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Care Home Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first ever dirty-ish joke I ever heard, still makes me laugh….. A man is visiting his elderly father in a care home

The man asks how his father is settling in.

“Oh, it’s wonderful son, I’ve made some great friends, I’m well rested and at night the nurses give us a hot chocolate and a viagra before bed every night”.

When, leaving, curious to know about the viagra, he asks a nurse.

“Excuse me,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nurse in a care home walked past one of the bedrooms She sees an elderly lady sucking on her husbands penis.

She came in and said "Mrs Philips, you can't do that."

"Why not?" She asked, "I enjoy doing it."

"Yes." She replied, "but it was meant to be buried with the rest of him."

There were two old people in a care home...

There were two old people in a care home, a man and a woman. Every evening, they'd sit down next to each other to watch the telly. They weren't married or anything, they just sat down and watched the telly, while the old gal gave the old man a handjob.

They'd been doing this every day for yea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A old man meets an old woman in a care home...

They get off to a good start and they started to talk he learned she was called Maria and they talked about their past and their experiences and eventually they get to the subject of Sex. The old man says "I can't get an erection anymore, I need a woman to help me do it" Maria volunteered to help hi...

Did you hear about the explosion in the care home for deaf people?

Neither did they.

I hate it when my finger goes through the loo roll when I’m wiping

It’s by far the worst part of my job at the care home!

I just found out my grandparents got infected.

I can’t believe it honestly. I told them to use protection and stuff but they wouldn’t listen and now the whole care homes got it. Oh well at least it’s easy to treat chlamydia now a days.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had sex with one of my old friends.

Then I lost my job at the care home.

At The Old Peoples Home

A frail old man is put in to a care home by his family. They visit him a few days later and as they are talking he starts leaning to the left. A nurse quickly runs over and props him up straight. A little while later he starts leaning to the right, again the nurse runs over and props him up again. T...

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