Lawyer vs. Water Fowl

What can a goose do, that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do?







Stick his bill up his Ass

This guy gets a parrot but it's got a bad attitude and fowl (pun intended) vocabulary

He tries everything to change the bird's attitude and clean up its talk but nothing works. Finally, in a moment of desperation, he puts the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he hears the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all is quiet. He opens the freezer door. The par...

Fowl humor

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business.     She had several hundred young
pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.


She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and
was replaced.


This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny be...

What's fowl and swine, but people can't resist shoving down their throat?

A turkey and ham sandwich.

I'll see myself out.

Why did the movie about chickens get bad reviews?

Because it was fowl.

Why aren’t chickens allowed in church?

Because they only use fowl language.

Why should you never order chicken or duck on a first date?

Because no one wants to kiss someone with fowl breath!

What do you call barnyard fowl staring at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

My wife and daughter made up this joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If your phone auto corrects "fuck" to "duck," it's okay to keep it

It's still fowl language

Why didn't the chicken get a kiss goodnight?

Because she had fowl breath.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Fowl Mouthed Parrot

A woman brought home a parrot from the pound, and discovered, to her dismay that he loved to swear like a sailor.

One day, after being called a juicy bitch one time too many, she grabbed him, and threw him into the freezer, in order to teach him a lesson.

After a few minutes, she opene...

Poker game

I was playing poker with my friends Robin and Drake and some of their distant cousins.

There was this one chick who won almost every hand.

I can't be sure but I suspect fowl play.

What do you call a turkey that shows too much cleavage?

A fowl temptress.

What do you call a water fowl looking in a window?

Peking duck.

(it came to mind over dinner... I thought I would share the pain with everyone)

Did you hear about the dyslexic boy who cried fowl?

Nobody listened and the wolf ate him.

Why don’t church ladies like chicken?

They’re offended by their fowl language.

Why'd the chicken cross the basketball court?

The ref was calling fowls.

the fowled experiment

scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the wind...

Star Trek: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Captain Kirk: "To boldly go where no chicken had gone before!"
Spock: "At the time, it seemed the logical thing to do."
McCoy: "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a barnyard psychologist!"
Scotty: "Because it couldna change the laws o' physics!"
Computer: "Insufficient data."

D...

A man walks into a bar

and orders a drink. While he’s waiting, he can’t help but notice the disgruntled looking fellow sitting next to him. In front of him on the bar, is a tiny man in a tuxedo playing a concerto on a tiny piano. Obviously curious, the man asks:

Hey buddy, what’s with the tiny musician?

“H...

A group of friends are eating dinner at a restaurant

They are surprised to realize that their waiter is a duck, however service was good so they couldn't complain. They ask for the check and it comes to decide who pays what. One of them speaks up and says, "I'll foot the bill!" He then proceeds to kick the waiter in the face.

(As the group runs...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A few puns I thought of while trying not to get out of bed

What did the Alabama sister say to her sibling?

"Cum at me bro".



\-

Why did the wild fowl sneak into the girls washroom?

He was a peeking duck



\-

What did the fruit farmer say when asked about his crops?

"It's bananas"



\...

I just got in trouble from my parents for yelling "What the duck!"

They told me I'm not to use fowl language

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A duck walks into a bar and just fucking screams at the barkeep.Give me a fucking jack and coke you fucking stupid ugly motherfucker.

Whoa there partner, capitulates the tender of fine libations...whats with the fowl language?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the horny duck go to the baseball game?

She was trying to catch some fowl balls.

I caught my nephew using "Duck" in place of the F word.

I had to stop him, I know his dad wouldn't approve of such fowl language.

I was making chicken noises in class

Got a detention for using fowl language

Why did the police arrest the turkey?

They suspected fowl play.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had sex with a turkey. I know what you’re all thinking...

That’s fowl

I was going to tell you a joke about a couple of chicken's...

