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Gluten Jokes

A vegan, a person on a gluten-free diet, and a person who does Crossfit walk I to a bar.

I only know about that because none of them would shut up about it.

TIL in germany when someone is diagnosed with coeliac disease other coeliacs will chase and try and hit them with bread to make them feel welcomed.

It's called gluten tag.

Gluten free

Diner: “ We don't eat dairy, eggs, meat, soy, gluten, or nuts. What do you recommend we get?

Waitress: “Out.”

who decided to call it ‘gluten free’…

and not ‘against the grain’?

A man walks into a bakery, points to some bread and asks...

Man: 'Is this Gluten free?'

Cashier: No.

It costs $4.50

The only thing sadder than a gluten free funeral...

is a flourless grave.

How do you sell a gluten free pizza?

Take all the other pizzas out of the frozen section.

(too soon?)

My local church recently started offering gluten-free communion wafers....

They're called "I can't believe it's not Jesus"

What do you call a gluten intolerant duck?

Coeliquack

TIL gluten comes from Alabama

Yea, it's always inbread

Joke by my 4 year old nephew, please try not to downvote. It made me laugh when he said it though.

Nephew: are you gluten intolerant?


Me(surprised he knew about gluten): yes I am, sweetheart


Nephew: how intolerant of you

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between ass and gluten?

Nobody eats gluten anymore

Did you hear about the anti-gluten movement.

It's a silly act.

What did the vegetarian body builder say after he found out he was gluten intolerant?

There ain't no whey!

what did the doctor say to the gluten-free patient?

"im putting you on bread rest"

I was in the downtown last night thinking about having a dinner and went to a nearby restaurant. I asked the waiter, "I don't eat eggs, meat, fish, dairy or gluten. What would you recommend?"

He said a taxi.

If the body of Christ cannot be gluten-free...

Then I guess He is risen

What do you call an ox that’s gone gluten-free?

Silly yak.

What do wheat, gluten, and Arkansas have in common?

They're all in bread.

How do Germans tell if bread is gluten free?

They check the Gluten Tag

I've haven't eaten gluten for a week...

and I, personally, already feel *so* annoying.

What do you call an Alabamian With a Gluten Fetish?

In Bread.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

gluten free cereal.

I want to make a gluten free cereal and name it "NO FUCKING WHEY!"

I'm not saying I'm gluten intolerant...

...I just wouldn't want it dating my daughter.

The Catholic church is considering going all-in on gluten-free wafers

At risk is cross-contamination.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anniversary dinner date

For their 1st wedding anniversary, Barbara and Teddy went to dinner at Chez Francois because they had never been there before.

For their 10th wedding anniversary, Barbara and Teddy went to dinner at Chez Francois because it had a world-class bartender who made the best signature cocktails....

Why do people with a gluten allergy usually make for pretty funny comedians?

Because they always have silly acts.

Gastroenterology Jokes

Looking for good GI jokes. That’d make a GI doctor laugh!

—-

Good ones I have

—-

A banana a day they said was good for cleaning the colon

It was a week before I realised you have to eat them

——

what do you call a fake gluten intolerance?

a sill...

Today marks 4 weeks of isolation. Been running 2.5 miles a day, drinking 2 gallons of water, cut out ALL meat, sugar, dairy and flour. I feel great! Zero alcohol, a healthy vegan diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 30 minute home workout each day.

I have no idea who originally posted this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy & paste!

A band of Superheroes walk into a Gluten-free, Soy-Free, non-GMO, organic, fat-free restraunt....

Just Ice was served.

What do you call a hooker with a gluten intolerance

A pasta-toot

what do you call a goofy yak that's allergic to gluten?

celiac silly yak

Why are gluten-free children so healthy?

Because they're not inbred.

When I was a kid I was diagnosed as gluten intolerant.

When I misbehaved my mom would make me eat a bunch of white bread. A gluten for punishment kind of thing.

What does a German say after eating pancakes for breakfast?

Gluten Morgen

I went to a coffee shop. They had some great looking cakes. I pointed to a cake and asked the waiter:

"Is this gluten free?"
He replied:
"No, it costs money!"

A Gen Z kid and a boomer walk into a bar

They sit down and the Gen Z kid orders from the gluten free vegan menu and the boomer orders a T-Bone steak.

They start chatting and the Gen Z kid says that social justice issues are the biggest problem facing the world, and that the white supremacist patriarchy is a plague on society. ...

People who continue to eat bread even though they have digestive problems with it.

