This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If your phone auto corrects "fuck" to "duck," it's okay to keep it

It's still fowl language

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A duck walks into a bar and just fucking screams at the barkeep.Give me a fucking jack and coke you fucking stupid ugly motherfucker.

Whoa there partner, capitulates the tender of fine libations...whats with the fowl language?

A man bought a parrot but it had a bad attitude and a fowl vocabulary...

He tries everything to change the bird's attitude and clean up its dirty language but nothing works. Finally, in a moment of desperation, he puts the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he hears the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all is quiet. He opens the freezer doo...

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I had sex with a turkey. I know what you’re all thinking...

That’s fowl

What's fowl and swine, but people can't resist shoving down their throat?

A turkey and ham sandwich.

I'll see myself out.

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The Fowl Mouthed Parrot

A woman brought home a parrot from the pound, and discovered, to her dismay that he loved to swear like a sailor.

One day, after being called a juicy bitch one time too many, she grabbed him, and threw him into the freezer, in order to teach him a lesson.

After a few minutes, she opene...

Did you hear about the dyslexic boy who cried fowl?

Nobody listened and the wolf ate him.

Fowl humor

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business.     She had several hundred young
pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.


She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and
was replaced.


This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny be...

What fowl plays foul when playing hide and go seek?

A Peking duck

What do you call barnyard fowl staring at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

My wife and daughter made up this joke.

I caught my nephew using "Duck" in place of the F word.

I had to stop him, I know his dad wouldn't approve of such fowl language.

I saw a bunch of geese and ducks on the lawn in front of the Tyson processing plant. Initially I thought of how horrible it was that they were there flaunting their freedom to the condemned chickens, but then I thought no.....

it's just fowl behavior.

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Why did the horny duck go to the baseball game?

She was trying to catch some fowl balls.

What do you get when you combine a group of crows, a Hitman, and a chicken?

A murder most fowl.

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I caught my friend having sex with a duck

It was pretty fowl.

I never use fowl language

I just don't give a cluck

I was going to tell you a joke about a couple of chicken's...

But I can't because it's.......... Two fowl.

I was making chicken noises in class

Got a detention for using fowl language

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The Priest of a small village was very fond of his flock of ten hens and a cockerel.

He kept them in a hen house behind the parish, but one Saturday night, the cockerel was missing.
The priest, suspecting fowl play decided to say something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, has anyone got a cock? To which all the men stood up.
"No...

I'm pretty sure my pet birds have been working together to steal my snacks at night.

I'm not 100% but I do suspect fowl play.

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Autocorrect keeps replacing “fuck” with “duck”

Either way it’s fowl language

My wife is leaving me over my duck puns.

She couldn't stand jokes so fowl.

Why did she spit out the turkey soup?

She said it had a fowl taste.

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

Because he heard the ref was blowing fowls.

I stubbed my toe and got scolded by my parents for yelling “What the duck”

They were angry that I used fowl language

Did you hear about the young bird criminal mastermind?

They call him Artemis Fowl.

What is the most Shakespearean way to eliminate bird flu?

Murder most fowl.

Dr. Doolittle learned to talk the language of thousands of animals.

But not the language of ducks..

They were just too Fowl.

I don't eat pheasant.

Its a little fowl.

A chicken, duck and quail were found dead on a swing set.

The police suspect fowl play

A diner ordered the chicken parmesan at a restaurant

Waiter: "Actually the kitchen has run out of parmesan—i’m very sorry, sir ."

Diner: "No parm, no fowl."

I don't understand why people like chicken...

It's just fowl.

Why did the duck hunter have no batting average?

All he can hit are fowls.

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One crazy irish hunting trip

A solicitor from Dublin, while hunting in the West, brought down a fowl which landed in a farmer's field. As the lawyer climbed over the wall to retrieve the bird, the elderly owner appeared asking what he was doing. The litigator replied, "I shot that bird y'see lyin there, and now I'm about to pic...

What do you call a chicken that drinks too much in the club?

A party fowl.

Why don't you take a turkey to church?

Because they have fowl language

Why will Donald Trump pardon his first turkey this year?

Because the bird is accused of fowl play

I want a pet duck

But can't get one in my town without an agricultural permit.

Oh, well. no farm, no fowl.

A man walks into a butcher shop...

A man walks into a butcher shop and asks if the butcher has any duck meat.

The butcher says of course he does, but can only give it on a special condition.

"You can only get the duck if you stab yourself with a butcher's knife" the butcher tells the man.

The man was confused a...

Why was the detective concerned when the baseball team of all geese won the World Series?

He suspected fowl play.

I know a cat who thinks he's a chicken.

I tried to teach him otherwise, but he was in too much of a fowl mood.

A man goes to confession after bird watching

He says, “Forgive me father, but I have sinned. I went bird watching yesterday and used many bird calls.”

The priest says, “Son, I do not see how what you did was a sin.”

The man replies, “But father, I used fowl language.”

What do you call a group of chickens dressed up like crows?

A murder most fowl.

(I'll see myself out...)

Just ate goose for the first time

It was fowl

A man was driving around the countryside in his new sports car, moving at speeds that bordered on unsafe.

A man was driving around the countryside in his new sports car moving at speeds that bordered on unsafe. When checking his rear-view mirror he noticed that a small object followed by a trail of dust was closing fast. His curiosity piqued he slowed a bit to get a better look. As the object came into ...

The chicken was acquitted of murder...

... because there was no evidence of fowl-play.

NASA CHICKEN CANON

NASA engineers build a cannon that launches dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and such to test the strength of the windshields against collisions with airborne fowl.

British engineers are eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangemen...

Did you hear about the man who was arrested for molesting a duck?

He was suspected of Fowl Play

Why aren't kids under the age of 18 allowed to watch videos about duck calls without the consent of a parent?

Because they contain a lot of fowl language.

Why did the Hen make her Rooster cross the road?

Because he was using fowl language.

Whats the difference between a murder and Hamlet performed by geese?

Nothing, they're both fowl play

Why did the police arrest the Christmas goose?

They suspected it of fowl play.

Duck jokes are usually funny...

...but sometimes they're fowl.

How does a chicken do their hair?

With a comb, In one fowl swoop.

An Inspector goes to a Processing Plant

So an inspector goes to a processing plant. He walks up to the manager and says: ‘I hear you keep your animals in horrible conditions. I’m here to write a report.’

The manager gives a cold smile and says: ‘Where would you like to start?’

‘Let’s start with your pigs,’ says the insp...

A chicken walks into a bar

and clucks at the bartender. The bartender says, "No fowl language allowed"

Fact: It is against league rules for an NFL player to own a pet duck.

It's considered a personal fowl.

Why didn't anyone like the turkey's jokes?

He was being fowl

One for all of us country folks

Visiting the countryside on a hunting trip, the well-dressed man from Washington takes aim and shoots a duck. But the fowl drops into a farmer’s field, and the farmer claims it. Since both want it, the farmer suggests settling the dispute with an old fashioned hick-kick. "I kick you as hard as I can...

I saw a flock of angry ducks the other day.

I wonder why they were in such a fowl mood.

Why don't we drink chicken milk?

It tastes fowl.

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