I got fired from the keyboard factory yesterday

I wasn't putting in enough shifts

My buddy told me to quit my job at the keyboard factory and become an astronaut

That way I can visit the Space Bar

My wife told me that she would smash my face into the keyboard if I didn't stop being misogynist...

And that's when I let her know that I'm the Man of the House, the King of the Castle, the Lord of the Mancjkkf no jskslskf d j.lo alsjdj djdjslai48 err is shwks9ri3jekdo 3irbdjdibsks.

I’m so angry I just smashed my keyboard.

I lost Ctrl.

A backseat driver, armchair psychologist and a keyboard warrior walks into a bar...

...and for some unknown reason, they end up sitting right next to one another. Conversations ensue, and so do the braggings. The backseat driver says, "I trolled a guy so hard once, he ended up driving around in circles all around his own home!" Not to be outcast, the armchair psychologist says, "I ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from the keyboard factory yesterday

I wasn't putting in enough shifts, which I thought was some capital bullshit. They're such Ctrl freaks and now I need to find alternate work

Why do keyboards never sleep?

Because they have 2 Shifts...

I lost the 2 middle keys in my keyboard

jk

Keyboard factory

used to work at a keyboard factory, and my sector was responsible for the making of the Key D; my job was to test whether the D key worked or not, so everyday I would sit and press the D key on different keyboards for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Eventually I had had enough and had to leave, the jo...

Got something stuck under my keyboard

But its okay, its under ctrl.

I got early to the office and switched the letters N and M in some keyboards, some will say I'm a monster...

But others will say I'm a nomster

Euro-English

As a part of Brexit negotiations, the European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will remain the official language of the European Union rather than German, which has been regarded by many as a better choice.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conced...

It is said that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare

Today, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true

My boss said if I see you browsing reddit again, I'll smash your head to the keyboard

I guess hejgfjucurbnfocndldpllkanabdvwcdcc

A bad workman always blames his fools

\*tools

(stupid keyboard)

My mom said if I stayed up late then she'd bash my head against my keyboard again

I'm old enough to stay awake for as long as I damn pleahfjjsjjchfigjbrbrje d ffhfhfnfbfbrbrbrdjdjfufhfhdhdbdbrvtjtkykumhkfieuegdgajks38rjbfbfbdejjejekdfnjf

In a fit of rage I smashed my keyboard til all the keys popped off.

I guess you could say I lost Ctrl.

Using the keyboard is so easy, I can do it with my eyes closed!

Said Stevie Wonder

A person who posts lots of jokes to r/jokes found that 3 keys on his keyboard is broken, what are those keys?

Ctrl,C, and V

Selling Paul Walker's keyboard on ebay ( $100 )

Disclaimer: it's missing a key ( previous owner lost CTRL ).

Proper finger placement on a keyboard...

... is the difference between a doctor hacking off your appendage.... and a doctor jacking off your appendage.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard about the man who had to press the "D" button on a keyboard his whole life?

It's a d-pressing story.

Did you know, Google is making a new type of keyboard with only the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9? They're advertising it towards white women...

Because they "can't even"

My C, F, and A key in the keyboard doesn't play.

Well, FAC.

Why do cats like to step on computer keyboards?

jfjkl;fdasljki;l nkfskllkteqjpteqjwtjokkkkkkkllllll..

My roommate was playing a video game last night and when he died he completely smashed his keyboard...

yeah, he definitely lost Control.

There's an animated man downstairs fixing the sounds that our keyboard makes.

I totally forgot that the piano cartooner was coming today.

Did you hear about the ant who stored his food inside a keyboard?

He's got everything under CTRL

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dick is so long if I laid it on the keyboard it would stretch all the way from A to Z

Wait... Shit...

Why is a job at the broken keyboard factory so lucrative?

There's plenty of extra shifts to pick up.

I don't know where home is, I have no escape, and I've lost control.

Damn, I've got to replace this keyboard

Today it became clear to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on the keyboard.

This is why I'll never be ending an email with 'Regards' ever again.

So I used to work in a keyboard factory

I got fired because I always lost CTRL and because of that I went HOME and lost a lot of SHIFTS. I guess F8 didn't want me to work there.

Why couldn't the keyboard sleep?

Cause it has 2 shift

How does the quadriplegic man type on his keyboard?

He holds his hands above his head.

What is Neil Armstrong's favorite key on the keyboard?

The SPACE BAR of course!!!!


My ten year old came up with that doozy :)

My laptop's keyboard really works too hard...

It has two SHIFTS

My wife told me I spend too much time on Reddit.

She told me that she’s going to slam my head into the keyboard the next time she catches me on this site.

I told her I’m the King of the Castle. I’m the man. I’m th mdjsinxnsks xnxn an . Kfizkn, xnxk’cj’O&:9m
&:&ndjchsnapn :!.kskn !&/9nmsosk/ raeqbsn

My mom said that if I don't get off the computer and do my homework she'll slam my head into the keyboard,

but I think she's jokinfreoiwjr67uiwosi94ckcjfkdald87lakdofasdkfj

An ant has been living under my keyboard for a while but now I’ve managed to make it stay under only one key

Don’t worry I’ve got it under ctrl

My keyboard's "W" key broke today.

I don't know if I can just move forward from this.

Life before the computer:



Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show.

A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider's home. A virus was the flu.

A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse p...

My mom said she will smash my head against my keyboard if i dont get off my computer.

Well guess what? Im not going to getododkdjfjjdajndjxixushsbbduxuhha

The keyboard player in our band committed suicide...

...after his Hammond c70, Moog 361 and Casio with a built in valve and leslie keyboards all broke down at once.


The coroner said he died of multiple organ failure

Why was the one keyboard whispering to the other keyboard?

