A blonde goes up to a priest and asks,"Do you know how much it is to rent a church singing group?"

He replied,"Do you mean a choir?"

She snaps back,"Ok,acquire a church singing group."

My friends said to stop singing Oasis songs in public...

I said MAYBEEEEEEE

A man walked into a bar. He sat down and asked the bar tender "If I impress you, can I have a free drink?". The bar tender said sure, so the man reached in his pocket and pulled out a tiny piano. He then pulled out a small rat and set it by the piano. It crawled on to the bench and began playing

music. The bar tender was amazed, so he gave the man a beer. Next, the man said "If I impress you even more, can I have free drinks for life?". The bar tender didn't think it was possible, so he agreed. The man pulled a frog out of his pocket, and it began to sing by the piano. The bar tender smiled...

An old lady is walking down the street singing "21 today, 21 today."

A young man beside her snaps "You're not 21 you old bat." With a snap she slams her cane into his head and walks away singing.

"22 today, 22 today." With a smile.

Every day we wake up to a guy in the garden singing ...

“If I were a rich man
Yubby Dibby Dibby Dibby Dibby Dibby Dibby Dum
All day long I’d Biddy Biddy Bum
If I were a wealthy man.”

I tell my wife it’s the morning Jew.

A man committed suicide after being rejected at a singing competition...

He just couldn't face the music.

My wife asked me to stop singing “I’m a believer” by The Monkees. At first, I thought she was kidding.

But then I saw her face.

I was walking past my fridge last night when I thought I heard two onions singing a BeeGees song.

But when I opened the door it was just the chives talking.

I am in the hospital my younger brother swallowed a 16GB memory card and he is singing all songs in it.

I just pray it doesn't reach the video folder.

Did you know if you leave a group you’re singing with and then come back, they have to give you an Altoid?

It’s a re-choir mint

A girl is singing her favorite songs

Her grandma comes in the room and says: ,,Oh, that was you, I thought it was the radio."

Girl: ,,And you came to listen granny!? :D"

,,Naw, I wanted to turn off the radio."

My laptop was making funny noises today, it sounded like it was singing...

Probably because it's a Dell

My wife said that she would leave me if I didn’t stop singing this one song. At first I didn’t believe her...

But when I saw her face...

When my wife wanted me to stop singing stayin’ alive I just laughed in her face

Ah, ha, ha, ha

What do you call a singing laptop?

A Dell.

I was out shopping tonight, when I saw a new brand of condoms called, "Olympic." Trying to get in to the spirit of things, I bought a pack and when I got home, I sprinted in singing the Olympic theme song and proudly showed them to my wife...

"Olympic condoms!?" she asked. "What makes them so special? Are we only going to use them once every four years?!"

Chuckling, I replied, "No,no! You see, there are three colors, Gold, Silver and Bronze!"

"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asked cheekily.

"Gold of co...

What do you call a group of coma patients who suddenly wake and start singing?

Vegetable medley.

Forgive me Father...for I have sinned. I keep singing the barenaked ladies.

“How Long has it been since your last confession?”

“It’s been.......”

I just got kicked out of a karaoke bar for singing Danger Zone five times

I exceeded the maximum number of Loggins attempts

It is said when someone has an exceptional singing voice on rare occasions animals can actually be seen jumping for joy. I was skeptical but after today I believe it to be true.

As soon as I started singing my cat woke up and jumped for joy clean off my second story windowsill.

My girlfriend left me because I wouldn’t stop singing Linkin Park songs.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

The urge to start singing the popular song "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is always just a whim away.

A whim away

A-whim-away

A-wim-a-way, a-wim-a-way, a-wim-a-way....

My girlfriend asked me to stop singing Rolling Stones songs.

I told her - you can't always get what you want.

Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’

He said: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”

“Is it common?” I asked.

“It’s not unusual” he replied.

I've been asked to lead the singing at Keith Flint's funeral

I'm a choir starter

I recently got into choir singing after I broke my knee

Or more specifically, apatella.

Why did Ash Ketchum enter a singing competition?

