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Bludgeon Jokes

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My elderly donkey got bludgeoned badly by a large horned mountain goat now I can't walk right.

In other words my old ass got rammed.

What did my step-dad say before bludgeoning by brother to death with a vacuum cleaner?

Dyson.

A cruel murderer bludgeoned a bound victim from head to toe with a baseball bat, but spared his sight.

He did it without even batting an eye.

What do you call an Eevee evolution that specializes in melee?

Bludgeon

A woman comes home late from work

She goes upstairs and notices two people in bed, instead of just her husband.

Quietly, she tip toes away and finds a baseball bat, comes back and bludgeons the pair in bed.

She goes downstairs to grab a drink, only to find her husband sitting at the table.

"Hi honey," he says...

Onions

My friend told me that onions are the only edible plant that can make you cry.

I bludgeoned his head with a watermelon.

A conversation between a bird cop and a bird detective

Cop: “We found 2 murder victims, bludgeoned to death”

Detective: “Did you find the murder weapon?”

Cop: “Just one stone”

Detective: *Lowers shades* “Dear god”

18th Century Arms Dealer Receives Concussion on First Day at Work

A burgeoning blunderbuss broker braved and bore the brunt of a bludgeoning to the brain.

My parents always say honesty is the best policy. So I told my my mum I was going clubbing with friends last night.

I don’t get why she’s so upset with me, we only bludgeoned the one guy before the cops came.

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Beating up band nerds with witty comebacks

*Impales Flutist* "Must be flute poisoning"

*Bludgeons French Horn Player* "Am I making you horny?"

*Throws Tuba player off cliff* "Tu...bad"

Intelligent Crows

When I was in school, some professors noticed that the crows on campus were astoundingly intelligent. These crows recognized that when lights were green, cars could go and when they were red, cars would stop. Using this knowledge, the crows would put nuts on the crosswalk so that during a green ligh...

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A man is on trial for murdering his wife...

The judge looks down and reads the charges, "The defendant, Mr. William Jones, has been charged with bludgeoning his wife to death with a hammer. How do you plead?"

Before the defendant can answer a man at the back of the room cries out, "YOU BASTARD!"

"Order in this court room!" the j...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A top defense lawyer dies and is taken to hell where he meets Satan

Satan promptly recognizes him and takes him around for a tour. "Hell isn't so bad once you get to hang out with people like yourself". The lawyer gets hopeful "So then there must be a lot of lawyers here? Can you take me to their section of hell?". Satan tells him their section is in the deepest par...

Joe the Carpenter

Joe was a simple and serious man. He was a carpenter in a small village named Arge Oaks where he owned the store "Joe's Carpentry."

For years Joe impressed his fellow neighbors with the highest quality carpentry work. Some people in town complained he was a bit too expensive, but no one ever...

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