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Xbox Jokes

What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

Kids turn them on

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My dad is like my Xbox friend

He fucked my mom and was last seen 8 years ago...

How are Xbox servers like hookers?

First they take my money, and then they go down on me.

My son kept begging for a present, so I went to the store and got a XBox for him.

I was shocked that they accept kids as payment.

Boy: Dad, look! I got a new Xbox!

Dad: Wow! Where did you get it?

Boy: I won it in a race.

Dad: Nice! How many people were there?

Boy: Ummm . . . two others

Dad: Who were they?

Boy: Ummm . . . I don’t remember

Dad: C’mon. You must remember one of them

Boy: Well, there was me . . ....

Why did the Xbox player cross the road?

To render in the buildings.

Yesterday I got an Xbox for my little brother.

Best trade ever!

Me - "Shall I buy the PS5 or the Xbox Series X?"

Wife - "I'd rather you buy an Eggs Box £3.60"


Lol my wife actually said this and I thought it was so dumb, it made me chuckle and that I thought I'd share it here.

I didn’t get the Xbox Series X I wanted for my birthday.

I need someone to console me.

PS4/Xbox joke

Oh no! Playstation and xbox online services are down! Someone call an ambulance! Wii U Wii U Wii U

Why did the Xbox One eat its cereal for breakfast, but not its pancakes?

It had the spoon, but not the 4k.

I added Paul Walker on Xbox,

but he spends all his time on the dashboard.

What do group chats and Xbox controllers have in common?

They both ware out in 2 weeks dammit!

I was so sad I could not get to the store in time to get myself either an Xbox or a PS5.

Nobody could console me.

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My wife phoned me.

"There are two men standing outside," she whispered in a panic. "I think they are going to break in to our house."

I said, "If they force their way in, don't let them have anything good. Ok?"

"Ok, ok. I'll try my best!" she cried.

I said, "No television, no Xbo...

My parents are divorced, and my dad took it kinda hard

I once asked him for an xbox, and he handed me a container of my mom's stuff.

I can't believe the vulgar language kids are using on Xbox Live.

Do they kiss my mother with that mouth?

My friend doesn't know if he wants the new Xbox X or PS5

A couple of us have tried giving him advice but he's still very troubled about the decision. Nobody can console him.

The white Xbox One S was just announced.

Of course it's 40% smaller than the black one.

Is it true that the French Government banned the Xbox 360 and PS3 back in the day?

Wii

What game is in Schrodinger's Xbox?

Dead or Alive

Diarrhoea leaves you like an Xbox

With a red ring

What do cubs fans do after they win the world series?

They turn off their Xbox.

The XBox One X is Microsoft's new console

The short of that is XBOX, they've now come full circle, or 360.

My wife came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her.

So I hit her over the head with my Xbox.

I wonder where my girlfriend is...

It has been about a month since I have last seen my girlfriend, I am really worried, she left me a note on the xbox one which said "This isn't working." but I turned it on and it worked just fine.

I gave my XBOX a 360, it was fun...

And I was like: "Wii!"

What do you do when your Xbox is crying?

You console it.

I added princess Diana as a profile on my Xbox

But unfortunately she's only on the dashboard

What's the last thing that r/pcmasterrace would do to XBox/PlayStation users?

Console them

I used to play my Xbox so much when i was a kid, I'd forget to brush my teeth.

Worst case of Halo-tosis you ever saw.

This joke was actually the first thing I ever posted to Reddit, just not to jokes.

Edit: actually it was to r/jokes...

Edit again I just realized it's my cake day so, reason for reposting my bad joke.

I just added Princess Diana to my xbox friends list.

I don't think she has any games though, all she does is spend all day on the dashboard...

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I was going to have sex with my xbox but..

It made me microsoft

What does Michael Jackson and an xbox have in common?

They are both made of plastic and get turned on by children!

A kid doesn’t finish his dinner, so his father takes away his Xbox as punishment.

Throughout the next day, the kid stomps around the house, obviously angry with his father. Eventually, the mother starts casting resentful looks at her husband. He asks, “What’s up with you?” She replies:

“Will you please just give him his Xbox back? The kid’s inconsolable.”

A fight breaks out between Xbox One and PS4 fans. Someone calls the cops. What sound does the siren make?

Wii U, Wii U, Wii U!

Yesterday Reddit, Hulu and Xbox live was down

Must have been a boring day for the staff at BuzzFeed. They couldn't play Call of Duty and insult each other, watch cartoons or even copy and paste more stories for their website.

Why are all the people on xbox who banged your mom 12

Cuz salt is a preservative

What was Princess Diana's favorite thing about the Xbox 360?

