The 97+ Best Keyboard Jokes

Why do keyboards never sleep?

Because they have two shifts.

My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and do my homework, she's gonna slam my head on the keyboard.

But I don’t give a fuskhhkxkhdkhhskhd

How do you make a computer keyboard sad?

You make the key "D" pressed

What is Elon Musk's favourite keyboard shortcut?

ctrl + space + x

I was fired from the keyboard factory.

They said I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.

Today it became clear to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on the keyboard.

This is why I'll never be ending an email with 'Regards' ever again.

Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?

Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!

What's management's favorite keyboard shortcut?

Shift + Blame.

My wife told me that she would smash my face into the keyboard if I didn't stop being misogynist...

And that's when I let her know that I'm the Man of the House, the King of the Castle, the Lord of the Mancjkkf no jskslskf d j.lo alsjdj djdjslai48 err is shwks9ri3jekdo 3irbdjdibsks.

How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?

qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv

What's The Donald's favourite keyboard shortcut?

Command Alt Right.

Why does the Chinese government crackdown on keyboard warriors?

They don't want to have another Typing Rebellion

A spider ran onto my keyboard

It is under control

A spider crawled into my keyboard last night...

He is still in there. I have him under control.

It is said that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare

Today, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true

I thought I spilled coffee all over my keyboard.

My keyboard still works fine except one key. The spill was under control.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dick is so long if I laid it on the keyboard it would stretch all the way from A to Z

Wait... Shit...

How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?

thbjgctr[HUV93tqwbhj4yui89 4ruq9-tyq3t9qp36crioedfh qweoyq9f7ewr y9p7q8tr q37902t 4047yq3rqwrqorgq rp8oqgrqo8g8owg fp8ewfg o8wegf ofhu prhq439pyr q4t83q[i09[fi0a[fdshv payuhieyu463wsur58ry r927ct9y1y9f38qepw0t7f8qeje278ee0

my wife told me she would bang my head into my keyboard If I don't stop playing.

I think she was just nrftgiureenhubykgvybunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnbbhnjmk,m njkk,ml,mbuobkghljijnhb mblkbnb hhljnwoerboughfwbebrfhjtjhrbkbhjy y tn n66 nt t6nfm tykm knmtntmkcnk yn ynkmmnkyg

Just because someone found out how to connect a keyboard and a portable radio together doesn't make them a nerd

That would be stereotyping.

[OC] Hey girl, are you a keyboard?

Because you're something I might just smash out of frustration.

A radiologist had fallen on hard times. Looking around for what he could eat, he saw that his keyboard didn't have safety warnings suggesting it wasn't edible. After getting so far, he began having stomach pains, so he decided to take an X-ray. He found an asterisk...

...blocking the colon.

How do you call someone that switches the m and n letters on a keyboard

A Nomster

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dick is so big that if I laid it out on a keyboard, it would go from A to Z.

Wait, shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?

Shift + T

^(\[OC?\])

Keyboard demon

Greg is sitting at his computer browing his favouriye website and a demon pops out from behind his keyboard and proclaims "for I am the almighty keyboard demon! here to steal all your keys" Greg jumps back out of his seat like a shot!

Taking advantage of this, the demon grabs the keyboard an...

Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory

At first I just wasn’t putting in enough shifts, then I couldn’t keep the space clean and finally I lost control

My wife told me she'd slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.

Don't worry guys, i think she's jokinejkodoworkfjcjkskoe394oo2oc2i2fkf2uu3ug25r2u

Why is the computer keyboard working so hard?

Because it has two shifts!

Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?

Ctrl-P

Today I pulled a key off my keyboard [long]

Today I pulled one of the CTRL keys from my keyboard and was shocked to find myself looking down at the entire universe: stars planets, black holes, the whole thing was right there beneath my keyboard.

I was so shocked I called a friend in to show her. After five minutes of gazing into total...

Keyboard Woes

My girlfriend sent me an email:

myspacebarisbrokenpleasegivemeanalternative

My question - what does ternative mean?

I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...

...she just wasn't my type.

Keyboard on my phone is not working

Keyboard on my phone is not working can someone help?

My mom said if I stayed up late then she'd bash my head against my keyboard again

I'm old enough to stay awake for as long as I damn pleahfjjsjjchfigjbrbrje d ffhfhfnfbfbrbrbrdjdjfufhfhdhdbdbrvtjtkykumhkfieuegdgajks38rjbfbfbdejjejekdfnjf

I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.

I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.

A keyboard asked me out

It wasn't my type

I was in a new IT themed restaurant the other day...

When I walked in I could see the place decorated like the inside of a computer. The tables looked like motherboards, the placemats looked like keyboards, and the glasses looked like giant USB sticks. The host was there to greet me and he was dressed in the usual "nerd" attire - glasses, pocket prote...

I swapped the ‘S’ and ‘C’ keys on my entomologist friends keyboard

*heh* try looking up “insect facts” now!

English to become the official European language

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement an...

Where do computer keyboards get a drink?

The Space Bar

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had sex with a woman on top of a keyboard

I made her qwert

My boss said if I see you browsing reddit again, I'll smash your head to the keyboard

I guess hejgfjucurbnfocndldpllkanabdvwcdcc

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend just said that if I don't get off Reddit and spend some time with her she's going to smash my face into the keyboard

I wish that dumb bitch trieljljg bmbmvncbxbxbc nljhkgkgjdhdhd mnm gufugjfhhkdh

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Holy shit there's a spider under my keyboard

I think it's under control

My keyboard is a victim

It has been O-pressed

How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?

