UPJOKE
starchwheatproteincerealbarleyyeastryemaizedoughoatspeltflourricesorghumcorn

A vegan, a person on a gluten-free diet, and a person who does Crossfit walk I to a bar.

I only know about that because none of them would shut up about it.

Gluten free

Diner: “ We don't eat dairy, eggs, meat, soy, gluten, or nuts. What do you recommend we get?

Waitress: “Out.”

who decided to call it ‘gluten free’…

and not ‘against the grain’?

My local church recently started offering gluten-free communion wafers....

They're called "I can't believe it's not Jesus"

What did one German bread say to the other?

Gluten Tag

How do you sell a gluten free pizza?

Take all the other pizzas out of the frozen section.

(too soon?)

Joke by my 4 year old nephew, please try not to downvote. It made me laugh when he said it though.

Nephew: are you gluten intolerant?


Me(surprised he knew about gluten): yes I am, sweetheart


Nephew: how intolerant of you

How do Germans tell if bread is gluten free?

They check the Gluten Tag

People who continue to eat bread even though they have digestive problems with it.

Are a gluten for punishment.

What do you call a gluten intolerant duck?

Coeliquack

TIL gluten comes from Alabama

Yea, it's always inbread

What did the vegetarian body builder say after he found out he was gluten intolerant?

There ain't no whey!

what did the doctor say to the gluten-free patient?

"im putting you on bread rest"

The only thing sadder than a gluten free funeral...

is a flourless grave.

Did you hear about the anti-gluten movement.

It's a silly act.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm allergic to gluten, dairy, nuts and I'm vegan. What can I get?

**Waiter:** The fuck outta here.

TIL in germany when someone is diagnosed with coeliac disease other coeliacs will chase and try and hit them with bread to make them feel welcomed.

It's called gluten tag.

I finally found a recipe that is gluten free, fat free, dairy free and contains no sugar.

It’s a breath of fresh air.

What do wheat, gluten, and Arkansas have in common?

They're all in bread.

A band of Superheroes walk into a Gluten-free, Soy-Free, non-GMO, organic, fat-free restraunt....

Just Ice was served.

I'm not saying I'm gluten intolerant...

...I just wouldn't want it dating my daughter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

gluten free cereal.

I want to make a gluten free cereal and name it "NO FUCKING WHEY!"

I was in the downtown last night thinking about having a dinner and went to a nearby restaurant. I asked the waiter, "I don't eat eggs, meat, fish, dairy or gluten. What would you recommend?"

He said a taxi.

Today marks 4 weeks of isolation. Been running 2.5 miles a day, drinking 2 gallons of water, cut out ALL meat, sugar, dairy and flour. I feel great! Zero alcohol, a healthy vegan diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 30 minute home workout each day.

I have no idea who originally posted this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy & paste!

If the body of Christ cannot be gluten-free...

Then I guess He is risen

What do you call a hooker with a gluten intolerance

A pasta-toot

What do you call an ox that’s gone gluten-free?

Silly yak.

What should you do if there's a glutenous demon within you?

Exercise.

Why are gluten-free children so healthy?

Because they're not inbred.

I've haven't eaten gluten for a week...

and I, personally, already feel *so* annoying.

The Catholic church is considering going all-in on gluten-free wafers

At risk is cross-contamination.

Why do people with a gluten allergy usually make for pretty funny comedians?

Because they always have silly acts.

A Vegan who is also gluten intolerant walks up to you. What is the first thing they say to you?

"I crossfit"

When I was a kid I was diagnosed as gluten intolerant.

When I misbehaved my mom would make me eat a bunch of white bread. A gluten for punishment kind of thing.

What's the difference between gluten and hillbillies?

One's inbred, the others in bread

A Gen Z kid and a boomer walk into a bar

They sit down and the Gen Z kid orders from the gluten free vegan menu and the boomer orders a T-Bone steak.

They start chatting and the Gen Z kid says that social justice issues are the biggest problem facing the world, and that the white supremacist patriarchy is a plague on society. ...

How do Germans with celiac disease greet each other?

Gluten Morgen!

What did the German celiac patient say when he walked into the doctors office?

Gluten tag!

A man with Celiac disease willingly ate an entire loaf of bread.

He was a gluten for punishment.

What do you call a celiac who ignores their dietary advice?

A gluten for punishment

Why is it so hard for economists to go gluten free?

Because their food preferences are very sticky.

My vegetarian girlfriend started a diet where she has cut out gluten, dairy, and preservatives.

It’s not all that bad though, because recently she’s been eating more nuts.

How do coeliac intolerance people in Germany say hello to each other?

Gluten-Morgan

Despite my wife having celiac's disease, she keeps on eating bread...

You could say she's a gluten for punishment.

Google knows!

Subject: Today's Reality


CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza?


GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.


CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.


GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.


CALLER: OK. I would like to order a ...

(NSFW) I have celiac disease, and my BDSM wife likes to tie me up and feed me wheat bread...

I’m a gluten for punishment.

My grandfather is a Russian immigrant, so the last few years have been really hard for him. But I'm thrilled to share that he's achieved his dream of opening a bakery!

Please join me in wishing him luck with Vladimir Gluten.

Healthy German

What did the health conscious german say, when he entered Whole Foods?

Gluten Morgen

PS: First time posting an original.

What is it called when you steal a rich person's dinner rolls?

Highfalutin gluten lootin'

Do you know why Wholefoods isn't expanding to Germany?

Gluten tag!

(This is my first joke)

When German children play a game involving touching each other with bread...

it's called gluten tag.


I'll show myself out.

An irregular bird

I saw a bird today
It was eating a gluten free bagel
It must be a Millennial Falcon

Growing up in Germany, we always had this game that we'd play where we'd run around and hit each other with bread

Man, I miss Gluten Tag

My kid wanted to be a super hero for Halloween but he got in trouble so I made him go as a sack of wheat flour.

He was a gluten for punishment.

A joke my mother told me today

A British man comes to a village and is given saag^1 on bajra roti^2. He eats the saag by itself and returns the roti to his hosts, saying "Here is your plate."

1. Saag is a mushy dish made with boiled spinach or mustard greens

2. Bajra roti is a flat bread made from millet, it has no...

The Germans are so innovative when it comes to diets.

Especially the gluten free diets. They’ve started a new initiative with their food. If something has gluten in it, they give it a guten tag.

My wife suggested that it might be nice if I bought her some flowers for her birthday.

For some reason, she wasn't particularly happy when I handed over a bag of wholemeal, a bag of self raising and a bag of gluten free.

Man with a beard a 100 years ago: "Ok, I'll go chop down some trees."

Man with beard today: " I found a great face mask that's gluten and cruelty free."

Why did the man with celiac disease eat a loaf of bread?...

He was a gluten for punishment

Sorry if this offends anyone with gluten issues. Our son can't have gluten right now, so this joke came to me while I was toasting him some gluten-free bread.

I'm gonna open a bakery in Germany.

I'll call it "Gluten Tag!"

K-THX-BAI!!!!!

What do you call it when a German hits you with a loaf of bread?

Gluten Tag

And when a hippie hits you with a loaf of bread?

Flour power

And when a lot of people do it at the same time?

a rye-ot

What does German cereal say when it sees the milk in the morning?

Gluten-tag

Grocery shopping on a diet is easy in Germany..

Just look for the *gluten tag*.

I should start a store that sells wheat and beans.

It would be called "Gluten And Tootin"

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.