UPJOKE
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Time Out Jokes

Our first time out on our new yacht...

Me: *Raises glass* To our new yakt!

Her: The "c" is silent.

Me:*staring out at the horizon * Yes, it's very tranquil tonight.

What's the difference between a kid in a time out, and some coffee?

One is naughty, the other is not tea.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An east coast accountant decides to go hunting for the first time out west.

He hires a guide and the next day they get up bright and early and begin their adventure.The "green" Hunter suddenly has to take a shit and says to his guide"Man,I really have to use the restroom.Where is it?"

"Are you serious?Were in the middle of Wyoming and your asking where the restroom i...

It's Paddy's first time out of Ireland

and he's on a Mediterranean cruise. His breakfast table assignment is with a Frenchman. Neither speak the other's language. The first day, the latter's first words to Paddy are "bon appetite", and the former responds "Paddy Murphy." This exact exchange happens the next day as well. The third day Pad...

A girl suggested I set up a double date to make our first time out less awkward

I really hope my parents like her

The first time out with my metal detector I found a beautiful wedding ring!!

But the bride was still wearing it, so the police came and now they won't give it back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I overheard my neighbor say she had a shitty day, so I anonymously sent her a meat lover’s pizza

She’s a vegan and I hate her fucking guts

Ex-Wife

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've just been think...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All You Nice People Can Board the Train

This is the first "grown up joke" I remember an adult telling me as a kid:


A little boy was playing with his toy train on the floor. He pulled the train around the track and stopped at the little station.

"Coo Choo! All you bastards who want off the train, get off the train. All...

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