Nice Comeback

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from Getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.

A woman walks past and says, snickering,
If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat.." He raised an eyebrow and replied,
If you weren't so ugly ...

Why does spiderman always have the best comebacks?

With great power comes great response ability!

Why is Spider-Man so good at comebacks?

Because with great power comes great response ability.

What do you say to old people in Australia as a comeback?

ƃuɐɹǝɯooq 'ʞO

My 7 year old's first comeback line

My son has asd and though he loves to read jokes and tries to understand why they are funny, introducing wit to him has been difficult. It was more of a surprise than a joke but here goes.

We recently moved to India and my wife is missing outdoors and Europe and today she said - oh I really w...

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I was verbally harassed by two kids at the park today

So I told them off. Then their mother came over to me and said "Leave them the fuck alone! They're my fucking kids!"

Trying to think of a witty comeback, I asked her "Are they twins?"

She replied, "Of course they're not twins you fucking idiot, one is seven and the other is twelve! How...

Idk if someone has already posted this joke but... How does Spider-Man come up with such witty comebacks?

With great power comes great response-ability

Reincarnation

Apparently reincarnation is making a comeback.

Highlighters are making a comeback,

mark my words!

The slowest people have the fastest comebacks

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear v...

My comeback against my kid today

Me: *picks up a toy burger from his toy stove while he is cheerfully playing*

Him: Put it back or I'll tell the cops.

Me: Pretty sure they won't bother over some patty crime.

I heard that Louis CK is trying to make a comeback.

You think he'll pull it off?

What's a comeback that's twice as good as "no u"?

No w

I used to be in a band called boomerang

We’re about to have a big comeback.

They say invisible ink is making a comeback

I can't see it happening

I walked across a bridge

And as I got to the other side I threw my boomerang, but it never came back. So as I was walking back across the bridge I was wonder, "why didn't it comeback" then all of the sudden
It hit me

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ...

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A hermit, a clown, and a witty comeback...

FULL DISCLOSURE: This is a shaggy dog story...

An old hermit has been living alone in the wilderness for many, many years. He decides that it is finally time to rejoin society. He sees in the local paper that the circus is coming to a nearby town and decides that a circus would be a wonderful...

What do you call a witty comeback you see on r/jokes?

A riposte

Comeback Joke

* nerds phone rings in class *
Cool Guy - awww, was that your mommy?
* whole class laughs *
Nerd Guy - nope, it was yours.
* whole class is silent *

You know, Ireland has really made a comeback since the potato famine...

Everyday the population is Dublin

Funny Comeback

Teacher: where is your homework?
Kid: at home.
Teacher: why is it at home?
Kid: it's called HOME work for a reason.
Teacher: are you being smart with me!
Kid: this IS school isn't it? Aren't you supposed to be smart.

Funny Comeback

I go into McDonald's and there is this fat girl making fun of this mentally disabled kid*

Me: you know, that could happen to any of us. You don't belong making fun of someone like that, what's wrong with you?

Girl: god gave me a mouth to speak and I'm going to use it

Me: well go...

Police Officer's Comeback

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility.
..

Q: 'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'...

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Uncle Eddy, Grandmaster of Great Jokes and Hilarious Comebacks

Little Jimmy was walking down the road, kicking the dust, when suddenly he found two circus tickets. He runs home to his father and says: "Daddy! Daddy! I have found two tickets to the circus! Will you come to the circus with me?"

"I'm sorry son, but your mother is sick, I'm taking care of he...

Funny Comeback

Dad: you better pass your exam or else forget me as your father!
son: .....
son: sure, whatever dad.
FIVE HOURS LATER
Dad: so how was your exam?
Son: who the hell are you?

I thought my witty comeback was completely original....

Turns out it was a riposte.

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[Amazing Comeback] So I was reading comments on a LGBT friendly add(Android's #AndProud)

> I hate fucking gays
>> Stop having sex with gays then.

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comeback is real!

A professor and a fool

A professor was walking along a very narrow hall when he came face to face with a rival.
The passage way was too narrow for two to pass.
The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said with a sneer,
“I never make way for fools!”

Smiling, the Graci...

Awesome Comeback

Teacher: Where the hell is your math homework?!
Me: it committed suicide, had too many problems.

