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If your phone auto corrects "fuck" to "duck," it's okay to keep it

It's still fowl language

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The Priest of a small village was very fond of his flock of ten hens and a cockerel.

He kept them in a hen house behind the parish, but one Saturday night, the cockerel was missing.
The priest, suspecting fowl play decided to say something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, has anyone got a cock? To which all the men stood up.
"No...

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I had sex with a turkey. I know what you’re all thinking...

That’s fowl

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A duck walks into a bar and just fucking screams at the barkeep.Give me a fucking jack and coke you fucking stupid ugly motherfucker.

Whoa there partner, capitulates the tender of fine libations...whats with the fowl language?

Fowl humor

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business.     She had several hundred young
pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.


She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and
was replaced.


This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny be...

What fowl plays foul when playing hide and go seek?

A Peking duck

What's fowl and swine, but people can't resist shoving down their throat?

A turkey and ham sandwich.

I'll see myself out.

Did you hear about the dyslexic boy who cried fowl?

Nobody listened and the wolf ate him.

A man bought a parrot but it had a bad attitude and a fowl vocabulary...

He tries everything to change the bird's attitude and clean up its dirty language but nothing works. Finally, in a moment of desperation, he puts the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he hears the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all is quiet. He opens the freezer doo...

What do you call barnyard fowl staring at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

My wife and daughter made up this joke.

I never use fowl language

I just don't give a cluck

What do you call a water fowl looking in a window?

Peking duck.

(it came to mind over dinner... I thought I would share the pain with everyone)

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‘Why did the chicken cross the road?’

“Now that’s an old one.” The chicken smiled to himself as he looked across the barren road in front of him, the age old question repeating itself in his mind.

On one side, the chicken stood. The other, a lone bar in the middle of nowhere. And yet, at some point, it was once the most bustling ...

I was making chicken noises in class

Got a detention for using fowl language

I'm pretty sure my pet birds have been working together to steal my snacks at night.

I'm not 100% but I do suspect fowl play.

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The Fowl Mouthed Parrot

A woman brought home a parrot from the pound, and discovered, to her dismay that he loved to swear like a sailor.

One day, after being called a juicy bitch one time too many, she grabbed him, and threw him into the freezer, in order to teach him a lesson.

After a few minutes, she opene...

I killed a chicken.

It was murder most fowl.

My wife is leaving me over my duck puns.

She couldn't stand jokes so fowl.

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Autocorrect keeps replacing “fuck” with “duck”

Either way it’s fowl language

Dr. Doolittle learned to talk the language of thousands of animals.

But not the language of ducks..

They were just too Fowl.

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If you keep peacocks in a petting zoo

You’ve got to expect some fowl-play.

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

He heard the ref was blowing fowls.

Why did she spit out the turkey soup?

She said it had a fowl taste.

Did you hear about the young bird criminal mastermind?

They call him Artemis Fowl.

I stubbed my toe and got scolded by my parents for yelling “What the duck”

They were angry that I used fowl language

A diner ordered the chicken parmesan at a restaurant

Waiter: "Actually the kitchen has run out of parmesan—i’m very sorry, sir ."

Diner: "No parm, no fowl."

A chicken, duck and quail were found dead on a swing set.

The police suspect fowl play

What is the most Shakespearean way to eliminate bird flu?

Murder most fowl.

A Lawyer needs some time off, and he decides to go hunting...

He's in the woods, looking for sport fowl, and he's having no luck. All of a sudden, this glorious pheasant flies up out of the undergrowth, and flies high over the treeline. With careful aim, the lawyer pulls the trigger and BOOM, the pheasant drops like a stone, out of the edge of the woods, and t...

I don't eat pheasant.

Its a little fowl.

I don't understand why people like chicken...

It's just fowl.

Why did the duck hunter have no batting average?

All he can hit are fowls.

What do you call a chicken that drinks too much in the club?

A party fowl.

