What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

Kids turn them on

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My dad is like my Xbox friend

He fucked my mom and was last seen 8 years ago...

My son kept begging for a present, so I went to the store and got a XBox for him.

I was shocked that they accept kids as payment.

Why did the Xbox player cross the road?

To render in the buildings.

I added Paul Walker on XBOX

But he spends all his time on the dashboard.



I’m going to hell over this.

How are Xbox servers like hookers?

First they take my money, and then they go down on me.

Oh no! Playstation and xbox online services are down! someone call an ambulance!

Wii U Wii U Wii U

Boy: Dad, look! I got a new Xbox!

Dad: Wow! Where did you get it?

Boy: I won it in a race.

Dad: Nice! How many people were there?

Boy: Ummm . . . two others

Dad: Who were they?

Boy: Ummm . . . I don’t remember

Dad: C’mon. You must remember one of them

Boy: Well, there was me . . ....

I didn’t get the Xbox Series X I wanted for my birthday.

I need someone to console me.

Me - "Shall I buy the PS5 or the Xbox Series X?"

Wife - "I'd rather you buy an Eggs Box £3.60"


Lol my wife actually said this and I thought it was so dumb, it made me chuckle and that I thought I'd share it here.

Yesterday I got an Xbox for my little brother.

Best trade ever!

Now that Bill and Melinda Gates are getting divorced

She will be his Xbox

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My wife phoned me.

"There are two men standing outside," she whispered in a panic. "I think they are going to break in to our house."

I said, "If they force their way in, don't let them have anything good. Ok?"

"Ok, ok. I'll try my best!" she cried.

I said, "No television, no Xbo...

I was so sad I could not get to the store in time to get myself either an Xbox or a PS5.

Nobody could console me.

What is the first thing an Ottawa Senator does after winning the Stanley Cup?

Turn off his Xbox.

I can't believe the vulgar language kids are using on Xbox Live.

Do they kiss my mother with that mouth?

My parents are divorced, and my dad took it kinda hard

I once asked him for an xbox, and he handed me a container of my mom's stuff.

One from my little brother

My little brother and I were playing on the Xbox the other day and our game was really slow so he said, “why don’t we get it some shoes so it can run faster.”

Sorry

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I was using Xbox Live.

I found out that I was a homosexual. Also my mom has been having relations with several of the other players. I don’t know how to break all this news to my dad, who is apparently transitioning.

My friend doesn't know if he wants the new Xbox X or PS5

A couple of us have tried giving him advice but he's still very troubled about the decision. Nobody can console him.

Why can’t you read the Bible on Xbox but you can on pc?

It doesn’t work cross platform

My son was really upset.

I tried everything to cheer him up. I have him a Nintendo switch, an xbox, a PlayStation. But nothing worked. He was unconsolable.

I wonder where my girlfriend is...

It has been about a month since I have last seen my girlfriend, I am really worried, she left me a note on the xbox one which said "This isn't working." but I turned it on and it worked just fine.

Why did the Xbox One eat its cereal for breakfast, but not its pancakes?

It had the spoon, but not the 4k.

What do you do when your Xbox is crying?

You console it.

[OC]I have a black Asian friend named Bill Wong.

Bill has been my best friend all of my life since like 3rd grade. Recently, he met this girl named Emma Wong and fell in love with her. She is also a black Asian with the same last name.

To be honest, I’m kinda jealous. Ever since he met her he stopped talking to me and if I try to talk...

I gave my XBOX a 360, it was fun...

And I was like: "Wii!"

A kid doesn’t finish his dinner, so his father takes away his Xbox as punishment.

Throughout the next day, the kid stomps around the house, obviously angry with his father. Eventually, the mother starts casting resentful looks at her husband. He asks, “What’s up with you?” She replies:

“Will you please just give him his Xbox back? The kid’s inconsolable.”

why do boys like playing on their playstation or xbox after a break up?

it always helps to console them

Yesterday Reddit, Hulu and Xbox live was down

Must have been a boring day for the staff at BuzzFeed. They couldn't play Call of Duty and insult each other, watch cartoons or even copy and paste more stories for their website.

