What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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What do you call a group of Soviet musicians undergoing sexual reassignment?

Trans Siberian Orchestra

what's the name of those people who are frequently around musicians??

drummers

There was this musician in North Korea

One day, he was called upon by Kim Jong-Un himself, to compose a piece of music and have the great North Korean Orchestra play it live to him in the humble auditorium. The man, not wanting to displease the great leader, did as asked.

The big night arrived, with the musicians stood at the fro...

There was a time where all musicians and composers were broke

It was during the Baroque period.

Did you know that the first ever musicians were also mathematicians?

Their music was based off log-rhythms

Killer whales are great musicians but there's one instrument they just won't play

The orcana

Musicians! How do you make one million dollars playing jazz?

You start with two mil. Ba-dum-tss!

What is a musicians favorite car?

Honda A Chord

Why are musicians so good with electricity?

They are always near conductors!

The number of unemployed musicians today...

Is disconcerting

Why do musicians make great scavengers?

They're always luting.

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For the musicians out there:

Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Five. One to change the bulb and four to bitch about how it's electric.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and his friends are acting in a short film about classical pianists and musicians

.

One of friends says, "I'll play Beethoven."

Another says, "I'll be Mozart."

-

In the end, Arnold says, "I'll be Bach."

A movie studio is casting roles for a documentary about classical musicians.

Tom Cruise says “I’ll play the part of Mozart”
Liam Neeson says “I’ll make a great Beethoven”
Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach”

what do musicians in hell win?

pentagrammy’s

Two great musicians hated each other

And after years of always being compared to one another, they finally decided to have a duet of guitars to see which was the better player. They carefully selected an audience of musical experts, and with that they played.

After a fifteen minutes duet, the vote was cast. Amazingly, the result...

I’ll never understand how the song Free Bird became a meme amongst musicians

Anyway here’s wonderwall

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Three musicians and their wives are all killed in a terrible accident on their way to a music conference.

They are music teachers -- a band director, orchestra director, and choir director. They arrive at the pearly gates and, after a bit of a wait, St. Peter appears and asks them what they want. The one steps forward and says, "I'm a band director, and my wife and I just died and would like to get into...

When is the best time for musicians to take time off?

No Note November

How many country musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four.

One to actually change the lightbulb and three to sing a song about how good the old one used to be.

I have ranked the greatest musicians of all time in order:

Nelly

Erika Badu

Vanilla Ice

Eminem

Rhianna




Green Day

Oasis

Nirvana

Nine inch Nails

Aerosmith



George Strait

Ilene Woods

Vince Gill

Enya



Yoko ono

Otis Redding

U...

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What do you get when you fuck a group of musicians?

Band aids

What do you call the tone deaf brutes that hang out with rock musicians?

Bassists.

Why do musicians think that waves can be pointy?

Because the C can B#.

TIL when musicians perform on stage, the sound bounces around the room off the walls, however, when a pigeon performs on stage, the sound does not bounce. This is because...

...a coo sticks.

Who is a chickens three favorite classical musicians?

Bach, Bach, Bach.

What problem can both gamers and popular musicians relate to?

The fans are too noisy.

What do musicians and historians share in common?

They're never on the same page.

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Why aren't jazz musicians missing their girlfriends during quarantine?

They're already used to the sex on phone

Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

A: No, but that's cool man, you hum a few bars and I'll fake it.



A: Two hundred and twenty.



One to hold the bulb

Two to turn the ladder

Seventeen on the guest list.

200 to say their mate is on the guest list and they are their plus one.

A lot of my favorite musicians died young, but at least they went doing what they loved

Drugs

Jess loved to date musicians

One night, she has a date with a trumpeter. When she returned home, her housemate asked 'So was the trumpeter a potential keeper?'


'No' replied Jess 'His lips were so tight and dry. He was no fun to kiss'


The next night, she has a date with a tubist. Again, Jess returns hom...

The symphony musicians had little confidence in the person brought in to be their new conductor...

Their fears were realized at the very first rehearsal. The cymbalist, realizing that the conductor did not know what he was doing, angrily clashed his instruments together during a delicate, soft passage. The music stopped. The conductor, highly agitated, looked angrily around the orchestra, demandi...

Two musicians, violating social distancing

I was annoyed to see two musicians together today, violating social distancing. They were counting: one repeated "1 2 3, 1 2 3,"…; the other, "1 2 3 4 5, 1 2 3 4 5,"… "Hey!", I said, "It's unsafe, so close together!" "No worries", they replied, "we have two meters between us."

A coach full of musicians has broken down on the motorway

Police have said to expect some lengthy jams

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Kim Jong-Un decided to have a big celebration.

[Long]
He wanted this to be an amazing event, so he made sure to hire the best orchestra around. The director was world renowned to have the most amazing musicians.


The day of the celebration came, but when the orchestra started to play, it was terrible. Kim was so mad, he ordered the...

A woman goes to a tattoo parlor to get her two favorite musicians on her inner thighs...

The tattoo artist finishes up and she is ELATED to see a picture-perfect tattoo of John Lennon on her left inner-thigh and Paul McCartney on her right.

As she walks out, she is so excited to share her new artwork that she goes up to the first person she sees; an old, homeless, wino sitting in...

I'd love to hear a group of musicians preform

...But unfortunately it's band

Axl Rose, Bon Jovi, and Stevie Wonder are invited to an exclusive party for musicians. The bartenders have been said to be an “exciting surprise”.

So Axl, Bon and Stevie visit out of curiosity. They sit at the bar and grab the bartender’s attentions. They swing by, and reveal themselves as the members of Survivor: Dave Bickler, Jim Peterik, and Frankie Sullivan. Axl, Bon, and Stevie groan as they expected someone with more credentials.

...

Did you hear about the time that all the musicians in the parade dropped their instruments and started rioting?

It was total bandemonium

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What do Eskimo musicians do before sex?

Coldplay

How come musicians are terrible at fishing?

They keep dropping the bass

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Why can't musicians have sex?

Their pp is always soft

Did you know if you visit musicians graves, you can hear their music backwards?

It's because they're decomposing.

Why are DJs considered entry-level musicians?

They start from scratch

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