Fowl Play

Where do orphaned chickens and turkeys end up?

Foster Farms

Fowl Joke

Smaller babies may be delivered by Stork, the heavier ones need a Crane, and Swallows deliver none.

Lawyer vs. Water Fowl

What can a goose do, that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do?







Stick his bill up his Ass

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It’s ok if your phone autocorrects “Fuck” to “Duck”

You’re still using Fowl Language.

Fowl humor

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business.     She had several hundred young
pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.


She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and
was replaced.


This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny be...

A man bought a parrot but it had a bad attitude and a fowl vocabulary...

He tries everything to change the bird's attitude and clean up its dirty language but nothing works. Finally, in a moment of desperation, he puts the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he hears the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all is quiet. He opens the freezer doo...

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The Fowl Mouthed Parrot

A woman brought home a parrot from the pound, and discovered, to her dismay that he loved to swear like a sailor.

One day, after being called a juicy bitch one time too many, she grabbed him, and threw him into the freezer, in order to teach him a lesson.

After a few minutes, she opene...

I never use fowl language

I just don't give a cluck

What fowl plays foul when playing hide and go seek?

A Peking duck

What do you call barnyard fowl staring at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

My wife and daughter made up this joke.

Chicken! Duck! Pheasant plucker!

Oh sorry excuse my fowl language.

A duck and a detective are investigating a crime scene.

Duck: It looks like the man was stabbed

Detective : Do you suspect fowl play?

Duck: please focus, there may be a killer on the loose.

Detective: You’re right, I really hope we can quack this case and put it to bread

Why do birds make bad basketball players?

They're always committing fowls.

Him "I know we agreed to trade my cheese for your chicken, but I forgot the cheese at home. Will you still give me the chicken?"

Her "Absolutely not! You know what they say: 'No parm, no fowl!'".

I tried incubating some chicks but turns out my rooster is sterile.

Oh well.
No harm, no fowl.

I got attacked by a goose today.

Needless to say, I used some fowl language.

What do you call evil duck rituals?

Fowl practices!

What's fowl and swine, but people can't resist shoving down their throat?

A turkey and ham sandwich.

I'll see myself out.

What do you call a water fowl looking in a window?

Peking duck.

(it came to mind over dinner... I thought I would share the pain with everyone)

the fowled experiment

scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the wind...

Why did the Mallard fail as a comic?

His humor was too fowl.

The police were called to a local playground

The police were called to a local playground with reports of hundreds of chickens running wild there.

They thought it was a prank call at first, but now they suspect fowl play.

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A chicken walks into a library...

The librarian lifts their gaze with a mixture of curiosity and surprise as the bird hops onto the counter. It tilts its head and, with an air of demand, clucks:

"Book!"

The librarian is taken aback at this odd display. The chicken impatiently taps one foot on the counter.

"Book,...

Chicken Addiction

A guy really wanted to eat chicken. He was craving it for a while and he decided to go get some. But, he didn't want any of the fast food type chicken. So, he decided to cook it himself.

He goes to the butcher to buy it. The butcher gave him a live chicken. The man, surprised, asked the butch...

Why do chickens make bad comedians?

Because their jokes are fowl.

Do you know why “Chicken Run” was as an marked explicit movie?

It has fowl language

You know the story of the ugly duckling?

Pretty fowl story

A man wanted a chicken of his own to lay fresh eggs for him. He went to a farm supply store that had chickens and tried to buy one, but he was denied because he wasn't a registered farmer. The clerk said, "Sorry sir. . ."

"No farm, no fowl."

Why aren't chickens not allowed to enter the church?

Because they only use fowl language.

What do you call a group of 10 chickens and 5 crows

A murder most fowl

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Why did the chicken go to the principal's office

it used fowl language

I tried to post a Thanksgiving joke about turkeys...

But it was removed because of fowl language.

Autocorrect keeps ducking up my joke every time I try to type it here for all of you.

Is it because of the fowl language?

Why doesnt Dracula attack chickens

Because their blood is fowl

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A duck walks into a bar and just fucking screams at the barkeep.Give me a fucking jack and coke you fucking stupid ugly motherfucker.

Whoa there partner, capitulates the tender of fine libations...whats with the fowl language?

