.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was trying to console a friend

A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wife in bed with another man. "Get over it, buddy," he said. "It's not the end of the world." "It's all right for you to say," answered his buddy. "But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with your wife?" The fella p...

I asked for a new gaming console for Christmas, instead I got some torn up cardboard, I asked why

"I thought you asked for an ex-box?"

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