Are a gluten for punishment.

My vegetarian girlfriend started a diet where she has cut out gluten, dairy, and preservatives.

It’s not all that bad though, because recently she’s been eating more nuts.

What's the difference between gluten and hillbillies?

One's inbred, the others in bread

I said hello to a German Baker the other day

He said, "Gluten Tag!"

When German children play a game involving touching each other with bread...

it's called gluten tag.


I'll show myself out.

Google knows!

Subject: Today's Reality


CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza?


GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.


CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.


GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.


CALLER: OK. I would like to order a ...

What is it called when you steal a rich person's dinner rolls?

Highfalutin gluten lootin'

Why is it so hard for economists to go gluten free?

Because their food preferences are very sticky.

A Vegan who is also gluten intolerant walks up to you. What is the first thing they say to you?

"I crossfit"

Did you hear the one about the Yak that likes to tell jokes?

He’s pretty funny! Only thing is he has to stay away from gluten because he has “silly-yak” disease.

What should you do if there's a glutenous demon within you?

Exercise.

What do you call a celiac who ignores their dietary advice?

A gluten for punishment

What did the German celiac patient say when he walked into the doctors office?

Gluten tag!

Healthy German

What did the health conscious german say, when he entered Whole Foods?

Gluten Morgen

PS: First time posting an original.

A man with Celiac disease willingly ate an entire loaf of bread.

He was a gluten for punishment.

Despite my wife having celiac's disease, she keeps on eating bread...

You could say she's a gluten for punishment.

(NSFW) I have celiac disease, and my BDSM wife likes to tie me up and feed me wheat bread...

I’m a gluten for punishment.

My grandfather is a Russian immigrant, so the last few years have been really hard for him. But I'm thrilled to share that he's achieved his dream of opening a bakery!

Please join me in wishing him luck with Vladimir Gluten.

Do you know why Wholefoods isn't expanding to Germany?

Gluten tag!

(This is my first joke)

Isn’t it the Germans who love playing wheat games?

I hear them talk about Gluten Tag all the time!

German celiacs have one day a year where they eat whatever they want without worrying about the consequences.

This is known as the Gluten Tag.

Growing up in Germany, we always had this game that we'd play where we'd run around and hit each other with bread

Man, I miss Gluten Tag

An irregular bird

I saw a bird today
It was eating a gluten free bagel
It must be a Millennial Falcon

How do coeliac intolerance people in Germany say hello to each other?

Gluten-Morgan

A joke my mother told me today

A British man comes to a village and is given saag^1 on bajra roti^2. He eats the saag by itself and returns the roti to his hosts, saying "Here is your plate."

1. Saag is a mushy dish made with boiled spinach or mustard greens

2. Bajra roti is a flat bread made from millet, it has no...

The Germans are so innovative when it comes to diets.

Especially the gluten free diets. They’ve started a new initiative with their food. If something has gluten in it, they give it a guten tag.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

the waiter

So a customer says to the waiter, "I'm a vegetarian, I'm allergic to gluten, I don't eat carbs, I'm lactose intolerant, and I'm allergic to nuts. What should I get?"

And the waiter says, "... the fuck out."

My wife suggested that it might be nice if I bought her some flowers for her birthday.

For some reason, she wasn't particularly happy when I handed over a bag of wholemeal, a bag of self raising and a bag of gluten free.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Glad my friend finally found a good diet/lifestyle to lose her weight without being miserable all the time.

Considering how she's allergic to everything. It's nice to see there is such a thing that is gluten-free and dairy free. She seems stronger, more energetic, more alert than usual. She even looks a lot skinnier as advertisement, too. I heard some celebrity follow this diet but don't tell anyone since...

What does German cereal say when it sees the milk in the morning?

Gluten-tag

What do you call it when a German hits you with a loaf of bread?

Gluten Tag

And when a hippie hits you with a loaf of bread?

Flour power

And when a lot of people do it at the same time?

a rye-ot

Man with a beard a 100 years ago: "Ok, I'll go chop down some trees."

Man with beard today: " I found a great face mask that's gluten and cruelty free."

Why did the man with celiac disease eat a loaf of bread?...

He was a gluten for punishment

Sorry if this offends anyone with gluten issues. Our son can't have gluten right now, so this joke came to me while I was toasting him some gluten-free bread.

I should start a store that sells wheat and beans.

It would be called "Gluten And Tootin"

Grocery shopping on a diet is easy in Germany..

Just look for the *gluten tag*.

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