It was the ‘bring your pet to school’ day today, there were a lot of birds

Weirdly enough most of them were desert eagles!

What country has the most birds?

Turkey

You think birds are scary?

Imagine Dragons.

What do you call a house filled with birds

A burden

The teacher asks Billy, “If there are 5 birds on the fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?”

Billy says, “None, because the others would fly away.”

“The answer is 4, but I like the way you think,” says the teacher.

“Now I have a question for you,” says Billy, “If there are 3 women eating ice cream cones, and 1 is licking, 1 is biting, and 1 is sucking, which one is married?”...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do birds get if they have unprotected sex?

Cherppies!

Do you know why that's really bad?

Their un-tweetable!

Idk about you guys but my parents never taught me about "the birds and the bees."

So when it came down to doing it, I had no idea how to extract honey from a beehive

We live in such an uncaring society. The other day I was in the park watching an old man feed the birds

After a while I thought to myself: “I wonder how long he’s been dead?”

Edna always loved the birds

Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, and every year Buddy would say,
'Edna,I'd like to ride in that helicopter'
Edna always replied,
'I know Buddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks'
One year Buddy and Edna went to t...

A flock of birds walk into a bar, look around, then head for the door.

Bartender says, “Hey, what’s the matter?”

One of the birds says, “oh, it's just that this place looked seedier on the outside.”

Do you know why birds sing in the morning?

Because they don’t have to go to work!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do birds have feathers?

To cover their butt-quacks.

..dad jokes for life!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the white stuff in birdshit?

Also birdshit.

You know how birds fly in V-formation and one side always looks longer? You know why that is?

More birds on that side.

Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds

They’ve left no tern unstoned

Did you know that birds swear the most of any animal

They have fowl language

why do birds fly south during the winter?

Because it would take forever to walk

One day, my parents told me about the birds and the bees

"Son" they said, "birds do it, bees do it, so it's completely fine and natural for you to do it too. It's nothing to be ashamed of"

They were of course referring to my unfortunate habit of running face-first into windows.

What do you call 2000 mockingbirds?

2 kilomockingbirds

The vet seemed to have no idea why my two pet birds were stuck together.

He said it was toucan fusing.

A wealthy dude walks into a pet store for people with fat wallets.

He explains that he's looking for a birthday present to his friend. And his friend happen to like birds, so he needs a parrot, a talented one of course.



Store owner says that he's got just a thing and takes him over to a huge stand with three exotic parrots.



"These bird...

I'm pretty sure my pet birds have been working together to steal my snacks at night.

I'm not 100% but I do suspect fowl play.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three birds were eating fermented seeds from cow manure in a fenced in barn area.

After eating their fill they noticed three barn cats lurking about. They decided they needed to get out of there. Feeling inebriated the first decided to get a boost by starting from a quarter way up a rake. It tries, and fumbles. Cat gets it!

The second one hoping for a better chance goes up...

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A father was about to tell his ten year old son about the birds and the bees.

“I don’t want to know”, said the son.

“Why?” said the father.

“Because when I was seven you told me there was no tooth fairy, when I was eight you told me there was no Easter bunny and when I was nine you told me there was no Santa Claus. If you’re about to tell me grown ups don’t actu...

What is the minimum amount of birds to change a lightbulb?

One can’t, but Toucan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a Native American who had only one testicle...

There once was a Native American who had only one testicle And whose given name was 'Onestone'.

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment,

Onestone finally cracked and said,'

If anyone calls me Onestone again I will k...

I call my friends Dodo birds

Because they don't exist.

Today, I followed two majestic birds of pray

They then kicked me out of the nunnery

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a really cute bird keeper...

She had all kinds of birds at her house.

She had some beautiful parrots, a couple of cockatiels, and a pair of great tits

My niece asked me what kind of birds are found on Twitter.

I told her mostly parrots.

“Julie,” her mother asked, “why are you feeding birdseed to the cat?”

“Because,” Julie answered, “that’s where my canary is.”

Me: I'm an expert at identifying birds

Her: OK, what about those ones flying over that tree?

Me: Yup, they're all birds

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you can kill 2 birds with one stone, How many can you kill with 5?

Half the fucking population



\#ThanosDidNothingWrong

Two birds, who at once are stoned.

You wouldn't believe the things they're tweeting when they're high!

A double pun

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