“Do you know how much it is to rent a church singing group?”

“Sir, do you mean a choir?”

“Fine, yes, do you know how much it is to acquire a church singing group?”

My wife asked me to stop singing “I’m a believer” by The Monkees. At first, I thought she was kidding.

But then I saw her face.

My wife told me to stop singing Smashmouth songs.

I said hey now...

When my wife wanted me to stop singing stayin’ alive I just laughed in her face

Ah, ha, ha, ha

My girlfriend left me because I wouldn’t stop singing Linkin Park songs.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

I was out shopping tonight, when I saw a new brand of condoms called, "Olympic." Trying to get in to the spirit of things, I bought a pack and when I got home, I sprinted in singing the Olympic theme song and proudly showed them to my wife...

"Olympic condoms!?" she asked. "What makes them so special? Are we only going to use them once every four years?!"

Chuckling, I replied, "No,no! You see, there are three colors, Gold, Silver and Bronze!"

"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asked cheekily.

"Gold of co...

I just got kicked out of a karaoke bar for singing Danger Zone five times

I exceeded the maximum number of Loggins attempts

What do you call a singing laptop?

A Dell.

Forgive me Father...for I have sinned. I keep singing the barenaked ladies.

“How Long has it been since your last confession?”

“It’s been.......”

The urge to start singing the popular song "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is always just a whim away.

A whim away

A-whim-away

A-wim-a-way, a-wim-a-way, a-wim-a-way....

Nothing beats a woman with a beautiful singing voice...

Except Chris Brown

A man opened his fridge and swore he heard two onions singing a Bee Gees song.

After closer inspection, he realized it was just chives talking.

Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’

He said: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”

“Is it common?” I asked.

“It’s not unusual” he replied.

I've been asked to lead the singing at Keith Flint's funeral

I'm a choir starter

My laptop was making funny noises today, it sounded like it was singing...

Probably because it's a Dell

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this kid likes this song and keeps singing the chorus excessively...

He only knows the chorus,nwhich goes “If my father was a king, my mother would be the queen, and I would be a prince.” And he sings this to himself constantly, on a loop.

One day, he’s riding in a cab and the taxi driver says, “Hey, buddy...don’t you know any more words to that song?”

...

Why did Ash Ketchum enter a singing competition?

He heard there would be Gary-oake.

Can someone explain this joke to me?



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A Man Walks Into a Bar...

he leans over and says to the bartender, "Hey, will you give me a free beer if I show you something so amazing that I can guarantee you've never seen it before?"
The bartender says, "Okay, but it had better be good."
The man reaches...

What type of singing do chickens do?

Yolk-aling

I recently got into choir singing after I broke my knee

Or more specifically, apatella.

The sun is singing, the birds are blazing, the trees are shouting...

I think I may have taken the wrong medication.

I wanted to hire a singing group for a wedding

So I called an event planning company (EPC) and asked them about the rates.

Me - How much to hire a singing group?
EPC - Oh, you mean a choir?
Me - Uhhhhh fine, how much to acquire a singing group ?

"Doctor, Doctor, I can't stop singing 'I Want It That Way'."

Doctor: "Tell me why."

What do you call a group of singing knight trainees?

A schoir

All 8 planets are singing Happy Birthday to the Sun and it sounds terrible.

Everyone turns to Earth and Earth says, "don't look at me, I'm not flat"

What's the difference between the end of a ship's gun and a Conservative pundit singing at Christmas?

One is a Cannon Barrel and the other is a Bannon Carole

Do you know where I keep my singing seahorses?

In a coral choral corral.

I was taking a shower, and I heard this really loud, obnoxious singing near my shoulder.

It was a soap opera.

My girlfriend begged my to stop singing Wonderwall

I said okay because no guys I'm not posting this joke for the 674th time, god. Let's make something original please.

I got kicked out of my aunt's funeral for singing a song...

It was the Pink Panther theme. Dead aunt, dead aunt, dead aunt dead aunt dead aunt...

What do you call it when a trickster god is singing just a little flat, but nobody really notices?

Low-key low key Loki.

whenever my wife starts singing around the house I immediately go into the yard

That way the neighbors know I'm not hitting her

One time, I was out scuba diving when I suddenly heard beautiful voices singing in unison.

I was very surprised until I looked beneath me and realized it was coming from a choral reef.

Turned my computer on this morning it started singing someone like you

Don't worry it's a dell

My wife said she was sick of me singing Backstreet Boys.

I said, "Tell me why..."

Singing French Knights

In the Middle Ages, Western France was known for it singing knights. The most famous group were a bunch of lancers from the town of Brittany. They were known as the Brittany Spears.

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.

Then it becomes a soap opera.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A loud drunk keeps singing in his jail cell.

A police officer yells at him to go to sleep.

"No," screeches the drunk.

Pissed off, the officer yells back, "STOP RESISTING A REST."

A girl had taken singing lessons from a famous teacher.

He was present at her recital, and after it was over she was anxious to know his reaction.

He didn't come back to congratulate her, and so she asked a friend, "What did he say?"

Her loyal friend answered, "He said that you sang heavenly."

She couldn't quite believe that her tea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

" doctor I can't stop singing What's New Pussycat."

" I think you might have Tom Jones syndrome."
" is it rare?" " it's not unusual."

What do you call a group of guys, sailing the sea, singing about looting and stealing?

21 pirates.

They threw me in jail for singing too much Elton John...

I’m not sure when I’ll get out, but I think it’s gonna be a long, long time.

A man comes to a circus and offers to do a show: a crocodile playing piano and a hippo singing.

The show has a tremendous success and earns a load of money for the circus, so the circus owner asks the man: “Tell me there’s a trick in your show; it can’t be that the crocodile plays piano and the hippo sings for real!”

The man answers: “You’ve got me here, of course it can’t be for real. ...

I was having trouble finding a singing partner,

so I bought myself a duet yourself kit.

What computer is best at singing?

A dell.











Oh look, the door.

So I found out that my computer is really good at singing

But that makes sense
After all, it is a dell

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Went to my favorite Indian restaurant and everyone was singing.

Found out later it was Curryoke night. Shit was hot.

My girlfriend thinks I'm insane and wants me to see a psychiatrist. She's threatening to leave me if I don't because I can't stop singing Gnarls Barkley.

Does that make me crazy?

What do you call someone lathering in the shower and singing along to Classical Music?

A soap opera

I overheard my wife singing in the shower.

"You should go on America's Got Talent," I told her.

"I can't sing," she replied.

I said, "Exactly."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex is like singing

I only do it when Im alone.

LPT: When you are sad start singing

You will quickly realise that your voice is way worse than your problems.

I don't understand why women love singing "Let it go"...

...Since most of them keep grudges for life.

Remember that scene from A Christmas Story where the people at the Chinese restaurant were singing "Fa ra ra ra raaa..."?

They were really filled with that no-L spirit.

A wife gives her husband a cheating test.

A man's wife wanted to know how her husband would react if she was to just up and leave one day so she came up with a way to trick her husband into thinking she had left. She wrote a note saying how she was tired of living with him and doesn't want to put up with him anymore. She left the note on t...

My computer won't stop crying and singing about break ups...

That's the last time I buy A Dell.

I asked my mom why she forced me to go to to singing lessons as a kid

She said singing is a skill I need to a choir.

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