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Comeback Jokes

Nice Comeback

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from Getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.

A woman walks past and says, snickering,
If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat.." He raised an eyebrow and replied,
If you weren't so ugly ...

Why is Spider-Man so good at comebacks?

Because with great power comes great response ability.

What's the number one comeback on r/Jokes?

Riposte.

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A man enters a pharmacy and orders a box of Viagra

The pharmacist asks for about 10€ and gives him the meds. He opens the box, takes one, and pulls out a 500€ note to pay. The pharmacist doesn't have enough change to give him, so he offers to go to the bakery next door to get some bread and try to get the money changed and swiftly comeback.

I...

It's not that Chuck Norris jokes are making a comeback.

He's just allowing you to laugh at them again.

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Little Timmy was annoyed by his father

because whenever he was ahead in an argument, his father would just say - Whatever dude, I fucked your mum.

And he couldn't think of a good comeback, so he asked his Uncle Jim for help.

Uncle Jim said - Well, next time he say this to you, you say that I've been deeper in her than he ev...

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What’s the difference between a magical girl’s comedy sketch and a female dog’s snappy comeback?

One’s a witch’s bit and the other is a bitch’s wit.

Funny Comeback

Teacher: where is your homework?
Kid: at home.
Teacher: why is it at home?
Kid: it's called HOME work for a reason.
Teacher: are you being smart with me!
Kid: this IS school isn't it? Aren't you supposed to be smart.

Pick-Up Line Comebacks

Man: "Haven't we met before?"Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go...

My 7 year old's first comeback line

My son has asd and though he loves to read jokes and tries to understand why they are funny, introducing wit to him has been difficult. It was more of a surprise than a joke but here goes.

We recently moved to India and my wife is missing outdoors and Europe and today she said - oh I really w...

Highlighters are making a comeback,

mark my words!

Comeback Joke

* nerds phone rings in class *
Cool Guy - awww, was that your mommy?
* whole class laughs *
Nerd Guy - nope, it was yours.
* whole class is silent *

Police Officer's Comeback

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility.
..

Q: 'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'...

My comeback against my kid today

Me: *picks up a toy burger from his toy stove while he is cheerfully playing*

Him: Put it back or I'll tell the cops.

Me: Pretty sure they won't bother over some patty crime.

The slowest people have the fastest comebacks

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear v...

Funny Comeback

I go into McDonald's and there is this fat girl making fun of this mentally disabled kid*

Me: you know, that could happen to any of us. You don't belong making fun of someone like that, what's wrong with you?

Girl: god gave me a mouth to speak and I'm going to use it

Me: well go...

What do you say to old people in Australia as a comeback?

ƃuɐɹǝɯooq 'ʞO

Funny Comeback

Dad: you better pass your exam or else forget me as your father!
son: .....
son: sure, whatever dad.
FIVE HOURS LATER
Dad: so how was your exam?
Son: who the hell are you?

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There's a French phrase "L'esprit de l'escalier" which means thinking of a perfect comeback for a perceived insult just as you leave the party.

My usual thing to say when I have to leave a party is "Oh shit, it's the cops!"

They say invisible ink is making a comeback

I can't see it happening

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A hermit, a clown, and a witty comeback...

FULL DISCLOSURE: This is a shaggy dog story...

An old hermit has been living alone in the wilderness for many, many years. He decides that it is finally time to rejoin society. He sees in the local paper that the circus is coming to a nearby town and decides that a circus would be a wonderful...

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comeback is real!

A professor and a fool

A professor was walking along a very narrow hall when he came face to face with a rival.
The passage way was too narrow for two to pass.
The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said with a sneer,
“I never make way for fools!”

Smiling, the Graci...

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ...

Awesome Comeback

Teacher: Where the hell is your math homework?!
Me: it committed suicide, had too many problems.

I heard that Louis CK is trying to make a comeback.

You think he'll pull it off?

Don't call it a comeback..

.. It's mostly in your hair.

Funny comeback from a student

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s
cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his
father didn’t punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

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Uncle Eddy, Grandmaster of Great Jokes and Hilarious Comebacks

Little Jimmy was walking down the road, kicking the dust, when suddenly he found two circus tickets. He runs home to his father and says: "Daddy! Daddy! I have found two tickets to the circus! Will you come to the circus with me?"

"I'm sorry son, but your mother is sick, I'm taking care of he...

Idk if someone has already posted this joke but... How does Spider-Man come up with such witty comebacks?

With great power comes great response-ability

You know, Ireland has really made a comeback since the potato famine...

Everyday the population is Dublin

I thought my witty comeback was completely original....

Turns out it was a riposte.

What do r/Jokes, r/CleverComebacks and r/Fencing have in common?

Ripostes.

How do you comeback 'I know you are but what am I?"

A hypocrite

Want to hear a good comeback story?

Brokeback Mountain.

I heard Plexiglass coffins are making a comeback, but...

Remains to be seen.

The news is saying Al Qaeda is trying to make a comeback.

Lets hope they don't try to play their greatest hits. ‬

I felt bad when I made some redditor cry with one of my witty comebacks

Sorry for the riposte

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Amazing Comeback] So I was reading comments on a LGBT friendly add(Android's #AndProud)

> I hate fucking gays
>> Stop having sex with gays then.

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Two of my favorite comebacks are “It’s a joke, Steve, not a dick. You don’t have to take it so hard,” and

your mom’s.

So my wife said to me, "I swear, it's like all men share one brain"

I wanted to think of a clever comeback, but it wasn't my turn to use the brain

I've decided to invest in boomerangs

They're not too popular now, but I'm betting they'll make a comeback!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Never lend your car or girlfriend to friends

They always comeback fucked

I used to be in a band called boomerang

We’re about to have a big comeback.

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Timmy just loves clowns. Favourite thing in the world.

He's got clown bed spread, posters in his room, the whole shabang. Totally idolizes them

One day, Timmy sees that the big top circus is coming to town. He gets so excited that, when it finally arrived, he camps outside the ticket booth, waitimg to get the best seat in the house. And when he g...

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