My mom said if I stayed up late then she'd bash my head against my keyboard again

I'm old enough to stay awake for as long as I damn pleahfjjsjjchfigjbrbrje d ffhfhfnfbfbrbrbrdjdjfufhfhdhdbdbrvtjtkykumhkfieuegdgajks38rjbfbfbdejjejekdfnjf

Why is a job at the broken keyboard factory so lucrative?

There's plenty of extra shifts to pick up.

Yesterday I was typing, and got a crumb in my keyboard

Don’t worry, it’s under ctrl

I smashed up my keyboard and couldnt find the last key

I lost Ctrl

Did you hear about the ant who stored his food inside a keyboard?

He's got everything under CTRL

Why does the keyboard work 24 hrs a day?

Because it has 2 shifts.

My keyboard's "W" key broke today.

I don't know if I can just move forward from this.

An ant has been living under my keyboard for a while but now I’ve managed to make it stay under only one key

Don’t worry I’ve got it under ctrl

A keyboard joke

Why keyboards don’t sleep?
Because they have 2 shift’s

My d*** is as big from A to Z

-Look on your keyboard...

I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday...

...I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

While cleaning my keyboard, I lost one of the keys.

I lost control.

My laptop's keyboard really works too hard...

It has two SHIFTS

Guy at work saw I was jealous of his new keyboard...

He said we can type on it at the same time but our hands might touch, I said that's ok - no home row bro.

Have you heard the one about the broken keyboard?

Never mind. It probably wouldn't click.

What did the guy who slammed his face on the keyboard say?

7u8y66uy8ht 4tyggtygy

My mother said she will smash my head into my keyboard if I don't get off of Reddit and do my homework, well I think she

Jfjdjgbgbhfjfhhfnfnt

Why was the one keyboard whispering to the other keyboard?

It was case sensitive

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My keyboard has intermittent problems.

The comma button doesn't work for short pauses.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other

Retards

/u/TheDarkKn1ght

(First post to this community, please be kind)

What is Neil Armstrong's favorite key on the keyboard?

The SPACE BAR of course!!!!


My ten year old came up with that doozy :)

My mom said she will smash my head against my keyboard if i dont get off my computer.

Well guess what? Im not going to getododkdjfjjdajndjxixushsbbduxuhha

The keyboard player in our band committed suicide...

...after his Hammond c70, Moog 361 and Casio with a built in valve and leslie keyboards all broke down at once.


The coroner said he died of multiple organ failure

V

V

*Edit: seems like the ctrl key on my keyboard is not working

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My dick is so long if I laid it on the keyboard it would stretch all the way from A to Z

Wait... Shit...

What type of keyboard does an octopus use?

SQWERTY

A bad workman blames his fools...

**EDIT: tools**

...stupid keyboard...

I can't see an end. I have no control and I don't think there's any escape. I don't even have a home anymore.

I think it's time for a new keyboard.

Someone keeps taking my task manager combination keys off my keyboards.

I’ve lost all control, and I have no alternative but to delete this horrible joke.

MY KEYBOARD HAS A SENSITIVE SPOT. WHEN I TOUCH IT, IT GOES

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's a nazi's favorite button combo on a keyboard?

Alt-right.

I'll see myself out.

A keyboard walks into a bar...

"Start a new tab for me," said the keyboard.

"But, you already have one..." said the bartender.

I rearranged my keyboard today

Now everything's under Control

It has been said that a million monkeys hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type complete works of William Shakespeare.....

With the advent of internet, now we know that is not true!

I am selling Paul Walker's keyboard on ebay, anyone interested ?

I am willing to do a special price, because he lost CONTROL.

I bought my wife a qwerty keyboard for Valentine's Day...

...She said she wanted a divorak.

What does it look like when you beat someone over the head with a keyboard?

,rr,lrwARFGZL,EFWAbn hbjgffsddvsasfdsfddfggfgghhghjmhjhggfgvd cxekhs5gthvce78iu

I was so tried today after working at the giant keyboard factory..

I put in a big shift

Today it became clear to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on the keyboard.

This is why I'll never be ending an email with 'Regards' ever again.

A mother notices her toddler typing on the keyboard

She tells her older child, “Hey look at your little brother type on the keyboard just like daddy!”

Her daughter replies, “No mommy, he types like you. Daddy types with one hand.”

My keyboard works for everyone except me

I guess it just isn't my type.

How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?

qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv

Whenever I’m stressed, I lay my head on my keyboard and scream.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My piano keyboard is stuck on the clavichord sound setting.

