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Careers Jokes

a change of careers

A gynecologist was bored with his job and decided he wanted a new career. He went back to college and decided to become a mechanic. After aching most of his courses, he found himself at the final exam. For his final exam, he has to rebuild an engine and reinstall it in the car. He completed the task...

Me to HR: Your careers page says the company offers "competitive salary". What does that mean exactly?

HR: That means your salary will be competing with your bills.

A doctor changes Careers.

A Gynecologist is tired of dealing with Insurance companies and decides to become an auto mechanic. He studies hard, and for the final, he needs to diagnose and rebuild an engine. He need an 80 to pass an become a certified Mechanic.

He takes test, and waits for his score.

He g...

Time to change careers. This cat burglar thing isn't working out.

Too many friggin' scratches.

A proctologist changed careers to become a mathematician...

Specializing in polypnomials.

Men naturally choose high paying careers, like doctor, engineer, or CEO. Women naturally gravitate toward lower paying careers ...

... like female doctor, female engineer, or female CEO.

So I go to for some careers advice...

"What do you want to do?" asked the advisor.

"I want to work in a record store", I replied.

"Is that your vinyl answer?"

An 80 year old lady was marrying for the 4th time.

A newspaper asked if she wouldn't mind talking about her first 3 husbands and what they did for a living.

She smiled and said, "My first husband was a banker, then I married a circus ringmaster, next was a preacher and now in my 80's, a funeral director."

When asked why the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Theee doctors are discussing their careers...

The dentist says, “I’ve worked on some of the nastiest mouths in my career, some people who didn’t brush their teeth for years, so disgusting it made me feel sick working on them.”

The podiatrist chimes in, “You think that’s bad? I’ve worked on people who never took care of their feet and ha...

Mid life career change

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "So what do you do?" the bartender chats him up. "Well I used to work in food service, but I just got a new job in IT," the guy says. "How was it changing careers?" the bartender asks. "Well, you know, a job is a job. I guess the biggest difference is that t...

Why did the CPA change careers?

....lost interest...

What do John F Kennedy and Bill Clinton have in common?

Both of their political careers ended with a stained dress.

A gynecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers.

He'd always enjoyed tinkering with engines, so he enrolled in a school for car mechanics. When the class ended, the students were given their final exam: strip a car engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.
The gynecologist did his best-and was amazed to find he scored 150%. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Navy decides its time to help its enlisted transition to careers after their experience serving.

They decided to put an Occupational Counselor on every ship, including submarines. The Hephaestus was one of the best submarines in the fleet and their Occupational Counselor was no exception. He was incredible. There was no resume he couldn’t perfect. No college and company he didn’t have contacts ...

My friend got caught stealing a car. I told him he should change careers.

He didn’t know how to take it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of four lifelong hunters decided to end their careers in the best way possible.

They'd taken down the most dangerous game to be found, all over the world. From saltwater gators, to bull elephants. They were renowned worldwide for having bagged a giant squid some few years back, but they were getting on in age and knew that they'd be unable to keep up with the youngsters before ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just realised why careers advisors are shit

they couldn't even pick their own career

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the Japanese firefighter who changed careers to aviation in 1940?

He went from hero to Zero.

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ...

Two ships crash into each other on a densely foggy day on the ocean.

The two captains (a man and a woman) wind up in the same hospital and they fall in love. They give up their sailing careers to raise a family.

When the wife was almost ready to give birth, they decided it would be really sweet if their child chose a career that would be helpful in preventing...

A British, A German and an American military doctor were competing on who had done the greatest accomplishment during their careers.

The Brit said that he had replaced a blown off leg with a wooden one and the man had went on to become an acrobat.



The German said that that was nothing and that he had replaced a blown off arm with a wooden one and the man had went on to become Germany's greatest drummer.

...

Careers Advisor to American student: "What do you want to be when you leave college?"

Student: "Alive".

TIL Out of boredom and to create more band chemistry early in their careers, the Ramones used to go on single's cruises together around New York harbour looking to pick up chicks.

They wanted to be sea dated.

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