I heard Plexiglass coffins are making a comeback, but...

Remains to be seen.

Funny comeback from a student

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s
cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his
father didn’t punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

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Timmy just loves clowns. Favourite thing in the world.

He's got clown bed spread, posters in his room, the whole shabang. Totally idolizes them

One day, Timmy sees that the big top circus is coming to town. He gets so excited that, when it finally arrived, he camps outside the ticket booth, waitimg to get the best seat in the house. And when he g...

Want to hear a good comeback story?

Brokeback Mountain.

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An old man and his wife get into a fight

It's late at night and an Old man man and his wife got into a bad fight, so the wife gets angry and takes her pillow and covers and goes to sleep in another room.

After some time passes they both get lonely and a bit horny but they are both too proud to apologize.

So the husband came u...

A stranger walks into a neighborhood bar (long)

A stranger walks into a neighborhood bar and hears a very strange conversation.

"Hey, Joey! Your wife is so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits **around the house**!"

"Oh yeah, Bobby? 37!"

Bobby cringes as the crowd yells "oooooh" and laughs.

Joey then stands up...

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Okay I have never seen this here and I have searched with 0 results but it’s in honor of my 50 year old brother who told it too me and recently passed away, (not related).

A man went to the circus and he sat with his wife a children, the circus began and all went well until the clown arrived, for some reason the clown focused on the man and humiliated him with he greatest of ease. He called him names, laughed at his clothes, joked about his accent, ridiculed where he ...

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No u

Me: you fucking pussy i hate you, go fuck yourself

Guy with greatest comeback ever: No u

Me: ok? Yo fcking pssy i hate yo, go fck yorself

So my wife said to me, "I swear, it's like all men share one brain"

I wanted to think of a clever comeback, but it wasn't my turn to use the brain

My wife insulted me saying I suck at finishing stories.

That’s when I hit her with the sickest burn / comeback of all time.

I enjoy one glass of wine each night for its health benefits.

The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and my flawless dance moves.

The frisbee industry will probably die one day...

...but boomerangs, those will always make a comeback.

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Guns – Good Question, Better Answer!

For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an Australian General.
General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.
Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.
Regardless of how you feel about gun laws, you have to love this!
Thi...

I know it's bad...

Last night's baseball game was epic. The two teams had rosters full of the most popular players in the league. It also marked the comeback of popular SS Jed Marksby from a severe ocular injury. The game ended on a check swing that was appealed to the 3rd base ump. He called it a strike and the h...

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About an inch

The UN is in session and the three major superpowers, the US, Russia, and China are trying to out do each other's achievements.

The US says "we have a missile that could reach any point on Earth with amazing precision and destroy it."

Everyone else starts chattering in disbelief and t...

A chicken goes into the library.

A chicken goes into the library, walks up to the librarian, and says, "Book."

The librarian says, "You want a book?"
"Book"
"Any book?"
"Book"

So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off it goes. An hour later, the chicken come back and says, "Book-book."

The lib...

My friend and I had a contest to see who could successfully use the pullout method of contraception the most.

He was winning but then I made a comeback.

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it goes out for milk and doesn't comeback.

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Billy goes to see Bobo the clown

Billy loves Bobo, he can barely contain his excitement. He sits front row and center as the show begins. Bobo comes out on stage and walks right up to little Billy.


"Hey there kid, what's your name?" Bobo asks.


"Billy!"


"Well hey Billy are you a horses head?"
...

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The pianist

A restaurateur needs to do something to get his business to pick up a bit, so he decides to open a piano bar. He puts an ad in the paper for a piano player and holds an audition. Unfortunately most of the applicants really aren't that good and just as he is about to give up and go home, a young man ...

Everyday at 2pm most workers at a factory stopped working and went drinking at a bar.

Finally Billy asked what's going on? They told him everyday at 1:45 the boss leaves and comes back at 4:45, so the workers take advantage and have some fun at the bar, they comeback before the boss does, he never finds out about it. The next day like clockwork 1:45 the boss leaves and 2pm the worker...

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My boss asked if he dropped his watch in the toilet

Because I was shitting on his time

And joke creds to him. I was also fresh out of witty comebacks...

Annoying Husband

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other.

When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could heard deep into the night the old man would shout,"When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and comeback and haunt you for the rest of...

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