He heard there would be Gary-oake.

Nothing beats a woman with a beautiful singing voice...

Except Chris Brown

Can someone explain this joke to me?



Shutterstock

A Man Walks Into a Bar...

he leans over and says to the bartender, "Hey, will you give me a free beer if I show you something so amazing that I can guarantee you've never seen it before?"
The bartender says, "Okay, but it had better be good."
The man reaches...

I wanted to hire a singing group for a wedding

So I called an event planning company (EPC) and asked them about the rates.

Me - How much to hire a singing group?
EPC - Oh, you mean a choir?
Me - Uhhhhh fine, how much to acquire a singing group ?

What type of singing do chickens do?

Yolk-aling

The sun is singing, the birds are blazing, the trees are shouting...

I think I may have taken the wrong medication.

All 8 planets are singing Happy Birthday to the Sun and it sounds terrible.

Everyone turns to Earth and Earth says, "don't look at me, I'm not flat"

Do you know where I keep my singing seahorses?

In a coral choral corral.

whenever my wife starts singing around the house I immediately go into the yard

That way the neighbors know I'm not hitting her

What do you call it when a trickster god is singing just a little flat, but nobody really notices?

Low-key low key Loki.

My girlfriend begged my to stop singing Wonderwall

I said okay because no guys I'm not posting this joke for the 674th time, god. Let's make something original please.

I got kicked out of my aunt's funeral for singing a song...

It was the Pink Panther theme. Dead aunt, dead aunt, dead aunt dead aunt dead aunt...

What's the difference between the end of a ship's gun and a Conservative pundit singing at Christmas?

One is a Cannon Barrel and the other is a Bannon Carole

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A loud drunk keeps singing in his jail cell.

A police officer yells at him to go to sleep.

"No," screeches the drunk.

Pissed off, the officer yells back, "STOP RESISTING A REST."

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.

Then it becomes a soap opera.

My wife said she was sick of me singing Backstreet Boys.

I said, "Tell me why..."

Turned my computer on this morning it started singing someone like you

Don't worry it's a dell

One time, I was out scuba diving when I suddenly heard beautiful voices singing in unison.

I was very surprised until I looked beneath me and realized it was coming from a choral reef.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

" doctor I can't stop singing What's New Pussycat."

" I think you might have Tom Jones syndrome."
" is it rare?" " it's not unusual."

I was having trouble finding a singing partner,

so I bought myself a duet yourself kit.

What do you call a group of guys, sailing the sea, singing about looting and stealing?

21 pirates.

They threw me in jail for singing too much Elton John...

I’m not sure when I’ll get out, but I think it’s gonna be a long, long time.

A girl had taken singing lessons from a famous teacher.

He was present at her recital, and after it was over she was anxious to know his reaction.

He didn't come back to congratulate her, and so she asked a friend, "What did he say?"

Her loyal friend answered, "He said that you sang heavenly."

She couldn't quite believe that her tea...

My girlfriend thinks I'm insane and wants me to see a psychiatrist. She's threatening to leave me if I don't because I can't stop singing Gnarls Barkley.

Does that make me crazy?

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

A man comes to a circus and offers to do a show: a crocodile playing piano and a hippo singing.

The show has a tremendous success and earns a load of money for the circus, so the circus owner asks the man: “Tell me there’s a trick in your show; it can’t be that the crocodile plays piano and the hippo sings for real!”

The man answers: “You’ve got me here, of course it can’t be for real. ...

So I found out that my computer is really good at singing

But that makes sense
After all, it is a dell

What computer is best at singing?

A dell.











Oh look, the door.

I overheard my wife singing in the shower.

"You should go on America's Got Talent," I told her.

"I can't sing," she replied.

I said, "Exactly."

Singing French Knights

In the Middle Ages, Western France was known for it singing knights. The most famous group were a bunch of lancers from the town of Brittany. They were known as the Brittany Spears.

I don't understand why women love singing "Let it go"...

...Since most of them keep grudges for life.

What do you call someone lathering in the shower and singing along to Classical Music?

A soap opera

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