UPJOKE
balletdiscojivetangowaltzmusicmambodancingsambaheelmovepartyballperformancesalsa

What do you call a dancing sheep?

A baa-lerina

A guy takes his wife out for the night and they end up at a disco where there’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, every dance move going. The wife turns to her husband and says...

“See that guy on the dance floor? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”

The husband replies, “It looks like he’s still celebrating.”

Chuck Norris’ wife accidentally kneed him in the groin while dancing

He asked her if her knee was ok

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."

I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident.

He became very depressed because he had loved to play guitar and do a lot of things that took two arms.

One day he had had it. He decided to commit suicide and went to the top of a building to jump off.

He was standing on the ledge looking down when he saw a man skipping along, whistli...

The other day I saw a little rainbow and it was dancing all over the place so I asked the rainbow why it was dancing...

The rainbow replied: "Cuz I just got outta prism"

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Putin and Biden are wrapping up their discussion...

Putin says: "You know, Joe. I had this dream few days ago"

Biden: "Oh, what kind of dream?"

Putin: "I saw America, in flames. Nuclear warhead crater where Capitol used to be. New York leveled. Los Angeles covered in human ash. It was Glorious, Joe. I nearly teared up..."

Biden: ...

Putin asks a fortune teller when he will die...

Putin starts reading all the stuff on the Internet about how he has cancer, is going to be assassinated or overthrown. He goes to a fortune teller and pays her 1,000 rubles to tell his fortune.

She looks in her crystal ball. He says "tell me what you see." She says "I see parades. People danc...

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A man enters a pub, walks up to have a seat at the bar, and then pulls out a three-inch tall leprechaun from his front shirt pocket to set it on the bar top.

The man looks at the bartender and says, "Yo, I'd like to get a beer for me and an Irish wine for my little pal here!"


The bartender returns with the drinks in short time. The man drinks his beer, the leprechaun drinks all the Irish wine from the bottle. Only for it to suddenly stop in ...

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I was drunk at a club last night

Saw this gorgeous girl dancing with her friends, and full of drink and bravado I managed to stumble up to her and said, “Duck my sick”

She laughed at me and said, “I think you mean ‘suck my dick’”

I then threw up all over her and said, “Nope”

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Dear Diary,

Dear Diary,

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since playing football 24 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

Called...

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Why are Baptists against extramarital sex?

They're afraid it might lead to dancing.

A teenager has a crush on a girl, and decides to ask her to the prom.

The girls accepts, and the boy is over the moon. Because he wants this night to be perfect, he decides he needs to dress his best, so, a couple of weeks before the prom he looks to rent a tuxedo.

When he gets to the store there are already people waiting in line, but he waits anyway, and get...

A man dies and goes to hell

Because all the other torture chambers are full, the Devil puts him to hard labor.

A few hours pass, and the Devil returns to see how the torture is going. But the man is smiling and hardly working a sweat.

"Why haven't you given up yet? It's been at least 6 hours." The Devil asks him....

The Politician and the Afterlife

While walking down the street one day, a high ranking politician is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official a...

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I was dancing with a woman in a bar and things were getting heated.

"Want to go back to my place?" I asked.

"Of course," she grinned.

"Nice," I replied, handing her my keys. "Just let the dog out for a shit, please."

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A police officer gets a new case

A police officer is minding his own business when his partner drops a case on his desk. His partner says,"Leonid, a dance studio is running a drug operation, clear as day, open and shut case".
Leonid has had a long day but is excited because open and shut cases don't happen often around thi...

The last joke I heard from my grandfather before he passed away. Paraphrased because it was so long ago. Still my favorite joke.

You know, I wasn't always the strong Christian man I am today. I was a little wild before I met your gram, but we all have club stories, right? Some better than others, but they're all an important part of our history. Anyway, one night I went out to a club. It was a weeknight, so it wasn't like it ...

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You never told me about that hot date...