It was case sensitive

How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?

qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv

Guy at work saw I was jealous of his new keyboard...

He said we can type on it at the same time but our hands might touch, I said that's ok - no home row bro.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's a nazi's favorite button combo on a keyboard?

Alt-right.

I'll see myself out.

I rearranged my keyboard today

Now everything's under Control

How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?

thbjgctr[HUV93tqwbhj4yui89 4ruq9-tyq3t9qp36crioedfh qweoyq9f7ewr y9p7q8tr q37902t 4047yq3rqwrqorgq rp8oqgrqo8g8owg fp8ewfg o8wegf ofhu prhq439pyr q4t83q[i09[fi0a[fdshv payuhieyu463wsur58ry r927ct9y1y9f38qepw0t7f8qeje278ee0

What's The Donald's favourite keyboard shortcut?

Command Alt Right.

What type of keyboard does an octopus use?

SQWERTY

It has been said that a million monkeys hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type complete works of William Shakespeare.....

With the advent of internet, now we know that is not true!

Someone keeps taking my task manager combination keys off my keyboards.

I’ve lost all control, and I have no alternative but to delete this horrible joke.

I was so tried today after working at the giant keyboard factory..

I put in a big shift

A keyboard walks into a bar...

"Start a new tab for me," said the keyboard.

"But, you already have one..." said the bartender.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dick is so big that if I laid it out on a keyboard, it would go from A to Z.

Wait, shit.

Just because someone found out how to connect a keyboard and a portable radio together doesn't make them a nerd

That would be stereotyping.

So a spider just crawled onto my keyboard

But don't worry I think it's under ctrl.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had sex with a woman on top of a keyboard

I made her qwert

Whenever I’m stressed, I lay my head on my keyboard and scream.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?

Because the & is near

I never realised how close "f" and "t" were on the keyboard...

...not until I texted my wife and told her I'd tucked our daughter in, anyway.

There's a new keyboard shortcut in GTA V which if you press it will cause your character to kill minorities.

Alt-right

I bought my wife a qwerty keyboard for Valentine's Day...

...She said she wanted a divorak.

What does it look like when you beat someone over the head with a keyboard?

,rr,lrwARFGZL,EFWAbn hbjgffsddvsasfdsfddfggfgghhghjmhjhggfgvd cxekhs5gthvce78iu

[Long] An email from the AFTERLIFE

A Canadian couple needed a vacation in a warm climate at the end of a very cold winter. They booked a suite at an exclusive, Arizona desert resort. Because of a last minute business meeting, the wife had to leave a day later than her husband. After an early flight and then checking in at the resort,...

V

V

*Edit: seems like the ctrl key on my keyboard is not working

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The comma button on my keyboard has an intermittent fault.

It doesn't work for short pauses.

My father told me that he is going to smash my head into the keyboard if I log into reddit again.

He just went out and I just can't stand not knowing what is on the front page. I will just log in and then log oudhbebsuus ehdbdhdhhdjr ejjeuududjbd eksomsnqbssicuu dbsujdbdjsjsjdf jsisjskjdhduxbskksi iejdjdnn jdjdjxjjss

I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.

I expect a long sentence.

My keyboard works for everyone except me

I guess it just isn't my type.

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer.

They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Holy shit there's a spider under my keyboard

I think it's under control

I can't see an end. I have no control and I don't think there's any escape. I don't even have a home anymore.

I think it's time for a new keyboard.

My piano keyboard is stuck on the clavichord sound setting.

I think it might be baroque.

Do you know why keyboards are always so tired?

Coz they have two shifts.

My Dad told me specifically not to touch the keyboard...I pressed Ctrl-B

It was a bold move

Nobody in the world knows what those tiny sideways triangles on a keyboard mean.

Well, more or less.

Some guy hit on me at the keyboard store today

I told him he wasn't my type.

I assembled an IKEA keyboard

it's amain ho many spare parts they ive you

I quit my job at the keyboard factory.

I didn't have enough control and wanted to look for an alt.

I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...

It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.

What is a rapper's favorite key on a keyboard?

F12

What is the keyboard shortcut to becoming an idiot who throws temper tantrums like a child?

Alt-right.

A keyboard walks into a bar

He orders a round of drinks fir everyone. The bartender asks him how he will be paying for the drinks. The keyboard says "just put it on my tab."

What keyboard shortcut can be used to stop recent senseless violence from continuing?

CTRL-ALT-Right

Two thristy aliens landed on my keyboard

They were looking for the space bar

What keyboard shortcut is extensively used by journalists who work for Breitbart News?

alt right

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This damn button keeps popping off my keyboard...

I swear I am about to lose fucking Ctrl.

Look at your keyboard. U and I are together.

Look just below it.

JK.

My mom said if I don't stop using reddit she will bang my head on keyboard

But I know she will never do that because she loves medssxcvnklkjfsaarfscnnlknvdgjjbcfggukkfrhhvvvrrjbzddsazvbdwjjhguoiufde

One day, DJ Khalid’s son found a magical lamp...

One day, DJ Khaled’s son stumbled upon a magical lamp. After rubbing it, a mystical genie poured out of the stem and asked for boy what he wanted for his wishes. Knowing his father’s great love of music, the boy wished to become a keyboard, something Khaled enjoyed using for his music. “Granted”, sa...

One day a horse is watching a music video [Long]

One day a horse is watching a music video and decides that he himself, wants to make a music video.



In preparation, he goes to the phone book and looks up a local music teacher. He calls him up and says


"Hey, I saw that you teach musical instruments, and I really want to ...

Thank god the "S" on my keyboard doesn't work...

It means I can apply for jobs and they think I'm just an ex-offender.

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