I can't see the end, I've lost control, I've no home, and I don't think there's an escape.

It's probably about time I bought a new keyboard.

Just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.

They said I wasn't putting in enough Shifts.

But to be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.

What’s the blood type of a keyboard

A type-O

Apparently, I spend too much time on reddit

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf

I thought I spilled coffee all over my keyboard.

My keyboard still works fine except one key. The spill was under control.

Why do keyboards never sleep?

Because they have two shifts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The new priest decides to automatise his church

He hires a programmer to make as many systems as possible, passing most of the grunt work to computers. Donations can be done through PayPal, and credit cards are accepted for paying the tithe. Alexa buys the flowers and candles on schedule while also controlling the lights and the doors. Finally, t...

I swapped the ‘S’ and ‘C’ keys on my entomologist friends keyboard

*heh* try looking up “insect facts” now!

I stole the punctuation keys from a Judge's keyboard yesterday.

I'm expecting a long sentence.

A man was really stressed and his wife put her foot down and..

And finally made him do something about it. She told him he needed to buy a pet because she read that pets reduce stress.

So he takes an Uber to the pet store and is greeted by the owner, a very attractive woman.

Surprisingly, she suggests buying a couple dozen snails because the...

Twitter have just created a keyboard shortcut that mutes all Neo-Conservative posts.

Ctrl + Alt + Right

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The computer is connected to watt?

A man calls tech support and says, "I unplugged my space heater, and then my computer just blacked out!"

Tech support: Is the power strip that your computer's plugged into still lit?

User: Yes

Tech support: What happens if you move the mouse or press a key?

User: Noth...

What is a succubus’s favourite keyboard command?

Ctlr+D

My wife is mad at me.

She said if I don't get off the computer she will smash my head into the keyboard. I think it might just be a joke thobfufjebwhhwhf8djfnrk727gdbd eu27y d bc uuehwjw 7 8j

They say 1 million monkeys with 1 million keyboards can produce the entire works of Shakespeare...

...Thanks to the internet we now know that's not true

A guy dumped his girlfriend for a keyboard.

She just wasn't his type.

My girlfriend said that she would smash my face into my keyboard if I wouldn’t stop browsing Reddit

I’m just gonna akakjdgoabahagqiakzvzkalLa abalalamabanslsksna baabnajabq

English to become the official European language

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. 

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement an...

A Canadian took their keyboard into their clubhouse...

Piano fort, eh?

I spilled some coffee on my keyboard,

Now i have no escape.

I've been learning keyboard shortcuts

I have decided to start learning and using keyboard shortcuts, they are really convenient and can actually save you quite a bit of time.

For example:

The Windows key + D will minimize everything and go to your desktop

Alt Tab will switch between applications

Alt Right wi...

Day 268 at home And the dog continues looking at me like “See?? This is why I chew furniture.

I've eaten 9 meals and taken 4 naps, and it's STILL today. Are you kidding me?

In case you've lost track, today is December 268...

This virus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day grazing for
food. We're told "NO!" if we get too close to strangers. We get really exc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jimmy Carter, a president, invited Leonid Brezhnev to the White House for an evening of the usual state activities.

As part of the entertainment, Carter invited Brezhnev to sit down at the official White House piano and play a dirge of the Volga or the Fall of Leningrad. As Brezhnev sat down to play, he could not help but notice a red button at the end of the keyboard.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, he...

I was drinking beer at the computer and spilled a whole can on my keyboard..

RIP.
We had some good times..

Good thing I had another one in the fridge.

I came in to the office early

I switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster, but others will say nomster

Unlike my friends, I don't waste money on so-called quality keyboards.

They're simply not worth ittttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

A Young Vulture is sick of eating dead things and wants to be a vegetarian...

So he asks his parents whether they can start incorporating some vegetables into their meals.

His father is ashamed of him and says 'No'.

So the young vulture asks if he could bring a carrot to dinner and his mother and father tell him that he is a disgrace to the family and to put the...

[OC] Hey girl, are you a keyboard?

Because you're something I might just smash out of frustration.

Whats the difference between a piano, a keyboard and a bottle of glue?

The piano doesnt need electricity, the keyboard does.

What do you do if you spill maple syrup all over your keyboard?

Just turn off sticky keys

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON TWITTER THAT SAYS "LEBRON JAMES NUDES" DON'T CLICK ON IT.

IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Monday morning, Joe, the court clerk, finds a note on his desk.

Memo: Attn: Joe, Court Clerk...

From: Judge Frank...

Today's tasks:

1) Contact hysterical woman who you emailed Friday about her being sentenced to go to the rapist because her actions contributed to mans laughter.

