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A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane...

The stewardess stops him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

Why did the vulture cross the road?

Because the chicken didn't make it.

"Permission to continue eating this dead animal on the side of the road," said the young vulture to his supervisor.

"Carrion."

A man passed a shop,where he saw a sign, "Magic Vulture for Sale"

Curious, the man walked into the shop and asked about the bird.

The salesman replied, "This vulture has special powers. Whenever you go shopping, bring it along, and the cashier will give you 90% off!"

"Really? How much does it cost?"

"A million dollars."

The man balked a...

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A farmer buys a young cock.

As soon as he gets it home, it fucks all the farmer's 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch the cock again screws all 150 hens. The next day, it's fucking the ducks and the geese too.


Sadly, later in the day he finds the cock lying on the ground half dead and vultures circling over...

A vulture and his son

A long time ago, in a very flat place, there lived a teenage vulture named Red. He and his father were the only vultures around, and dined on the various animals that were hit by trucks on the highway. As most teenagers do, Red eventually got tired of his diet of dead things.

"Dad" he whined....

Why don't vultures ever lose their luggage?

They only bring carrion.

A vulture walks into an airplane with a rotting corpse.

The flight attendant screams, “You cannot bring that on this plane.” The vulture says, “It’s just my carrion.”

A police officer comes across several vultures grouped together.

He gets closer to see what they're doing. It's obvious that they're eating a dead animal. The officer says, "sorry, carry on" and goes on his way.

A vulture decided to fly south for the winter...

He was disappointed to learn that the airline would only allow one carrion per customer

What do you call a group of superhero vultures?

“The Scavengers”

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A chicken farmer buys a new rooster. . .

And he's assured by his friend who sold it to him that he's the perfect breeder.
Feeling a little sceptical, the farmer still takes the rooster back to his farm. No sooner then putting the rooster is let out of his box then it runs into the barn and starts having sex with every hen it can find....

A vulture walks up to the counter at the airport dragging a dead possum.

"Sir will you be checking any bags today?"

"Nope, just carrion."

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A farmer buys a cock to breed his hens...

The first day the cock fucks every hen of the farmer.
Needless to say the farmer is amazed.
The second day the cock fucks every hen plus the geese.
Needless to say the farmer is impressed and a bit worried about the cock...
Then, at the evening of the third day the cock is laying motio...

I shot a vulture.

It was a scavenger hunt.

The vulture dragged a dead goat onto the plane.

Don't worry, he said to the attendant. It's just my carrion.

Deer Hunter

A hunter was stalking a deer on the ridge across from him when he noticed the deer was somewhat wobbly and seemed to be squinting. Looking carefully through his rifle scope, he soon realized that the big buck was standing in the middle of a patch of marijuana, happily chewing away. Taking careful ...

Why wouldn't the airline allow the vulture to board his flight?

#Because of the horrible stench coming from his carrion luggage.

*I deserve any and all insulting comments I will get for this joke, I make no excuses for myself and should probably be ashamed.*

*edit: thank you for the gold benevolent stranger. :-)*

A man walks into an airport with a pet vulture

He approaches the terminal gates, but airport security stops him.

"Your vulture has to be checked in, and shipped with the luggage." Security said.

The man replied "What do you mean checked in? This is my carrion bird."

What type of luggage does a vulture use?

Carri-on.

Michael Keaton took roles like Batman, Birdman, and now the Vulture from the new Spider Man movie

I guess you can say he's a good wingman.

What did the vulture police officer tell the gathering crowd about the roadkill?

Carrion people

A vulture is at the airport...

He has an antelope carcass draped over his shoulder, at the check in kiosk the attendant asks if he will need to check in the antelope, to which the vulture replies, "No, it's carrion".

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As migration approached, two elderly vultures

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.

When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.

...

Why did the vulture get kicked off the flight?

He brought the wrong carrion.

A vulture tries to board a plane whilst carrying a dead rabbit under his wing.

The flight attendant stops him, shaking his head.

"Sorry sir, you can't bring that on here. No carrion."

A young vulture is tired of eating nothing but scavenged meat...

So he says to his father, "Dad, can't we eat something else for a change? I'd like to try some vegetables."

The father is outraged, claiming that vultures do not eat vegetables, that is not their way. But the young vulture doesn't give up. He asks again the next day, and the next, and the nex...

Lazy vultures

Two lazy vultures had procrastinated on flying south for the winter until the first frost hit, then they got worried. "We better catch an airplane to Mexico, lets go to the airport!" So they take off down the road, and as luck would have it, they come across two dead road-killed opossums, that had...

A Vulture Goes Through Customs at the Airport

So this vulture is returning home from an much needed overseas vacation. As she passes through the customs line one of the agents asks, "Do you have any checked luggage?" To which the vulture replies, "Nope, just carrion."

Did you hear about the vulture that became a priest?

He's a bird of pray.