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One crazy irish hunting trip

A solicitor from Dublin, while hunting in the West, brought down a fowl which landed in a farmer's field. As the lawyer climbed over the wall to retrieve the bird, the elderly owner appeared asking what he was doing. The litigator replied, "I shot that bird y'see lyin there, and now I'm about to pic...

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The Duck Hunter

Duck hunting season had just opened and Fred traveled to Canada for his yearly hunting trip. On his first day out on the lake he was pretty successful and bagged 3 beautiful water fowls.

On his way back to his cabin for lunch he is stopped by the Game Ranger on his boat. The ranger takes a p...

Why don't you take a turkey to church?

Because they have fowl language

Why will Donald Trump pardon his first turkey this year?

Because the bird is accused of fowl play

I want a pet duck

But can't get one in my town without an agricultural permit.

Oh, well. no farm, no fowl.

Did you hear about the chicken who tripped his friend in football?

he got busted for fowl play

I know a cat who thinks he's a chicken.

I tried to teach him otherwise, but he was in too much of a fowl mood.

A man walks into a butcher shop...

A man walks into a butcher shop and asks if the butcher has any duck meat.

The butcher says of course he does, but can only give it on a special condition.

"You can only get the duck if you stab yourself with a butcher's knife" the butcher tells the man.

The man was confused a...

A man goes to confession after bird watching

He says, “Forgive me father, but I have sinned. I went bird watching yesterday and used many bird calls.”

The priest says, “Son, I do not see how what you did was a sin.”

The man replies, “But father, I used fowl language.”

Why can't chickens play baseball?

Because all they ever hit are "fowl" balls.

My son loves telling jokes. He tells me one every day. This was the one for today.

Just ate goose for the first time

It was fowl

What do you call a group of chickens dressed up like crows?

A murder most fowl.

(I'll see myself out...)

Did you hear about the man who was arrested for molesting a duck?

He was suspected of Fowl Play

The chicken was acquitted of murder...

... because there was no evidence of fowl-play.

A man was driving around the countryside in his new sports car, moving at speeds that bordered on unsafe.

A man was driving around the countryside in his new sports car moving at speeds that bordered on unsafe. When checking his rear-view mirror he noticed that a small object followed by a trail of dust was closing fast. His curiosity piqued he slowed a bit to get a better look. As the object came into ...

NASA CHICKEN CANON

NASA engineers build a cannon that launches dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and such to test the strength of the windshields against collisions with airborne fowl.

British engineers are eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangemen...

Why did the police arrest the Christmas goose?

They suspected it of fowl play.

Why did the Hen make her Rooster cross the road?

Because he was using fowl language.

Why aren't kids under the age of 18 allowed to watch videos about duck calls without the consent of a parent?

Because they contain a lot of fowl language.

Whats the difference between a murder and Hamlet performed by geese?

Nothing, they're both fowl play

Why didn't anyone like the turkey's jokes?

He was being fowl

How does a chicken do their hair?

With a comb, In one fowl swoop.

An Inspector goes to a Processing Plant

So an inspector goes to a processing plant. He walks up to the manager and says: ‘I hear you keep your animals in horrible conditions. I’m here to write a report.’

The manager gives a cold smile and says: ‘Where would you like to start?’

‘Let’s start with your pigs,’ says the insp...

My chickens were clucking at me

Little did I know, they were using fowl language.

Fact: It is against league rules for an NFL player to own a pet duck.

It's considered a personal fowl.

A chicken walks into a bar

and clucks at the bartender. The bartender says, "No fowl language allowed"

Why did the Muslim man have to build a house for his wives before he could eat KFC?

No harem, no fowl.

Why don't we drink chicken milk?

It tastes fowl.

One for all of us country folks

Visiting the countryside on a hunting trip, the well-dressed man from Washington takes aim and shoots a duck. But the fowl drops into a farmer’s field, and the farmer claims it. Since both want it, the farmer suggests settling the dispute with an old fashioned hick-kick. "I kick you as hard as I can...

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What's another name for a chicken testicle?

Fowl Ball