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Dancing Jokes

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."

I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

What part of your body shouldn't move while dancing?

Your bowels!

I saw a busker playing Dancing Queen on the didgeridoo

I thought that's Abba-riginal.

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I own a farm and this morning one of my farmhands was dancing naked in front of the tractor.

I asked what the hell are you doing?


He said his wife and him were having problems and the marriage counselor told him he had to do something sexy to a tractor.

What did the cop say to the dancing thief?

The jig is up!

Chuck Norris’ wife accidentally kneed him in the groin while dancing

He asked her if her knee was ok

The other day I saw a little rainbow and it was dancing all over the place so I asked the rainbow why it was dancing...

The rainbow replied: "Cuz I just got outta prism"

A guy takes his wife out for the night and they end up at a disco where there’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, every dance move going. The wife turns to her husband and says...

“See that guy on the dance floor? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”

The husband replies, “It looks like he’s still celebrating.”

TIL the lead singer of Chumbawumba is married to a champion breakdancer. She had to give up dancing when she fell pregnant but, only three months after giving birth, successfully defended her title at the World Championship.

She got knocked up, but she got down again.

Why don't baby seals go dancing?

They're terrified of clubs!

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Daddy can I go out dancing with my friends tonight?

Dad can I go out dancing with my friends tonight?

Sure, but not with that miniskirt you're wearing

But dad why not?

Cause I can see your cock, George

Why was the window dancing?

...because of the door jam!

When you're old, the only pole dancing you can do is....

....to hold on to the safety bar in the bathtub

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Putin and Biden are wrapping up their discussion...

Putin says: "You know, Joe. I had this dream few days ago"

Biden: "Oh, what kind of dream?"

Putin: "I saw America, in flames. Nuclear warhead crater where Capitol used to be. New York leveled. Los Angeles covered in human ash. It was Glorious, Joe. I nearly teared up..."

Biden: ...

While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.


"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."


"No problem, just let ...

What do you call a pole dancing chicken

A chicken strip

What do you call it when a tap dancing mare signals for help?

Horse code

My drunk girlfriend asked me what I thought of her dancing.

I told her it was just staggering.

Last night I went dancing with the Tsars

Peter and Nicholas were great, but Ivan was terrible.

Three women are changing at the gym when a man wearing nothing but a ski mask enters the changeroom and starts dancing in front of the women.

The first woman looks at the man and says, "I don't know who this guy is, but he isn't my husband!"

The second woman takes a closer look at the man. Then she turns to the first woman and says, "You are right. He isn't your husband."

The third woman takes an even closer look and says, "...

A woman wanted to know how her husband would react if she left him. She wrote him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. She put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.

When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a numb...

There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident.

He became very depressed because he had loved to play guitar and do a lot of things that took two arms.

One day he had had it. He decided to commit suicide and went to the top of a building to jump off.

He was standing on the ledge looking down when he saw a man skipping along, whistli...

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I was dancing with a woman in a bar and things were getting heated.

"Want to go back to my place?" I asked.

"Of course," she grinned.

"Nice," I replied, handing her my keys. "Just let the dog out for a shit, please."

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to prom..

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually...

What is a penguin’s favorite dancing style?

Pole Dancing

Shock Rocker Alice Cooper says he's taken up Tap Dancing during lockdown, with online group lessons every Wednesday

He says he's making slow progress, but doing better than Elton John, who - after six weeks - is still standing.

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Crocodile.

A multi-millionaire, living in Australia, decided to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors... He also invited Brian, the only native Australian in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool, in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time, drinking, ...

I walked past a woman in the club who was dancing on the table.

She was at least 300lb.

I said "those are some strong legs!"

She smiled and said "Thanks!"

I said "I was talking about the table."

Why did Charlie Brown take his pole dancing routine so seriously?

He was tired of doing comic strips.

I got thrown out of the dentist's surgery for dancing.

I mean, he's the one who asked me to floss...

In order to stay healthy during this pandemic, I’ve been dancing in public while insulting people.

I practice social diss dancing.

A Priest dies and goes to heaven. As he's approaching the gates, he hears a band of singing and dancing angels approach, and he begins to get excited.

The lead angel approaches the Priest and asks if he would mind stepping aside for a moment.

Surprised, the Priest does as he's asked.

The angels march out of the gates and encircle a man who has also approached the gates. The man is in a bus driver uniform.