You start with the higher R key.

So a spider just crawled onto my keyboard

But don't worry I think it's under ctrl.

I rearranged my keyboard today

Now everything's under Control

I’m so angry I just smashed my keyboard.

I lost Ctrl.

I spilled some coffee on my keyboard,

Now i have no escape.

Why does the keyboard work 24 hrs a day?

Because it has 2 shifts.

Twitter have just created a keyboard shortcut that mutes all Neo-Conservative posts.

Ctrl + Alt + Right

Donald uses a keyboard...

.. and Mickey mouse.

Whats the difference between a piano, a keyboard and a bottle of glue?

The piano doesnt need electricity, the keyboard does.

Why did the astronaut take his computer's keyboard apart?

He was looking for the Space Bar.

I'm not like other keyboards...

I'm qwerty

What do you call a solar powered keyboard?

A photosynthesiser

What is Neil Armstrong's favorite key on the keyboard?

The SPACE BAR of course!!!!

My ten year old came up with that doozy :)

I've been learning keyboard shortcuts

I have decided to start learning and using keyboard shortcuts, they are really convenient and can actually save you quite a bit of time.

For example:

The Windows key + D will minimize everything and go to your desktop

Alt Tab will switch between applications

Alt Right wi...

V

V

*Edit: seems like the ctrl key on my keyboard is not working

There's a new keyboard shortcut in GTA V which if you press it will cause your character to kill minorities.

Alt-right

Why did the Hogwarts admissions office replace its typists' keyboards after Harry Potter was admitted?

There were too many repeated letters.

I was drinking beer at the computer and spilled a whole can on my keyboard..

RIP.
We had some good times..

Good thing I had another one in the fridge.

A guy dumped his girlfriend for a keyboard.

She just wasn't his type.

A Canadian took their keyboard into their clubhouse...

Piano fort, eh?

Why can't the keyboard sleep?

Cause it's working double shift

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from the keyboard factory yesterday

I wasn't putting in enough shifts, which I thought was some capital bullshit. They're such Ctrl freaks and now I need to find alternate work

My cat loves to step on my keyboard

Hmckfykfkufjthfidrbsxjhcktsrg chdrgqbg
Ftgangg r Jr temvzdv. If MT c
Bzzca v CD gen dmath

I found the backlash of the keyboard!

It is \

I can't see an end. I have no control and I don't think there's any escape. I don't even have a home anymore.

I think it's time for a new keyboard.

A man had the most dangerous spider in the world, a Brown Recluse, stuck in his keyboard.

He called his wife about it.

"Hey honey, I have a venomous spider in my house!" He said.

"Oh my God, are you okay?" His wife asked.

"Yes, I have it under CTRL."

What do you call a keyboard with one letter constantly pressed?

O-pressed

Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?

Because the & is near

My wife said to me, if you don't get off of the computer and help with the housework, she will bash my head on the keyboard.

But I think she's JockingFsss475241HHHNM,GDSADGHKLL;/UYRT5555rrrEEEEEEEEEECHHHHHHHHHHHHII003333454587111,KUJYTFB""""3u8ol;[45668kbnt72111vb ki90l.YJNMLGDASEDRUKOML'M :][EYRTYB;JIOI#M#KYFU6DCK ;/[]/

Did you hear about the ant who stored his food inside a keyboard?

He's got everything under CTRL

I got early to the office and switched the letters N and M in some keyboards, some will say I'm a monster...

But others will say I'm a nomster

A keyboard walks into a bar

He orders a round of drinks fir everyone. The bartender asks him how he will be paying for the drinks. The keyboard says "just put it on my tab."

In a fit of rage I smashed my keyboard til all the keys popped off.

I guess you could say I lost Ctrl.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend sat on my keyboard...

I told her, " You must be sitting on the F5 key, because that ass is refreshing." ...

She said, "No it's Alt +F4". I just got shut down.

An astronaut scheduled for a launch to the space station thought the world was starting to get too chaotic, so he brought a computer keyboard with him on his trip

Now everything is back under control.

^^^^^I'm ^^^^^sorry.

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer.

They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just bought an egotistical keyboard

It's like a regular keyboard but there's no backspace button because I never make mistakes

I hate how H and B are so close together on the keyboard.

I SWEAR I just wanna hang.

Keyboard factory

used to work at a keyboard factory, and my sector was responsible for the making of the Key D; my job was to test whether the D key worked or not, so everyday I would sit and press the D key on different keyboards for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Eventually I had had enough and had to leave, the jo...

A bad workman blames his fools...

**EDIT: tools**

...stupid keyboard...

I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.

I expect a long sentence.

I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...

It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.

Why is a job at the broken keyboard factory so lucrative?

There's plenty of extra shifts to pick up.

I was so tried today after working at the giant keyboard factory..

I put in a big shift

So I used to work in a keyboard factory

I got fired because I always lost CTRL and because of that I went HOME and lost a lot of SHIFTS. I guess F8 didn't want me to work there.

Using the keyboard is so easy, I can do it with my eyes closed!

Said Stevie Wonder

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's a nazi's favorite button combo on a keyboard?

Alt-right.

I'll see myself out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard about the man who had to press the "D" button on a keyboard his whole life?

It's a d-pressing story.

Selling Paul Walker's keyboard on ebay ( $100 )

Disclaimer: it's missing a key ( previous owner lost CTRL ).

I never realised how close "f" and "t" were on the keyboard...

...not until I texted my wife and told her I'd tucked our daughter in, anyway.

My C, F, and A key in the keyboard doesn't play.

Well, FAC.

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