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Bracket Jokes

My programmer friend keeps telling me I'm using too many brackets.

I keep telling him that two wont hold all those books he never reads.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

MEN'S HELP LINE - Letter of the Month

Hi John,

I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes h...

I ran into R. Kelly while he was filling out a March Madness bracket.

He was picking primarily the 14s and 15s.

Turns out he’s really into #1 too.

I got fired for not accepting a raise at my job this week because I didn't want to lose money paying higher taxes in the next bracket.

I sure feel bad for the accountant they hire to replace me.

Cruel March Madness Odds

If you want a sure thing in your men’s NCAA tournament pool, you’ll need to fill out the 9,223,372,036,854,775,808 brackets necessary to guarantee a winner. Just leave yourself *plenty* of time to finish them all*:* if you filled out one bracket every second it would take you 292 billion years to co...

What is the science or process of classifying living things?

Tax Bracketing.

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A Girl and Her Sniper Rifle

I had a friend named Sierra once. She was a pretty chill girl. Really only had two defining characteristics about her though, her love of lemon-lime sodas and her innate marksmanship. She was a damn good crackshot.


Her dad was a bit of a gun nut. Owned lots of rifles including a classic...

What do you call a bee in a space rocket?

bracket

My grandfather's favorite joke.

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where ya left it.
[My grandfather suffers from dementia and for some odd reason he remembers this joke and continues to tell it.]
Edit: Sorry I am relatively new to reddit so I've added some brackets thanks guys!
Edit 2:I decided to show my grandf...

Courtesy of a child at work

(My responses are in the brackets)

Will you remember me in a hour? (Yes)
Will you remember me in a day? (Yes)
Will you remember me in a week? (Yes)
Will you remember me in a month? (Yes)
Will you remember me in a year? (Yes)

Knock knock
(Who's there?)
You've forgotte...

A 13 year old boy is getting braces

The young boy is self conscious about the entire ideal. The Orthodontist asks him what color he would like.

Boy: Is clear an option?

Orthodontist: Unfortunately no.

Boy: I don't want it to be obvious, so I think I'll stick with white.

Orthodontist: So it blends with your ...

The Rhyming Competition

The was a very classy rhyming competition and after a long day of working through the brackets there were only two contestants left.
While his opponent waited in a sound-proof room backstage, the defending champion takes the podium. His name is Preston Hughs, a scholar, gentleman, and has many of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why IRS hasn't taxed the only thing it left out - penis!

NEW TAX CODE

The only thing IRS has not yet taxed is the penis.

This is due to the fact that 70% of the time it is hanging around
unemployed, 13% of the time it is pissed off, 12% of the time it
is hard up, and 5% of the time it's in the hole.

It has two dependents, but th...

Reading Too Far Into It

A woman decides to surprise her blind boyfriend on his birthday by having herself vajazzled in Braille.

She goes to her salon and gets a full wax, the salon girl glues the sequins around her crotch according to her careful instructions, and she rushes home and hops into bed. She calls her bo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life...

Author's note - Wrote this from memory. When you tell this joke in person, act out the stuff in brackets.

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It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life from a German patrol. One of the benefi...

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