The joyous parade of ...

US politics is a lot like square dancing.

Move to the right, take one step back, move to the left, take one step forward. Repeat.

Why are Democrat robots so bad at dancing?

They were built with bad Al-Gore-rhythms.

Cop: Suspect is dancing naked downtown.

Dispatcher: Copy that.

Cop: I'll try but I'm not much of a dancer.

I used to do a lot of tap dancing

but I kept falling in the sink

A man wakes up after a night of drinking to see a single red rose on his bedside table.

Beside the rose is a glass of water, two Advil, and a note from his wife. The note says, "Hi honey, the pills are for your headache. When you're ready, come down to the kitchen and I'll fix your favorite breakfast. Love you!"

He also notices that he is still in the clothes he was wearing la...

A man and his girlfriend were dancing in a club

The man gets thirsty and decides to go and find a drink. He tries the bar but the line is really long and he wants to get back to his girlfriend. He decides that the water cooler might be a better option but when he gets there the line is also really long. He is getting worried about his girlfriend ...

Why are dogs so bad at dancing?

Because they have 2 left feet.

I had a dream last night about dancing chickens...

It was like poultry in motion.

I've recently taken up tap dancing.

Unfortunately I keep falling into the bath.

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

“Ringling Brothers is coming to town this week,” she said. “The poster says they have a dancing bear. I always wanted to see one of those.”

“Maybe next year,” says the man. “Work’s really busy this week.”

The next night at dinner, t...

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An American spy comes into a Soviet bar

And orders a drink.

"No drink for US spies" said the barkeep.

The spy goes pale. He pulls out a bottle of Vodka and drains it in one big gulp.

"You drink like Russian, but you are American spy"

The spy pulls out his accordeon and plays a wonderful Russian folk song, every...

What do you call it when a white guy is dancing and has a seizure?

An improvement.

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Ever since my wife and I took up dancing classes, our marriage has been so much better.

She goes to class on Friday, and I go on Saturday

What do you call Al Gore when he's dancing?

Algorithm.

I had to give up my tap-dancing career.....

I kept slipping and landing in the sink.

Knock knock...

Who’s there?

Hike.

Hike who?


Warm midnight falling.
Stars shining, dancing brightly.
Peaceful all at once

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A fight breaks out at a Newfie wedding...

Chairs are flying and women are crying. The police show up and arrest all the men involved in the scuffle.

They all are brought to the court house and all you hear is chatter. "Order in my court", screams the judge. "Can someone come up and please explain what happened?".

Jimmy speaks...

Teacher: “Who do you think invented dancing, children?”

Little Johnny: “My guess is a big Irish family with just one bathroom.”

With #DiaperDon trending on Twitter, his weird dancing makes since.

He’s trying to wiggle out his poo.

Yesterday I started singing and dancing by myself at the food court

That's how I learned that flash mobs are planned ahead of time.

Facebook keeps suggesting that I watch videos of former American Vice Presidents dancing.

All to do with the Al Gore rhythms, apparently.

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A farmer strolls over to visit his neighbor, and finds him dancing, naked, in the barn in front of the farm equipment.

The farmer gasps, "Whoa! What are you doing?!"

His neighbor replies, "Well, me and the wife haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately, and our therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor."

I started dancing so that I could sleep with women...

But my signature move was always a beat off.

An elderly couple is dancing a waltz.

Halfway through the second dance the guy, an old sailor, asks his wife:"Darling, would you mind spinning the other way round?"
"Of course, why?"
"Because you're unscrewing my wooden leg!"

What do you call a pretty girl you only take line dancing?

A Slide Piece

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A white woman and a black man are dancing at a club...

A white woman and a black man are dancing at a club, and after a while things start to get hot and heavy. After some heavy kissing and petting, the woman makes the suggestion that they return to her apartment for the night.
When the couple arrives at the woman’s apartment, they begin passionately...

A cop sees a dancing suspect

Cop: Suspect is engaging in high-profile break-dancing in the main square

Radio: Copy that

Cop: I’ve had a couple breakdance lessons but I’m no way as good as him sir

Today, I saw a cop dancing while pulling over a U-Haul truck.

I think he was trying to bust a move.

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This blonde woman was at a nightclub and started dancing with a big black man. Things were going well and she later invited him home. When they got inside she threw her arms around him and whispered in his ear: "I want you to prove that what they say about black men is true"

So he stabbed her and stole her purse.

