UPJOKE
poultrybirdchickenwaterfowlhuntguinea fowlordergeesegrouserungibletanseriformeshunt downtrack downmeat

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when a fowl chasing Boris Johnson bites him in the butt?

Chicken cacciatore.

(I'm so sorry.)

My son is walking through the house, shouting “Duck! Duck! Duck!”

I told him to stop using fowl language.

Fowl Joke

Smaller babies may be delivered by Stork, the heavier ones need a Crane, and Swallows deliver none.

Lawyer vs. Water Fowl

What can a goose do, that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do?







Stick his bill up his Ass

Fowl humor

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business.     She had several hundred young
pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.


She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and
was replaced.


This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny be...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what's another name for chicken testicles?

A fowl ball

A man bought a parrot but it had a bad attitude and a fowl vocabulary...

He tries everything to change the bird's attitude and clean up its dirty language but nothing works. Finally, in a moment of desperation, he puts the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he hears the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all is quiet. He opens the freezer doo...

I recently heard that Turkeys aren't allowed to play baseball.

No matter how many times they hit, they'll always hit Fowl balls.

Chicken

BORROWED

Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity.
The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields....

Four doctors are sitting in a boat in the reeds, duck hunting.

The family practitioner spots a flock of fowl flying overhead, turns to the specialist and says: "I think those are ducks. I need a second opinion."

The specialist says: "I can schedule you in for a consult in two months."

The surgeon picks up his shotgun. BLAM-BLAM-BLAM!!! Three of t...

What do you call barnyard fowl staring at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

My wife and daughter made up this joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Fowl Mouthed Parrot

A woman brought home a parrot from the pound, and discovered, to her dismay that he loved to swear like a sailor.

One day, after being called a juicy bitch one time too many, she grabbed him, and threw him into the freezer, in order to teach him a lesson.

After a few minutes, she opene...

A little-known college basketball rule is that players are not allowed to own more than five pet chickens.

They will be ejected from a game if they have more than five personal fowls.

I never use fowl language

I just don't give a cluck

What fowl plays foul when playing hide and go seek?

A Peking duck

Why’d the chicken cross the basketball court?

He heard the ref was blowing fowls.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s ok if your phone autocorrects “Fuck” to “Duck”

You’re still using Fowl Language.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer brought a chicken and a duck to the morning market

A buyer comes along and asks "how much for the chicken?"

The chicken replies "MORE THAN IT COSTS TO FUCK YOUR MOTHER FOR A NIGHT"

The buyer, understandably taken aback, asks the farmer what's up with the chicken.

The farmer replies: "Don't think too much of it. He's just fowl mo...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

For some fowl reason, probably.

What's fowl and swine, but people can't resist shoving down their throat?

A turkey and ham sandwich.

I'll see myself out.

Did you hear that somebody killed a majority of the birds?

It’s a murder of most fowl

What do you call a water fowl looking in a window?

Peking duck.

(it came to mind over dinner... I thought I would share the pain with everyone)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

George was driving down a county road

Up on a hill he sees a man fucking a donkey. George is enraged. He cannot believe someone would be doing that to begin with, let alone out in the open. He made it his mission to find the farmer the donkey belongs to and let him know. He drove until he finally reached the farm. He knocked on the ...

How do you turn ham into a bird?

Leave it out for a week until it turns fowl

Did you hear about the time Falcon was put in jail?

He was arrested for fowl play.

Why do birds make bad basketball players?

They're always committing fowls.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chicken walks into a library...

The librarian lifts their gaze with a mixture of curiosity and surprise as the bird hops onto the counter. It tilts its head and, with an air of demand, clucks:

"Book!"

The librarian is taken aback at this odd display. The chicken impatiently taps one foot on the counter.

"Book,...

A duck and a detective are investigating a crime scene.

Duck: It looks like the man was stabbed

Detective : Do you suspect fowl play?

Duck: please focus, there may be a killer on the loose.

Detective: You’re right, I really hope we can quack this case and put it to bread

I tried incubating some chicks but turns out my rooster is sterile.

Oh well.
No harm, no fowl.

I got attacked by a goose today.

Needless to say, I used some fowl language.

What do you call evil duck rituals?

Fowl practices!

Chicken! Duck! Pheasant plucker!

Oh sorry excuse my fowl language.

Chicken Addiction

A guy really wanted to eat chicken. He was craving it for a while and he decided to go get some. But, he didn't want any of the fast food type chicken. So, he decided to cook it himself.

