The 47+ Best Rye Jokes - ↑UPJOKE↑

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The truth about Rye Bread

Two older guys were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog. The 80-year-old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said, *"Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your ene...

The guys at the Delhi Deli pressured me into having a BLT on Indian bread instead of rye.

Now I like such a naan conformist.

I'll have a club sandwich on rye.

Hold the mayo. Cuddle the mustard. Whisper soft words of confidence to the lettuce. Make love to the onion

Ever read The Catcher in the Rye?

Or are you holden on for a better time to read it?

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A restaurant has a challenge: "We will give $500 to any customer whose order we can not fill"

One day, a man sees this sign and decides to take them up on it. So when gets seated, he tells the waitress that he wants an elephant testicle on rye bread.

She dutifully takes his order back to the kitchen. A few seconds later he could hear all hell breaking loose in the kitchen: there's peo...

Courtesy of my 11-year-old: Dad, what's the difference between a humorous reference and an imaginary bread?

One is a wry allusion and the other is a rye illusion.

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Books Never Written

Hey guys, don't know if you're familiar with these kind of jokes, but they were my favorite growing up, so I thought I'd post a bunch of the here. They're pretty corny, but I hope you enjoy!

*Take A Breather* by Justin Hale

*How to Become Famous* by Anonymous

*Living Long* by Di...

I went to the zoo and saw a loaf of rye in a cage.

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.

A customer walks into a restaurant and notices large sign on the wall:

$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!

When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant dung on rye.

She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose!

The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, sla...

What kind of bread does Matthew McConaughey eat?

All rye all rye all rye!

Watch out for pastrami

It's on the ryes

A German man on his first trip to America decides to see New York City.

As he's wandering around the smell of corned beef and fresh baked rye bread draws him into a Kosher deli. The man sits at the counter, eyes the menu and says, "I vood like to try ze bagel and ze lox." In a thick accent.

On his first bite he's throughly enjoying his food and pipes up to the gu...

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A man walks into a sandwich shop

He asks for a BLT on rye, pays for it and leaves. The next week he does the same and the week after that as well. Years go by and the man still comes for his weekly sandwich and is now a recognized face at the restaurant and is a friend of the owner.

One day the owner asks him, "Why don't yo...

Three ducks walk into a bar...

The first duck walks up to the bar and the bartender asks "What's your name, what's your drink, and how was your day?" the first duck replies "My name is Bill, I'll have a rye and coke, and I had a GREAT day! I was in and out of puddles all day! Splashing around, gettin' wet, having fun!"
The se...

A man moves across country to a new city.

A man moves to a new city and starts a new job.

Lunchtime comes around and his coworker asks him to join him. They go to a restaurant down the road, sit down and he orders the Club Sandwich.

They get their food after a couple of minutes and talk about work.
The man is intrigued...

I had a joke about Dutch bread...

But I didn't think you would like De Rye humor.

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Tanjooberrymutts

By the time you read through this you wil understand 'TANJOOBERRYMUTTS'

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service in a hotel ...

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

Room Service: "...

What does bread do when it gets cheated on?

It ryes inside

I went to my son and asked

What is Matthew McConaughey's favorite bread and he said

All white all white all white

And I said no you dummy

It's all rye all rye all rye

I opened a fresh loaf of bread and found a baseball card wedged between two slices.

It was a Catcher in the Rye.

Why did the protestors start throwing bread?

Because they wanted to rye it.

Matthew McConaughey walks into a bakery...

Matthew: "Can I get three loaves of bread please?"

Baker: "What type do you want sir?"

Matthew: "All rye, all rye, all rye."

Matthew McConaughey walked into a deli to order a sandwich

“What can I get for you?” the shopkeep asked.

Matthew replied, “well my good man, you see I’ve had the good fortune of becoming a world renown celebrity, an academy award winning actor, I’ve played some of the most iconic roles in television history, and I’m even known for my whimsical yet c...

What did Raichu say to the baker?

Rye Chew

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Sailor has some balls

Two Generals of the Army and Marines are joined by an Admiral of the Navy around a campfire off the landing zone doing shots of rye whiskey when someone calls out and asks who’s got the most balls.