A man comes home to see his roommate sitting in the dining room drinking coffee.

"Hey man, you never told me about that hot date you had a little while back! What happened?"

The man suddenly bursts out crying and runs off to his room slamming the door behind him.

The roommate th...

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The old folks home decided to put on a little mixer for the residents.

The lights were dimmed and music from the youth of the residents began playing.

After a while, Harold and Lillian began slow dancing. Harold whispered in her ear that he’d like her to come back to his place for some sex. She agrees and off they go.

After an enthusiastic toss in the h...

Why are Democrat robots so bad at dancing?

They were built with bad Al-Gore-rhythms.

What do you call a pole dancing chicken

A chicken strip

Three women are changing at the gym when a man wearing nothing but a ski mask enters the changeroom and starts dancing in front of the women.

The first woman looks at the man and says, "I don't know who this guy is, but he isn't my husband!"

The second woman takes a closer look at the man. Then she turns to the first woman and says, "You are right. He isn't your husband."

The third woman takes an even closer look and says, "...

US politics is a lot like square dancing.

Move to the right, take one step back, move to the left, take one step forward. Repeat.

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I own a farm and this morning one of my farmhands was dancing naked in front of the tractor.

I asked what the hell are you doing?


He said his wife and him were having problems and the marriage counselor told him he had to do something sexy to a tractor.

What is a penguin’s favorite dancing style?

Pole Dancing

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A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.

He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, a...

A Swedish Farming Village in 1265...

...is facing a crisis. They haven't had any rain in almost 2 months. All of their crops are dead or dying, and many of the citizens are starving.

One day, Sven comes bursting into his kitchen, scooping his wife Helda into his arms and dancing with joy.

"Sven! What's gotten into you? Wh...

Shock Rocker Alice Cooper says he's taken up Tap Dancing during lockdown, with online group lessons every Wednesday

He says he's making slow progress, but doing better than Elton John, who - after six weeks - is still standing.

Last night I went dancing with the Tsars

Peter and Nicholas were great, but Ivan was terrible.

I used to do a lot of tap dancing

but I kept falling in the sink

TIL the lead singer of Chumbawumba is married to a champion breakdancer. She had to give up dancing when she fell pregnant but, only three months after giving birth, successfully defended her title at the World Championship.

She got knocked up, but she got down again.

A Priest dies and goes to heaven. As he's approaching the gates, he hears a band of singing and dancing angels approach, and he begins to get excited.

The lead angel approaches the Priest and asks if he would mind stepping aside for a moment.

Surprised, the Priest does as he's asked.

The angels march out of the gates and encircle a man who has also approached the gates. The man is in a bus driver uniform.

The joyous parade of ...

Where is Mike?

On a Monday morning, Paul, Mike's job's teammate, noticed Mike was not around and asked the project manager

'Where is Mike'

Upon which the manager replied

'He is in the hospital'

Paul having just seen Mike yesterday asked in confusion

'But I saw Mike yesterday danc...

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

“Ringling Brothers is coming to town this week,” she said. “The poster says they have a dancing bear. I always wanted to see one of those.”

“Maybe next year,” says the man. “Work’s really busy this week.”

The next night at dinner, t...

My 6yo sister asked me to post this joke on social media.. (Don’t be too harsh)

What was Billy doing in class??

He was billy dancing.

A bartender is thinking of closing early, it's been a slow day.

Just as he's about to start shutting down the bar and sending his staff home, the doors are flung open and a huge crowd of people flood inside. They're all singing and dancing, clearly in a celebratory mood, and it's all the bar staff can do to keep the beers flowing as the party atmosphere hits ful...

I had a dream last night about dancing chickens...

It was like poultry in motion.

I've recently taken up tap dancing.

Unfortunately I keep falling into the bath.

