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Falcon Jokes

Listen…did you know falcons only live 12-15 yrs? That means every falcon alive right now was born in the 21st century which makes them…

Millennium Falcons

The Millenium Falcon is taking off...

Han Solo asks C3PO to give him a countdown, and C3PO says..

"10....8.....6.....4"

Han interrupts him and asks what the heck he's doing.

C3 says "You told me to never tell you the odds"

I walked into a bar and saw this girl wearing a Falcons jersey.

I walked up and introduced myself as, "25 point lead".

"Is that your real name?", she asked.

I said, "No, but I figured anyone wearing a Falcons jersey would blow a 25 point lead."

I went to the Atlanta Falcons locker room to get some change for a dollar...

But they only gave me 3 quarters.

Why did Chewbacca crash the Millennium Falcon the first time he flew it?

It was a Wookiee mistake.

Saw a falcon eating avocado toast.

Guess it's a millennial falcon.

Did you know that birds like hawks and falcons can commonly be found at churches?

That's because they're birds of pray.

A man and his falcon are arrested for attempting an armed robbery

It seems like it'll be a couple of months before the pair can be tried in court, so it's up to the police to deal with them in the meantime. After much debate, they come to a decision, and the next morning an officer comes to the county jail and gestures for the man to follow him. The officer explai...

What's the difference between a dollar bill and the Atlanta Falcons?

A dollar bill is good for 4 quarters.

Did you hear about the time Falcon was put in jail?

He was arrested for fowl play.

Han and Yoda are flying in the Millennium Falcon

"Are you sure we're going the right way?" Han asks.

"Off course we are. " Yoda replies.

Happy may 4th

If Falcon is the new Captain America.....

Does that also makes him Uncle Sam?

What first tipped Darth Vader off about the Millennium Falcon?

He found their lack of freight disturbing

^^May ^^the ^^Fourth ^^be ^^with ^^you!

Elon Musk is reported to have written a short joke on his Falcon Heavy rocket.

I guess the real joke is in the comets.

Why did the sick falcon get deported

It was an ill eagle

The Falcon Heavy is now the world’s most powerful rocket

The Falcon Heavy can put around 140,000 pounds of cargo into lower Earth orbit, more than twice as much weight as any other operational rocket. This powerful vehicle could open up entirely new types of business for SpaceX: launching heavy national security satellites or even sending large modules or...

What is the worst day to be a fan of the Atlanta Falcons?

March 28th

How did the captain of the Millennium Falcon satisfy himself before he met Leia?

With his Hans, Solo

The Atlanta falcons just came out and said they won the Super Bowl

until the illegal second half was played.

What do you call a group of Falcons?

A choke.

So SpaceX is launching the Falcon Heavy Today...

Too bad it isn't carrying the stock market.

What system was used to keep track of the Millennium Falcon's Library?

The Chewie-decimal system

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyone loves birds, but men and women have different favorite species of birds

For instance. Men have falcons, eagles, vultures etc as their favorite

But women have great tits.

A falcon 9 rocket lands on the roof or a bar called GE

The barkeeps yells at the rocket..Hey aren't you that rocket that landed up there before? Yes, yes I am bar GE!!
The barkeep yells back but of course I still love you.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home ...

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really ...

Han, Luke, Obi Wan and Chewie begin there journey to the Death Star aboard the Falcon...

... immediately Chewbacca begins to emit a low, growling whisper - clearly trying to indicate something to his shipmates

Obi Wan: I can't hear a word he's saying
Luke: Yeah, Han, can't you tell your friend to speak up a bit?

Han: Sorry guys.. thats just how the Wookie mumbles

Moses, Jesus, and an old man are playing golf

They reach a pond of water.

Moses smacks the ball over the water, and raises his staff. Suddenly, the waters part and his ball rolls to the green.

Then, Jesus hits the ball toward the water. He closes his eyes in prayer and the ball rolls on the surface of the water all the way to th...

What's the difference between a falcon and an eagle?

Eagles can hold a lead.

It's no wonder falcons are an endangered species

They've got an extreme choking problem.

I totally forgot the Super Bowl was tonight!

Don't worry; so did the ~~Patriots~~ Falcons.

How do you get a champagne cork back in the bottle?

I don't know, ask a Falcons fan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What spaceship got a participation trophy for attempting the Kessel run?

The Millenial Falcon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are 3 wizards on a cliff...

The first one runs, and jumps off yelling "EAGLE!" then transforms into an eagle and flies away. The second jumps yelling "FALCON!" He then turns into a falcon and flies away. The third runs but trips and he yelled "OH SHIT!"

The Patriots are true gentlemen.

They let the Falcons finish their game before they started theirs.

Why would anyone trust Chewbacca to fly the millennium falcon?

He's such a wookie pilot.

I had three Star Wars jokes prior to this. But none were any good.

WARNING WILL CONTAIN ENDGAME SPOILERS

If falcon is the new captain america does that mean he is going to be captain falcon

The hawk on the patio

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Hey look at that big hawk out on the patio," he tells the bartender. "It looks like its eating some avocado toast." "Oh, that bird again," the bartender sighs. "I think its a Millennial Falcon."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know people often call a group of multiple birds by certain names?

People call a group of chickens a Brood.

People call a group of Falcons a Cast.

People call a group of Seagulls “Fuck You!”

Can you name the 3 NFL team's mascots that start with the letter "F"?