2) Fix your keyboard. The spacebar sticks.

Three little old nuns are attending a church service in Rome when, in a freak accident, a giant crucifix falls from the old plaster wall and kills them.

When they arrive at the Pearly Gates Saint Peter says, "I'm SO sorry, Sisters, that was a freak accident and wasn't supposed to happen.

"Unfortunately, your Earthy bodies were too horribly mangled for us to just send your souls back, but we *do* have a protocol for cases like yours.

"W...

Guitar Horse

A horse and his mother are in the barn watching TV when an ad comes on. It's for a music school that can teach anyone to play any insturment, guaranteed. The horse has always wanted to be play the guitar, so he calls them up.

"Hey, I want to learn to play the guitar," he says, "Can you teach ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The button next to the "2" key on my keyboard broke.

Guess it was 1 key.

A man had the most dangerous spider in the world, a Brown Recluse, stuck in his keyboard.

He called his wife about it.

"Hey honey, I have a venomous spider in my house!" He said.

"Oh my God, are you okay?" His wife asked.

"Yes, I have it under CTRL."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend just said “if you don’t get off

My girlfriend just said “if you don’t get off reddit and spend some time with me I will drag your fucking face all over the keyboard”

I wish that bitch would ejgeaohevr no so e djdueudbbbdudj gduenrklwahvdhdirnvehhgyhjkshdusbsbdhsj Shieksbsvisbshdowlwnjd
Hdueveiskj jehwiwowlbdhdiencqudkki...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you turn a pussy into a fearless warrior?

Give him a keyboard

It recently became apparent to me,

that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on a keyboard.

This is why I'll never be ending an e-mail with the phrase "Regards" ever again.

I found the backlash of the keyboard!

It is \

Donald uses a keyboard...

.. and Mickey mouse.

Why do astronauts like computer keyboards?

Because they have a space bar

Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?

Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My penis is so large...

...when I lay it across the keyboard it stretches all the way from A to Z!

What do you call a solar powered keyboard?

A photosynthesiser

Best things to say if you're caught sleeping on your desk...

“They told me at the blood bank this
might happen.”


“This is just a 15 minute power-nap as
described in that time management course you sent me.”


“Whew! Guess I left the top off
the White-Out You probably got here just in time!”


“I wasn’t sleepin...

What is the worst thing to come across while searching the internet?

Your keyboard.

How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb

None, because the keyboard player can do it with his left hand

A company had a vacancy for a job so they put a sign outside of their office saying ...

A company had a vacancy for a job so they put a sign outside of their office saying ‘

Job Vacancy- apply within. Applicants must:

1.) be able to type at least 80 words per minute.

2.)must be good at computers.

3.)must be bilingual

After weeks of having no applican...

Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory

At first I just wasn’t putting in enough shifts, then I couldn’t keep the space clean and finally I lost control

Why can't the keyboard sleep?

Cause it's working double shift

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just bought an egotistical keyboard

It's like a regular keyboard but there's no backspace button because I never make mistakes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend sat on my keyboard...

I told her, " You must be sitting on the F5 key, because that ass is refreshing." ...

She said, "No it's Alt +F4". I just got shut down.

What do you call a keyboard with one letter constantly pressed?

O-pressed

My cat loves to step on my keyboard

Hmckfykfkufjthfidrbsxjhcktsrg chdrgqbg
Ftgangg r Jr temvzdv. If MT c
Bzzca v CD gen dmath

My boyfriend slammed me onto the table and banged me all day long

Life as a keyboard is good.

I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts

Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think

An astronaut scheduled for a launch to the space station thought the world was starting to get too chaotic, so he brought a computer keyboard with him on his trip

Now everything is back under control.

^^^^^I'm ^^^^^sorry.

My buddy told me to quit my job at the keyboard factory and become an astronaut

That way I can visit the Space Bar

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from the keyboard factory yesterday

I wasn't putting in enough shifts, which I thought was some capital bullshit. They're such Ctrl freaks and now I need to find alternate work

I don’t know what happened... I just lost control...

I really should stop cleaning my keyboard while drunk.

A bad workman always blames his fools

\*tools

(stupid keyboard)

A backseat driver, armchair psychologist and a keyboard warrior walks into a bar...

...and for some unknown reason, they end up sitting right next to one another. Conversations ensue, and so do the braggings. The backseat driver says, "I trolled a guy so hard once, he ended up driving around in circles all around his own home!" Not to be outcast, the armchair psychologist says, "I ...

Got something stuck under my keyboard

But its okay, its under ctrl.

Life before the computer:



Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show.

A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider's home. A virus was the flu.

A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse p...

