I wish I could be a fossil.

Only then would someone dig me.

I’m a tour guide at a museum, and when I told a group that the fossil they were looking at was 65 million years and 3 weeks old, they asked me where the 3 weeks came from.

I said well it was 65 million years old when I was hired here, and that was 3 weeks ago.

"HEY, is that a rare T-Rex fossil leg?

"Nope, fossil arm"

Pronounced false alarm. Nobody got it last time and I think it's good.

What is the relationship between an old fossil and a paleontologist called?

Carbon Dating

The other day I found this literal fossil of a PC...

It had about a trilobyte of storage on it!

Why were Jim and Martha figuring out how old the fossil was, on their first date?

Because they were Carbon Dating.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paleontologists have found a fossil so complete, they were actually able to deduce that the species may have practiced anal sex.

They're calling it Myassisaur.

"Hey, is that a rare T-Rex fossil leg?"

"Nope, fossil arm."

How do you know if a fossil was afraid before it was petrified?

If it’s a Diana-Ross-osaur

What does Melania Trump and a paleontologist have in common?

Both are experts in dating fossils.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I was reading about the Lucy fossil in National Geographic the other day and I have to admit, she looks kinda sexy...

No homo tho.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've been digging through piles of fossils all day.

No Homo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A black man attended a protest against fossil fuels...

And got six global warming shots in his back.

An archaeologist notices his partner appears to be nibbling a fossil...

Curious, he walks over and asks, "What you got there?"
"Not sure", replies the fellow, "But you have got to try-a-lil'-bite!"

Why do christians burn fossil fuels?

They're trying to destroy the evidence.

A Tour Guide at a dinosaur museum is guiding around a group of people. Looking at a T-Rex he says

"This fossil is 23,000,011 years old." One of the members of the group asks out of curiosity, "Wow, how'd they find out such a specific number?" the guide replied "Well, it was 23,000,000 when I started 11 years ago."

*Source: Reader's Digest*

A guy is visiting a museum of natural history.

He's examining some fossils when he asks a curator how old they are.

"Those fossils are 65 million years and six months old." The curator says. The man asks the curator how he can know the age of the fossils so precisely.

"Because they were 65 million years old when I started here six ...

There is a country that is still mostly undocumented

This country is not too large in size, but it's covered by miles and miles of tar. It's gone by many names, such as "The Country of Tar," and still lacks an official title. According to the few documents that exist for it, the tar covering the country could conceal countless amounts of undiscovered ...

Wow, carbon dating has improved in recent years!

A museum visitor was admiring a Tyrannosaurus fossil, and asked a nearby museum employee how old it was. "That skeleton's sixty-five million and three years, two months and eighteen days old," the employee replied.

"How can you know it that well?" she asked.

"Well, when I started wor...

A scientist is dining with a duke one day...

A scientist is dining with a duke one day, talking of chemistry and such. All is going well until the duke rings a bell and demands a test tube from his butler, who brings it to him forthwith. The duke sticks it in his pants, lets loose a thunderous fart, then caps the tube and hands it to the shock...

Four strangers travelled together in the same compartment of a European train.

Four strangers travelled together in the same compartment of a European train. Two men and two women faced each other. One woman was a very wealthy and sophisticatead 70 year old lady who was decked out in the finest of furs and jewelry. Next to her sat a beautiful young woman, nineteen years old—wh...

Scientists thought they had found a limb of an ancient hominid...

but it was just a fossil arm.

What do a creationist and a dude with a dinosaur bone fetish have in common?

They both get a hard on when they find a gap in the fossil record.

I've been working as an archaeologist in Iraq for a number of years now...

I've really been enjoying my time there and feel my work in the field is bringing a small amount of joy to the lives of citizens who have known great violence and terror.

I was recently working in a separatist region of the country, on a dig. All of a sudden we discovered a dinosaur fossil th...

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