The Marine General goes all right and says, “Marine,” over the radio, “I want you to take that ...

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A young priest is hearing confession one Saturday

And in walks a man who sits down across the screen, saying “father forgive me for i have sinned. I’ve been making illegal whiskey.” The priest, being new to the profession and the parish, thinks for a minute before saying “I’ll have to speak to the Monsignor for your penance.” The priest goes to his...

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Two 80 year old guys were discussing their sex lives

Hey, Morris what’s really helping with the ladies is that Russian Rye bread I’ve been eating

Morris is curious and goes to the bakery

He says give me 3 loaves of your Russian Rye please!

The lady says be careful, it’s gonna be hard in 3 days

Morris says what the F

...

What do you call bread baked by a poet?

Poet-rye

Soviet joke

Three men have to share a hotel room in Chelyabinsk during a congress. Naturally, in the evening, they start drinking. One thing leads to another, and they find themselves telling political jokes. Concerns that any of the others may be KGB informants or that the room may be bugged are readily dissol...

My deli guy is very witty.

He has a rye sense of humor.

What's an Italian baker's favourite book?

*Focaccia in the Rye*.

I was thinking of making puns about grain...

But most people can *barley* stand it.

Yes, I know. That was pretty *corny*. You're probably thinking, "*Rye* did you do this?" I'm probably going too *farro* with this. I'm sorry

You know, being unsure if I'm a plant is actually pretty cool.

Am I rye?

Why did the Italian baker close shop?

Everything went a rye

What do you call it when a German hits you with a loaf of bread?

Gluten Tag

And when a hippie hits you with a loaf of bread?

Flour power

And when a lot of people do it at the same time?

a rye-ot

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A cowboy walks into a deserted saloon...

And there's no tinkling waltz on the piano, no gentle buzzing about the days activities, it's empty. A mournful bartender polishes an immaculate glass and halfheartedly waves away a fat, clueless fly.

The cowboy sidled into a stool and fished a coin out of his pocket. He flicked it with his t...

My Chinese gave me a confectionary made with an unusual flour.

The cake was a rye

How do bakers deal with tough problems?

They ryes to the occasion and dough not quit.

Did you know that 90% of all dog in South Korea are inbred?

Most commonly it's whole wheat or rye

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Trump and Pence go stop at a local diner for breakfast.

The waitress greets the two and says, "What will it be today?"

Pence looks up from the menu and says, "I'll have two eggs, bacon, rye, and a coffee. Thank you."

The waitress scribbles on her notepad and turns to Trump, "and for you, Mr. President?"

Trump smiles at the waitress a...

The Baker

A Baker specializing in making Rye bread is disheartened. He works long hours and while his wages are decent, they are nothing special. He wants to strike it rich and make something of himself.

He hears that a lot of money can be make for trapping in the Canadian wilderness so he sells his ba...

A String Walks Into A Bar

He says, "hey bar keep, I'll have a beer". The bartenders sternly replies, "we don't serve strings here". The string walks away discouraged.
He comes in a few days later and tries again, "hey bar keep, I'll take a rye". The bartender, more aggravated replies, "I told you, we don't serve strings ...

Court Comedy

In a courtroom, where tensions are high...

Judge: Order! Order in the court!

Plaintiff: I'll take a ham on rye.

The Bakery

There once was a father and son who owned a bakery. Ron Sr and Ron Jr.

They made pastries, bread loaves, and even a few sandwiches. Their most popular item on the menu was rye bread.

One morning, their oven stopped working. They were both panicking.

Shortly after they realized t...

Why didn't Bono sell any wheat bread at his bakery?

Cuz it's all rye, it's all rye, it's all rye.

Two Jewish brothers go to see the Pope...

This was the last joke told by my great grandfather before he died.

Two Jewish brothers who owned a very successful bakery, Rosen's, went to see the Pope.

They got through to his chamber, and the Pope asked what he could do for them. They said, "We have an offer for you. We will pay yo...

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Every Flavour of Ice Cream

Heard this joke from my dad when I was 13. One of my favourites.

A guy walks into an ice cream store that claims to have every ice cream flavour. The guy wants to test the store and see if they really do have every flavour. He asks the server "do you have strawberry apple." The server repl...

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