My local church recently started offering gluten-free communion wafers....

They're called "I can't believe it's not Jesus"

How do you sell a gluten free pizza?

Take all the other pizzas out of the frozen section.

(too soon?)

How do you kill a gluten free Vampire?

Garlic bread

Today marks 4 weeks of isolation. Been running 2.5 miles a day, drinking 2 gallons of water, cut out ALL meat, sugar, dairy and flour. I feel great! Zero alcohol, a healthy vegan diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 30 minute home workout each day.

I have no idea who originally posted this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy & paste!

A vegan, a person on a gluten-free diet, and a person who does Crossfit walk I to a bar.

I only know about that because none of them would shut up about it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm allergic to gluten, dairy, nuts and I'm vegan. What can I get?

**Waiter:** The fuck outta here.

I'm not saying I'm gluten intolerant...

...I just wouldn't want it dating my daughter.

I’m glad companies give us the choice of gluten-free body wash.

Normal soap makes my stomach hurt.

What is it called when you steal a rich person's dinner rolls?

Highfalutin gluten lootin'

I finally found a recipe that is gluten free, fat free, dairy free and contains no sugar.

It’s a breath of fresh air.

Joke by my 4 year old nephew, please try not to downvote. It made me laugh when he said it though.

Nephew: are you gluten intolerant?


Me(surprised he knew about gluten): yes I am, sweetheart


Nephew: how intolerant of you

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a sandwich with Hitler in the middle?

Gluten tag.

What do you call an ox that’s gone gluten-free?

Silly yak.

Do you know why Wholefoods isn't expanding to Germany?

Gluten tag!

(This is my first joke)

What did the doctor advise the patient with gluten allergy?

You need bread rest

What do you call a hooker with a gluten intolerance

A pasta-toot

The only thing sadder than a gluten free funeral...

is a flourless grave.

A band of Superheroes walk into a Gluten-free, Soy-Free, non-GMO, organic, fat-free restraunt....

Just Ice was served.

What should you do if there's a glutenous demon within you?

Exercise.

A yak walks into a bar and orders a beer.

He asks the bartender, "Do you have any gluten free snacks to go with the beer?"

"Why do you think we would have gluten free snacks?", quips the bartender.

"I'm sorry, I'm a silly yak", says the yak.

Why is it so hard for economists to go gluten free?

Because their food preferences are very sticky.

What phrase freaks out a gluten intolerant Soviet the most?

Gluten Tag.

What do wheat, gluten, and Arkansas have in common?

They're all in bread.

How do you say hello to a German who likes bread?

Gluten Tag!

If the body of Christ cannot be gluten-free...

Then I guess He is risen

Growing up in Germany, we always had this game that we'd play where we'd run around and hit each other with bread

Man, I miss Gluten Tag

German celiacs have one day a year where they eat whatever they want without worrying about the consequences.

This is known as the Gluten Tag.

what do you call a goofy yak that's allergic to gluten?

celiac silly yak

An irregular bird

I saw a bird today
It was eating a gluten free bagel
It must be a Millennial Falcon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Google buys local Pizzeria

“Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?”

“No sir, it's Google Pizza – we bought Gordon’s Pizza last month. Do you want your usual, sir?”

“My usual? You know me?”

“According to our caller ID data, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with cheese, sausage, peppero...

My kid wanted to be a super hero for Halloween but he got in trouble so I made him go as a sack of wheat flour.

He was a gluten for punishment.

My grandfather is a Russian immigrant, so the last few years have been really hard for him. But I'm thrilled to share that he's achieved his dream of opening a bakery!

Please join me in wishing him luck with Vladimir Gluten.

Why did the man with a wheat allergy eat bread?

He was a gluten for punishment.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

gluten free cereal.

I want to make a gluten free cereal and name it "NO FUCKING WHEY!"

What's the difference between gluten and hillbillies?

One's inbred, the others in bread

The Catholic church is considering going all-in on gluten-free wafers

At risk is cross-contamination.

The Germans are so innovative when it comes to diets.

Especially the gluten free diets. They’ve started a new initiative with their food. If something has gluten in it, they give it a guten tag.

What do you call an Ox with a gluten allergy?

A silly-yak.

A Vegan who is also gluten intolerant walks up to you. What is the first thing they say to you?

"I crossfit"

I've haven't eaten gluten for a week...

and I, personally, already feel *so* annoying.

How do coeliac intolerance people in Germany say hello to each other?

Gluten-Morgan

(NSFW) I have celiac disease, and my BDSM wife likes to tie me up and feed me wheat bread...

I’m a gluten for punishment.

Why are gluten-free children so healthy?

Because they're not inbred.

When I was a kid I was diagnosed as gluten intolerant.

When I misbehaved my mom would make me eat a bunch of white bread. A gluten for punishment kind of thing.

We live in a mad world where we have to ask the question....

If the gluten's free, why's the bread so expensive?

My wife suggested that it might be nice if I bought her some flowers for her birthday.

For some reason, she wasn't particularly happy when I handed over a bag of wholemeal, a bag of self raising and a bag of gluten free.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Glad my friend finally found a good diet/lifestyle to lose her weight without being miserable all the time.

Considering how she's allergic to everything. It's nice to see there is such a thing that is gluten-free and dairy free. She seems stronger, more energetic, more alert than usual. She even looks a lot skinnier as advertisement, too. I heard some celebrity follow this diet but don't tell anyone since...

Despite the fact that whenever I eat any products with wheat in I get stomach cramps, I still regularly enjoy consuming it.

You could say that I'm a gluten for pun-ishment.

Why do people with a gluten allergy usually make for pretty funny comedians?

Because they always have silly acts.

What does German cereal say when it sees the milk in the morning?

Gluten-tag

What did the german say when he wanted to chase someone with a piece of bread?

Gluten tag

I've said this joke so many times to my friends I get to "do you wanna" and they just stop me

When German children play a game involving touching each other with bread...

it's called gluten tag.


I'll show myself out.

Man with a beard a 100 years ago: "Ok, I'll go chop down some trees."

Man with beard today: " I found a great face mask that's gluten and cruelty free."

What do you call it when a German hits you with a loaf of bread?

Gluten Tag

And when a hippie hits you with a loaf of bread?

Flour power

And when a lot of people do it at the same time?

a rye-ot

Which deadly sin do bread lovers commit?

Gluten-ny

Why did the man with celiac disease eat a loaf of bread?...

He was a gluten for punishment

Sorry if this offends anyone with gluten issues. Our son can't have gluten right now, so this joke came to me while I was toasting him some gluten-free bread.

What does the man with celiac's disease say when he talks about his continued love of bread products?

I'm a gluten for punishment.

I should start a store that sells wheat and beans.

It would be called "Gluten And Tootin"

Grocery shopping on a diet is easy in Germany..

Just look for the *gluten tag*.

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