UPJOKE
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Here’s my favorite joke

What kind of music does the fossil record play


Hard rock

What do you call a pirate that digs for fossils?

An Arrrr-cheologist

I wish I could be a fossil.

Only then would someone dig me.

Why did the paleontologists fall in love with the fossil?

They were Carbon dating

While moving to a new apartment I lost several of my fossils from when I was a kid.

They weren't really worth much so I guess its just the sedimental value I'm missing.

"HEY, is that a rare T-Rex fossil leg?

"Nope, fossil arm"

Pronounced false alarm. Nobody got it last time and I think it's good.

My friends think that your name represents what you should do in life. Dina worked to find a dinosaur fossil, and Jack became a lumberjack,

We don’t talk about Cliff.

What do you call a scientist who specializes in ancient canine fossils?

A barchaeologist.

People who do fossil hunting already have an unfair advantage

The fossils are already dead

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The world fossil fuel industry was shocked by the scandalous public exposure of LITERAL underground "swingers parties". The scandal allegedly involves numerous lustful Coal Union members including prospectors, colliers, dredgers, excavators, and sappers...

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# Rule 9 - Reddit prohibits any sexual or suggestive content involving minors.

What do you call a Christian who studies fossils?

An Episcopaleontologist.

Here's a step by step guide to becoming a fossil

Step One : Die

I signed up for a dating service through a local college.

How was I to know that at Carbon Dating I'd only be introduced to old fossils!

What is the relationship between an old fossil and a paleontologist called?

Carbon Dating

Why were Jim and Martha figuring out how old the fossil was, on their first date?

Because they were Carbon Dating.

Yo mama is so fat

That when she jumped the fossils started screaming

Two fossils are hanging out and eating at a bar

Fossil one: Man this is the best pizza I've ever had.
Fossil two: It looks so amazing! How good is it?
Fossile one: Here, just Trilobyte!

What is the difference between petrified and fossilized?

One is terrified

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've been digging through piles of fossils all day.

No Homo.

I’m a tour guide at a museum, and when I told a group that the fossil they were looking at was 65 million years and 3 weeks old, they asked me where the 3 weeks came from.

I said well it was 65 million years old when I was hired here, and that was 3 weeks ago.

Why is it so hard to date fossils?

Because they're DEAD!

An archaeologist notices his partner appears to be nibbling a fossil...

Curious, he walks over and asks, "What you got there?"
"Not sure", replies the fellow, "But you have got to try-a-lil'-bite!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I was reading about the Lucy fossil in National Geographic the other day and I have to admit, she looks kinda sexy...

No homo tho.

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Joe visits his favorite museum's new exhibit.

Joe was on his way to his favorite museum. The museum had announced a new exhibit and he was extremely excited to be one of the first people to ever see it, since he got some early access tickets. When he got there, there were about 12 other people who had also gotten a ticket for today, so he assum...

There is a country that is still mostly undocumented

This country is not too large in size, but it's covered by miles and miles of tar. It's gone by many names, such as "The Country of Tar," and still lacks an official title. According to the few documents that exist for it, the tar covering the country could conceal countless amounts of undiscovered ...

"Hey, is that a rare T-Rex fossil leg?"

"Nope, fossil arm."

Why do christians burn fossil fuels?

They're trying to destroy the evidence.

How do you know if a fossil was afraid before it was petrified?

If it’s a Diana-Ross-osaur

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paleontologists have found a fossil so complete, they were actually able to deduce that the species may have practiced anal sex.

They're calling it Myassisaur.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old couple walked into a bar.....

And sat down to have a drink.

The wife said "Remember, when we were 17, we used to come here for drinks, and then sneak off to have sex on the fence behind the bar?"

The husband replies " Sure do. Want to try it again for old times sake?"

"Yes" the wife replies.

Now,behin...

A Tour Guide at a dinosaur museum is guiding around a group of people. Looking at a T-Rex he says

"This fossil is 23,000,011 years old." One of the members of the group asks out of curiosity, "Wow, how'd they find out such a specific number?" the guide replied "Well, it was 23,000,000 when I started 11 years ago."

*Source: Reader's Digest*

Noted archeologist Fred Flintstein made an amazing discovery today in Sweden

He found remains of some primitive musical instrument and a small deposit of fossilized excrement. when asked about what they signified,

Fred Flintstein replied: "A dab o' ABBA doo."

A scientist is dining with a duke one day...

A scientist is dining with a duke one day, talking of chemistry and such. All is going well until the duke rings a bell and demands a test tube from his butler, who brings it to him forthwith. The duke sticks it in his pants, lets loose a thunderous fart, then caps the tube and hands it to the shock...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A black man attended a protest against fossil fuels...

And got six global warming shots in his back.

Wow, carbon dating has improved in recent years!

A museum visitor was admiring a Tyrannosaurus fossil, and asked a nearby museum employee how old it was. "That skeleton's sixty-five million and three years, two months and eighteen days old," the employee replied.

"How can you know it that well?" she asked.

"Well, when I started wor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Father Was An Inventor

When I was a kid he would invent the most amazing things, and I was fascinated with every thing he invented. He would start a new project at the beginning of every month, and it would always be done at the end of the month, and I would always be the first to see his new invention.

One year th...

Scientists thought they had found a limb of an ancient hominid...

but it was just a fossil arm.

A guy is visiting a museum of natural history.

He's examining some fossils when he asks a curator how old they are.

"Those fossils are 65 million years and six months old." The curator says. The man asks the curator how he can know the age of the fossils so precisely.

"Because they were 65 million years old when I started here six ...

What does Melania Trump and a paleontologist have in common?

Both are experts in dating fossils.

I've been working as an archaeologist in Iraq for a number of years now...

I've really been enjoying my time there and feel my work in the field is bringing a small amount of joy to the lives of citizens who have known great violence and terror.

I was recently working in a separatist region of the country, on a dig. All of a sudden we discovered a dinosaur fossil th...

What do a creationist and a dude with a dinosaur bone fetish have in common?

They both get a hard on when they find a gap in the fossil record.

Four strangers travelled together in the same compartment of a European train.

Four strangers travelled together in the same compartment of a European train. Two men and two women faced each other. One woman was a very wealthy and sophisticatead 70 year old lady who was decked out in the finest of furs and jewelry. Next to her sat a beautiful young woman, nineteen years old—wh...

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