Keyboard factory

used to work at a keyboard factory, and my sector was responsible for the making of the Key D; my job was to test whether the D key worked or not, so everyday I would sit and press the D key on different keyboards for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Eventually I had had enough and had to leave, the jo...

I just smashed my keyboard, I'm so angry.

I just lost CTRL.

I lost the 2 middle keys in my keyboard

jk

My wife said to me, if you don't get off of the computer and help with the housework, she will bash my head on the keyboard.

But I think she's JockingFsss475241HHHNM,GDSADGHKLL;/UYRT5555rrrEEEEEEEEEECHHHHHHHHHHHHII003333454587111,KUJYTFB""""3u8ol;[45668kbnt72111vb ki90l.YJNMLGDASEDRUKOML'M :][EYRTYB;JIOI#M#KYFU6DCK ;/[]/

Why do cats like to step on computer keyboards?

jfjkl;fdasljki;l nkfskllkteqjpteqjwtjokkkkkkkllllll..

My wife told me that she would smash my face into the keyboard if I didn't stop being misogynist...

And that's when I let her know that I'm the Man of the House, the King of the Castle, the Lord of the Mancjkkf no jskslskf d j.lo alsjdj djdjslai48 err is shwks9ri3jekdo 3irbdjdibsks.

A person who posts lots of jokes to r/jokes found that 3 keys on his keyboard is broken, what are those keys?

Ctrl,C, and V

Everything's under control.

This is the worst keyboard ever.

My wife told me I spend too much time on Reddit.

She told me that she’s going to slam my head into the keyboard the next time she catches me on this site.

I told her I’m the King of the Castle. I’m the man. I’m th mdjsinxnsks xnxn an . Kfizkn, xnxk’cj’O&:9m
&:&ndjchsnapn :!.kskn !&/9nmsosk/ raeqbsn

One day, DJ Khalid’s son found a magical lamp...

One day, DJ Khaled’s son stumbled upon a magical lamp. After rubbing it, a mystical genie poured out of the stem and asked for boy what he wanted for his wishes. Knowing his father’s great love of music, the boy wished to become a keyboard, something Khaled enjoyed using for his music. “Granted”, sa...

Did you know, Google is making a new type of keyboard with only the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9? They're advertising it towards white women...

Because they "can't even"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard about the man who had to press the "D" button on a keyboard his whole life?

It's a d-pressing story.

My C, F, and A key in the keyboard doesn't play.

Well, FAC.

My roommate was playing a video game last night and when he died he completely smashed his keyboard...

yeah, he definitely lost Control.

Proper finger placement on a keyboard...

... is the difference between a doctor hacking off your appendage.... and a doctor jacking off your appendage.

How does the quadriplegic man type on his keyboard?

He holds his hands above his head.

Using the keyboard is so easy, I can do it with my eyes closed!

Said Stevie Wonder

Selling Paul Walker's keyboard on ebay ( $100 )

Disclaimer: it's missing a key ( previous owner lost CTRL ).

In a fit of rage I smashed my keyboard til all the keys popped off.

I guess you could say I lost Ctrl.

The police pulled up right next to me and my Yamaha on the shoulder of the highway today…

Apparently, it’s not the best place to play a keyboard…

A normal day at the Apple store

Me: *Walks into an Apple store.*

Apple employee: Hi, what would you like today?

Me: I got $1000 to buy anything I want.

AE: Then our iPhone XS will be perfect! You can have the power of a computer right in your pocket. You can call, text, browse, play games, and so much more!...

This is a long joke but the build up is worth it

Somewhere far away from here, there was a horse, a cow and a chicken. The horse had always wanted to start a band, so he learnt to play the guitar, while he was learning, he started looking for others who would be interested in joining his band, and found a chicken who was really good at singing and...

Why is a job at the broken keyboard factory so lucrative?

There's plenty of extra shifts to pick up.

So I used to work in a keyboard factory

I got fired because I always lost CTRL and because of that I went HOME and lost a lot of SHIFTS. I guess F8 didn't want me to work there.

My keyboard's "W" key broke today.

I don't know if I can just move forward from this.

Did you hear about the ant who stored his food inside a keyboard?

He's got everything under CTRL

My mom said if I stayed up late then she'd bash my head against my keyboard again

I'm old enough to stay awake for as long as I damn pleahfjjsjjchfigjbrbrje d ffhfhfnfbfbrbrbrdjdjfufhfhdhdbdbrvtjtkykumhkfieuegdgajks38rjbfbfbdejjejekdfnjf

An ant has been living under my keyboard for a while but now I’ve managed to make it stay under only one key

Don’t worry I’ve got it under ctrl

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