The dashboard.

Have you heard about the device that automatically swaps out Xbox discs for you?

It's a game changer.

What's an Xbox fanboys' least favourite film?

P.S. I Love You

Mitzi came back from a weekend at her grandparents' house and told her mom she's never staying there again. "They just sat around the whole weekend and had nothing on!"



"Nothing on!," her mother cried out in horror.



"Yes," said Mitzi, "no TV, no computer, no Xbox..."

One from my little brother

My little brother and I were playing on the Xbox the other day and our game was really slow so he said, “why don’t we get it some shoes so it can run faster.”

Sorry

Why does no one own an Xbox in Pennsylvania?

Because it's always Sony in Philadelphia!

This past Christmas I told my wife that all I wanted for Christmas was an Xbox.

That's it. Beginning and end of the list; Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of our wedding. That was fine, because I got her an Xbox.

If Xmas is an abbreviation of Christmas, then

Xbox is short for Christ Box

What does Lebron James do after winning the NBA Championship?

He turns off his Xbox.

My son was really upset.

I tried everything to cheer him up. I have him a Nintendo switch, an xbox, a PlayStation. But nothing worked. He was unconsolable.

My new girlfriend wants to fight my ex but I told her that would be a bad idea.

Because my Xbox

What's the difference in Xbox One and your mother?

I genuinely care about your mother.

Why is Xbox 360's successor called Xbox One and not Xbox 720?

Cos 720 is 1

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[NSFW] My girlfriend said I have to console her.

That Xbox didn't fit to her ass.

My grandad just passed away...

We were really close and he was always competitive with me. No matter what game we played, tennis, cards, or even Xbox he would always try to win.

So it was only fitting that, and I’ll never forget this, on his death bed, as he breathed his last breath. He looked at me in the eyes and said.....

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The DOD was putting together a new special forces unit...

In response to rising global tensions the Department of Defense decided a new, elite top secret unit was needed. Recruits were assembled from the special forces units of all branches.

A panel of generals, high level intelligence officers and congressmen is formed to begin interviews. The firs...

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Billy the Tree

Billy the tree aces his SATs at Forest High and ends up with a full college scholarship. The day arrives for him to move halfway across the state. The older trees wish him luck, and they make him promise to write. They wave and cheer as he packs his trunk and leaves.

He arrives at his college...

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I was playing online when a kid shouted to me 'I fucked your mom!!!'

'How'd you think I got this Xbox!?' I said...

Boyfriend and Girlfriend

Boyfriend and Girlfriend are sitting in their apartment, the boy is playing Xbox One.

Boy: Why do you look so sad?

Girl: ...

Boy: Turns of his Xbox one.

Girl: Why did you stop playing?

Boy: Because there is something much better than my Xbox.....

Girl: *Blus...

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An african child stands in front of a store

looking at stuffs behind the window. the shopman spots him and offers him a deal. he tells the kid if his dick is as larg as a xbox, he can take it for free. the kid takes his dick off and it's long enough. so he takes the Xbox and goes home. Next they the kid comes back to the store with his dad an...

My Xbox, PS4 and Switch all broke on the same day.

I'm inconsolable.

What is the first thing an Ottawa Senator does after winning the Stanley Cup?

Turn off his Xbox.

Lost Tooth

Mother: Babe our daughter lost her first tooth

Father: I Know , I bet she won’t touch my Xbox again

Mother: WHAT!!!!

Father: What??

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Unfair Christmas

Two brothers open up their Christmas gifts. One got many gifts. Xbox One, PS4, tons of games, Legos, remote control vehicles, and much more. The other one got a used tennis ball. One brother says to the other "Look at all the gifts I got, and you got a shitty tennis ball. HAHA" the other replies "At...

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[NSFW] She gives head and sings at the same time

A guy, let's call him John. John moves to his new place in Manhattan for work. John doesn't know anybody there; he's gotta start fresh.

After a few days of getting acquainted with his co-workers at the office, he's invited out to the bar for a few drinks. When they walk in, they all start to...

The worst joke on the planet.

I bought a playstation 4.

The Xbox 1 X broke it.

SO I called the ambulance

The sound it made was

***WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U***

Heard that Backstreet Boys is getting a video game for them on the PC.

Definitely not going to be released on Xbox and PlayStation though as it is inconsolable.

My girlfriend was upset and kept asking me to console her.

So I hit her with my Xbox.

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It could be worse

An angel said to another angel who broke their halo that it could be worse.

A rich man who was divorced from his wife said to himself that it could be worse.

A mom told her son whose xbox broke told him it could be worse.

A poor person who broke their arm said it could be worse....

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