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Keyboard Jokes

Why do keyboards never sleep?

Because they have two shifts.

How do you make a computer keyboard sad?

You make the key "D" pressed

My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and do my homework, she's gonna slam my head on the keyboard.

But I don’t give a fuskhhkxkhdkhhskhd

What's management's favorite keyboard shortcut?

Shift + Blame.

What is Elon Musk's favourite keyboard shortcut?

ctrl + space + x

I was fired from the keyboard factory today.

I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

I can’t believe I just got sacked from the keyboard factory

They said I wasn’t putting enough shifts in

Today it became clear to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on the keyboard.

This is why I'll never be ending an email with 'Regards' ever again.

A radiologist had fallen on hard times. Looking around for what he could eat, he saw that his keyboard didn't have safety warnings suggesting it wasn't edible. After getting so far, he began having stomach pains, so he decided to take an X-ray. He found an asterisk...

...blocking the colon.

Why is the computer keyboard working so hard?

Because it has two shifts!

I smashed up my keyboard and couldnt find the last key

I lost Ctrl

What's The Donald's favourite keyboard shortcut?

Command Alt Right.

How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?

qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv

A spider ran onto my keyboard

It is under control

Why does the Chinese government crackdown on keyboard warriors?

They don't want to have another Typing Rebellion

Keyboard demon

Greg is sitting at his computer browing his favouriye website and a demon pops out from behind his keyboard and proclaims "for I am the almighty keyboard demon! here to steal all your keys" Greg jumps back out of his seat like a shot!

Taking advantage of this, the demon grabs the keyboard an...

My wife told me that she would smash my face into the keyboard if I didn't stop being misogynist...

And that's when I let her know that I'm the Man of the House, the King of the Castle, the Lord of the Mancjkkf no jskslskf d j.lo alsjdj djdjslai48 err is shwks9ri3jekdo 3irbdjdibsks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dick is so long if I laid it on the keyboard it would stretch all the way from A to Z

Wait... Shit...

How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?

thbjgctr[HUV93tqwbhj4yui89 4ruq9-tyq3t9qp36crioedfh qweoyq9f7ewr y9p7q8tr q37902t 4047yq3rqwrqorgq rp8oqgrqo8g8owg fp8ewfg o8wegf ofhu prhq439pyr q4t83q[i09[fi0a[fdshv payuhieyu463wsur58ry r927ct9y1y9f38qepw0t7f8qeje278ee0

A Canadian took their keyboard into their clubhouse...

Piano fort, eh?

Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?

Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!

What do you call a keyboard with one letter constantly pressed?

O-pressed

Some guy hit on me at the keyboard store today

I told him he wasn't my type.

Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory

At first I just wasn’t putting in enough shifts, then I couldn’t keep the space clean and finally I lost control

My wife said to me, if you don't get off of the computer and help with the housework, she will bash my head on the keyboard.

But I think she's JockingFsss475241HHHNM,GDSADGHKLL;/UYRT5555rrrEEEEEEEEEECHHHHHHHHHHHHII003333454587111,KUJYTFB""""3u8ol;[45668kbnt72111vb ki90l.YJNMLGDASEDRUKOML'M :][EYRTYB;JIOI#M#KYFU6DCK ;/[]/

Keyboard Woes

My girlfriend sent me an email:

myspacebarisbrokenpleasegivemeanalternative



My question - what does ternative mean?

An infinite number of monkeys on an infinite number of keyboards happen to write the perfect joke

The joke is reposted.

What keyboard shortcut do the elderly have the most trouble with?

Ctrl+P

A spider crawled into my keyboard last night...

He is still in there. I have him under control.

V

V

*Edit: seems like the ctrl key on my keyboard is not working

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?

Shift + T



^(\[OC?\])

A keyboard asked me out

It wasn't my type

I thought I spilled coffee all over my keyboard.

My keyboard still works fine except one key. The spill was under control.

[OC] Hey girl, are you a keyboard?

Because you're something I might just smash out of frustration.

I rearranged my keyboard today

Now everything's under Control

I can't see an end. I have no control and I don't think there's any escape. I don't even have a home anymore.

I think it's time for a new keyboard.

Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?

Ctrl-P

A bad workman blames his fools...

**EDIT: tools**

...stupid keyboard...

Keyboard factory

used to work at a keyboard factory, and my sector was responsible for the making of the Key D; my job was to test whether the D key worked or not, so everyday I would sit and press the D key on different keyboards for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Eventually I had had enough and had to leave, the jo...

Donald uses a keyboard...

.. and Mickey mouse.

It is said that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare

Today, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true

Keyboard on my phone is not working

Keyboard on my phone is not working can someone help?

my wife told me she would bang my head into my keyboard If I don't stop playing.

I think she was just nrftgiureenhubykgvybunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnbbhnjmk,m njkk,ml,mbuobkghljijnhb mblkbnb hhljnwoerboughfwbebrfhjtjhrbkbhjy y tn n66 nt t6nfm tykm knmtntmkcnk yn ynkmmnkyg

My keyboard is a victim

It has been O-pressed

I'm not like other keyboards...

