What's the differnce between Donald Trump and an iPad?

Trick question, you shouldn't compare apples and oranges.

I asked my Granddaughter to give me the newspaper. She said that newspapers are so out of date, and that people now use tablets, so she handed me her iPad.

That Fly didn't stand a chance.

Why’d the iPad go to the dentist

Cuz it had a blue tooth.

Why did the blonde throw her iPad into the ocean?

So she could get it to sync!

I asked my wife for a newspaper. She said not to be daft and to borrow her iPad.

That spider didn't know what hit it.

My doctor told me I have an unhealthy obsession with iPads.

So he gave me some tablets.

Kids today are way too expensive. Now days they want iPads and PlayStations.

They used to just get in the van if you offered them candy.

My great grandfather got me an IPad for my birthday.

My so-so grandfather got me a pair of socks.

My wife got a new iPad.

It's a Kotex with 200 songs included.

They're all ragtime, though.

I got a free iPad and iPhone today.

It's like... this gun is magic!!!

My girlfriend is like my iPad

i don't have an iPad.

I asked my dad to borrow a newspaper. "We don't waste paper in the 21st century, here use my iPad" he said

I can tell you this, that fly never knew what hit him...

I asked a young girl, "How do you get all these expensive things? New iMac, iPad, iPhone?!"

She smiled and said, "iSwallow."

My friend told me that paper is useless since he carries an ipad

When he asked for toilet paper i gave him his ipad

Got an IPad from my chinese friend...

Nothing beats homemade gifts.

My buddy was bragging about his Airpods...

He found it amazing that they seamlessly connect from his iPhone to his iPad when he changes devices. I told him that my Jabra does a pretty good job, but it doesn't always get it right because it's connecting to Android, Windows, and iOS devices so it's not an apples to Apples comparison.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To all new iPad owners.

When you masturbate in front of your new device, make sure to put some porn on its screen to avoid embarrassment.

Newspaper and IPAD

I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. "Don't be silly", she replied. "Borrow my iPad." .... That spider didn't knew what f***ing hit it.

I just named my iPad "The Titanic"

...so when it syncs, iTunes tells me "The Titanic is syncing."

Why the new Apple Pencil isn't included with the new iPad Pro.

There is no point.

From my 8 year old...

What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an IPad? A pineapple.

Don't ban me please.

Why don’t they have iPads in Russia

Because they only have wePads

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The other day I asked my wife to hand me the news paper. She said, "Silly you, just use my Ipad."...

That spider had no fucking idea what hit it.

Apparently 30 percent of under-6's in the U.S know how to use an iPad.

Whereas 100 percent of under-6's in China know how to make one.

Having heard that Steve Jobs is in hospital with only his Ipad to comfort him

I've decided to release the cure for pancreatic cancer into the public domain.

But only in flash.

What does a Russian call an ipad?

Tablyat.

Why did the blonde put her iPad in the blender?

She wanted apple juice.

A scollop is on his ipad sitting next to his dad.

The dad scollap nudges the son scollap and says

" stop looking at prawn"

A lot of parents don't know that there is another way to entertain children rather than by giving them an iPad.

By giving them an Android tablet!

13 blackberries and 5 iPads walk into a bar...

They leave hammered

I was thinking of buying the black iPad mini..

Apparently, it runs faster.

I have Apple appliances in every room of my home.

In addition everyone in my household owns an iPhone, iPad or both. We are pretty diligent about keeping all of the devices synchronized with each other. All, except for some reason, the kitchen.

I guess you could say, everything but the kitchen’s synch’d.

You get what you paid for

So a little girl is walking on the sidewalk, a car stops and a man says "come in the car, I'll give you candy" the girl says " no, I'll walk"...5 min. later the same car stops again and the man says "I'll take you home, I'll give you a whole bag of chocolate" the girl says "no, I'll just walk home"...

Why don't they use Macs/iPads in hospitals?

Because using an Apple a day keeps the doctors away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As much as I liked that rectal fever thermometer app on the iPhone...

... on the iPad it's a fucking pain in the ass.

What did the two iPhones say to the two iPads?

"Want to get kinky and have a 4G?"

What is the opposite of an iPad Mini?

A Maxi Pad

There has been some controversy regarding priests delivering sermons using an iPad instead of the traditional bible.

I think its perfectly fine. After all, Moses delivered the ten commandments using two tablets.

iPad

Apple will be unveiling a larger iPad.

Proctor & Gamble is set to file suit over trademark infringements over Apple's new Max iPad.

I'd rather have a laptop than an iPad.

At least you can slam it shut when your lady walks in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was walking into Best Buy...

When I saw a dwarf walking out carrying a flat screen TV. I asked him, "Are you going to be able to carry that TV by yourself?" He screams back, " Fuck you! It's an iPad!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked a little person walking to a moving van carrying a flatscreen and asked him if I could help him with his tv.

He said "fuck you man, this is my ipad!" What a jerk.

A normal day at the Apple store

Me: *Walks into an Apple store.*

Apple employee: Hi, what would you like today?

Me: I got $1000 to buy anything I want.

AE: Then our iPhone XS will be perfect! You can have the power of a computer right in your pocket. You can call, text, browse, play games, and so much more!...

Grandma's Password

My 100 year old grandma asked me to set up a security camera, so she could see who was stealing her clothes at her assisted living facility, so I brought over a wireless camera and started to install an app on her IPAD for monitoring.

I needed her Apple ID to download the app, so I asked her ...

Why do kids get excited for Santa and not Jesus on his birthday?

Santa brings ipads, Jesus brings armageddon. Seems simple.

Once upon a time an alien race tried to invade Earth (OC)

Humans were at a loss to protect themselves, then The Doctor came and and protected Earth. Everyone asked, "Doctor Who?"

There was no answer. Humans moved on and named The Doctor, "Doctor Who".



Once again an Alien race tried to invade earth. Helpless earth chanted "Doctor Who...

We had a outage at my place this morning...

We had a outage at my place this morning and my PC, laptop,
TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down.
Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat and to top it off it
was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf.
I went into the kitchen to make coff...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man had 3 girlfriends but did not know which one to marry.

As a test, he decided to give each one 5000$ to see how they would spend it.

The first one went and got herself a complete makover and told him, i made myself pretty with the money for you because i love you so much

The second one went and bought him new golf him new golf clubs, clothe...

Things that didn't exist the last time England were in the semis

iPhone

Facebook

Google

Amazon

Android

Twitter

Instagram

iPod

Yahoo

YouTube

Snapchat

Spotify

Tesla

Skype

Uber

Airbnb

Bitcoin

Fitbit

Emojis

iPad

and
.

....

How to name your children

One day mum was sitting in the kitchen reading on hear iPad when her eldest child came in and stood next to her. With a quizzical look on her face she asked "Mum, why am I called 'Feather'?"
"Because a feather fell on your head when you were born, my darling", mom replied.
After having heard ...

I told my Chinese friend that I like homemade gifts....

So for Christmas he gave me an iPhone, iPad and an iMac.

A thief tells his wife, "You don’t have to worry about me being arrested anymore! The doctor gave me a medication that will completely cure my criminal impulses!"

However, the next night, he is arrested for stealing a couple of iPads and a pizza. His wife comes to bail him out of prison and says, "Did you forget to take your drugs?"

The thief says, "No, I did exactly what the doctor said! ‘Take two tablets with meals’!"

Bill Gates walks into a Apple Store....

and as he is looking at the ipad he farts. He takes a whiff and says to an employee, you need to buy some windows.

It's that time of the month for robots

iPads

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