I think it might be baroque.

What's The Donald's favourite keyboard shortcut?

Command Alt Right.

How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?

thbjgctr[HUV93tqwbhj4yui89 4ruq9-tyq3t9qp36crioedfh qweoyq9f7ewr y9p7q8tr q37902t 4047yq3rqwrqorgq rp8oqgrqo8g8owg fp8ewfg o8wegf ofhu prhq439pyr q4t83q[i09[fi0a[fdshv payuhieyu463wsur58ry r927ct9y1y9f38qepw0t7f8qeje278ee0

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The other day, my friend told me his penis was so big that it went from A to Z.

I told him to stop putting his dick on his keyboard or I'm never fixing his computer again.

I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.

I expect a long sentence.

I never realised how close "f" and "t" were on the keyboard...

...not until I texted my wife and told her I'd tucked our daughter in, anyway.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My dick is so big that if I laid it out on a keyboard, it would go from A to Z.

Wait, shit.

Just because someone found out how to connect a keyboard and a portable radio together doesn't make them a nerd

That would be stereotyping.

Nobody in the world knows what those tiny sideways triangles on a keyboard mean.

Well, more or less.

Where do all the keyboard keys get drunk?

Where do all the keyboard keys get drunk? At the space bar.

So a spider just crawled onto my keyboard

But don't worry I think it's under ctrl.

There's a new keyboard shortcut in GTA V which if you press it will cause your character to kill minorities.

Alt-right

A young lady from my office just sent me an email

saying "ithinktherearesomeproblemswithmykeyboardcanyoupleasegivemeanalternative"

Oh boy am I excited, but what does "ternative" mean?

Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?

Because the & is near

My father told me that he is going to smash my head into the keyboard if I log into reddit again.

He just went out and I just can't stand not knowing what is on the front page. I will just log in and then log oudhbebsuus ehdbdhdhhdjr ejjeuududjbd eksomsnqbssicuu dbsujdbdjsjsjdf jsisjskjdhduxbskksi iejdjdnn jdjdjxjjss

I quit my job at the keyboard factory.

I didn't have enough control and wanted to look for an alt.

I assembled an IKEA keyboard

it's amain ho many spare parts they ive you

My Dad told me specifically not to touch the keyboard...I pressed Ctrl-B

It was a bold move

I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts

Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I had sex with a woman on top of a keyboard

I made her qwert

Some guy hit on me at the keyboard store today

I told him he wasn't my type.

What is the keyboard shortcut to becoming an idiot who throws temper tantrums like a child?

Alt-right.

What keyboard shortcut can be used to stop recent senseless violence from continuing?

CTRL-ALT-Right

What is a rapper's favorite key on a keyboard?

F12

I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...

It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.

Look at your keyboard. U and I are together.

Look just below it.

JK.

I want anarchy

Because my keyboard is missing one.

My wife gave me a mouse and a keyboard for my birthday.

I learned to play "KLONKY DONKEY" on the keyboard and trained that little fella to dance.

I broke some letters off my keyboard last night

My mood just shifted, there was no escape. I honestly just lost control. I need to alt-er these episodes of mine, these repair bills are building up quite a tab.

Two thristy aliens landed on my keyboard

They were looking for the space bar

What keyboard shortcut is extensively used by journalists who work for Breitbart News?

alt right

My mom said if I don't stop using reddit she will bang my head on keyboard

But I know she will never do that because she loves medssxcvnklkjfsaarfscnnlknvdgjjbcfggukkfrhhvvvrrjbzddsazvbdwjjhguoiufde

A keyboard walks into a bar

He orders a round of drinks fir everyone. The bartender asks him how he will be paying for the drinks. The keyboard says "just put it on my tab."

Life before the computer:

Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show.

A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider's home. A virus was the flu.

A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad wa...

A friend told me that Asians are the best at computer games because they use two keyboards instead of one.

But that's just stereo typing.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This damn button keeps popping off my keyboard...

I swear I am about to lose fucking Ctrl.

Thank god the "S" on my keyboard doesn't work...

It means I can apply for jobs and they think I'm just an ex-offender.

One day a horse is watching a music video [Long]

One day a horse is watching a music video and decides that he himself, wants to make a music video.

​

In preparation, he goes to the phone book and looks up a local music teacher. He calls him up and says


"Hey, I saw that you teach musical instruments, and I rea...

I've got a part time job making rubberised computer keyboards.

They offer flexible shifts.

How is a woman like a computer keyboard?

The B and the V are right next to each other.