But I can't because it's.......... Two fowl.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Autocorrect keeps replacing “fuck” with “duck”

Either way it’s fowl language

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I caught my friend having sex with a duck

It was pretty fowl.

I saw a bunch of geese and ducks on the lawn in front of the Tyson processing plant. Initially I thought of how horrible it was that they were there flaunting their freedom to the condemned chickens, but then I thought no.....

it's just fowl behavior.

What do you get when you combine a group of crows, a Hitman, and a chicken?

A murder most fowl.

My wife is leaving me over my duck puns.

She couldn't stand jokes so fowl.

seriously why did the chicken cross the road?

because it heard the referee was blowing fowls

Did you know that birds swear the most of any animal

They have fowl language

Dr. Doolittle learned to talk the language of thousands of animals.

But not the language of ducks..

They were just too Fowl.

I'm pretty sure my pet birds have been working together to steal my snacks at night.

I'm not 100% but I do suspect fowl play.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The priests rooster

The Priest of a small village was very fond of his flock of ten hens and a cockerel.

He kept them in a hen house behind the parish, but one Saturday night, the cockerel was missing.

The priest, suspecting fowl play decided to say something about it at church the next morning.

At...

Why did she spit out the turkey soup?

She said it had a fowl taste.

>>> joke from the future <<<

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because its teleporter was fowled-up.

Why did the duck hunter have no batting average?

All he can hit are fowls.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One crazy irish hunting trip

A solicitor from Dublin, while hunting in the West, brought down a fowl which landed in a farmer's field. As the lawyer climbed over the wall to retrieve the bird, the elderly owner appeared asking what he was doing. The litigator replied, "I shot that bird y'see lyin there, and now I'm about to pic...

I don't eat pheasant.

Its a little fowl.

Did you hear about the young bird criminal mastermind?

They call him Artemis Fowl.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you keep peacocks in a petting zoo

You’ve got to expect some fowl-play.

I want a pet duck

But can't get one in my town without an agricultural permit.

Oh, well. no farm, no fowl.

A chicken, duck and quail were found dead on a swing set.

The police suspect fowl play

A diner ordered the chicken parmesan at a restaurant

Waiter: "Actually the kitchen has run out of parmesan—i’m very sorry, sir ."

Diner: "No parm, no fowl."

Why will Donald Trump pardon his first turkey this year?

Because the bird is accused of fowl play

What do you call a chicken that drinks too much in the club?

A party fowl.

What is the most Shakespearean way to eliminate bird flu?

Murder most fowl.

What do you call a group of chickens dressed up like crows?

A murder most fowl.

(I'll see myself out...)

I know a cat who thinks he's a chicken.

I tried to teach him otherwise, but he was in too much of a fowl mood.

A man walks into a butcher shop...

A man walks into a butcher shop and asks if the butcher has any duck meat.

The butcher says of course he does, but can only give it on a special condition.

"You can only get the duck if you stab yourself with a butcher's knife" the butcher tells the man.

The man was confused a...

Did you hear about the man who was arrested for molesting a duck?

He was suspected of Fowl Play

Why can't chickens play baseball?

Because all they ever hit are "fowl" balls.

My son loves telling jokes. He tells me one every day. This was the one for today.

The chicken was acquitted of murder...

... because there was no evidence of fowl-play.

A man goes to confession after bird watching

He says, “Forgive me father, but I have sinned. I went bird watching yesterday and used many bird calls.”

The priest says, “Son, I do not see how what you did was a sin.”

The man replies, “But father, I used fowl language.”

Just ate goose for the first time

It was fowl

A man was driving around the countryside in his new sports car, moving at speeds that bordered on unsafe.

A man was driving around the countryside in his new sports car moving at speeds that bordered on unsafe. When checking his rear-view mirror he noticed that a small object followed by a trail of dust was closing fast. His curiosity piqued he slowed a bit to get a better look. As the object came into ...

Why aren't kids under the age of 18 allowed to watch videos about duck calls without the consent of a parent?

Because they contain a lot of fowl language.

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