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Jobs Jokes

I’m not having much luck with jobs lately.

I wasn’t suited to be a tailor.

The muffler factory was just exhausting.

I couldn’t cut it as a barber.

I didn’t have the patience to be a doctor.

I wasn’t a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it.

The paper shop folded. Pool maintenance...

If alive, Steve Jobs would've made a better president than Trump..

But that's really comparing Apple to oranges

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Prostitute that only gives hand jobs?

Jack off all trades

Why wasn't Steve Jobs allowed to fart at home?

His house didn't have windows!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What food makes women stop giving blow jobs?

Wedding cake

My wife asked me, “Hey, can you give examples of jobs that don’t exist anymore?”

I said, “Steve.”

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00 He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to submit a patent for a gold-plated butt plug, but Steve Jobs beat me to it.

It turns out, he was already making overpriced toys for assholes

[Obligatory edit: top submitted post is about butt plugs. Wowza! Also, thank you, kind Redditor for the gold! I can't believe a gilded joke is about sex toys :)]

Jobs that don't exist anymore;

1. Steve

You can really see how much Trump cares about creating jobs in this country

The White House seems to always be hiring.

Problem with pay equality is that men tend to go for higer paying jobs

...like doctors or directors. While females tend to settle with lesser paying ones like female doctors or female directors.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do men love blow jobs so much?

It's the only way to get inside of a womans head!!

Some say Steve Jobs died too young.

Others say it was simply an homage to Apple's attitude towards battery life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife often uses the promise of sex as a way to get little jobs done around the house.

The plumber told me.

To be fair, Donald Trump HAS created a lot of jobs.

It’s going to take a lot of people to clean up this mess.

Okay to tell dead Steve Jobs jokes now?

What's the difference between cancer and the middle class? At least cancer got Jobs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fella goes to a building site to see if there are any jobs going.

"Maybe," says the foreman. "Can you make tea?"

"Sure," says the fella, "I can make tea like a pro."

"Okay," says the foreman, "can you drive a forklift?"

"Fuck me!" says the fella, "how big is the teapot?!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One last blow job

Some soldiers are deep in enemy lines and life's luck looks like it's about to run out. "Hey fellas before I die, I want one last blow job. Will one of you guys help me out?" The other soldiers are stunned. "No!" "Absolutely not!" "Go jack off or do what ever but we don't want any part of it!!" "Fin...

At the job interview

Interviewer: I see here that you had a five-year gap between jobs. Can you please explain it?

Me: Oh that's when I went to Yale.

Interviewer: That is very impressive. You can start tomorrow.

Me: Yay, I got a yob.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

More money is spent on boob jobs and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research!

More money is spent on boob jobs and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research! By 2040 the elderly will have perky tits, stiff cocks and no fucking idea why!

A man and his wife retire after working at their respective jobs for 40+ years and settle on a nice ranch out in the country

The wife asks if she can adopt a cat since all of their kids have grown and moved on, so she was having some empty nest syndromes going on

The husband agrees and they adopt a cat from the local shelter

And this woman adored the cat, lavishing all kinds of love onto the animal

Un...

The new job

A Miami man seeking employment is passing in front of a job recruiting office when is stops to read some of the jobs being offered.


Suddenly he notices an intriguing offer.

“WANTED: GYNECOLOGIST’S ASSISTANT”

NO EXPERIENCE NEEDED

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES,

HELP TH...

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