Bon Jokes - 37 Hilarious Bon Jokes

Who is the sister of Bon Jovi?

Anchovy ...

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I ordered a Bon Jovi album to give to my father for Christmas.

It still hasn’t arrived. When I ring customer service the lady on the phone keeps telling me “it’s halfway there”.

What did Jon Bon Jovi do when his swimwear froze?

He made it icewear.

Just bought a sat nav from Jon Bon Jovi

Yeah, decent condition, good price and always let's you know when your half way there......

My southern friend made a Bon Jovi cover band

He called it "Banjovi"

Bon voyage...

A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean; but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow...

What's the difference between Def Leppard and Bon Jovi?

An arm

What do the Apostle Paul, Bon Jovi and Manfred Mann's Earth Band all have in common?

They were all "blinded by the light"

Why is Bon Jovi's bed always messy?

Because he doesn't think it matters if you make it or not.

Respect for a joke not well received as a comment, bon appetit!

Me:"Waiter, taste the soup!"

Waiter:"Whats wrong with the soup?"

Me:"Sir, would you mind please, taste the soup!"

Waiter:"The soup is too hot?!"

Me:"No, but taste the soup"

Waiter:"Whats rhe matter, soup too cold?!"

Me:"Sir, just taste the soup"

Waite...

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My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his Confederate flag.

Did you guys know that Dr. Schrodinger was a Bon Jovi fan?

His favorite song was "Wanted Dead and Alive"

Jon Bon Jovi was inducted into the Rock hall of fame

I asked him, "aren't you disappointed and ashamed you aren't in the more prestigious Rock & ***Roll*** hall of fame?"

He said "Woah, we're halfway there".

Did you hear that Bon Jovi got food poisoning after eating that deer?

I guess you could say he had some “Bad Venison”

What do I know about bonsai trees?

Very little. (Edit: wow! Silver, gold, and platinum! Thanks, anonymous Redditor(s). And six (6!) upvotes!)

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My friend has a "Bon Appetit" sign above his toilet. When I asked him why...

He told me to eat shit.

My wife and I are making some artwork in the name of our favourite Bon Jovi song. So far we have the words "Livin' on".

We're half way there.

What do you say to a person, who is about to suck on an ape's tit?

Bon appetit

I’ve decided to launch a brand new dating app exclusively for Palaeontologists……..

I’m going to call it ‘Carbon Dating’

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A redhead walks into a tattoo show wearing a leather miniskirt and no panties and sits down in the tattoo chair and says, "I want a tattoo of Bon Jovi on the inside of one thigh and Richie Sambora on the other."

Tattoo artist asks, " What on earth for?"
Woman says, "So when I masturbate I can imagine I'm with either one, or both of them and have really intense orgasms!"
Makes sense to the tattoo artist so he dives in and gets to work. A few hours later the tattoo artist tells the woman that he's finis...

Do you know the story of the boy named Bonnie?

There once was a boy named Bonnie who was constantly harassed for his goofy name. He thought he was doomed to never find love because of it, but one day, he met a beautiful girl who didn't care, and they fell in love, got married, and had a child, a beautiful baby girl. But Bonnie was worried. "What...

Axl Rose, Bon Jovi, and Stevie Wonder are invited to an exclusive party for musicians. The bartenders have been said to be an “exciting surprise”.

So Axl, Bon and Stevie visit out of curiosity. They sit at the bar and grab the bartender’s attentions. They swing by, and reveal themselves as the members of Survivor: Dave Bickler, Jim Peterik, and Frankie Sullivan. Axl, Bon, and Stevie groan as they expected someone with more credentials.

...

A spreadable preserve made of good French ham

Bon jambon jam.

A guy goes into a restaurant for lunch.

After careful consideration, he decides he will have a bowl of the day's soup. The waiter praises him for his decision.

"Ah, excellent choice. The chef makes the soup fresh each day from only the freshest, locally-sourced ingredients. It is completely organic, and there are no additives or pr...

There's a boy named Bonnie...

There’s a boy named Bonnie.

He is made fun of throughout high school because of his weird name, and so he is become very shy.

But he has a crush on a girl and works up the courage to ask her out.

She says yes, and he is so happy.

After years of dating, he works up ...

What do you call a fire at a candy factory in Paris?

A Bon-bonfire.

What's the coldest liquor?

*Brrr*bon

In a little-known piece of rock history..

Courtney Love once asked Jon Bon Jovi to name her new band. Bon Jovi jokingly suggested 'Hole'.

Love though this was great - provocative and rude - so she went with it. Her ex, Corey Hart, of 'Sunglasses At Night' fame, did not approve. He sought to confront Bon Jovi on the night of Hole's fi...

The rheumatologist turned chef hands you your plate

And she says
"Bon Atrophy"

What do you tell a person who wants to take a short nap?

"bon nap petit"

What did the man say after taking a small french woman to his room after dinner?

Bon a petite

It's Paddy's first time out of Ireland

and he's on a Mediterranean cruise. His breakfast table assignment is with a Frenchman. Neither speak the other's language. The first day, the latter's first words to Paddy are "bon appetite", and the former responds "Paddy Murphy." This exact exchange happens the next day as well. The third day Pad...

Have I ever told you guys about how I escaped from the Middle East?

Iran.

Oman the whole story is ridiculous.

I basically had to Qatar cross the border.

Just like Bon Jovi, I was basically Lebanon a prayer the whole time.

I know it doesn't sound like a true story, but I assure you Israel.

Honestly I could tell you more but it Ku...

What did Napoleon say when he arrived at the banquet?

Bon, a partay!

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A Holesome tale between 4 friends

4 men are playing golf together on a Sunday afternoon. One American, one French, one Spanish and one Japanese.

The French man goes first. He misses his first shot, but puts it in the second.

"Bon tir!" shouts the American.
"Merci!" comes the reply.

Next is the Spanish man. He...

My friend JB had to get a name tag...

See JB's name was JB. It didn't stand for anything. No, sir. It was simply JB. So he wrote on the application J only B only to ensure there was no mistake.

His name tag came back Jonly Bonly

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An American businessman..

..was playing a round of golf with an Italian businessman, a French businessman, and a Japanese businessman. His plan was to congratulate them on every shot they made.

The Italian businessman went first and got within 20 yards of the hole.
The American, knowing some Italian, said, "buono t...

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