So a vulture is in line to board a plane...

and he's got a deer carcass in his claws. The TSA agent turns to the vulture and says, "That deer carcass smells horrific, surely you are going to check it on?" The vulture looks at the agent, smiles and says, "Nope, it's carrion."

A vulture boards a plane

A vulture boards a plane and sits in his seat. Almost immediately he pulls the smelliest, nastiest looking meat from a bag.

Seeing this the stewardess asks "sir, what is that?"

The vulture replies "oh this? It's just my carrion"

Why do vultures find it easy to fly?

They only ever have carrion baggage.

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The Farmers New Rooster

A farmer bought a bought a rooster and said roster was delivered later that day in a wooden crate. The farmer was excited to finally get a new rooster because he had over 50 hens but not a single rooster. As soon as he pried the crate open the rooster went straight to the hens and started to have se...

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Practice!!!

A farmer sees an advertisement for a virile rooster and immediately buys it. Upon returning home it puts him into the hen pen and goes for his noon siesta.
Upon returning he finds that the roster has fucked every single one of the 50 hens. The farmer is shocked but satisfied that he'll have a ric...

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Once there was a joke contest on the jungle

And every animal was invited to participate, the only objective was to make the turtle, King of the jungle, laugh. Whoever did that takes the throne but if the king didn't laugh, they got executed.

So first came the lion to take his throne and told the most elaborate and funny joke he could t...

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A horny rooster

A farmer wakes up to find his rooster dead in the garden. Desperate that his chickens will no longer lay eggs, he goes to the market in search of another. Upon arrival he sees a a large, heavy built rooster so he asks the seller:

“Oi! How many bucks for that one?”

“5000 dollars!”
...

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A farmer goes out and buys a new, young rooster. As soon as he brings him home, the young rooster rushes and screws all 150 of the farmers hens. The farmer is impressed.

At lunchtime, the young rooster again screws all 150 hens. The farmer is not just impressed anymore,he is worried. Next morning,not only is the rooster screwing the hens but he is screwing the turkeys,ducks even the cow. Later farmer looks out into the barnyard and finds the rooster stretched out, l...

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One day johnny brought a horny cock to his farmhouse

Next day it fucked all the hen of the farmhouse.
Next day it got bored with the hens then it fucked all the goat.
Next day it fucked all the cow.
Every animal was afraid of the cock.Johnny was also worried for the other animals but he couldn't stop the cock.
After someday there was no ot...

A swindler Passes by a bird in the stairwell of an appartment building

The swindler was headed upstairs to visit his friend, the forger. The bird he passed along the way was the forger's homing vulture, which was en route to the forger's publisher to make a delivery. Unfortunately, the poor bird had to fly down the stairwell to ground level and out the open terrace sin...

During a family roadtrip through Kansas a young man went to run an errand alone...

As he was driving he became very lost. He couldn't find his way back to his family back at the motel they we're staying at. He decided to call his father and ask for directions back. As he was talking to his father he spot large vultures in a circle eating something on the ground. He asked "Dad, wha...

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A farmer has 1000 chickens.

He keeps them all in a large barn behind his house. He makes a comfortable living from selling their eggs. One day, however, the chickens' egg production drops off sharply. Days and weeks go by, and the chickens continue to lay fewer and fewer eggs. Worried for his livelihood, the farmer makes a num...

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26 groaners

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.



2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.



3. She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still....

The Rooster

So this farmer has a rooster named Fabio.


The farmer walks out one day and Fabio is humping a duck


The farmer looks over at Fabio and says " Fabio one of these days you are going to screw yourself to death"


The next day the farm walks out and sees Fabio humping ...

Use Your Lifeline...

A contestant on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? had reached the final plateau. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it A) t...

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A farmer goes to the market to buy a Rooster...

He walks around the tables and see many fine roosters, but all above his budget. He finally see a man with a single cock at his booth. The price tag on the cage says "25$". The farmer asks the man why the rooster is 25 when he looks fine. The man tells the farmer, "This here rooster is Henry and he ...

We must follow our policy. . .

I was at the airport the other day to pick someone up but their flight was delayed so I wandered around a bit. I noticed a big scene at one of the airline check ins. there was this agitated vulture holding a couple of dead possums arguing loudly with a whole group of ticket agents. I kinda felt ba...

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The farmer and the rooster

A farmer decides that he wants to buy a rooster for his farm. One day the farmer brings home a rooster and puts in with all the hens. Immediately the rooster begins going at it with the hens, the farmer goes inside while the rooster carries on. Hours later the farmer comes back outside and notices t...

Many ravens are called a congress...

Owls are a parliament, eagles are a convocation and crows are a murder.

Does this mean that a group of vultures are a corporation?

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Ruddy the Rooster

This is a story about Ruddy the Rooster. A rooster who would fuck anything. Cows, Pigs, horses even the old farmers daughter. The Old Farmer loved Ruddy and would often tell him to stop fucking everything on the farm or he will end up dead. Ruddy would never listen and would always leave to find...

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