I'm qwerty

So a spider just crawled onto my keyboard

But don't worry I think it's under ctrl.

Just because someone found out how to connect a keyboard and a portable radio together doesn't make them a nerd

That would be stereotyping.

Today I pulled a key off my keyboard [long]

Today I pulled one of the CTRL keys from my keyboard and was shocked to find myself looking down at the entire universe: stars planets, black holes, the whole thing was right there beneath my keyboard.

I was so shocked I called a friend in to show her. After five minutes of gazing into total...

I've been learning keyboard shortcuts

I have decided to start learning and using keyboard shortcuts, they are really convenient and can actually save you quite a bit of time.

For example:

The Windows key + D will minimize everything and go to your desktop

Alt Tab will switch between applications

Alt Right wi...

I spilled some coffee on my keyboard,

Now i have no escape.

Where do computer keyboards get a drink?

The Space Bar

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had sex with a woman on top of a keyboard

I made her qwert

Why did the astronaut take his computer's keyboard apart?

He was looking for the Space Bar.

Why was the one keyboard whispering to the other keyboard?

It was case sensitive

How do you call someone that switches the m and n letters on a keyboard

A Nomster

Why can't the keyboard sleep?

Cause it's working double shift

I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts

Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think

TIL that if you press and hold 0 on your keyboard it turn into degree (°)

As both have no values.

What do you call a solar powered keyboard?

A photosynthesiser

Why does the keyboard work 24 hrs a day?

Because it has 2 shifts.

How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?

You start with the higher R key.

A keyboard walks into a bar

He orders a round of drinks fir everyone. The bartender asks him how he will be paying for the drinks. The keyboard says "just put it on my tab."

What is Neil Armstrong's favorite key on the keyboard?

The SPACE BAR of course!!!!


My ten year old came up with that doozy :)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from the keyboard factory yesterday

I wasn't putting in enough shifts, which I thought was some capital bullshit. They're such Ctrl freaks and now I need to find alternate work

My mom said if I stayed up late then she'd bash my head against my keyboard again

I'm old enough to stay awake for as long as I damn pleahfjjsjjchfigjbrbrje d ffhfhfnfbfbrbrbrdjdjfufhfhdhdbdbrvtjtkykumhkfieuegdgajks38rjbfbfbdejjejekdfnjf

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend sat on my keyboard...

I told her, " You must be sitting on the F5 key, because that ass is refreshing." ...

She said, "No it's Alt +F4". I just got shut down.

My cat loves to step on my keyboard

Hmckfykfkufjthfidrbsxjhcktsrg chdrgqbg
Ftgangg r Jr temvzdv. If MT c
Bzzca v CD gen dmath

I swapped the ‘S’ and ‘C’ keys on my entomologist friends keyboard

*heh* try looking up “insect facts” now!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dick is so big that if I laid it out on a keyboard, it would go from A to Z.

Wait, shit.

Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?

Because the & is near

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just bought an egotistical keyboard

It's like a regular keyboard but there's no backspace button because I never make mistakes

My boss said if I see you browsing reddit again, I'll smash your head to the keyboard

I guess hejgfjucurbnfocndldpllkanabdvwcdcc

This morning I came early to my office

And, I switched places of M's and N's on as many keyboards as I could.

Some people would say I am a monster but others would say nomster.

I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.

I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.

I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...

It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.

I lost the 2 middle keys in my keyboard

jk

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The button next to the "2" key on my keyboard broke.

Guess it was 1 key.

Twitter have just created a keyboard shortcut that mutes all Neo-Conservative posts.

Ctrl + Alt + Right

So I used to work in a keyboard factory

I got fired because I always lost CTRL and because of that I went HOME and lost a lot of SHIFTS. I guess F8 didn't want me to work there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This damn button keeps popping off my keyboard...

I swear I am about to lose fucking Ctrl.

My keyboard's "W" key broke today.

I don't know if I can just move forward from this.

The keyboard player in our band committed suicide...

...after his Hammond c70, Moog 361 and Casio with a built in valve and leslie keyboards all broke down at once.


The coroner said he died of multiple organ failure

Selling Paul Walker's keyboard on ebay ( $100 )

Disclaimer: it's missing a key ( previous owner lost CTRL ).

I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.

I expect a long sentence.

I was in a new IT themed restaurant the other day...

When I walked in I could see the place decorated like the inside of a computer. The tables looked like motherboards, the placemats looked like keyboards, and the glasses looked like giant USB sticks. The host was there to greet me and he was dressed in the usual "nerd" attire - glasses, pocket prote...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's a nazi's favorite button combo on a keyboard?

Alt-right.

I'll see myself out.

Why do cats like to step on computer keyboards?

jfjkl;fdasljki;l nkfskllkteqjpteqjwtjokkkkkkkllllll..

How does the quadriplegic man type on his keyboard?

He holds his hands above his head.

Why is a job at the broken keyboard factory so lucrative?

There's plenty of extra shifts to pick up.

Did you hear about the ant who stored his food inside a keyboard?

He's got everything under CTRL

Why did the Hogwarts admissions office replace its typists' keyboards after Harry Potter was admitted?

There were too many repeated letters.

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