**God:** To each of man and woman, I bestow a way to sexually reproduce with distinct organs, the act of which will give them the ability to express love and gain from it the nectar of pure pleasure.
**Angel:** And what about snails?
**God:** Snails can go fuck themselves.
A man is in court
(Long but worth it)
Judge: "You are accused of beating your wife to death. If you want to expect any mercy, you'll have to give us a damn good reason." Man: "She was so stupid, I just had to kill her." Judge: "That is even worse. If you don't want to be declared guilty on the spot, you ...
A Marine who is missing both of his arms walks into the bar...
The bartender - also a former serviceman - spots the guy's SemperFi tattoo and shoves a tall foaming glass of beer in front of him.
"This one is on the house bro", he says.
"Thanks man," said the patron.
"Look" he says... "would you mind to hold the glass up to my mouth?" ...
Stranded
One day an Irishman who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship." And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat or even a raft.. Suddenly there emerged...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A scientist goes into a kindergarten classroom...
A scientist goes into a kindergarten classroom to conduct an experiment. The experiment involves the kids eating gummy bears and judging by the color and taste, the kids will shout out the flavor.
The scientist gives them a red gummy bear and the kids can instantly tell that it’s strawberry....
A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender for his best scotch.
The bartender reaches up to the top shelf and gingerly picks up a bottle of single malt. He carefully pours a shot into a clean glass and put in on the bar. The guy grabs the drink and throws it down his throat in one gulp. The bartender is aghast and says " Whoa, whoa that is 17 year old nectar fro...
Professor San Holo
Prof San Holo was busy at his lab. He was experimenting with splicing genetic material from rams into eggs of bees. With global warming, certain species of flowering plants flourish while others perish. The idea was to give bees the ability to digest leaves and grass to make honey and thereby reduc...
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