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Streak Jokes

2021 - Russian Military is the 2nd strongest in the world

2022 - Russian Military is the 2nd strongest in Ukraine
2023 - Russian Military is the 2nd strongest in Russia

It looks like the Russian Military is aiming for a record-breaking streak as the world's best 'second place'!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from many men.

It was laid out over five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return....

I have a 444 day streak on Duolingo. Here’s what I learned:

French.

I got my first 30 kill streak!

Friend: Great job! What game were you playing?

Me: Oh, I don’t play video games

What was the punishment for the Amish boy who went streaking at school?

He got suspendered.

A man went streaking through a church

They caught him by the organ

This guy had a 73 win streak until I played with him.

Then, he had a 74 win streak.

My cute female friend said we should streak on Snapchat.

She did not mean what I thought she meant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gambler dies and goes to Heaven...

A professional gambler wins big and dies of an aneurysm. When he gets to the afterlife, he finds himself at the back of a miles-long line to get into Heaven.

Drawing on his experience, the gambler immediately thinks of a way to get ahead of everyone else. He taps the old man ahead of him on t...

My football team went on a massive losing streak.

I saw them running naked around my town.

A man streaked passed two old women in the park...

the first one had a stroke; the other missed

HUSBANDS FOR SALE !!!

A store that sells husbands has just opened,
where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper a...

2016 is on such a high kill streak

I'm worried for when it's going to unlock nukes

Two guys are playing cards in a nursing home when a naked old lady with a walker goes streaking

One guy says, “what was that?”

The other guy responds, “I don’t know, but it needed ironing!”

I haven't worn clothes for 12 months.

I'm on a 1 year streak.

I hope the Orioles keep up their winning streak,

Baltimore has been on fire lately.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two drunk guys are standing atop a tall building

While opening another beer, one guy says "It's crazy how windy it is up here!"
The other answers in slurred speach "Yeah, it's because of all the tall buildings here in the city center. This building is actually a special spot. There are such strong crosswinds here that you can actually jump of...

Apprehended

A mild-mannered man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating wom...

The hot farmer

A hot, sweaty farmer walks into a bar and orders a cold beer. "Dang, our baler broke down in the field today, and its humid and 100+ degrees out," the farmer complains. "I'm so hot and sweaty from repairing that thing that I just want to rip off all my dirty, sweaty clothes and run around the bar in...

An Australian is driving all over Texas, fast and reckless.

He's streaking down highways, taking curves too fast and just generally being a danger to himself and everyone else on the road.

Finally, a state trooper catches up to him and gets him to pull over. "Drivin' a little crazy there, friend," says the trooper. "You come here to die?"

The A...

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Two old guys are sitting at a table in the nursing home, when a totally nude old lady with a walker streaks slowly past them

One guy says to the other, " I can't see so well anymore. What was that?"

The other guy says, "I'm not sure, but it definitely needed ironing."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having a bad day and need your spare funny NSFW jokes. Help me Reddi-wan your my only joke!

So this cowboy goes out riding. Gets captured by natives and is told that now is a holy time so he may live in their camp for 3 days while the holy time comes to a close. The cowboy agrees (like he had a choice)

First day he askes his guard if he can go talk to his horse. The guard wants to k...

An old lady is riding the bus...

... when a haggard young mother with a screaming baby gets on. The mother sits across from the old lady, who watches her try everything to calm the child: burps her, rocks her, tries to feed her. Nothing works. The baby continues to scream its head off. Other passengers shoot the mother annoyed look...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall

Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a Flower Show was in progress. One leaned over and said to the other, "Life is so darned boring, we never have any fun anymore. For $5.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid Flower Show!"


...

LPT: If you ever find yourself outside without clothes, just spray yourself down with Windex.

It prevents streaking.

Found out which suit not to bet onwhile I was out in Vegas...

Running with my birthday suit caused quite the losing streak.

What do you call it when a leprechaun sharts?

Lucky streak

Guy in a Lamborghini

Guy's driving down the road in his new Lamborghini. Stops at a light next to an old man on a moped.

The old man looks over and says "Say, that's a pretty spiffy looking car there, son. It looks fast."

Guy says "It sure is."

Old man looks at the interior and says "Looks luxurious...

So I was on discord and this guy tells me

I have an 11 kill streak.

So I asked on which game

He said, no I don't play games, I'm a police officer.

Did you hear about the skunks that started a boy band?

They are calling themselves "The Back Streak Boys"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plane was about to take off when a man burst out of the cockpit naked, yelling

"this is your captain streaking"

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business.

His mother walks in. "Tommy, I want you to meet my new boyfriend".

"I've got a 3 kill streak leave me alone" he cries, eagerly gripping his controller.

A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey champ, how you doing?"

Tommy ignores him.

"Don't like champ, huh? How...

So I started drinking a bottle of windex every morning....

I’m not sure that it helps prevent covid-19 but my underwear has definitely been cleaner, No more streaks!

The Windex snapchat isn't consistent with posts.

Guess it's because they don't like streaks.

If fortune favors the bold..

How come I was arrested for streaking?

Three women are getting dressed in the locker room of a country club when a man runs in naked with a bag over his head...

He waves his erection around and streaks out again.

"Well, that's certainly not MY husband!" the first woman huffs to the others.

"No. That's definitely not your husband," the second woman answers.

"He's not even a member of this club!" says the third woman.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old Sven collapsed one chill November Saturday after chopping maple wood near his house in the birch forest, five miles outside of Eagle River, Wisconsin.

He arose, sauntered home and changed into his flannel, tractor-print pajamas. It grew quiet and his breathing became labored. So, Sven lay down on the plaid-quilted single bed in the green guest room. His wife, Lena, tended to his care. He said nothing and sipped only a cup of water or two. On the e...

My dad looked at me and said, "If you ever decide to run around naked on a drunken night, always bring Windex with you." I asked him what he meant by that...

He said, "Well, it prevents streaking."

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