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Fossil Jokes

Here’s my favorite joke

What kind of music does the fossil record play


Hard rock

What do you call a pirate that digs for fossils?

An Arrrr-cheologist

I wish I could be a fossil.

Only then would someone dig me.

"HEY, is that a rare T-Rex fossil leg?

"Nope, fossil arm"

Pronounced false alarm. Nobody got it last time and I think it's good.

People who do fossil hunting already have an unfair advantage

The fossils are already dead

My friends think that your name represents what you should do in life. Dina worked to find a dinosaur fossil, and Jack became a lumberjack,

We don’t talk about Cliff.

Why did the paleontologists fall in love with the fossil?

They were Carbon dating

Did you hear about the buffalo fossil excavation where they found partially digested mail bags in their stomachs?

It turns out they were stamp eating across the Midwest.

Here's a step by step guide to becoming a fossil

Step One : Die

I’m a tour guide at a museum, and when I told a group that the fossil they were looking at was 65 million years and 3 weeks old, they asked me where the 3 weeks came from.

I said well it was 65 million years old when I was hired here, and that was 3 weeks ago.

What is the relationship between an old fossil and a paleontologist called?

Carbon Dating

Why were Jim and Martha figuring out how old the fossil was, on their first date?

Because they were Carbon Dating.

An archaeologist notices his partner appears to be nibbling a fossil...

Curious, he walks over and asks, "What you got there?"
"Not sure", replies the fellow, "But you have got to try-a-lil'-bite!"

An archeologist walks into a bar

An archeologist walks into a bar, orders a beer and gives a heavy sigh. "What's wrong?" the bartender asks. "I thought I discovered a fully intact dinosaur skeleton at my dig yesterday," the archeologist laments. "Sadly, upon further excavation today it turns out that it was just a fossil arm."

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Paleontologists have found a fossil so complete, they were actually able to deduce that the species may have practiced anal sex.

They're calling it Myassisaur.

What is the difference between petrified and fossilized?

One is terrified

What do you call a scientist who specializes in ancient canine fossils?

A barchaeologist.

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The world fossil fuel industry was shocked by the scandalous public exposure of LITERAL underground "swingers parties". The scandal allegedly involves numerous lustful Coal Union members including prospectors, colliers, dredgers, excavators, and sappers...

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# POST REMOVED

# Rule 9 - Reddit prohibits any sexual or suggestive content involving minors.

"Hey, is that a rare T-Rex fossil leg?"

"Nope, fossil arm."

Why do christians burn fossil fuels?

They're trying to destroy the evidence.

What do you call a Christian who studies fossils?

An Episcopaleontologist.

Wow, carbon dating has improved in recent years!

A museum visitor was admiring a Tyrannosaurus fossil, and asked a nearby museum employee how old it was. "That skeleton's sixty-five million and three years, two months and eighteen days old," the employee replied.

"How can you know it that well?" she asked.

"Well, when I started wor...

While moving to a new apartment I lost several of my fossils from when I was a kid.

They weren't really worth much so I guess its just the sedimental value I'm missing.

How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?

With fossils.

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I've been digging through piles of fossils all day.

No Homo.

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So I was reading about the Lucy fossil in National Geographic the other day and I have to admit, she looks kinda sexy...

No homo tho.

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Paleontologist discovers rare Coprolite

In archeological news, an paleontologist discovered a rare collection of Coprolite during a dig in Arizona. Coprolite is the fossilized digestive waste of a dinosaur, and its discovery indicates that they are likely to find dinosaur bones in the area, and at that depth.

Incidentally, the pal...

Yo mama is so fat

That when she jumped the fossils started screaming

I signed up for a dating service through a local college.

How was I to know that at Carbon Dating I'd only be introduced to old fossils!

Why is it so hard to date fossils?

Because they're DEAD!

Two fossils are hanging out and eating at a bar

Fossil one: Man this is the best pizza I've ever had.
Fossil two: It looks so amazing! How good is it?
Fossile one: Here, just Trilobyte!

A Tour Guide at a dinosaur museum is guiding around a group of people. Looking at a T-Rex he says

"This fossil is 23,000,011 years old." One of the members of the group asks out of curiosity, "Wow, how'd they find out such a specific number?" the guide replied "Well, it was 23,000,000 when I started 11 years ago."

*Source: Reader's Digest*

Scientists thought they had found a limb of an ancient hominid...

but it was just a fossil arm.

There is a country that is still mostly undocumented

This country is not too large in size, but it's covered by miles and miles of tar. It's gone by many names, such as "The Country of Tar," and still lacks an official title. According to the few documents that exist for it, the tar covering the country could conceal countless amounts of undiscovered ...

A scientist is dining with a duke one day...

A scientist is dining with a duke one day, talking of chemistry and such. All is going well until the duke rings a bell and demands a test tube from his butler, who brings it to him forthwith. The duke sticks it in his pants, lets loose a thunderous fart, then caps the tube and hands it to the shock...

Noted archeologist Fred Flintstein made an amazing discovery today in Sweden

He found remains of some primitive musical instrument and a small deposit of fossilized excrement. when asked about what they signified,

Fred Flintstein replied: "A dab o' ABBA doo."

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An old couple walked into a bar.....

And sat down to have a drink.

The wife said "Remember, when we were 17, we used to come here for drinks, and then sneak off to have sex on the fence behind the bar?"

The husband replies " Sure do. Want to try it again for old times sake?"

"Yes" the wife replies.

Now,behin...

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Joe visits his favorite museum's new exhibit.

Joe was on his way to his favorite museum. The museum had announced a new exhibit and he was extremely excited to be one of the first people to ever see it, since he got some early access tickets. When he got there, there were about 12 other people who had also gotten a ticket for today, so he assum...

Four strangers travelled together in the same compartment of a European train.

Four strangers travelled together in the same compartment of a European train. Two men and two women faced each other. One woman was a very wealthy and sophisticatead 70 year old lady who was decked out in the finest of furs and jewelry. Next to her sat a beautiful young woman, nineteen years old—wh...

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My Father Was An Inventor

When I was a kid he would invent the most amazing things, and I was fascinated with every thing he invented. He would start a new project at the beginning of every month, and it would always be done at the end of the month, and I would always be the first to see his new invention.

One year th...

What do a creationist and a dude with a dinosaur bone fetish have in common?

They both get a hard on when they find a gap in the fossil record.

What does Melania Trump and a paleontologist have in common?

Both are experts in dating fossils.

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A black man attended a protest against fossil fuels...

And got six global warming shots in his back.

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