What's the last thing that r/pcmasterrace would do to XBox/PlayStation users?

Console them

What game is in Schrodinger's Xbox?

Dead or Alive

Diarrhoea leaves you like an Xbox

With a red ring

The white Xbox One S was just announced.

Of course it's 40% smaller than the black one.

The XBox One X is Microsoft's new console

The short of that is XBOX, they've now come full circle, or 360.

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What do you call XXXTentacions coffin?

An Xbox

I added princess Diana as a profile on my Xbox

But unfortunately she's only on the dashboard

Why are all the people on xbox who banged your mom 12

Cuz salt is a preservative

Have you heard about the device that automatically swaps out Xbox discs for you?

It's a game changer.

What was Princess Diana's favorite thing about the Xbox 360?

The dashboard.

I used to play my Xbox so much when i was a kid, I'd forget to brush my teeth.

Worst case of Halo-tosis you ever saw.

This joke was actually the first thing I ever posted to Reddit, just not to jokes.

Edit: actually it was to r/jokes...

Edit again I just realized it's my cake day so, reason for reposting my bad joke.

I just added Princess Diana to my xbox friends list.

I don't think she has any games though, all she does is spend all day on the dashboard...

Is it true that the French Government banned the Xbox 360 and PS3 back in the day?

Wii

My grandad just passed away...

We were really close and he was always competitive with me. No matter what game we played, tennis, cards, or even Xbox he would always try to win.

So it was only fitting that, and I’ll never forget this, on his death bed, as he breathed his last breath. He looked at me in the eyes and said.....

What's the difference in Xbox One and your mother?

I genuinely care about your mother.

My wife came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her.

So I hit her over the head with my Xbox.

My new girlfriend wants to fight my ex but I told her that would be a bad idea.

Because my Xbox

Q: What do Cowboys fans do after they win the Super Bowl?

A: Turn off the XBox.

Boyfriend and Girlfriend

Boyfriend and Girlfriend are sitting in their apartment, the boy is playing Xbox One.

Boy: Why do you look so sad?

Girl: ...

Boy: Turns of his Xbox one.

Girl: Why did you stop playing?

Boy: Because there is something much better than my Xbox.....

Girl: *Blus...

A fight breaks out between Xbox One and PS4 fans. Someone calls the cops. What sound does the siren make?

Wii U, Wii U, Wii U!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was going to have sex with my xbox but..

It made me microsoft

What's an Xbox fanboys' least favourite film?

P.S. I Love You

A guy at a partie was in the drive way when the cops came and witnessed him jumping on a car

The cops end the partie and chew the guy out
Cop: You wouldn’t want someone jumping on your car
Guy: I don’t have a car
Cop: on your Xbox then?
Guy: I don’t have an xbox
Cop: what do you have then huh?
Guy: a trampoline

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I was playing online when a kid shouted to me 'I fucked your mom!!!'

'How'd you think I got this Xbox!?' I said...

My Xbox, PS4 and Switch all broke on the same day.

I'm inconsolable.

Why does no one own an Xbox in Pennsylvania?

Because it's always Sony in Philadelphia!

Why is Xbox 360's successor called Xbox One and not Xbox 720?

Cos 720 is 1

This past Christmas I told my wife that all I wanted for Christmas was an Xbox.

That's it. Beginning and end of the list; Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of our wedding. That was fine, because I got her an Xbox.

What does Michael Jackson and an xbox have in common?

They are both made of plastic and get turned on by children!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] She gives head and sings at the same time

A guy, let's call him John. John moves to his new place in Manhattan for work. John doesn't know anybody there; he's gotta start fresh.

After a few days of getting acquainted with his co-workers at the office, he's invited out to the bar for a few drinks. When they walk in, they all start to...

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It could be worse

An angel said to another angel who broke their halo that it could be worse.

A rich man who was divorced from his wife said to himself that it could be worse.

A mom told her son whose xbox broke told him it could be worse.

A poor person who broke their arm said it could be worse....

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