The Falcons, the Fourty-Niners and the F***ing Dolphins!

A Father tells his son a joke

Dad: Why did Chewbacca crash the Millennium Falcon the first time he rode it

Son: Why??

Dad: Because he made a Wookie mistake

Son: That’s the best joke I’ve ever heard Hans down

What do you call a spaceship that runs on all natural fuel?

The Millenial falcon

Why couldnt Elon Musk lift the box?

Its was too falcon heavy
















I'm sorry

What do you call a starship that works multiple jobs and can't pay of it's student loans?

The Millennial Falcon

So after what Steve does at the end of Endgame...

Does that officially make Sam "Captain Falcon" now?

The Green Bay Packers' Defense

That's it. That's the joke. LET'S GO FALCONS!

What's the best way to smuggle avacado toast across the galaxy?

On the millennial falcon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dick, Bob and Harry go to a magic mountain...

if you jump off the top of this mountain and say what you wish to be, you will turn into what you wished to be. They reach the top and Harry decides to go first.
" I want to be an eagle! "
He jumps off and turned into a eagle.
Dick jumps and says " I want to be a giant falcon! "
He jum...

We all know that today's eclipse was amazing,

but we can't forget the fact that the Falcons still blew a 25 point lead during the superbowl

C3PO, Luke Skywalker, and Han Solo are taken prisoner on an alien planet

The Millennium Falcon had to make an emergency stop on an uncharted planet. The trio is greeted by a hostile alien race and placed in a horrendous prison.

After some time they are taken in the night to some kind of tribunal where they are told that all outsiders are regarded as evil demons an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A geeky teen goes to college...

and discovers that a girl is actually interested in him. So one night they're lying down together and the girl says "Wanna smash?" The geek then pulls out his 3DS and replies "Sure! My main is Captain Falcon, what about you?" The girl, realizing that the geek misunderstood, says "Zero-suit Samus" an...

I don't know if I can handle the intensity

My wife just told me she was going to blow me harder then the falcons 28-3 lead.

Moses, Jesus, and an old man are playing a friendly game of golf...

Jesus, Moses, and an old man are playing a friendly game of golf.

First Moses goes. He licks his finger to check the wind. He does some simple trigonometry and then hits the golf ball. The golf ball lands in the middle of the lake. He grumbles and growls and sticks his club into the ground t...

Who wants to be a Millionaire?

A lady is on "Who wants to be a Millionaire" and she has already won $500,000. She is on her last question with only the phone a friend left.

Chris Harrison: You can leave now with $500,000 dollars, or you can try for the million. If you fail to answer this last question you lose all your mon...

I was on a beach once, roasting a seagull over a small fire

I heard footsteps on the rocks, and looked up to see a Conservation Officer approaching.

"Hey there, bud, whatcha cookin' there?"

I turned the bird slowly on its stick, then looked at the pile of feathers. "Western Gull, I think."

The officer widened his eyes, "Oh, ya can't be e...

An irregular bird

I saw a bird today
It was eating a gluten free bagel
It must be a Millennial Falcon

What do you call a 20 year old spaceship that whines all the time and never wants to run properly?

The Millenial Falcon.

A Star Wars Joke(No Spoilers)

Why was Han yelling at Chewbacca on their first day on the Millenium Falcon?
.

.

.


Because Chewie was making too many wookie mistakes!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four physicians are out in a field...

... a general internist, an emergency physician, a surgeon, and a pathologist. They see a bird fly overhead.

- The internist says "looks like a sparrow, sounds like a sparrow, its probably a sparrow.'

- The emergency physician says "it's not a falcon, it's not a hawk, I'm not sure ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

School tasks

Just before lunch break one day, the teacher asked all the students to go out an get inspiration for a report after break.

Afterwards little Sarah comes in and describes in very vivid detail a rose growing in mud, with water drops glistening in the sun. The teacher with a tear in her eyes ask...

The forest animals were concerned that their habitat was being destroyed by logging, so they consulted the oldest wisest tree in the middle of the forest to ask what they could do to save it.

The wise old tree thought about it and said "Perhaps the bears can scare the loggers away.” The bears snarled and charged the loggers to scare them.

It worked initially, but then the loggers hired hunters and soon there were no bears left to scare anyone.

The logging resumed and the fo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dave wanted to send a letter to his girlfriend.. So he goes to the nearby market to buy an envelope. Just as he is about to enter the store, a man rushes out the market, furious,yelling and swearing.

Dave didn't want to get in the mans way and just lets him pass. He enters the store and finds the cashier, a young lady, crying.

"Is everything alright? Did that man hurt you?", Dave asked.

"No no, everything is alright.", she says as she wipes her tears. "How can i help you?"

"...

A cemetery superintendent was hoping to approve newly donated lands for internment

The Holy Cross Cemetery had received a surprise donation that would double the real estate of their current holdings, which were already overcrowded.

The lead undertaker, Arthur Falconer, was tasked by the superintendent with surveying the new land to plan how to layout the new headstones....

Tallahassee, FL (AP) - A 7 year old boy was at the center of a court room drama yesterday when he challenged the court’s ruling of who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents, and was initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beats him mo...

A bunch of Hollywood celebrities formed two baseball teams...

...to raise money for a charity.

The day of the match arrived and everyone was ready. The celebrities were dressed in their outfits, some practising their throws and catches, others practising their swing. Russell Crowe was selected to umpire.

The match started, and the two teams, "The...

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