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I had sex with a turkey. I know what you’re all thinking...

That’s fowl

I just got in trouble from my parents for yelling "What the duck!"

They told me I'm not to use fowl language

I brought a gun. He brought an army of ducks.

At this point it's just fowl play.

Why did Little Johnny go to the bird sanctuary?

He was in a fowl mood.

The chicken I had was really bad.

You could say it was because it had a fowl taste.

A duck walks into a clothing store in 2020 ...

....and waits two minutes for an associate to help her. No one does and the duck gets progressively more upset. And quacks up a storm.

Another shopper passes by, sees the uncovered bill and mumbles “Karen is mighty fowl.”

Why didn't the chicken get a kiss goodnight?

Because she had fowl breath.

The duck was singing on the street for money

He got fined for selling quack.

He got an extra fine for using fowl language.

He said put the charges on my bill.

Reddit keeps suspending me over my chicken joke

They say its to fowl.

What do roosters have in common with baseball?

Fowl balls.

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A doctor joke

(You May only get if you understand the nature of the different medical specialties)

A surgeon, internist, radiologist, and pathologist go duck hunting for the first time.

They are huddled in the duck blind and the first bird goes flying in front of them, but they can’t clearly make o...

What's the first sign that you have caught bird flu?

Fowl symptoms.

If you want this chicken you have to punch me as hard as you can in the face. I won't get mad.

No harm no fowl.

It’s tough to have a conversation with a chicken.

They have very fowl mouths.

I thought 'Chicken Run' was supposed to be a kids film.

But it's full of fowl language.

For the 2020 NFL season, the players will no longer be allowed to keep chickens as pets.

It will be considered a personal fowl.

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Why did the horny duck go to the baseball game?

She was trying to catch some fowl balls.

Why don’t church ladies like chicken?

They’re offended by their fowl language.

What do you call a turkey that shows too much cleavage?

A fowl temptress.

Why should you never order chicken or duck on a first date?

Because no one wants to kiss someone with fowl breath!

Why'd the chicken cross the basketball court?

The ref was calling fowls.

Star Trek: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Captain Kirk: "To boldly go where no chicken had gone before!"
Spock: "At the time, it seemed the logical thing to do."
McCoy: "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a barnyard psychologist!"
Scotty: "Because it couldna change the laws o' physics!"
Computer: "Insufficient data."

D...

I was making chicken noises in class

Got a detention for using fowl language

My wife is leaving me over my duck puns.

She couldn't stand jokes so fowl.

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A few puns I thought of while trying not to get out of bed

What did the Alabama sister say to her sibling?

"Cum at me bro".



\-

Why did the wild fowl sneak into the girls washroom?

He was a peeking duck



\-

What did the fruit farmer say when asked about his crops?

"It's bananas"



\...

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The priests rooster

The Priest of a small village was very fond of his flock of ten hens and a cockerel.

He kept them in a hen house behind the parish, but one Saturday night, the cockerel was missing.

The priest, suspecting fowl play decided to say something about it at church the next morning.

At...

Why did the police arrest the turkey?

They suspected fowl play.

I was going to tell you a joke about a couple of chicken's...

But I can't because it's.......... Two fowl.

A man walks into a bar

and orders a drink. While he’s waiting, he can’t help but notice the disgruntled looking fellow sitting next to him. In front of him on the bar, is a tiny man in a tuxedo playing a concerto on a tiny piano. Obviously curious, the man asks:

Hey buddy, what’s with the tiny musician?

“H...

A group of friends are eating dinner at a restaurant

They are surprised to realize that their waiter is a duck, however service was good so they couldn't complain. They ask for the check and it comes to decide who pays what. One of them speaks up and says, "I'll foot the bill!" He then proceeds to kick the waiter in the face.

(As the group runs...

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I caught my friend having sex with a duck

It was pretty fowl.

I caught my nephew using "Duck" in place of the F word.

I had to stop him, I know his dad wouldn't approve of such fowl language.

I saw a bunch of geese and ducks on the lawn in front of the Tyson processing plant. Initially I thought of how horrible it was that they were there flaunting their freedom to the condemned chickens, but then I thought no.....

it's just fowl behavior.

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