Woodpecker Jokes

The Hawaiian woodpecker said Hawaii had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.

The California woodpecker accepted his challenge, and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Hawaiian woodpecker was in awe.

The California woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecke... read more

*knock knock* Hoo’s there?

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree
begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son
of a beech or a son of a birch?' The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a
woodpecker lands on the sapling.

Th... read more

and asks "Where's the bar tender?"

… and I won’t tell anyone that you have splinters in your mouth.

So, they start arguing back and forth. "Son of a beech!" "Son of a birch!"

Eventually, a woodpecker flies by and hears the two trees fighting and he asks the two trees what's wrong and what are they are fighting about.

The trees explain to the woodpecker that they can't tell if the sma... read more

There once were two woodpeckers who were friends, and one lived in California, the other in New York. They would visit each other occasionally at their homes. So the woodpecker from California had his friend come out to visit, and was pecking at his tree but couldn’t seem to get through to any bugs.... read more

...unless you're a puppet.

~ The late great Robin Williams

.... in morse code.

You've got the sweetest hole I ever put my pecker in.

A birch tree and a beech tree stood next to each other in the woods. They were tall old trees, and usually got on quite well.

One day they noticed a little sapling between them, far below. The birch noticed first and said “Hey beech! Check out that little son of a birch down there!”
... read more

Me: So, what do you do for a living?
Ornithologist: Actually, I’m an ornithologist.
Me: Oh, really? Knock, knock!
Ornithologist (*smiling overbearingly*): Who’s there?
Me: A woodpecker! And you call yourself an ornithologist?
Ornithologist (*trying not to roll eyes*): Good o... read more

There are two trees in the forest; one a birch, one a beech. They have grown up together from saplings to fully grown trees. They always had a healthy rivalry going, arguing about everything from the weather to the composition of the soil. In their older years a little sapling started to sprout betw... read more

The performance was impeccable!

Because their peckers are on their faces.

So I said, "well where is my bird going to perch then?"

One tree was a birch tree, and proudly said, "That sapling is a son of a birch!"

The other tree was a beech tree, and proudly said, "No, that sapling is a son of a beech!"

The two trees argued day in and day out, but couldn't settle the matter. Finally, they decided to ask the true exp... read more

A Birch and a Beech tree grow up next to each other. They spend many years talking and admiring the forest. But after such long lives, they start to get bored.

They notice a sapling growing up between them. They start to debate who the father is. Things get pretty heated between them.
... read more

A new a sapling has popped up between a maple and a pine and the two of them got into an argument over what kind of tree it is.
The maple thinks it's a son of a birch, and the pine thinks it's a son of a beech. Neither one was willing to concede to the other.
Maple "it's a son of a birch"
... read more

Having nothing much else to do to pass the time, they engaged in frequent conversation with each other about whatever tickled their fancy.

Well, one year, a sapling took root between the two trees and having not much else to talk about, they argued about the sapling for years.

"It's a ... read more

There was a birch tree and a beech tree in a meadow, and they hated each other. They were always trying one-up each other saying things like "My leaves are greener!" "My bark is tougher!" "I'm taller!" etc.

Well one day, a fine young sapling sprouted up in the meadow right between the birch t... read more

Because he has a woodpecker

"Who's there?"

"Knock knock knock"

"Alright, who is it?!"

"A confused woodpecker"

They both own a woodpecker

One big tree says to the other. “Dear Fir, what do you suppose this little bitty tree is between us? Do you think it’s the son of a beech or the son of a birch?”

“I’m afraid I do not know, kind fir,” says the other tree.

In the meantime a woodpecker lands on the baby tree. The first... read more

He got a woodpecker.

How does a tree get pregnant?
By a woodpecker!

An Elm and an Oak tree in a forest are debating what type of tree the new sapling growing between them is.

The Elm says that is a son of a beech, oh no the Oak says that is a son of a birch. The debate goes on until one day a woodpecker fly's over and lands near by. The Oak says hey Mr Woodp... read more

I accidentally posted this to the Reddit subgroup "funny". Hopefully I have the right spot now!

Two trees are growing up side by side in the forest one is a birch tree, and one is a beech tree. They are so conceited, theyrarely noticed the rest of the forest around them. Until one day, they l... read more

"Hey, what species of tree do you think this is? I think it's a beech. Or maybe it's a birch?"

"I don't know! I am going to taste it to find out."

The little woodpecker flies over to the sapling and pecks at it a few times.

"Well? What do you think it is?"

"This, my frien... read more

Two middle aged trees, a beech and a birch, are standing in the forest one sunny day and spot a sapling off in the distance growing strong. They start arguing about whose son it must be. Hearing the commotion, a woodpecker flies over and after learning what they are arguing about agrees to investi... read more

"You see that sapling over there Oak? That's my son, he's going to be a great birch tree one day."

"No way!" Says the oak. "That's my daughter, she's going to grow into a fantastic oak tree!"

The two argue for a little bit until a woodpecker comes along and lands on the oak's branch. T... read more

After a few days of doing this, he realizes he is simply not fit for this type of job. On his final day of trying to chop down trees, he notices an old scrawny man chopping down trees as if he was a woodpecker, the amount of hits he made grew more and more each swing. The first swing was one hit, th... read more

An oak and a maple were standing at the edge of a bluff gazing out over the vast expanse when they noticed a young sapling in the glen below.

"Oh look," said the oak. "A young son of a beech."

"Actually I think it's son of a birch," said the maple.

They turned to a male woodpe... read more

Two trees in the forest are having a debate. There's a sapling between them, and they're arguing over whose it is. The first tree says "It's a son of a beech." Second tree retorts "No way, it's a son of a birch!" Back and forth they go, until a woodpecker comes along and asks what all the fuss is ab... read more

Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from home.

I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it. Possibly too strong a taste, so I bought him a Worthington's, he didn't like that either, so I drank it.

Possibly something lighter? I thought he might like a local lager... read more

Boy trees have woodpeckers.

Because he has a woodpecker!

Just some random bird-brain jokes...

What do you call a bird that picks its nose? A flicker

What do you call a bird that works at a restaurant? A wader

What bird can do more that others? Pelican

What two birds met in the insane asylum? A cuckoo and a loon

What bir... read more