This guy gets a parrot but it's got a bad attitude and fowl (pun intended) vocabulary

He tries everything to change the bird's attitude and clean up its talk but nothing works. Finally, in a moment of desperation, he puts the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he hears the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all is quiet. He opens the freezer door. The par...

Lawyer vs. Water Fowl

What can a goose do, that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do?







Stick his bill up his Ass

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If your phone auto corrects "fuck" to "duck," it's okay to keep it

It's still fowl language

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A chicken walks into a library...

The librarian lifts their gaze with a mixture of curiosity and surprise as the bird hops onto the counter. It tilts its head and, with an air of demand, clucks:

"Book!"

The librarian is taken aback at this odd display. The chicken impatiently taps one foot on the counter.

"Book,...

Fowl humor

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business.     She had several hundred young
pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.


She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and
was replaced.


This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny be...

What's fowl and swine, but people can't resist shoving down their throat?

A turkey and ham sandwich.

I'll see myself out.

What do you call a group of 10 chickens and 5 crows

A murder most fowl

I tried to post a Thanksgiving joke about turkeys...

But it was removed because of fowl language.

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The Fowl Mouthed Parrot

A woman brought home a parrot from the pound, and discovered, to her dismay that he loved to swear like a sailor.

One day, after being called a juicy bitch one time too many, she grabbed him, and threw him into the freezer, in order to teach him a lesson.

After a few minutes, she opene...

What do you call barnyard fowl staring at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

My wife and daughter made up this joke.

Autocorrect keeps ducking up my joke every time I try to type it here for all of you.

Is it because of the fowl language?

I never use fowl language

I just don't give a cluck

Did you hear about the dyslexic boy who cried fowl?

Nobody listened and the wolf ate him.

A man wanted a chicken of his own to lay fresh eggs for him. He went to a farm supply store that had chickens and tried to buy one, but he was denied because he wasn't a registered farmer. The clerk said, "Sorry sir. . ."

"No farm, no fowl."

I brought a gun. He brought an army of ducks.

At this point it's just fowl play.

Why aren't chickens not allowed to enter the church?

Because they only use fowl language.

Why doesnt Dracula attack chickens

Because their blood is fowl

Why did Little Johnny go to the bird sanctuary?

He was in a fowl mood.

The chicken I had was really bad.

You could say it was because it had a fowl taste.

My pet duck farts all the time and curses like a sailor

He’s very fowl

What do you call a water fowl looking in a window?

Peking duck.

(it came to mind over dinner... I thought I would share the pain with everyone)

the fowled experiment

scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the wind...

The duck was singing on the street for money

He got fined for selling quack.

He got an extra fine for using fowl language.

He said put the charges on my bill.

What's the first sign that you have caught bird flu?

Fowl symptoms.

What do roosters have in common with baseball?

Fowl balls.

I thought 'Chicken Run' was supposed to be a kids film.

But it's full of fowl language.

If you want this chicken you have to punch me as hard as you can in the face. I won't get mad.

No harm no fowl.

It’s tough to have a conversation with a chicken.

They have very fowl mouths.

Whenever I get very angry or if I hurt my self, I shout out the sounds of migratory birds...

...which usually leaves me apologizing to someone for using fowl language.

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A doctor joke

(You May only get if you understand the nature of the different medical specialties)

A surgeon, internist, radiologist, and pathologist go duck hunting for the first time.

They are huddled in the duck blind and the first bird goes flying in front of them, but they can’t clearly make o...

For the 2020 NFL season, the players will no longer be allowed to keep chickens as pets.

It will be considered a personal fowl.

I just got in trouble from my parents for yelling "What the duck!"

They told me I'm not to use fowl language

Why did the movie about chickens get bad reviews?

Because it was fowl.

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I had sex with a turkey. I know what you’re all thinking...

That’s fowl

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A duck walks into a bar and just fucking screams at the barkeep.Give me a fucking jack and coke you fucking stupid ugly motherfucker.

Whoa there partner, capitulates the tender of fine libations...whats with the fowl language?

Star Trek: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Captain Kirk: "To boldly go where no chicken had gone before!"
Spock: "At the time, it seemed the logical thing to do."
McCoy: "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a barnyard psychologist!"
Scotty: "Because it couldna change the laws o' physics!"
Computer: "Insufficient data."

D...

Why don’t church ladies like chicken?

They’re offended by their fowl language.

Why should you never order chicken or duck on a first date?

Because no one wants to kiss someone with fowl breath!

What do you call a turkey that shows too much cleavage?

A fowl temptress.

Why'd the chicken cross the basketball court?

The ref was calling fowls.

A man walks into a bar

and orders a drink. While he’s waiting, he can’t help but notice the disgruntled looking fellow sitting next to him. In front of him on the bar, is a tiny man in a tuxedo playing a concerto on a tiny piano. Obviously curious, the man asks:

Hey buddy, what’s with the tiny musician?

“H...

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Why did the horny duck go to the baseball game?

She was trying to catch some fowl balls.

A group of friends are eating dinner at a restaurant

They are surprised to realize that their waiter is a duck, however service was good so they couldn't complain. They ask for the check and it comes to decide who pays what. One of them speaks up and says, "I'll foot the bill!" He then proceeds to kick the waiter in the face.

(As the group runs...

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A few puns I thought of while trying not to get out of bed

What did the Alabama sister say to her sibling?

"Cum at me bro".



\-

Why did the wild fowl sneak into the girls washroom?

He was a peeking duck



\-

What did the fruit farmer say when asked about his crops?

"It's bananas"



\...

Why did the police arrest the turkey?

They suspected fowl play.

I was going to tell you a joke about a couple of chicken's...

But I can't because it's.......... Two fowl.

I caught my nephew using "Duck" in place of the F word.

I had to stop him, I know his dad wouldn't approve of such fowl language.

I was making chicken noises in class

Got a detention for using fowl language

My wife is leaving me over my duck puns.

She couldn't stand jokes so fowl.

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I caught my friend having sex with a duck

It was pretty fowl.

Why do ducks make bad babysitters?

Because they use fowl language

I saw a bunch of geese and ducks on the lawn in front of the Tyson processing plant. Initially I thought of how horrible it was that they were there flaunting their freedom to the condemned chickens, but then I thought no.....

it's just fowl behavior.

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The priests rooster

The Priest of a small village was very fond of his flock of ten hens and a cockerel.

He kept them in a hen house behind the parish, but one Saturday night, the cockerel was missing.

The priest, suspecting fowl play decided to say something about it at church the next morning.

At...

Did you know that birds swear the most of any animal

They have fowl language

Dr. Doolittle learned to talk the language of thousands of animals.

But not the language of ducks..

They were just too Fowl.

I'm pretty sure my pet birds have been working together to steal my snacks at night.

I'm not 100% but I do suspect fowl play.

Why did she spit out the turkey soup?

She said it had a fowl taste.

Why did the duck hunter have no batting average?

All he can hit are fowls.

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One crazy irish hunting trip

A solicitor from Dublin, while hunting in the West, brought down a fowl which landed in a farmer's field. As the lawyer climbed over the wall to retrieve the bird, the elderly owner appeared asking what he was doing. The litigator replied, "I shot that bird y'see lyin there, and now I'm about to pic...

>>> joke from the future <<<

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because its teleporter was fowled-up.

What is the most Shakespearean way to eliminate bird flu?

Murder most fowl.

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If you keep peacocks in a petting zoo

You’ve got to expect some fowl-play.

A chicken, duck and quail were found dead on a swing set.

The police suspect fowl play

Did you hear about the young bird criminal mastermind?

They call him Artemis Fowl.

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