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An organ grinder and his capuchin monkey are hired to perform at a local pub

The organ grinder is happily taking requests from the patrons, but his monkey is in rare form on this particular evening. The monkey is dancing around on tables, stealing food, lifting cigarettes, and getting into various other shenanigans. At one point, the monkey hops up on the bar and starts pick...

Cop: Suspect is dancing naked downtown.

Dispatcher: Copy that.

Cop: I'll try but I'm not much of a dancer.

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At a local college dance, a guy from America asks a girl from Sweden to dance....

While they are dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, “In America,

we call this a hug.”

She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden we call it a hug too.”

A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, “In America, we call

this a kiss.”

She replies, “Yaah...

Why did Charlie Brown take his pole dancing routine so seriously?

He was tired of doing comic strips.

I got thrown out of the dentist's surgery for dancing.

I mean, he's the one who asked me to floss...

Why are dogs so bad at dancing?

Because they have two left feet.

In order to stay healthy during this pandemic, I’ve been dancing in public while insulting people.

I practice social diss dancing.

With #DiaperDon trending on Twitter, his weird dancing makes since.

He’s trying to wiggle out his poo.

Yesterday I started singing and dancing by myself at the food court

That's how I learned that flash mobs are planned ahead of time.

A man and his girlfriend were dancing in a club

The man gets thirsty and decides to go and find a drink. He tries the bar but the line is really long and he wants to get back to his girlfriend. He decides that the water cooler might be a better option but when he gets there the line is also really long. He is getting worried about his girlfriend ...

What do you call it when a white guy is dancing and has a seizure?

An improvement.

I walked past a woman in the club who was dancing on the table.

She was at least 300lb.

I said "those are some strong legs!"

She smiled and said "Thanks!"

I said "I was talking about the table."

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"12 Days Of Christmas - Bayou Style"

Day 1 Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it
las' night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree will grow
in the swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma.


Day 2 Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but
all I got was two scrawny pigeon...

I was nervously dancing with my colleague at the Christmas party

As she leant her head on me she said “You smell nice, what have you got on?”

I sheepishly replied “A hard on, but I didn’t think you could smell it...?”

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A joke from Berlusconi

It's 10 pm and a rich businessman, Mr. Bestetti, is working at his home office when his wife enters the room shouting: "I have talked with our priest, he told me everything! You cheat on me by going to the strip club! I am going to go to the lawyer and get a divorce, and you'll give me half of every...

I had to give up my tap-dancing career.....

I kept slipping and landing in the sink.

An elderly couple is dancing a waltz.

Halfway through the second dance the guy, an old sailor, asks his wife:"Darling, would you mind spinning the other way round?"
"Of course, why?"
"Because you're unscrewing my wooden leg!"

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A Guy Has Just Bought a New House in a new neighbourhood.

A guy purchased a new property in an area where he didn't know anyone. So he thought we would go to the neighbours and introduce himself.

He went next door, and was greeted by a gentleman telling him to FUCK OFF!

He was taken aback, and replied with, "I have just bought the house next...

Facebook keeps suggesting that I watch videos of former American Vice Presidents dancing.

All to do with the Al Gore rhythms, apparently.

A guy asks a girl to go to a dance night.

She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally, he gets his suit.


Going all out, he decides to buy flowers for the girl, so he goes to the flower shop next. The flower shop has a long queue as well, so he waits and waits until h...

My drunk girlfriend asked me what I thought of her dancing.

I told her it was just staggering.

A woman wanted to know how her husband would react if she left him. She wrote him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. She put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.

When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a numb...

What do you call a pretty girl you only take line dancing?

A Slide Piece

I started dancing so that I could sleep with women...

But my signature move was always a beat off.

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This blonde woman was at a nightclub and started dancing with a big black man. Things were going well and she later invited him home. When they got inside she threw her arms around him and whispered in his ear: "I want you to prove that what they say about black men is true"

So he stabbed her and stole her purse.

What did the dancing queen use to solve her math problems?

An ABBA-cus.

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