He goes to the butcher to buy it. The butcher gave him a live chicken. The man, surprised, asked the butch...

Him "I know we agreed to trade my cheese for your chicken, but I forgot the cheese at home. Will you still give me the chicken?"

Her "Absolutely not! You know what they say: 'No parm, no fowl!'".

The police were called to a local playground

The police were called to a local playground with reports of hundreds of chickens running wild there.

They thought it was a prank call at first, but now they suspect fowl play.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had sex with a turkey. I know what you’re all thinking...

That’s fowl

Why did the Mallard fail as a comic?

His humor was too fowl.

What do you call a duck that steals the letters A, E, I, O, and U?

A foul vowel fowl.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A duck walks into a bar and just fucking screams at the barkeep.Give me a fucking jack and coke you fucking stupid ugly motherfucker.

Whoa there partner, capitulates the tender of fine libations...whats with the fowl language?

Do you know why “Chicken Run” was as an marked explicit movie?

It has fowl language

Why do chickens make bad comedians?

Because their jokes are fowl.

You know the story of the ugly duckling?

Pretty fowl story

Why aren't chickens not allowed to enter the church?

Because they only use fowl language.

A man wanted a chicken of his own to lay fresh eggs for him. He went to a farm supply store that had chickens and tried to buy one, but he was denied because he wasn't a registered farmer. The clerk said, "Sorry sir. . ."

"No farm, no fowl."

Why doesnt Dracula attack chickens

Because their blood is fowl

What do you call a group of 10 chickens and 5 crows

A murder most fowl

I tried to post a Thanksgiving joke about turkeys...

But it was removed because of fowl language.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor joke

(You May only get if you understand the nature of the different medical specialties)

A surgeon, internist, radiologist, and pathologist go duck hunting for the first time.

They are huddled in the duck blind and the first bird goes flying in front of them, but they can’t clearly make o...

I brought a gun. He brought an army of ducks.

At this point it's just fowl play.

Autocorrect keeps ducking up my joke every time I try to type it here for all of you.

Is it because of the fowl language?

Why didn't the chicken get a kiss goodnight?

Because she had fowl breath.

Why did Little Johnny go to the bird sanctuary?

He was in a fowl mood.

Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday....

Too much fowl language.

Reddit keeps suspending me over my chicken joke

They say its to fowl.

The chicken I had was really bad.

You could say it was because it had a fowl taste.

The duck was singing on the street for money

He got fined for selling quack.

He got an extra fine for using fowl language.

He said put the charges on my bill.

Whenever I get very angry or if I hurt my self, I shout out the sounds of migratory birds...

...which usually leaves me apologizing to someone for using fowl language.

If you want this chicken you have to punch me as hard as you can in the face. I won't get mad.

No harm no fowl.

What do roosters have in common with baseball?

Fowl balls.

What's the first sign that you have caught bird flu?

Fowl symptoms.

I thought 'Chicken Run' was supposed to be a kids film.

But it's full of fowl language.

For the 2020 NFL season, the players will no longer be allowed to keep chickens as pets.

It will be considered a personal fowl.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the horny duck go to the baseball game?

She was trying to catch some fowl balls.

Why don’t church ladies like chicken?

They’re offended by their fowl language.

What do you call a turkey that shows too much cleavage?

A fowl temptress.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I was out taking a stroll when a bird suddenly pooped on me...

I guess you could say that this left me in a fowl mood.

It’s tough to have a conversation with a chicken.

They have very fowl mouths.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The priests rooster

The Priest of a small village was very fond of his flock of ten hens and a cockerel.

He kept them in a hen house behind the parish, but one Saturday night, the cockerel was missing.

The priest, suspecting fowl play decided to say something about it at church the next morning.

At...

I was making chicken noises in class

Got a detention for using fowl language

My wife is leaving me over my duck puns.

She couldn't stand jokes so fowl.

Why should you never order chicken or duck on a first date?

Because no one wants to kiss someone with fowl breath!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A few puns I thought of while trying not to get out of bed

What did the Alabama sister say to her sibling?

"Cum at me bro".



\-

Why did the wild fowl sneak into the girls washroom?

He was a peeking duck



\-

What did the fruit farmer say when asked about his crops?

"It's bananas"



\...

I was going to tell you a joke about a couple of chicken's...

But I can't because it's.......... Two fowl.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.