I was on my way to work the other day and i passed a busker playing 'Dancing Queen' on the didgeridoo.

I thought to myself 'thats Abbariginal'...

Did you hear about the tap dancing blonde?

She slipped off and broke her leg

I saw M. Night Shyamalan at a dancing competition today.

What a twist.

What kind of poultry is good at dancing?

A twerkey!

Apologies for the awful joke. Thought of it this morning and it made me laugh for an unreasonable length of time.

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A man enters a pub, walks up to have a seat at the bar, and then pulls out a three-inch tall leprechaun from his front shirt pocket to set it on the bar top.

The man looks at the bartender and says, "Yo, I'd like to get a beer for me and an Irish wine for my little pal here!"


The bartender returns with the drinks in short time. The man drinks his beer, the leprechaun drinks all the Irish wine from the bottle. Only for it to suddenly stop in ...

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I bought a Ouija board recently from a strange old man...

I got it home, laid out the pieces and before I could even ask it a question the planchette started to move around, it eventually spelt

I'VE GOT A MESSAGE TO YOU


'What is your message?' I asked.

YOU SHOULD BE DANCING

Fear started flushing over me, 'Why s...

What comes after dirty dancing?

Roomba

Did you hear about the young lady who was addicted to line dancing?

They put her in a two step program.

The dancing aliens (LONG)

On the first contact mission to Mars two astronauts where sent up to make contact with the other worldly beings. After 300 long days in the space ship the astronauts finally landed on Mars what they saw deeply surprised them they saw 2 beautiful humanoid figures welcoming them with open arms. The as...

What’s the difference between dancing and lying?

One is making it up and the other is breaking it down.

What did the dancing queen use to solve her math problems?

An ABBA-cus.

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So I was at this lap dancing joint a week ago...

And as I slid a $10 note into her lacy panties she leaned over and said to me "come up in an hour and we can have super sex".

"Great!" I replied. "I'm hungry, I'll have the soup!".

A teenager has a crush on a girl, and decides to ask her to the prom. The girls accepts, and the boy is over the moon.

Because he wants this night to be perfect, he decides he needs to dress his best, so, a couple of weeks before the prom he looks to rent a tuxedo.

When he gets to the store there are already people waiting in line, but he waits anyway, and gets his tuxedo.

He wants himself and his date...

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A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.

He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, a...

Irish Dancing Manual

Lost for centuries, volume 2 of the Irish Dancing Manual has finally been rediscovered.

It’s titled “How to Move The Arms”

A man explains to his girlfriend that his pants are especially made for dancing.

Girlfriend: Ballroom?

Man: No not much.

At first I thought my son was break dancing, so I started beat boxing around him.

Turns out he's epileptic.

What do you get when you cross slow dancing with Arabic royalty?

Dancing Sheikh to Sheikh.

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A man goes to the doctor because he can't stop dancing

The doctor does some tests to see what's wrong with him and eventually figures out the problem.

The doctor tells the man "It appears you've got a case of Saturday Night Fever"

You go to the ballet and you see girls dancing on their tiptoes.

Why don’t they just get taller girls?

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I was dancing with a girl in a club when I reached down with my hand and felt testicles and a penis.

Then I got escorted out for masturbating.

I couldn’t figure out why my Twitter feed only showed videos of Ex vice presidents dancing.

Turns out it’s just the Al gore rhythm

Capitalism is dancing at the edge of the abyss.

Socialism, of course, is one step ahead of them.

I got this new pair of jeans and they're really stretchy so I call them my dancing pants...

because of the ballroom.

The secret to a long marriage is that we take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.

She goes on Tuesdays. I go on Fridays.

What do you call it when 2 people independently start dancing at the same time?

A coincidance.

I was walking down the street one day when I heard someone playing Dancing Queen and Mamma Mia on the didgeridoo.

That's Abba-rigonal

My friend has taken up Morris dancing

I gave him some stick for it.

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My friend thinks I'm a homosexual because I enjoy pole dancing.

"Pole dancing" sounds better than "riding cock".

A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a neighborhood pub.

The place was hopping with music and dancing but every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time after the lights would go out the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked,

"May I ple...

My friend has been working on an Al Gore-themed dancing game

I asked him how it works, but it apparently runs off of a very secret Al Gore rhythm.

What do you call a dancing Latina with a yeast infection?

Macarena and cheese

Dance

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,00...

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